


Boxes & Walls

by edsheeran



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Bottom Louis, Eating Disorders, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Please read with caution, Suicidal Thoughts, Trigger Warnings, and their lives just kinda mesh together and they go with it as all should, be careful please, harry gets a lot of things, horribly written smut, i'm serious someone dies and i'm still not over it, louis is helpful, niall is lonely and he hates it, or so they think, so get ready because we're about to go on a ride, they don't know each other at the beginning, this isn't going to be a super happy fic but i am a strong believer of comedic relief, zayn is outspoken
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-12
Updated: 2014-09-21
Packaged: 2018-01-19 03:11:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 25
Words: 95,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1453279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/edsheeran/pseuds/edsheeran
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis talks too much and Zayn barely talks at all, Liam prefers to be alone and Niall longs for company, and Harry is handed his life. In a time not too far away from now, these five people end up in the same place at the same time due to a twist of circumstances, and together, they work to tear down the walls and throw out the boxes of the people they were supposed to be.</p><p>Or the one where Louis swoops in and saves the day multiple times, but forgets to save himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Half Moon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before you start reading, I need to ask you a favor.  
> And this favor is to give this story a chance.  
> Please.
> 
> The first six chapters are like a snowball. What I mean by that is that the story will start with one character and as the story gets bigger, the amount of characters will grow, so by chapter 6, they're all together :)
> 
> Also, four of the boys are a bit older and one is a bit younger. 
> 
> Happy reading xx

title song: [Half Moon by Blind Pilot](http://youtu.be/ZuIwRweZoec)

;;

Have you ever stopped and thought about what got you to where you are today? What events took place and what people were involved? What happened that made you realize that the world was not as great of a magical place as you were led to believe? And most importantly, when did you stop caring, and just accepted that this was your life and you couldn’t change it?

Acceptance was mostly a good thing, but in this circumstance, it wasn’t. You accept that you are stuck and you let the pain and the sadness and anger take over your life because you don’t know what else to do. Getting help or just simply talking about it has become such a taboo that you kept it all to yourself. You told yourself that you’re fine and that it didn’t matter, and it was believable.

But then one day it wasn’t anymore.

You put on a mask and smooth down your appearance, but there will be a day where you can’t take it anymore. And on that day, you will finally be free.

;;

**Age: 17**

He closed his eyes after he ended the call. He hated that he was lying to his mum, but he didn’t really have any other choice. There was no way his mum’s salary could support the entire family on top of bills and other expenses, and he was willing to do whatever to lessen the stress. It wasn’t ideal and this was not how he pictured his year to go, but _you do what you gotta do_.

Stepping back inside, he looked at the clock on the wall and sighed. He was supposed to be sitting in Chemistry right now, but a shift opened up and who was he to say no to money? He could always get the notes from one of his classmates or ask his teacher for some help. He stopped his train of thought there because no, he couldn’t ask his teacher for help. All of his teachers saw him as the loud mouth with a tardiness record (that was turning into an absentee record) and pegged him as hopeless. And he was starting to believe it himself.

“Sorry about that,” he apologized to his coworker – Adam – as he sat down at his place behind the desk.

“Y’know, if you have to go, it’s alright,” Adam said with an understanding look on his face. “It’s pretty slow here and I’m sure I’ll be fine.”

He nearly lunged over and hugged Adam. “I – you don’t have to do that. I mean, I’m scheduled for another forty minutes and I just . . .” He really didn’t know what he was saying. “Are you sure?”

Adam shrugged. “Look around – do you think anyone will notice or care?”

The place was empty and it was one in the afternoon, so what could possibly happen at the front desk of a car rental dealership? He nodded in agreement. “Yeah, you’re right.” He stood up. “Thanks, man. I owe you one.”

“Don’t worry about it. And I bet if you hurry, you can make it to your last class.” Adam really was one of the best people he had ever met, so this time, he didn’t stop himself from leaning over and giving Adam a quick hug. He was grateful and it was nice to have some kindness thrown at him because it was so rare these days.

He rushed to get back to campus and he had a couple minutes to spare before class. He pulled the ugly red polo off and threw it in his bag and ran to class. He took his seat right as the bell was ringing and his teacher raised her brow at him.

“Well, look who decided to show up today?” Ms. Powell said. Her tone was a mix between sarcastic and rhetorical, and he absolutely hated it. The teacher turned her attention to the class. “Clear your desks of everything except for something to write with.”

 _No_ , he thought to himself. Ms. Powell was passing out a pop quiz and he was nowhere near prepared. He was behind on the readings and he hadn’t been to class much, and he was completely fucked.

Fifty-two minutes later, the class was dismissed and he ran out of there before his teacher could say or do anything else to express her obvious lack of confidence she had for him. He failed the pop quiz horribly which was not helping his overall grade in the slightest, so he made a mental note to catch up on the readings as soon as he got home. There was an exam coming up and he desperately needed to ace it.

When he got home, he found his mum dressed for work. She had an annoyed look on her face, and he knew his day wasn’t going to get any better, but he tried. “Hey mum,” he greeted as he closed the door behind him.

“I got a call today,” was what she responded with. “And I was informed that you are failing your chemistry class, and are close to failing your history and maths class.”

He bit the inside of his cheek because he didn’t think teachers still called home to let parents know what their kid was failing. “I just – these classes are harder than I’m used to and they all want so much and I can—”

She cut him off. “Stop making excuses. You need to focus and spend extra time revising. You’re out at all hours sometimes, and it’s obviously not working. This is your future and it’s important. Perhaps you should cut back on your friends and extracurriculars.”

“Mum, I can’t just do that.” He couldn’t tell her why because she didn’t know he had a job, she didn’t know that he was trying to helpful, she didn’t know that he was trying his best.

Her phone beeped and she sighed. “I have to get to work. Dinner is in the oven. Take it out in about an hour and serve it. We’ll finish this later.” She patted him on the shoulder as she passed him to leave. He stood there for a minute, holding in the anger and the defeat he felt before taking a deep breath and making his way up to his room.

His plan was to catch up on his history class, but his little sister walked in, asking for his help on her multiplication tables and well, that’s that.

;;

**Age: 25**

If anything, Louis was known for lending a helping hand whenever someone needed one. He never asked for anything in return and it almost seemed like being helpful was second nature to him. Louis didn’t mind it, or at least, that’s what he told himself.

He only began to step up with his helpful ways for his family because Louis knew if he didn’t do anything, his family would have fallen apart and he definitely did not want that to happen. He did whatever he could to keep his family together and it wasn’t always easy, but it was years later and nothing too disastrous happened. Well, nothing that Louis could have stopped, anyways.

“Louis, are you even listening to me?”

He held back a sigh because of course he was listening. He was always listening and while he listened, he figured out a solution or a plan or something to whatever he was being told. “Yes, Fizz, I am. You need a dress.”

She groaned through the phone. “Not just a dress, Louis. _The_ dress.”

“You found the dress you want, right? So what’s the dilemma?” Louis loved his little sisters, he really did, but sometimes he just didn’t understand them. From the moment he picked up the call, Fizz had been going on and on about a dress she saw and how it was perfect for the school dance that was next week.

“I need to go shopping,” she replied with a hint of annoyance. “You really haven’t been listening.”

Louis balanced his phone between his ear and his shoulder as he pulled his keys out of his pocket with his right hand. His left hand was holding a stack of graded assignments against his chest and he wished in that moment he had a third arm. With some difficulty, Louis managed to unlock the door and get inside. He dropped the papers on his desk and held his phone with his hand. “I have been,” he retorted. “I’ve been listening so intently that I know that you are indirectly asking me to take you shopping.”

Fizz made a small noise. “It’s creepy how you do that.”

“It’s a gift.” Louis flipped open his planner and went straight to this week. He absolutely loved his planner and he would be completely lost without it. It might have been a bit old fashioned to have a tangible planner these days when the calendar function on his phone would work just as well; however, Louis found the digital calendar to be annoying. “You said the dance is next week, correct?”

“Yeah,” she answered. “I want to look at some other dresses, too, though. Because like, I want to keep my options open. Who knows, I might find a better dress, you know?”

Louis moved his finger from the next day to the weekend once his sister added on more information for what she was really asking. He could already tell that this would not be a quick shopping trip, so he needed a bigger window of time. “Fizz, how does Saturday around eleven sound?”

She squealed in delight. “Perfect. Thanks, Louis!”

“It’s no problem. I’ll see you this weekend, alright?”

“Yeah, okay. Bye!”

“Bye.” Louis ended the call and added in a trip home to his planner for that Saturday. He was going to spend the weekend making more adjustments to the script and making predictions of who should play each character, but like he told his sister, it was not a problem.

He put his phone down and brought his laptop back to life, so Louis could check his bank account. He hadn’t gone on a splurge and there should be enough to buy his sister a dress and still pay his bills. As soon as the screen came up, Louis made a face at the number in front of him. He decided that he will have to cut some things off of his grocery list, but like he told his sister, it was not a problem.

Closing his planner and closing the top of his laptop, Louis got to his feet and tucked his phone in his pocket. He grabbed his keys and headed out to the front office, making sure to lock his door before he left. Louis had about a half hour before his free period was over and instead of just sitting around, he thought it’d be best to post flyers around the school about auditions for the Fall play. He already knew that he would have his advanced class as the cast and the tech crew, but Louis always wanted to keep an option open for those who couldn’t fit theater into their schedule or for anyone who just wanted to help out.

As Louis walked to the front of the school, he felt like he was a student again because of the shortcuts he was taking. It pained him to think that he was not seventeen anymore and that his life met responsibility earlier than he expected, but he has learned a lot from what happened. He knew how not to freak out and he knew how to deal with whatever was thrown at him. Louis liked to think that this was what he was meant to do with his life and he liked to think that he was doing a good job of it.

The flyers looked amazing and Louis couldn’t be more excited for this term. He picked up the stack from the magical color printer and immediately stuck one of the flyers on the bulletin board of the front office. He placed the fliers around the school as he took the long way back to his classroom. Well, it wasn’t initially a classroom when Louis got there, but he didn’t want to make his classes so dramatic by teaching them in the theater.

When Louis was getting his degree in theatre education, he pictured himself teaching little kids and directing cute productions for their parents to coo over. He found himself at a primary school, but he was co-teaching with two others and it was extremely crowded. Anything Louis hoped to do was shut down and as much as he loved little kids, the job wasn’t what Louis had in mind.

With the surplus of theater teachers for primary school, there was a lack in teachers for secondary school. Louis was one of the many teachers who was offered to move over and at first, Louis was hesitant because it wasn’t exactly his dream, but he accepted nonetheless. By taking the job, Louis would be helping the secondary school, and it was a higher paying position and for events and phone calls like the one today, Louis could use it.

By the time Louis got back to his classroom, there were a few students waiting outside of the door. He gave them a sheepish look and unlocked the door, waving them in. The classroom was actually the room behind the stage that had the costume closet on the far wall and the dressing rooms adjacent to it. This room – if you can call it that – was used for storage for props and parts of sets, but Louis figured that if he brought some desks in and made a makeshift whiteboard, that it would work. In his two years at this school, he had yet to get any complaints.

“Are those the flyers?” Sierra asked with wide, brown eyes. “Oh, my god, lemme see!”

With a chuckle, Louis handed his student a flyer. “They came out great.”

“Yeah, thanks to me.” A voice came from the doorway. Louis looked over and saw Scott walking towards them. The thing Louis loved about Sierra and Scott was how well they worked together and how well they took his direction. He had given them roles in the past that played off of each other and it had to be one of the smartest moves Louis had ever made. “Wait,” Scott stopped in his tracks. “I’m supposed to be modest, right?”

Sierra bumped her shoulder with his. “You are a lot of things, Scott, but I don’t think modest is one of them.”

“Hey!”

Louis shook his head at his students. “Good thing that we have all year to work on that before I shift you two off to university where you will forget all about me.”

“Aw, c’mon, Mr. T, like we could ever forget about you,” Sierra said.

“Yeah,” Scott agreed. “You’re only the best drama teacher ever.”

Louis waved them off. “Flattery will get you nowhere. Now take your seats before someone calls favoritism.”

By the next bell, the remainder of the students have arrived and Louis held up one of the flyers for everyone to see. A few of his students shouted out compliments or their excitement for the play, and Louis smiled and nodded because he was excited, too.

“Auditions will be in ten days and I know that that can seem a bit long, but trust me on how quickly time can go,” Louis said. “I usually have monologues prepared for you all to audition with, but since you are the advanced class, I reckon you all want to choose your own audition piece. Any objections?” Not a student mumbled a word. “Brilliant.”

Louis continued to explain how the auditions would take place and how long the monologue should be. He answered any questions that were asked of him and assured his students that they would all do great. And to lessen the nervousness in the room, Louis had the class move to the theatre where he challenged them on their improve skills. Needless to say, he was proud.

The end of the day announcements came on over the intercom and Louis told his students to pack up and get ready to go. As soon as the school cleared out, Louis would be following right after the students to get home; however, life didn’t like that idea too much.

Just as Louis entered the stairwell, he heard a ruckus and an _oomph_. He looked over the railing and saw one of his students from his intermediate class at the bottom of the staircase. _Oh fuck_ , Louis said to himself as he rushed down the stairs to aid his student. He was not sure if he should move the student, but the position he was in did not look pleasant.

“Matthew? Hey, can you hear me?”

The student, Matthew nodded. “Yeah, I didn’t hit my head. At least, I don’t think. I did land on my arm, though.”

Louis examined the arm and when he touched it, Matthew’s face filled with pain. “That is not good. Hang tight, Matthew. I’ll call for an ambulance and your parents.” He dialed 999, but ended the call before it even rang. “What’s your parents’ numbers?”

“No point,” Matthew replied. “They’re both real estate agents and they’re showing a house that’s like two hours away.

“But they still need to know what happened to you,” Louis pointed out.

Matthew slowly got to his feet and picked his book bag up with his good arm. “I’m fine. See?”

Louis touched his injured arm again and Matthew hissed. “You’re not fine, see?” He looked at his student and made a quick decision. “Now, come on. I’m taking you to the hospital.”

“Mr. T, no.” Matthew shook his head. “You don’t have to do that. I’m fine, really. I’ll just ice it when I get home.”

“Unacceptable answer,” Louis responded. “Now follow me or I won’t let you audition next week.”

Matthew gasped. “You can’t do that, can you?”

“I can and I will. Now are we talking or are we walking?” Louis could be stubborn and a bit of an hard ass sometimes, but his students still loved him. He knew that Matthew’s arm could most likely be broken and it was best to get it checked out. And since Matthew was standing just fine and did not look like he was about to pass out, Louis believed that driving him would be fine. No need to rack up an expensive cost of calling an ambulance.

After they got to the emergency room, Louis left Matthew with a doctor for a few minutes. When he returned, he found Matthew with a sour look on his face and couldn’t help but let out a small laugh.

“Sure, go ahead and laugh at your student.”

“Sorry,” Louis apologized. “What’d the doctor say?”

“She thinks my arm is broken and they’re going to take me to get an x-ray in a little bit.” Matthew sighed. “This sucks.”

Louis shrugged. “It does, but you gotta make the most out of it. And,” he paused. “It wouldn’t hurt to have your parents around to ease the suckiness.”

Matthew sighed again. “You called them?”

“Yup.” Louis showed his student his cell phone. “You should be more observant, kid. I took this off you and you didn’t even notice.”

“How do you think I fell down the stairs?”

Louis made a face of sympathy. “Be careful next time, alright?”

A third sigh came from Matthew. “I’ll try.”

A nurse came by with a wheelchair and took Matthew to a different floor to get his arm x-rayed. Louis was about to turn around and head to a separate ward, but immediately froze when the doors to the emergency flew open and a group of doctors came in, pushing a man on a gurney. They doctors took the man straight to one of the rooms and Louis couldn’t help but wonder what happened to him and if his family knew that he was in the hospital. Louis decided that he cared a bit too much sometimes and it would probably be the death of him.

Good thing he was in a hospital, then.

 

 

 


	2. Hear You Me

title song: [Hear You Me by Jimmy Eat World](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XaY1navSEws)

;;

**Age: 17**

_the day before_

Niall swiped his card and clocked out. After seven hours of labor, he could finally go home and rest up before forcing himself to pack. He was set to fly off the next day for a knee surgery, so he would be missing a couple weeks from work.

Before he left the back room, Niall checked the month’s schedule that was pinned to the wall to see what day he was meant to come back. He found his name and when he used his finger to guide the dates and the times, he saw something wrong. To be sure, Niall checked again and he knew that someone (meaning his boss) had messed up.

Thankfully, the manager was still around, so Niall went to go talk to him. His boss, Randy was usually a pretty understanding man, but when he wasn’t, he was a right asshole.

“Hey Randy, do you have a minute?” Niall asked as he stood in the doorway of the manager’s office.

Randy looked up from his computer screen and waved Niall in. “A short one.”

“I just had a question,” Niall began. “I’m leaving town for a few days and I submitted a leave of absence form, but I’m still on the schedule.”

“Just because you get the luxury to go on a trip doesn’t mean you can just not come in,” Randy said and his voice was anything but friendly. “I gave you this job and I can take it away.”

Niall licked his bottom lip, trying to figure out what to say to that. “It’s not a trip,” he replied. “I’m going to England for a surgery. My knee’s been messed up forever now and I have to miss work.”

“Oh? You _have_ to miss work?” Randy mocked. “If you don’t show up when you are scheduled to work, you are fired. I’ve had enough of your shit and you should be grateful that you even have this job since you started with no experience anyways.”

 _What the fuck_ , Niall said to himself. “Are you fucking kidding me? What shit? I do a damn good job of the shitty work you make me do!” Niall untied his apron and pulled it off. “And no need to fire me, I quit! I don’t need this!” He threw his apron at Randy and stormed off. Niall couldn’t believe his – former – boss and that entire conversation was bullshit. Fuck working as a bag boy. Fuck stupid hours. Fuck Randy.

For the entire bus ride home, Niall’s knee (the good one) was bouncing with anger. He didn’t even want to fucking go to England, but his family was just about forcing him. He did need that job (even if it was a shitty ass job) because money was something that Niall never seemed to have enough of.

“No, you need to listen to me!”

“No, I don’t! You just keep saying the same damn thing!”

Niall paused on his doorstep and sighed. This wasn’t the first time he had heard his mother and his brother arguing and he didn’t have to hear any more of it to know what it was about. This was why he didn’t want to go tomorrow and this was why he needed that job.

His family had always struggled financially, but Niall didn’t know until last year. His mother and his brother had been keeping their struggles from him and tried their best to make it seem like everything was okay and that nothing was wrong. Niall didn’t realize sooner because he didn’t know that there was something to realize, but once he got wind of his family’s problems, everything started to make sense.

Of course, Niall’s family didn’t know that he knew because they tended to do this thing where they didn’t give him enough credit when it came to his smarts.

They were still going at it and Niall absolutely hated that it always came down to money. He hated that he’s never had as many opportunities or adventures as his classmates. He hated that his family was falling apart. He hated that this was how their life had become.

Niall made a big show of coming home, so his mum and brother knew instantly that he was back. They didn’t know he had a job, but they knew that Niall went out most days. They thought that he was out with friends, but little did they know that Niall lost all of his friends over the past year. When Niall walked into the living room, he found them sitting at the table like they were sharing a pot of tea and reading the newspaper and like they weren’t biting each other’s head off less than a minute ago.

“Have you finished packing,” his mum asked.

“No.”

“Niall.” She got up and stood in front of him. “You know that your flight is in the morning, right? And you need your rest.”

He shrugged. “I don’t have to go. It’s not a big deal.”

“It is,” his brother chimed in. “And you’re going.”

“It’s fine, really.” Niall was being honest. He knew that it was costing his family a stupid amount to fly him to another country for a stupid expensive surgery. His knee still functioned (almost) properly and yeah, sometimes it hurt like a bitch and would dislocate easily, but Niall had gotten used to it.

“No, absolutely not,” his mother shook her head. “We’ve put this off for far too long. You’re going.”

Niall groaned. “But I don’t want to go!” He had been putting off the surgery on purpose because he knew how expensive it would be. He didn’t want to add any more debt or stress to his family and he’s fine.

“Niall James Horan, I swear if you do not finish packing tonight, shower and go to bed, and get on that plane tomorrow, so help me god,” his mum threatened. “This surgery is for your health and it has been way too long.”

He wanted to scream. He wanted to tell them that he knew about their money problems. He wanted to yell that he didn’t care about his knee. But he didn’t. He just shook his head and left the kitchen.

Later that night, he heard them going at it again in a hushed tone, but it wasn’t quiet enough. He could hear their worries and he could hear that they wanted the best for him. He could hear their fear within the words and Niall realized that he had something to fear as well.

;;

_the day of_

His mother woke him up the next morning and his brother hauled his suitcase into their car. They dropped him off at the airport and apologized that they couldn’t go with him and wished him a good flight and reminded him to call them when he landed. He tried to tell them that it was okay and that he could stay, but they pushed him towards customs and that was that.

Niall had the entire row to himself when he got on the airplane and he felt like that represented his life. There was a time when Niall was a social butterfly and he had too many people that he called friends to count. He loved being surrounded by people and doing whatever with them. He liked knowing that he had a place where he belonged and that he was accepted.

But after graduation, it seemed like everyone moved on with their lives and Niall was just there – stuck. His family couldn’t exactly afford to send him to college, but they tried. His mother began working doubles and his brother found a second job, and Niall figured out that his family would end up killing themselves if they kept it up. So, Niall did what he thought was best. He dropped out.

A few of his friends kept in touch for a while, but it wasn’t long before they found themselves in a new crowd and moved on. Niall didn’t move on and he didn’t go anywhere. And he didn’t blame his family for that, but he did miss his social life. It had only been a year and Niall had nearly forgotten what it felt like to have fun.

When Niall checked into this hospital, the nurse helping him gave him a weird look. He could tell she was going the math in her head of how old he was when he handed back the form. Niall gave her a smile in hopes that she wouldn’t ask any questions, and thankfully, she didn’t. She took him to his room and told him to make himself comfortable.

Niall wanted to laugh at that because a small hospital room that he had to share with someone else for the next five days wasn’t something that made him comfortable. Then again, the other side of the room was empty and Niall was starting to see a pattern in his life.

About ten minutes later, a different nurse came in with a caddy in one hand and a folder in the other. “Niall?”

“That’s me.” Niall had left his suitcase on a chair and was sitting on the edge of his bed, staring out of the window. His surgery was in a couple of days and he didn’t know what he was supposed to be doing.

The nurse looked at what he was wearing and scrunched up her nose. “Darling, it’s best that patients wear the gowns.”

Niall made a face. “But my surgery isn’t until Thursday.”

“Yes, but I have to set you up with an IV today,” she responded.

Niall made another face, and it was obvious that he was not for needles. “Is that really necessary?”

The nurse laughed. “Yes, but I guess we could hold off another day. I do need to run some tests, though. The faster we get everything together, the faster you can get out of here.”

“Okay.” He let the nurse prick his finger for a dab of blood and take his blood pressure and temperature. After she recorded the results, she said that she would be back the next day to put in that IV and then left.

As soon as she was gone, Niall was left in silence and he hated it. He remembered when he was always surrounded by people and had tons of people to talk to. And now, he's alone. Not because he's in a different country alone. He's been alone far longer than that. 

;;

Louis was still standing in the emergency room when the group of doctors that rolled a man in left the room. The man was wheeled out of the room and he looked a mixture between exhausted and downright pissed off. His upper arm was covered in bandages, and Louis still wondered what happened to him.

He found himself watching the man and didn’t snap out of it until the nurse who was pushing him disappeared around a corner. Louis shook his head and decided that he needed to get out of there for a little while. He wouldn’t leave completely because he knew that Matthew’s parents were quite a while away and he didn’t want to leave him alone.

Louis walked over to the elevators and took it up two floors because he felt like it was a good number. He started walking around and he recognized some of the residents and nurses and doctors, and he tried to remember why he hadn’t been around to the hospital for a while. He used to volunteer here all the time and he loved it.

That love had to do with how Louis loved helping people, but he figured out that he didn’t want to help them by stitching up their cuts literally, but figuratively. He hoped that his words and his experiences would touch his students and that he’d make some sort of difference in them. It didn’t have to be a big difference, but just something that they could keep with them and think back on.

He passed by a patient room and ended up walking backwards until he was standing in front of the open door. Usually, the doors are closed, so Louis found it odd to be open.

Louis cleared his throat. “Um, hello?”

The patient, a teenaged boy with two-toned hair and sad, blue eyes turned his head. He looked Louis over and raised his brow. “Who’re you?”

“I’m Louis,” he offered. “And I just wanted to say hello.” Part of Louis’ volunteer work was to swing by patients’ room and talk to them. There were quite a few patients who were there alone and Louis didn’t mind keeping them company, even if it was for a little while.

“You already said that.”

Louis took the flat tone as annoyance and took a step back. “Right. Sorry for disturbing you. Have a nice day.” He was about to walk away, but the boy called his attention.

“Wait, sorry,” he apologized. “That was rude. I’m Niall.”

“Niall,” Louis repeated with a smile. “It’s nice to meet you. Mind if I come in?” He gestured towards the door because open doors usually meant an invitation in, right?

He shrugged. “Suit yourself. There’s not much going on in here.”

“And why is that?” Louis walked in and sat down on the chair by Niall’s bed.

Niall slightly tilted his head and gave Louis a weird look. He didn’t even know Niall, yet he wanted to talk to him. Niall didn’t know what to think of this and just shrugged it off. “ ‘s just me in here.”

“Well, I hate to break it to ya, mate, but there’s two of us now.” That made Niall crack a smile. “And from that reaction, I can see that this is a start to a beautiful friendship.”

“That’s a bit fast for me, if I’m honest,” Niall joked.

“Oh?” Louis raised his brow. “We’ll have to see about that.” He scooted his chair about an inch closer. “Y’see, I’m a really good friend.”

Niall laughed. “You’re so odd.”

“But I’m also your friend,” Louis added. And yeah, Niall wouldn’t mind Louis as a friend because god only knew that he needed one.

;;

**Age: 23**

If anyone told him where he was today, he wouldn’t believe you. He would call you a liar and he would be offended. He wouldn’t be able to see the light waiting for him, so he would just shake his head and call bullshit.

In a way, he was glad that no one told him how his life turned out because then he wouldn’t be able to look back and see how far he’s come. A lot has happened and some things he wished hadn’t, but everything happened for a reason. He didn’t realize that he met the greatest person until years later, once it hit him of how this person bent their back for him.

He felt comfort that there are people like this person in the world. He also felt comfort because after years apart, they were back together again. It was a weird feeling—excitement mixed with nervousness and something else that he couldn’t place his tongue on.

At seventeen, he had no idea that he would have this feeling and he wanted to hold on to it forever. He knew it was impossible and that their lives went separate ways, but days like today, he would try to keep it. There was something special about them and he cherished it like no other.

He straightened out his shirt and smoothed down his tie before walking in. Today was a big day for many reasons and those reasons varied by the person. For him, it was a big day because he had anticipated it since he got in the invitation in the post. A reunion was soon to happen and he couldn’t keep the grin off of his face even if he tried.

Looking around the room, he didn’t find who he was searching for, but he found something that will suffice in the meantime. He picked up the program and traced the tips of his fingers over the words. It felt surreal, so he pinched himself, just to make sure it was really happening. Feeling the slight pain, he opened the program and scanned through it.

_So hang in there because this is just the beginning. There is so much that is possible and that can happen, that it would be a shame if you weren’t around to witness it. It won’t be easy and there will definitely be a struggle (maybe even two), but please, don’t give up. You are forever growing and learning. Remember that._

He smiled at the words because even though there was no way of knowing, he had a feeling those words were for him. Well, maybe they were for all of them. It would only make sense.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feedback will be as lovely as you in the morning just moments after you wake up xx


	3. Say Anything

title song: [Say Anything by Tristan Pettyman](http://youtu.be/BfRpWHkhFSg)

;;

**Age: 20**

He walked into the house he grew up in, but it felt different. He knew he hadn’t spent much time there for the past couple of years, but that wasn’t why he felt like this. Something wasn’t right and he didn’t like it. He didn’t like it at all.

His mum was in the kitchen, phone between her ear and her shoulder as she stirred something on the stove. His mouth watered at the aroma of the food and he rolled his eyes at himself because when he went off to uni, he was glad he could eat whatever he wanted and not the same four dishes his mum always made. And now, it was almost like he was about to eat the best meal ever.

“Mum,” he said, trying to get her attention. The visit was supposed to be a surprise – he realized he hadn’t been at home often and he tended to forget to call every week, so he wanted to swing by. (He also needed to get away from campus for a little while because it was getting too much and his head was too loud.)

She turned her head and waved at him. And then went back to what she was doing.

He opened his mouth, wanting to say something, but nothing came to mind. Taking a step back, he slowly turned around and went to place his overnight bag in his room. But. But it wasn’t his room anymore. His posters were still on the navy blue painted walls and his comforter was still the same, but his closet had a whole bunch of shit that wasn’t his. And his dresser was filled with what looked like his mum’s winter clothes.

To be honest, he didn’t come home at random. About halfway through the term, he submitted one of his short stories to his university’s literary journal. It was a small publication that only a hundred people cared about and it definitely wasn’t something that would get anyone on the New York Times Bestseller list (because students got free copies), but it meant something to him.

It meant something because he was one of the thirty people chosen to have their work published and he was so proud of himself. He had worried that his work wouldn’t make it and that he didn’t have a chance, but he was wrong. And he wanted to share this accomplishment with his mum because his life goal was to get published and this was the first step.

He wanted to share something big that happened in his life, but in this house, it wasn’t big. He didn’t matter in this house because it wasn’t his home. He didn’t have a place here. He hadn’t for years now.

So he picked up his bag and walked out. He walked out because his mum barely acknowledged her son. He walked out because this house didn’t feel like home anymore. He walked out because he couldn’t remember the last time either of his parents told him they loved him.

He walked out because this house or his family wouldn’t get him to where he wanted to be.

;;

**Age: 24**

When Zayn woke up to his alarm, he knew that today was not the day. He woke up with a headache and a clogged nose that was also running, and he felt like shit. Zayn tried to turn on the lamp on his bedside table, but when he turned the dial, he heard a crack and any signs of light were gone.

“Of course,” he mumbled to himself as he blindly searched for his phone. It was buried under his pillows and blankets and tissues. When he finally found the device, he called the hotline because he was sick and he didn’t think he could get out of bed right now even if he wanted to. And plus, he wouldn’t want to spread germs to his students even though he’d bet that one of them got him sick in the first place.

After hanging up the call, Zayn layed back down and closed his eyes. He tried to clear his head and his nose, so he could fall back asleep and hopefully be healthy. He tried, but he remembered yesterday’s events and it didn’t make him feel any better. It didn’t make him feel any better because he saw himself in one of his students and that absolutely broke his heart.

This was the second year that Zayn has had this student in his class, and he couldn’t help but notice how so much has changed. They are only a few weeks into the term, but he could tell that there was something different. Zayn knew it could be anything and he also knew it would be hard to explain. To this day, he couldn’t explain what he was feeling or what was going on in his head when he was in school. But he remembered wanting someone to ask him, to call him out on his lies, and to show that this person cared.

Last year, this student seemed happy and slightly care-free, like he took the world in ease and believed that he was okay. He sat in the front, right in the center, so no matter which way he turned, he would be able to engage in conversation with someone, even Zayn. This year, the student moved to the back corner and kept to himself. Whenever Zayn assigned an in-class reading, the student was quick to put on his ear phones, and when he finished his work, he put his head down.

The worst part of all of this was that Zayn never saw any of the other people in the class attempt to talk to the student. They would just carry on with their conversations and not spare him a glance. Zayn didn’t understand it and it angered him that it had been six years since he was in that seat and times had not changed.

He just hoped that what happened to him wasn’t happening to this student.

Because what happened to Zayn made him feel so irrelevant and he wouldn’t wish that feeling on anyone. Any time Zayn spoke up, his words were ignored which was a huge blow to his chest because he dreamed of being a writer. And he couldn’t be a writer if his words didn’t matter. Zayn closed off and kept his words to himself, and not one person asked him why. Not one person wondered why Zayn skipped an entire week of his “favorite” class because no one noticed. Not one person wondered where Zayn went during the lunch period. Not one person wondered what happened to Zayn to make him so quiet.

Once Zayn got to university, he opened up a bit, but he was still reserved and timid. He only spoke when absolutely necessary, but then he remembered why he wanted to be a writer. He wanted to inspire people with his words and show them his experiences. He wanted to matter.

So, he changed his course of study from English Literature to English Education. Sometimes Zayn got quiet while he was teaching, but he had to tell himself that he was there to make a difference – no matter how small and no matter how many people. When it came to English, Zayn knew what he was talking about, so he allowed himself to go off on tangents on the wonderful pieces of literature.

That was really the only time Zayn spoke a lot. Any other time, Zayn kept to himself and stayed quiet. He moved on from his high school self, but he still wondered if he was irrelevant or if his words mattered.

Zayn didn’t want this student to lose hope.

;;

The second time Zayn woke up, it was just past noon and he felt like he was going to throw up. He had to drag himself out of bed and to the bathroom, so he could let the contents out of his stomach and it was disgusting. Zayn brushed his teeth and splashed cold water on his face in hopes of cooling his burning skin, but he had no luck.

Instead of dropping himself onto his bed, Zayn walked downstairs to his living room and grabbed the remote. He pulled out a blanket from the trunk he had with various comfy pillows and duvets, and laid it on the couch. Zayn set up his Netflix and was ready to marathon watch One Tree Hill, but his stomach growled.

 _Right_ , he said to himself, _food_. Zayn didn’t have much of an appetite, especially after he threw up, but he knew he had to eat something. Soup was the go-to thing to eat when sick, but he didn’t want soup. He opened his fridge and scrunched his nose at everything he saw. Zayn knew he was being picky, but he literally went grocery shopping two days ago, so there had to be something to eat.

He moved on to his freezer and his name was called the second his eyes landed on the frozen pizza. He couldn’t remember why he bought a frozen pizza, but now was not a time to question it – now was a time to prepare it to eat.

Zayn groaned when he read the directions because it would take nearly an hour for the pizza to cook in the oven. He debated if he wanted to eat something with a shorter wait time, but he really wanted that pizza. Reluctantly, he turned on his oven and let it preheat. He could wait. He’d be alright. It was okay.

As the oven preheated, Zayn took the plastic wrap off of the pizza and placed it on a baking tray. There were still a few minutes before the oven was ready to go, but Zayn was feeling woozy from standing, so he placed the tray in the oven and added a few minutes to the timer.

Slowly, Zayn made his way back to the living room, making sure to grab a box of tissues on his way. He blew his nose and he had to take a moment because his head felt like it just exploded. He really wished he wasn’t sick and it really came out of nowhere and _ugh_ , everything sucks and he feels like shit.

Trying to distract himself with the love triangle of Lucas, Peyton, and Brooke while watching One Tree Hill, Zayn found himself dozing off. He had watched these episodes so many times that he didn’t have to pay attention to know what was going on. He knew what would happen and he knew how everyone would end up and god, these moving images were not helping his head.

Zayn leaned back on the cushion and lowered the volume of his TV. He closed his eyes and tried to make himself get healthy. Mind over matter and all that jazz. He figured that if he just told himself that he was fine and that his head didn’t hurt and that his nose wasn’t stuffed, that his body would go with it. But really, all he did was tire himself out until he knocked out.

;;

The third time Zayn woke up, he could barely keep his eyes open. His stomach was woozy and he felt like he was going to throw up, but then he realized that he was moving which was what was causing the wooziness. He was confused because what was going on.

It took multiple attempts to keep his eyes open for him to piece together what was going on. The first thing he noticed was that he was being carried out of his house. The second thing he noticed was that there was smoke everywhere and his throat felt raw. The third thing he noticed was his house was in flames. And the fourth thing, he noticed that the firefighter that was carrying him was as hot as the flames.

There was probably more, but Zayn blacked out moments after he was placed on a gurney.

;;

The fourth time Zayn woke up that day, he was in the hospital and he groaned because he _knew_ today was not the day.

The doctors checked him over and he told him how he woke up with a bug and how his throat hurt. They changed his IV, so he could stay hydrated and patched up his arm that apparently got a little toasted from the fire. Overall, Zayn was not pleased with how his day had gone. If he remembered correctly, his house was mostly destroyed, so he’d have to remodel and that’s a-whole-nothing headache.

By the time a nurse wheels Zayn out of the emergency room and up to a patient room, he was still sick and he was in a hideous hospital gown and he was done with today more than any other day. He didn’t need this to happen in his life right now. He had bigger things to worry about and now, this was added stress and he just wanted to cry.

What did he do to deserve this?

;;

With a promise to come back tomorrow, Louis excused himself from Niall’s room to go check on Matthew. He guessed that Matthew should be back by now, but he doubted his parents were there yet. God, he didn’t know what he would do if someone called him and told him that his kid was at the hospital and was hurt. He’d probably drop everything he was doing – it wouldn’t matter if he was in a middle of a class or checking out in the grocery store – he would leave it all and run.

Or he’d have a breakdown because his kid was hurt and he wasn’t there.

He shook his head because he was thinking about a hypothetical child that he did not have. Maybe someday, but probably not anytime soon because it wasn’t like children came out of nowhere. There was a process and people involved and why was Louis thinking about this right now?

When he got back to the emergency room, he found Matthew sitting on one of the beds with a sour look on his face. The student was staring at his phone like it was the worst thing in the world.

“Hey champ, how’s the arm?” Louis asked as he approached him. He took a seat next the bed and gave his student a smile.

Matthew scoffed. “Fine.”

Louis raised his brow. “That does not sound fine.” Matthew’s arm was wrapped, but it wasn’t in a cast yet. “I know today hasn’t been the greatest, but – are you alright?”

“Did you have to call them?”

“Who, your parents?”

Matthew nodded. “Like, was it really necessary?”

Louis was surprised at the question because why wouldn’t Matthew want his parents around when he got hurt? Yeah, there were out of town and maybe it was inconvenient for them, but he was their child, so it wouldn’t matter.

“I wish you didn’t call them,” Matthew said. “Now, I’m never gonna hear the end of it.”

“Whoa, wait a minute.” Louis stood up and leaned against the bed. “What d’you mean?” His mind was jumping to the worst possible assumptions and he needed to know what was going on. If Matthew was in danger of any shape or form, Louis will not hesitate to do something about it. But he needs all the facts, first.

“It’s just,” he sighed. “Remember the show we had in the Spring?” he asked and Louis nodded. “That was the first time I was on stage. I’d always been a stage hand or something behind the scenes, but I actually had a part.”

Louis nodded again. “I remember.”

“I invited my parents to come,” Matthew continued. “Told them we had four shows and gave them the times. I was really excited because I was actually going to be on stage, but they didn’t care. They were barely listening to me when I told them and they didn’t come.

“We had four shows and it was my first time on stage, and they didn’t come. They didn’t care. It didn’t matter.” Matthew’s voice was sad and defeated and it broke Louis’ heart.

Louis didn’t know that Matthew’s parents didn’t come, but he did not Matthew tried to get out of theatre this term and Louis didn’t let him. And it made sense now. “Matt, listen to me. You were amazing in that show and I was so proud of you – I still am – and I know from past experience how much it sucks when your parents don’t have your back, but it doesn’t mean that no one does.”

“You don’t get it. These are my parents and they don’t care. I wouldn’t be surprised if they didn’t come to my graduation. They’d just complain like they always do.” Matthew shook his head. “Like they will when they get here.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Louis said honestly. “It isn’t fair and you deserve better. But look at it this way, in a year, you’ll be off to uni and you can go wherever you want. You can get away from here and start over in a place where you will be with people who care.”

Matthew shrugged. “I just wish they cared.”

“I know,” Louis said softly. “Me, too.”

When Matthew’s parents showed up a half hour later, Louis took them aside and spoke to them. He told them how Matthew was a bright student and he was a great stage hand and an even greater actor. He told them how auditions for the Fall show were soon and that he hoped Matthew tried out because he would love to have him in the show. He told them how proud he was of Matthew and how they would be, too. That is, if they bothered to come to his performance.

With a wink to Matthew, Louis walked away, leaving the parents stunned at what just happened. He hoped that he gave them the push that they obviously needed.

On his way out, he realized he left his blazer in Niall’s room, so he headed back up a floor. He got off the elevator and just before he rounded a corner, he heard a familiar voice. He followed the voice and peers into a patient room, hoping that he didn’t look creepy or stalkerish.

He waited for the nurse to leave before revealing himself in the doorway. “I thought I heard a familiar voice,” Louis began with.

“Louis,” was what he got back. “What the hell are you doing here?”

Taking that as an invitation, Louis walked in. He shrugged at the question. “Just helping someone out,” he replied. “How about you? You look like shit.”

“Thanks,” he deadpanned.

“No, really,” Louis continued. “I got a bit worried this afternoon when a few girls in my intro class nearly broke into tears because their beloved Mr. Malik wasn’t here today.” He smirked. “And then they went on about your bone structure.”

Zayn rolled his eyes. “Stop. That’s just weird.”

Louis chuckled. “Tell me about it.” He looked at the bandage over Zayn’s upper arm and _oh_. That was Zayn who he saw come in the emergency room. “But seriously, what happened to you?”

“Long story short – I woke up feeling like shit, went back to sleep. Woke up hungry, so I put a pizza in the over. But I fell asleep and well – boom.” He sighed.

“Boom?” Louis repeated. “Your oven blew up?”

“Something like that,” Zayn answered. “Just my luck, right?”

The nurse that left a few minutes ago walked back in. She gave Louis a smile and then handed Zayn a clipboard. “I need you to fill out these forms.”

Louis took a step back. “I better get going. I wish you well and if you need anything, let me know. I feel like I never see you around and we work in the same school.”

“Yeah, definitely. Thanks, Louis.” Zayn smiled at him before looking at the forms.

Louis left the room and he really found it weird that he didn’t see Zayn around the school. He knew their classrooms were nowhere near each other, but they haven’t run into each other in the teacher’s lounge or in the parking lot or the cafeteria. It was odd, but it was nice seeing Zayn despite the conditions.

Barely making it five steps, Louis ran right into someone. He stopped himself from falling over and apologized immediately. The guy nodded and apologized, too, before moving on.

And Louis was about to move on as well, but an uncomfortable chill went down his spine. It made his skin crawl and his chest tighten and he didn’t like it. He wasn’t sure what just happened or why it happened, but he hoped it didn’t happen again.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> until next week :)


	4. Longest Night

Title song: [Longest Night by Howie Day](http://youtu.be/Vs3e8YywbjM)

;;

**Age: 18**

This had been going on for months and tonight, he was going to do something about it. He had a lump in his throat because what if he read all of the signs wrong? What if he was just kidding himself? What if he was about to make a fool of himself?

He stopped the hypotheticals and took a breath. He reminded himself that he wasn’t in high school anymore and that no one whispered behind his back here. He wasn’t picked on and he wasn’t the punchline to a joke that would do more damage than a punch to the gut would. He wasn’t the same person and he learned how to hold his head up high. He could do this.

He could do this because the two of them had been doing this for so long now, that there was no need to wait any longer. He felt wanted and it was a good feeling. It was a feeling he didn’t get often and he sure as hell wasn’t going to let it slip through his fingers. He feared that if he waited any longer that he would lose whatever chance he currently had. And he couldn’t let that happen.

Downing his drink, he strode across the room. His heart was beating as loud and as fast as the music playing and he swallowed that lump in his throat. He was going to do this.

“Hey there,” he greeted, leaning one shoulder against the wall.

“Hi.” The guy’s voice was soft and he was avoiding eye contact.

He cleared his throat and thought his words over carefully. He was about to speak, but decided to try something a little different. Taking a step closer and leaning in so his lips were by the guy’s ear, he said, “You look good.”

“Thanks.” The reply was short, but it was more hesitant than uninterested.

He placed his hand on the guy’s arm. “Hey, look at me.” It took a moment, but the guy did. “I meant that, promise.”

The guy nodded once. “I—” He cut himself off.

“Say whatever you want to say,” he encouraged, moving the guy’s fringe away from his eyes. He hoped he wasn’t coming off too strong and his fear of reading the situation wrong came back. The last thing he wanted was to scare this guy off.

The guy shook his head and looked away, without saying anything else.

So, he took a quiet breath and pushed himself off the wall. “Hey, how about this? Why don’t we go somewhere that quieter, yeah?” He held out his hand and when the guy took it, he smiled. “Let’s go.”

As he made his way through the room, a couple of his friends shot him knowing looks and he responded with a smirk. This was happening tonight and his high school self would probably have a heart attack if he was still around.

They ended up upstairs in one of the bedrooms. He closed the door and faced the guy, slowly walking towards him. “Alright?”

“Alright,” the guy replied before grabbing him and connecting their lips together. Their shirts were off before an entire minute had passed, and _okay_ , he could fuck with this. Literally.

;;

**Age: 24**

Liam huffed as he handed over the King he had in his hand. He looked over his cards and stared Bryan down. “Do you have any 9’s?”

Bryan’s lip twitched. “Go fish.”

“Ugh,” Liam groaned. He didn’t bother picking a card from the stack; he just threw his cards down on the table and stood up.

“No one likes a sore loser,” Bryan commented.

“Oi, shut it, you.” They had been playing card games for the past hour and Liam was tired. He knew he should rest up, but anytime he would stay still for too long, his mind would buzz. And the buzz wasn’t a good thing. He didn’t want to remember. He didn’t want to think about it.

Bryan collected the cards and put them back in the box. “I’m calling it for the day,” he stated and Liam frowned. “Aw, don’t look so sad.”

“I’m not.”

“Sure.” Bryan grabbed his coat and pulled his keys out of the pocket. “I’m heading out and Liam, seriously mate, you’ve been here more than anyone. Go home. Get some sleep.”

Liam’s lips formed a thin line. _Home_ , he repeated in his head. “Drive safe, Bryan. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Bryan shook his head as he left because he knew that Liam wasn’t going anywhere. He figured Liam had a hero complex or something of the sort, but he did wish Liam would take it down a few notches. They all needed their rest, so they’re on top of their game for whatever happens, and he knew that Liam wasn’t getting that rest.

Liam ran a hand though his hair, making sure it stayed flipped back. Throughout the years, he had gone through an array of hairstyles and he believed each hairstyle symbolized a part of his life.

He kept his hair short for a lot of his earlier years especially when he began to run. He knew that hair could get in the way and he didn’t want to invest in headbands (because he really didn’t need to give his classmates something else to make fun of him about). He kept his hair short and he ran. He ran well and he built up his strength and he could pace his heart rate and it was great. His coach was there to help him improve and to encourage him to win. And it worked.

When Liam was fifteen, he made it to a big race. Like, big enough for people to view his skill and his technique, and decide if he was a contender for the Olympics. He was the youngest person in the race and he was so, so excited, nervous but excited. He ran home and told his parents, waiting for them to tell him that they’re proud of him and that they’ll know he’ll do great and that they knew he could do it. But that’s not what he got.

They didn’t come and they didn’t support him and they weren’t proud of him. Liam came in second place, and as soon as he crossed the finish line, he hung up his running shoes and quit.

When he began the new school year in the Fall, his hair was longer and he learned that he had curly hair. He tried it out for a little bit, but after he was caught kissing Ian from his Biology class behind the school, he didn’t like it anymore. He started borrowing his sister’s flat iron and straightening his hair, and kept it like that for the next two years.

At eighteen, Liam was in university without any help from his family. He stopped considering them his family at this point because there wasn’t any point, honestly. He stopped straightening his hair and let it curl because apparently, curls got the girls (and guys). Liam became friends with a few people who weren’t the most ethical or the most kind, but they were his friends and he didn’t have a lot of those growing up. Whatever friends he did have would always end up leaving him behind and it sucked.

This period of his life was not a time Liam was proud of. He didn’t make the best decisions and he fucked around more than he should and he hurt so many people. He was a right arsehole and he didn’t notice it until he got a letter from the Dean of Students that said he was kicked out. Liam was a bit surprised, but he shouldn’t have been. His grades were shit and he had been written up multiple times for the dumb shit he did.

After an embarrassing call to his sister, Liam moved out of his dorm room and into his sister’s house. The next day, he shaved his head and started running again. He needed to get his life together. He couldn’t afford to fuck up again. So, he ran and he ran until he was focused.

It wasn’t long after that that Liam began the process of becoming a fireman. That was his childhood career goal, so he figured, why the hell not? Everything started falling into place and Liam even met someone along the way. Liam let his hair grow a bit and the lady at the barber shop showed him how to style it, and everything was going good. At least, that’s what Liam thought, but he was wrong because once again, Liam was left behind.

And this was his life.

As soon as Bryan was out of sight, Liam walked out of the break room and went down the hall to the on-call room. He reclined on his bunk (well, it wasn’t actually his, but he sort of unofficially claimed it for the better part of the past two months) and tried to clear his head. Maybe if he willed himself to keep an empty mind, he’d only have empty thoughts.

Thankfully, before his mind could muster up a memory to torture Liam with, the alarm went off and Liam jumped up. He jogged out of the room and slid down the pole, immediately going to where his gear was. He slipped on the uniform, grabbed his helmet and his bag and went over to the truck where a half dozen of his coworkers were getting on.

When they got to the house, just about the entire thing was in flames. Liam silently prayed that no one was inside because he could only imagine how scared they would be.

All seven firefighters got out of the truck and began setting up—a few were dealing with the house, a few were figuring out a plan to take on this monster, and Liam was springing into action. He heard the neighbor say that the resident of this house could still be inside because his car was still in the garage. He needed to get in that house and he needed to get in now.

Liam pulled on an oxygen mask, quickly checked his walkie-talkie and his flashlight before running into the house. It was hot and there was smoke everywhere. If he wasn’t used to it, Liam was feel stuffy and claustrophobic. He walked carefully, making sure to be aware of his surrounding because he knew that the roof could cave at any moment.

The front room was empty and the bathroom was clear. The more he got into the house, the higher the flames were. He moved into the next room and sighed in relief when he saw a man passed out of the couch. He ran over and that was when he noticed the blanket draped over him partially on fire. Liam threw the blanket off the man and picked him up. Making sure he had a good hold of the man, he turned around and went back the way he came to get out of the house.

But when he stepped into the hallway, part of the roof came down. Liam quickly turned around and shielded the man from the rubble. After a moment, he looked over his shoulder and groaned because his path would no longer be simple to get through.

The fire was growing and the couch was completely in flames, and Liam was glad he got there when he did because if he didn’t . . . Let’s not think about that. Hoisting the man closer, Liam began stepping over the rubble. His movements were careful and he knew he had to go fast, but he couldn’t make any mistakes.

When they got out, the crowd that formed cheered, but Liam paid no mind to them. He placed the man on the gurney and waived the medics over. He was a bit afraid that the man wasn’t alive, but he woke up for a short moment before falling unconscious again. And that was enough affirmation for Liam.

Just after Liam took off his helmet, he heard someone call, “Payne.”

Liam bit his cheek because that was his boss calling him and he did not sound happy. “Sir.”

“What the hell were you thinking? Running in there with no backup or plan? You could’ve gotten yourself killed.”

He nodded sheepishly. “I know, but I heard the neighbor say that there was someone inside and I couldn’t just stand there. If we waited any longer, he probably wouldn’t have made it out.”

His boss held in a sigh. “We have a protocol, Liam. It’s there for safety and I’m not saying you didn’t do good work, because you did, but you put yourself in danger.”

“I know, I’m sorry. But I’m okay.”

“Like hell you are,” his boss responded, pointing to his eyebrow that was bleeding. “Did you get hit with something?”

Liam reached up and frowned when his fingers touched blood. “The ceiling kinda caved. I’m alright.”

“No, you’re not,” his boss huffed. “Might wanna hitch a ride in the ambulance because you’re going to the hospital, too.”

Liam frowned. “What? Why? I’m fine.”

“Liam, you know the protocol. You didn’t follow all of it, but you’re following it now,” his boss ordered. “Don’t fight it and get checked out. And don’t do anymore dumb shit. You’re not invincible.”

 _I know_ , Liam thought to himself. _If I were, I wouldn’t feel this way_.

;;

Liam touched the bandage that covered his eyebrow and sighed. He had two stiches in and he really didn’t think it was necessary. It wasn’t even that big of a cut. His helmet got the worst of it and fuck protocol.

“Make sure to stop by the desk to schedule an appointment to get those stitches out,” the doctor told him.

He nodded. “Okay, will do.”

The doctor smiled, closing the file folder and tucking the pen back into her pocket. “Do you have any questions?”

Liam was about to shake his head, but then he remembered. “The man that came in with the burn on his arm, is he alright?”

“Yes,” she answered. “The burn wasn’t too brutal and the scarring shouldn’t be too bad.”

“Is he still here?”

The doctor shrugged. “I’m not sure,” she replied. “Last time I heard, he was in a temporary room. I doubt it’ll be long before he is discharged to go home.”

Liam shot her a blank stare, waiting for her words to sink in.

“Oh.” She chuckled, shaking her head. “Whoops. Maybe not home because of the fire. Sorry.” She shook her head again and cleared her throat.

“Can you tell me anything else about him? Like his name?”

“That really goes against policy. I’ve already said too much.”

“Please?” Puppy dog pout was in motion.

The doctor didn’t stand a chance. She mumbled something to herself before saying, “Wait here. I’ll be right back.”

As she walked away, Liam smiled in victory. If he was still his uni self, he’d probably up his charm and try to sleep with her, but he wasn’t that person anymore. Thank god for that.

The doctor came back and handed him a slip of paper. “Now, this doesn’t guarantee that he’s still in there and you didn’t get this from me, got it?”

Liam took the paper, reading the name and room number on it. “Got it. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, hero. Now,” she stepped to the side. “You may go and be careful, yeah? It almost seems like going backwards when we save the ones who are saving people out there.”

He chuckled. “Or more like helping hands extending and joining together.”

The doctor’s beeper went off. “Gotta go,” she said before zooming off to go save a life or something.

Liam followed the signs and ended up on the second floor. He couldn’t help but notice how busy the hospital was and how people were everywhere. It wasn’t loud, though, so he let himself believe that it was okay and that there weren’t sick people all around him.

It took him a few more minutes, but he was finally in front of the room he was looking for. The door was open and a nurse was standing in front of the bed as the man was filling out a form. The nurse took the clipboard from him and when she turned around, she jumped in a startle.

Liam smiled sheepishly at her and moved out of the way. “Sorry,” he apologized.

“It’s alright,” she said as she passed him and left the room.

“Um.” Liam rubbed the back of his neck and let out a breath. “Uh, I um . . . Are you alright?”

The man slightly tilted his head, like he was trying to figure something out. It took him a moment and as soon as he got it, his eyes lit up. “Hey, you’re the guy you got me out of my house.”

Liam nodded. “Yeah. I just. I wanted to make sure you’re okay and all that.”

“Oh, that’s nice of you.” He motioned to the chair just on the inside of the room. “You can come in and sit if you want.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t want to crowd your space, especially after today.”

The man chuckled humorlessly. “I woke up with a stomach bug and my house burning down was the perfect way to end the day.”

Liam frowned. “If there’s anything I can do to help, let me know.”

The man quipped up his brow. “How ‘bout you tell me your name? That’d help since I keep calling you ‘the fireman’ in my head.”

“I’m Liam.”

“Zayn,” the man replied. “Thanks for saving me.”

;;

Louis walked into the room and was greeted by a loud, “Tommo!”

It took him a half moment to respond because no one had called him that since he was in uni. He blinked once, twice because his skin still felt icky from that feeling he had.  

“Louis?”

“Yeah, hey. Sorry.” Louis shook the thoughts out of his head before they could completely surface. “I apologize to intrude your space again, but I seem to have forgotten my blazer.”

“I don’t mind,” Niall replied. The _I hate being alone_ was left unspoken.

Louis nodded. “If I didn’t know any better, then I’d say you stole my blazer, so I’d have a reason to come back,” he joked.

Niall raised his hands up. “Damn, ya caught me!”

“Can’t get anything past me.” Louis laughed. “But I do have to go.” He didn’t miss the smile drop from Niall’s lips and he found himself saying, “I’ll be back tomorrow.” He had already promised earlier, but he figured he should remind the teenager. Louis wondered why Niall’s parents didn’t come with him when this was obviously a time to not be alone.

“Yeah, cool.”

Louis offered him a smile. “See you tomorrow, mate?”

The smile was back. “Hell yeah!”

 

 

 


	5. Antichrist

title song: [Antichrist by The 1975](http://youtu.be/26dihEfGCnc)

**;;**

**Age: 20**

At the beginning of the month, he felt content with how everything was going in his life. He was really close to saying he say happy, and that was big. For so many years now, he had been tied down by the weight in his chest, but it finally felt like it was letting up. He finally felt like he was going to be okay.

He entered his boyfriend’s, Jake, flat with his copy of the key. He found Jake leaning in the doorway of the bedroom. Jake gave him a nod, and he waited in the living room because Jake was on the phone and he didn’t want to disturb him.

Once Jake ended the call, he met him in the living room, but didn’t sit next to him. He was sitting on the couch and Jake was sitting across from him on the coffee table.

“I was hoping you’d stop by today,” Jake said.

He eyed his boyfriend curiously. “It’s Wednesday. I always ‘stop by’ on Wednesday.”

Jake offered him a smile, but there was something off about it. “I just—I’ve been trying to get myself to admit this and it’s been harder than I thought it would be. Like, some days, I’m ready to go for it, but I end up chickening out and I just—”

He cut him off. “What’re you talking about? You’re rambling.”

“Right, sorry.” Jake chuckles humorlessly. “God, I’m so bad at this.”

“Just say it.” The curiosity had grown and he was about to spaz out with anxiety. He still had the key in his hand and since it was given to him, he wondered what it meant. He’d like to think that Jake was trying to come up with the courage to ask him to move in, so they could move forward. So they would have a future together.

Jake reached forward and placed a hand on his knee. “This, just—this isn’t working.” And there it was. “I dunno what happened, but something doesn’t feel right anymore.”

He sat still, praying that he didn’t hear that correctly because he saw his future with Jake, and that was big. He had hope that the feeling of being okay would stick around longer than a day. He had hope that he would make it.

“I wanted to love you, I really did,” Jake continued. “But I don’t think I do. I’m so, so sorry.”

The key fell from his hand, but he didn’t pay any mind to it. He stood up, Jake’s hand falling off his knee, and walked to the door. He could feel the palm of his hand and his knee burning, but he forgot all about that when he felt his heart drop down to his stomach.

At the middle of the month, he had been trying to hold his head up high and be okay. Mind over matter, and all that. But it wasn’t working. But he wouldn’t show it when he was around people.

He was at his best friends’ house, Carter and Emilee. He had known them since they were all in high school and he was so jealous of them. Carter and Emilee were stupidly in love with each other and they had been from the beginning. It nearly made him angry every time he saw them because why couldn’t he have that beautiful kind of love? He knew it existed, he could see it in his friends, yet he was nowhere near it.

He was at his best friends’ house because his mum and his sister were going at it again, and he couldn’t stand being in that house. He always found excuses to leave and maybe that was why he had thought Jake was going to ask him to move in. It would have given me the perfect opportunity to get away from his always bickering family. He loved his family, he did, but he hated how much they fought.

He was at his best friends’ house because the atmosphere was light and Carter and Emilee didn’t expect anything from him. He could breathe here and pretend that his life wasn’t actually his life. At least, he could do those things. Now, it just felt like a stab at his heart because they were happy and he wasn’t. Then again, it had always been that way, hadn’t it?

At the end of the month, he was just about to lose it. Jake already had a new boy and there were pictures of them all over Facebook that he had to deactivate his account. His mum and his sister were at it every day and he didn’t even know what they were fighting about, so he started picking up more shifts at work. He’d ask for the closing shifts and just stayed the night with nothing but his thoughts. And to top it off, he finally heard back from the culinary school he applied for. He didn’t get in.

Because of all of these things, he gave himself a time limit for things to turn around and be better. For things to turn around and be okay. For things to turn around and for him to be happy.

;;

**Age: 23**

When it started raining earlier that day, Harry took it as a sign that today maybe wasn’t the day. He hadn’t slept for the past two days and he felt restless. So restless that he didn’t even bother opening the bakery that morning because what the hell, right? Harry was thinking about taking a couple sleeping pills, maybe three, to knock him out, so he could rest up and visit these thoughts another day, but then it stopped raining.

He left his flat and drove the familiar route. He didn’t feel like himself in that moment because this was now or never. He had put it off for so long that he couldn’t even explain why it had taken him this long. He couldn’t explain what it was that finally drove him to finally making his decision. He felt like he was in one of those indie films with a low budget that would make it to a festival and go nowhere from there. He felt like all of this should be more climactic, but it’s not.

He also felt like he should be freaking out to some extent because this was a big moment in his life. The decision didn’t come lightly and he couldn’t believe that today was the day.

As he drove, Harry thought about how he was handed his life. His sister was just about a genius, so he was able to use her class notes to get through school, and do well. His boss retired and left him the bakery he had been working at for the past five years. His grandmother passed away and gave him the flat he lived in now.

Don’t get him wrong, Harry was grateful. But these things didn’t help him figure out who he was and the person he was meant to be. He didn’t know if he was hard working or if he deserved everything he was given. He didn’t know why his life turned out this way and he didn’t know what he was supposed to do with it.

He parked his car on top of the gravel and started off on foot. Harry had always loved how it smelled after it rained and he breathed in it. It calmed him even more and it felt like his legs were going without his brain telling them where to go. It was probably because he had been there so many times before.

He got to his spot and a smile dared to appear on his lips. He took in the sight before closing his eyes, trying his best to clear his head. The scent in the air around him encouraged him. The breeze sent a chill down his spine and told him that this was it. He was ready to let go and fly.

He got to his spot, but was only there for a moment when his phone cut him out of his thoughts. He kept his eyes on the horizon as he fished his phone out of his pocket. He had completely forgotten about his phone and he didn’t remember grabbing it on the way out. He wondered why an unsaved number was calling him, but with his what-the-hell attitude, Harry picked up.

“Hello?”

“Hi, is this Harry Styles?” an unfamiliar voice asked him.

“Yes,” he replied.

There was a shuffle of paper and then, “Do you have any relation to Carter and Emilee Greenberg?”

“Yes, they’re my best friends.” Harry looked away from the horizon and down at the ground. “What is this about?”

“I’m sorry to tell you this, but there’s been an accident.”

“What?” Harry almost dropped his phone. “Are they okay?”

“Please come to West Memorial Hospital and—”

Harry didn’t listen to the rest of the sentence as he backtracked and ran to his car. Whatever sense of calm he had was gone and was replaced with panic and worry. This wasn’t what was supposed to happen today.

He didn’t care about the law as he sped off to the hospital. When he got there, his car was parked within three spaces and he probably didn’t lock it, but he had bigger things to be concerned about. He went inside and demanded to know where his friends were, but the nurse at the desk didn’t give him the answers he wanted.

“Mr. Styles, please, calm down.” A doctor said, approaching him.

Harry figured this was the man who called him. “Where are they?” he asked. “Are they alright?”

The doctor kept his composure. “Please, come with me.” He took Harry to a less busy area and had Harry sit down.

“Are they in surgery?” Harry guessed.

“Mr. Styles,” the doctor began, sitting next to Harry. “Earlier today, your friends, Carter and Emilee were on the motorway and another vehicle went over the median and collided with their car head on.”

Tears filled Harry’s eyes. “But they’re okay, right?”

“Their injuries were major and,” the doctor paused. “I am really sorry, but your friends didn’t make it.”

Harry shook his head. “No. They’re fine. They’re happy and they’re in love and they’re going to be here forever. They’re fine.” The doctor tried to say something else, but Harry wasn’t having it. “No!” he stood up and shouted. “They’re fine!” Tears were openly falling from his eyes and if he weren’t already a mess, he’d be one now.

The doctor got to his feet. “I know this is a hard situation and I know it’s hard to believe, but please, calm down.”

“How can you tell me to calm down? You just told me my best friends are dead!” Harry was seconds away from being hysterical, but then he remembered something. “What about Haley? Where is she? Was she with them?”

“She’s fine,” the doctor answered quickly. “We have her upstairs and she’s getting checked over. But, she wasn’t with them.” He got a page and sighed. “Mr. Styles, there’s someone who needs to speak to you. Please come with me.”

Harry doesn’t move. “When can I see Haley?”

“Soon,” the doctor promises.

;;

It was a couple hours later and Harry was sitting in a waiting room with his head in his hands. He had talked to so many people and filled out so many forms and hugged so many family members and cried so many tears. He just wanted to crawl out of skin and not have to deal with any of this, but he couldn’t. The accident happened and this was real and he had to deal with it.

The waiting room felt crowded and suffocating, and Harry couldn’t just sit around anymore. He still didn’t get to see Haley and he didn’t know why. They told him she was fine, yet they were all still in the hospital and Harry was tired. He had been tired for months and it didn’t hit him until he got to the hospital. He just wanted to go home and sleep. And maybe he’d wake up and this would all be a dream.

Picking himself up, Harry left the waiting room and just started walking around the hospital. He didn’t like it there and he wondered how people could actually work in such a place. He couldn’t be surrounded by death and sickness and sad people. He couldn’t because he’d up sitting in the corner, crying, and not doing his job. So yeah, working in a hospital was not for Harry.

Harry went up to the top floor and ends up outside of the room where all of the newborn babies are. He looked at them and wished for them to all have simple, easy lives. He also wished for them to be happy, but he knew how hard that could be.

;;

Louis was about to leave, he swore he was, but he was stopped by a phone call. “Mum,” he answered the call, “how’re you?”

“I heard through the grapevine and a certain former volunteer went off on a patient’s parents a little while ago. Any idea who this former volunteer could be?”

He chuckled. “I’m assuming you’re somewhere in the hospital today?”

“Damn right, I am,” his mum replied. “And you wanna tell me why you’re here?”

“One of my students got hurt, so I drove him here,” Louis explained. “And before you ask, yes, it was his parents that I went off on. So, if you want to scold me, you can do it over the phone or I can come up, if you want.”

His mum scoffed. “Look at you, sounding like someone of authority.”

“I’m a teacher.”

“And I’m your mum.”

Louis shook his head fondly. “And I’m coming up to see you.”

“I knew I raised a smart boy.”

“Extremely,” Louis replied. “I’ll see you in a bit.”

He had to pass by Zayn’s room, so he decided to stop by once again. Zayn was talking to a man in a white bro tank and heavy boots, so Louis hoped he wasn’t interrupting. “Louis, back again?”

Louis chuckled. “Yeah, every time I’m right about to leave, I get sucked back in.” He shrugged. “I just wanted to say hey again.”

“Thanks,” Zayn nodded. “I appreciate that.”

“Well, I, uh.” Louis cleared his throat. “I’ll let you lads get back to it. I—” He stopped talking as soon as he caught wind of a conversation happening just outside in the hallway.

“Sir,” a nurse said, “I need you to return to your room.”

“Ugh, I’m only seventeen. I’m not a sir!”

Louis pointed at the door behind him. “Yeah, I should go. Get well soon, bro.” He waved and walked out of the room to find a nurse staring Niall down. Louis went up to Niall and clasped a hand on his shoulder. “What’re you doing out of your room?”

“Louis! You’re still here!”

“Yes, I am. And I’m also taking you back to your room, come on, now.”

Niall pouted. “But it’s so boring in there,” he said, but let Louis lead him down the hallway.

“I know, buddy. But it’s for your own good,” Louis said. “You came here to get better, remember? And you have surgery in a couple days, so it’s best to rest up.”

They were in front of Niall’s room. “Fine,” he groaned.

“Aw, c’mon. Where’s that smile?” Louis knew he slipped back into his volunteer ways, but he could tell that Niall was scared and alone, and he wanted to help. Perhaps that was why he had yet to leave the hospital that afternoon – well evening.

Niall cracked a small smile. “Louis, thanks um. Thanks for stopping by and talking to me.”

“It was my pleasure,” Louis replied honestly.

Without warning, Niall turned and threw himself into a hug with Louis. Maybe he was acting a bit childish and maybe he was acting a bit needy, but for the first time in a long time, Niall felt like he had someone he could talk to. Someone who he could rely on and maybe even someone who could understand. He missed it—having a friend, that is.

They went inside and a nurse followed them in. “Ah, there you are,” she said to Niall. “We were looking for ya.” She had an IV already set up in the room and just needed to insert the needle in Niall’s arm.

He made a face. “Do we really have to do that today? There was someone in here when I got here and said I could wait another day.”

“I’m afraid not, darling. Now get comfortable. I promise it will only hurt for a few seconds, and then you’ll forget all about it.”

Louis saw that Niall was not a fan of needles, so he stepped up. “Will it help if I stick around for a little bit longer?”

Niall was half a nod in when he stopped. “You don’t have to do that,” he tried to say with nonchalance.

“I know, but I want to,” Louis replied with a smile.

“Thanks.”

“That’s what friends are for.”

Niall slowly got back into the bed and nurse got to work. She started checking everything over and then abruptly stopped and cursed. She flipped through Niall’s chart and let out an annoyed grunt.

“Is everything alright?” Louis asked.

The nurse took a moment before replying. “They gave me a banana bag when I asked or a—” she cut herself off. “No matter. I will be back.” She took the medicine and left the room.

Niall sighed out in relief and Louis said, “Saved by the bell. Kinda,” which gained him a laugh from the teenager.

Louis reassured Niall once again that he’d be fine and that they’d hang out again tomorrow before going. He made it up to the third floor without any detours, but then he rounded a corner and honestly, he couldn’t help it.

Standing in front of the room with a glass wall was a man with dark curls. It looked like his hair was pushed back by a scarf with a floral pattern and from his stance, Louis could tell that the man was exhausted.

Louis walked up to him, but before he said anything, he looked in the room and smiled. This had to be one of his favorite spots in the hospital, without a doubt.

“Any yours?” Louis asked, nodding towards the newborns on the other side of the glass.

The man shook his head. “Nah.”

“Expecting soon, then?”

“No,” he answered. “I’m waiting for my, um—for Haley.”

Louis nodded. “Your wife? Girlfriend, perhaps?” There had been quite a few times Louis had seen expecting fathers stand in that very spot with a mix of worry and excitement in them. He looked over at the man and decided that he couldn’t be older than him and was probably younger. He decided that the man was probably freaked out about being a father. He decided that he would help.

The man didn’t get a chance to reply because Louis’ mum came over with a baby in her arms. She smiled at Louis and he knew that he would wait a moment before they could catch up.

“You must be Harry,” she said to the man.

He nodded. “Yeah. Can I – is Haley okay?”

“Oh, yes. She’s perfect.” She handed the baby to Harry. “There you go.”

Harry automatically holds Haley protectively and kisses her head. “We’ll be okay,” he promised her.

Louis smiled at the sight. “Harry and Haley, that’s cute.”

“She’s my goddaughter,” Harry said. “Her parents named her after me.”

There was something there, underneath the words just spoken that made Louis feel a pang of hurt in his heart. It was almost as if he could feel the sadness and he could only wonder what brought Harry and Haley to the hospital today.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SURPRISE! it's a kid fic :))))))


	6. Wasted pt 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> now that you know where everyone is coming from, please don't be fooled with how they interact with others

title song: [Wasted by Cartel](http://youtu.be/J3weE4Kq7kY)

;;

Every now and again, we had a wave of negativity that went through us. We believed that we wouldn’t get anywhere in this life and that we were failures and that we would always be in solitude. Our family and our friends—if they’re around—didn’t understand because we couldn’t find the words to explain how hopeless we felt.

We began to think that our family was stuck with us and that our friends hated us and that we’re single because we were horrible people. We started hating ourselves because nothing seemed to go right and everything was falling apart, and there wasn’t one damn person who could honestly say that they understood.

But what we failed to realize was that there were people who understood. Their stories might not be a replica of ours, but there were similarities throughout. They knew how hard it was to try to explain. They know what it was like to feel alone.

So sometimes, we had to put ourselves out there—whether it was in a notes of a song, in moves of a dance, in words of a book or a poem—and see who stood by us to say _I feel that way, too_.

;;

Liam stopped talking. “God, I feel like I’m rambling. Sorry.”

Zayn shook his head. “Nah, it’s okay. It’s nice to have a conversation with someone who isn’t a high school student.”

“But you’ve barely said anything.”

“I don’t have much to say,” Zayn replied. And that was true. He was so used to keeping his thoughts and opinions to himself that he just about lost them. It was like they popped into his head, but he wouldn’t dawn on it for longer than a couple of seconds.

Liam nodded. “I’m sure that’s not true.”

A knock at the door saved Zayn from having to respond to that. A woman in a pantsuit walked in and Zayn immediately knew she was someone from legal. “Mr. Malik?” she asked and he nodded. “Hello, I’m Stephanie Thomas and I have a few items to go over with you about your property.”

Zayn straightened his posture and Liam stepped away. “I should get back,” Liam said.

“Okay. Thanks again for . . .” Zayn finished his sentence with a smile.

“Yeah, no problem. Just um, be careful, alright?” Liam smiled back before leaving the room.

Stephanie handed Zayn a copy of the form. “This is just a run through of everything. Of course, it’s nothing final and just is the beginning stages. We’re going to have to make quite a few claims for your insurance to kick in and from there, you can start the remodel.”

Zayn’s face dropped as he listened to Stephanie and looked over the form. This whole thing would take so much out of him and he didn’t know how he was going to do it. His house was the only place where he could be himself and where he didn’t have to put on a mask. But that was all ruined.

;;

Harry turned slowly, trying his best not to jostle to baby in his arms. “Are we good to go? I have a copy of the paperwork if you need to see it.”

Honestly, Harry was tired of this entire day and he just wanted to get back to his flat. He knew his entire life just changed and that he had more responsibility now, but he needed some time for his head to catch up to it all. It wasn’t every day that his best friends left him their daughter to take care for the rest of his life. He was a parent now and that freaked him out just a little bit.

“You’re alright,” Louis’ mum told him. “But we do have some things for you, well Haley. Please come with me.”

“Okay, thank you,” Harry nodded.

Louis stood to the side and was about to die of how adorable Harry and Haley were. But before he allowed himself to die an adorable death, he cleared his throat. “Mum?”

She walked over to Louis and pulled him into a hug. “We’ll catch up in a bit, alight?”

“Actually, I better get going,” Louis replied. “I wish I could stay, but every time I’ve tried to leave, something keeps stopping me.”

“What, you can’t make time for your own mum?”

“Of course I can, but today’s been hectic,” he told her. “I’ll be back tomorrow, I promise.”

She nodded. “Alright, dear.” She hugged him again. “Be careful, okay? I don’t need you in this hospital as a patient.”

He chuckled. “Don’t worry, mum. I’ll be fine.” Louis waved to his mum and to Harry before heading back towards the elevators.

;;

Zayn had a small stack of papers in his hand and he was finally discharged from the hospital. Of course, he had no idea where he was going because his home wasn’t quite in shape at the moment.

He had no idea where he was going, but he figured that he would end up where he needed to be some way or another. Maybe after such a shitty day, the higher beings would grant him a break and he’d be okay (and totally not homeless until his house was fixed).

And if that wasn’t enough to cause him a headache, the fireman that saved him came up to check on him. Like, were all firemen that friendly or was it just Liam? Zayn knew he was pretty much out of it when he was carried out, but he did remember thinking that the fireman was right fit. And after seeing him without all of the firefighter gear, Zayn was a bit enamored by the man.

 _But he was just doing his job_ , Zayn told himself. It probably was just another fire and another rescue. And god, Zayn didn’t know why he was still thinking about this. Yes, he found Liam hot, but anyone with eyes would. And _oh fuck, here he comes_.

“Hey,” Liam grinned. “Where ya headed?”

Zayn shrugged. “I’m not sure. Can’t exactly go home because of the fire.”

“I’m sorry ‘bout that.”

“The fire was my fault. Don’t worry about it.” Zayn shrugged again. It was in this mess all because of himself, so there was no reason for Liam to apologize. It’s not like Liam set fire to his house.

“I know, but I still feel bad.” Liam was being genuine and he didn’t even mean to run into Zayn right now, but he did. “I was wondering if you wanted to grab something to eat,” he (kind of) asked. “I figured you were making food when your oven caught fire and you probably didn’t eat yet and god, I’m rambling again.”

Zayn chuckled, but it was quick and quiet. “You’re not rambling. And yeah, now that you mention it, I haven’t had food.”

Liam breathed out a breath of air because hey, he said yes. He wasn’t sure why he was bothering right now because sure, everything was fine, but it wouldn’t stay this way. Liam was the person who was left behind. The person who got lost along the way and ended up alone. The person who would never be good enough.

“We could go to the cafeteria,” Zayn suggested.

“But isn’t hospital food horrible?”

Zayn shook his head. “Nah, that’s just a cliché.”

Together they walked to the cafeteria and each got a tray of food. Zayn’s stomach still felt a bit queasy, but he did feel a hell of a lot better than he did this morning. Perhaps it was just a stupid 24-hour bug and perhaps everything happened for a reason.

When they reached the register, Zayn’s face dropped for the second time that day. He remembered that he didn’t have his wallet and with the luck he’s been having, it was probably ruined from the fire. He held on to the tray tightly because it just hit him that he would have to call so many people and do so many things before he could actually settle in for the night. And he didn’t want to put his students behind by not being there for another day, and ugh, why did this have to happen?

Liam sensed something wrong, so he stepped forward and handed the cashier his credit card. “For both trays, please.”

Zayn reviewed Liam with a sense of awe for a short moment before turning his gaze down. “You don’t have to do that.”

“Too late.” Liam collected the receipt and picked up his tray.

“That was literally the second time you saved my ass today,” Zayn said, still not looking up.

Liam steadied his tray in one arm and placed the other around Zayn’s shoulder, which was enough to cause Zayn to look up. “It’s my job,” he winked and Zayn was tense under his touch, so he retracted his arm. “Sorry.”

Zayn just shook his head and continued forward towards the seating area. He stopped in his tracks because every single table was taken. “Well, damn.”

“You can say that again.” Liam surveyed the room until he found what he was looking for. “C’mon,” he said, nodding his head towards the left.

“Uh.” Zayn was about to ask what—no, where—Liam had in mind, but he kept his mouth shut. He just followed him until he stopped at a table where a guy was sitting.

Liam put on his best smile. “Hey, there.”

The guy peered up from his food and considered the two men in front of him. “Hi.”

“I was wondering if you would mind if we shared the table with you.” Liam kept up his smile. “The place seems to be packed and we—”

“Sure,” the guy cut him off. He moved his drink out of the way and scooted his tray closer to him to make room. “Yeah, um. Have a seat. It’s no problem.”

Liam pulled out a chair after setting down his tray. “Thanks, mate.” He extended his hand. “I’m Liam.”

The guy shook it. “Niall.”

“And I’m Zayn.” He extended his arm as well.

Niall smiled because here he was, making friends. Well, they weren’t friends yet, but he was sure he still had his charm and his dazzling personality, so it would only be a matter of time. He thought that this trip would be horrendous, but so far, it had been all right. Hopefully, it stayed that way and once his knee was all fixed up, he would go home with a new outlook on life.

Sure, his family was still broke and this surgery and trip probably will hurt them more than help them, but he was sure he’d figure out a way to make things better. He knew he would be on crutches for a bit after the surgery, but once that was done, he would get out there and look for a new job. He could do this. He just needed to get past this week and he’d be okay.

“So, what brings you lads to this fine establishment?” Niall asked before taking a bite of his turkey sandwich.

Liam wiped his mouth with a napkin. “Well, we could ask you the same thing.”

Niall barked out a laugh. “Someone’s being mysterious.”

“And someone has mustard on their chin,” Liam responded back to Niall. He handed him a napkin. “Here ya go.”

“Thanks.” Niall wiped his chin.

“That’s what friends are for,” Liam said and he had no idea what that phrase meant to Niall.

The teenager was about to reply, but before he could start, a fourth party entered the scene. “Niall, did you sneak out again?”

Liam scrunched his brow, but there was still amusement on his face. “Please tell me you didn’t run away from the psych ward.”

Niall sighed. “No, I’m not a nut case, I promise. And Louis, what the hell? You’re fucking everywhere!”

“Hey, no need for profanity,” Louis said as he approached the table. As soon as he was close enough, he noticed Zayn was there as well as the guy he was talking to earlier. _Hm, small world_ , Louis thought to himself.

Zayn turned around. “You’re still here?”

Louis shrugged. “This place loves me too much to let me go.” He took a seat in the last chair of the table. “How do you all know each other?”

“We don’t,” Zayn said.

“But we will,” Niall added.

“Hi, I’m Liam,” Liam threw in, extending his arm once again. “I don’t think we’ve met.”

Louis nodded and shook his hand. “I guess that makes me Louis, then.” He inspected the table and hummed. “So, you lads just decided to sit together just ‘cause?”

“I actually met Zayn earlier today,” Liam said. “He was caught in a fire and I got him out.”

“Good Samaritan or firefighter?”

“Firefighter.”

“Hmm…” Louis tapped his fingers on the table. “Well, I’m glad you’re okay, Zayn, since if I recall correctly, your oven exploded?”

Zayn nodded sheepishly. “Shit happens.”

“It does, indeed,” Louis replied. “And Niall, you still avoiding getting that IV in your arm?”

“I am _not_.”

“You are and I’m guessing I’m going to have to take you back to your room,” Louis said. “Again.”

Niall shrugged. “I got bored in my room. And hungry."

Louis chuckled and leaned over to ruffle Niall’s hair. “And I wouldn’t be surprised if you weren’t being looked for right now.”

Liam watched the exchange. “Do you two know each other?”

“Oh, yeah,” Louis answered. “Niall and I are mates.”

Niall grinned wide at that. “The best!”

Liam and Niall got into a conversation about Liam’s line of work, and Louis noticed how Zayn sat back and carefully ate his food. Zayn barely said anything since he sat down and Louis wondered if it had anything to do with today’s events. He glanced down at the table and from what he could see of the papers next to Zayn, he knew exactly how he could help.

“Hey Zayn, can I talk to you for a minute?” Louis asked.

Zayn looked up quickly, almost as if Louis acknowledging him startled him. He cleared his throat and nodded. “Yeah, what’s up?”

Louis stood up and walked a few yards away with Zayn following after him. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah,” Zayn sighed. “I’m alright as I can be considering my house is ruined and I’m probably going to have to hole up in a motel room until I can find another house or something to live in.”

“That’s not really all that alright, is it?” Louis asked and Zayn shook his head. “I know this might be a little weird and lot out of the line, but I have a spare room in my flat I can offer you. And before you even try to say no, I’d like to point out that we work in the same place and that we barely see each other, which is sucky friendship if you ask me.”

Zayn considered what Louis just said. “Are you saying that you won’t take no for an answer?”

A good part of Zayn’s house had to be remodeled and he had no idea how long it would take, so he had to make sure Louis knew what he was offering. Zayn would have just sucked it up and moved back into his parents’ house, but he wasn’t on the best terms with them. And he would have just asked to crash at his best friend’s place, but he moved to the States and he couldn’t remember the last time they spoke.

“Absolutely,” Louis answered.

“You’d really let me stay in your flat for however long it takes to fix my house?”

“Of course.”

“So, does this mean we’ll be carpooling to work?”

Louis smiled. “The environmentalists will go wild!”

“Then, how could I ever say no?”

“Brilliant. If you need anything, let me know. I’m here to help,” Louis told him honestly. “I know this wasn’t the ideal situation, but I’m sure everything will work out.”

Zayn nodded. “Thanks. I really appreciate this.” And he really did. Maybe this was the break he was being cut. Maybe this was a reminder that not everyone in the world was horrible. Maybe this was just what he needed.

When they got back to the table, Louis kept walking until he was just outside the eating area. He had stopped Harry who was pushing a stroller. Harry had dropped the bag he was just given filled with baby necessities and well, the items just about went everywhere. Louis saw the defeated look on Harry’s face and went over to help him out.

Once everything was back in the bag, Louis held out his hand. “Phone, please?”

Harry gawked at Louis. “What, why?”

“Because obviously you are going to need help, so I’m going to give you my mum’s number,” Louis responded. “She tends to have the answer for everything, trust me.”

“No, it’s really okay,” Harry tried, but Louis wasn’t having it.

Louis kept his hand out. “Phone,” he said sternly. “I’m serious.”

Hesitantly, Harry plucked his phone out of his pocket and handed it to Louis. When he got his phone back, he looked at the name. “Jay. Got it.”

“Good,” Louis beamed. “Now, before you go, my dear Harry, I want you to meet some people.”

“Oh, no, no.” Harry shook his head. “Today’s been a mess and I really need to get out of here, for Haley’s sake. We both had a lot to take it today with the accident and everything, so. . .”

Louis’ smile dropped into a frown. “Are you two okay?”

“Physically, yeah, we’re fine. But um, emotionally,” he shook his head again. “We’ve had a long day.”

“Hey, Louis?”

Louis turned around and saw Niall, Liam, and Zayn walking towards them. “Well, I know you said no, but looks like they’re coming to us. And Harry,” he said as he placed a hand on Harry’s arm, “I’m sorry for whatever happened today.”

Harry sighed. “Thanks, Lou.”

The lads caught up just in time because Louis was about to gush over the nickname. “Hey everyone, this is Harry. And Harry, this is Zayn, Niall, and Liam.” Louis leaned down a bit, so he was right next to the opening of the stroller. “And most importantly, this is Haley.” Her attention was caught from mentioning her name and Louis smiled at her.

“That kid is adorable,” Niall commented.

“Very true,” Liam agreed.

Harry squirmed a little, so Louis stepped in. “As Harry here was saying earlier, it’s been a long day. For all of us.”

“It was um, nice meeting all of you,” Harry said.

Everyone chimed in their agreements and Louis began sending everyone off. He started with Harry, reminding him that if he had any trouble or needed help with Haley, to call his mum. Next up was Niall, scolding him for leaving his room again and making him promise to stay there. After that was Liam, who shook Louis’ hand again and nearly ran off. And then there was Zayn, who Louis gave a hug to and led him out of the hospital.

By the end of the night, everyone settled down in their respective spaces. They weren’t able to lift the weight off their shoulders completely, but there were able to take a breath. And they needed that breath because tomorrow, they’d be up and doing this all over again.

Harry was grateful at the moment that his flat was about a two minute drive from the hospital. He knew he was going to have to make up for his losses for not opening the bakery that day. And he knew he was going to have to settle Haley in his flat. He didn’t expect his day to turn out this way and he wondered if this was his second chance or if this was his reason to keep going. Either way, Harry fell asleep as soon as his back hit his sheets and he figured it was because his life was finally catching up to him.

Liam was back at the station and he ignored the looks his coworkers gave him. He didn’t want to hear any shit from anyone because trust him, he knew that it wasn’t right of how much time he spent at the station, but he couldn’t go back there. He was worn out from spending time with people that he didn’t work with and he remembered when social situations didn’t drain him. But a lot had changed and at the end of the day, this was exactly where Liam wanted to be—alone.

Niall reluctantly went back to his room and seconds after he sat on the bed, the nurse from earlier came in. He hated needles and he didn’t want the stupid IV in his arm, but he sucked it up and let the nurse do her job. For the first time in over year, Niall felt like he had people to call his friends and he knew it was insane because he literally just met these people (and they were all older than him), but he had a feeling that they’d be alright. At least, they would be eventually.

Zayn was at Louis’ flat and he thanked Louis more times than he could count. Part of him wanted to run out and figure out somewhere else to stay because he didn’t want to take up space that wasn’t his. He’d already done that with his family in that house he will never call home, and he couldn’t do it again. He didn’t want to bother Louis, and somehow, Louis assured him that it would be the best thing ever to have him in the flat. Zayn took the assurance and retreated into the guest room that he’d call his own for a little while.

Louis was in his own room and he didn’t bother turning on the lights. He just needed a moment to calm down and take everything in and evaluate whatever the hell happened today. He had plastered a smile on his face for so many hours that it finally felt normal to let the smile drop. He had no idea how he did this and it’s not like he hated it, but sometimes he needed someone like himself in his life. But people like him are rare and he’s used to it. He could do this and for a few months, he’d have a flat mate. Perhaps in those months, he’ll forget what it was like to feel so alone.

And it definitely had been a long, tiring day.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't worry, it's only a matter of chapters before the real fun starts :) xx


	7. Two Hearts

title song: [Two Hearts by Paper Route](http://youtu.be/BAtxwcSH4v8)

;;

**THURSDAY**

Harry woke up to a shriek of cries.

He immediately got out of bed and went to go calm Haley down. He picked her up and rocked her in his arms, hoping the motion would do it. It took ten minutes for Haley to stop screaming, but tears were still falling from her eyes, and it broke Harry’s heart. He wondered if she could sense that there was something wrong, that her parents were gone.

“Shhh, it’s alright. I got you. You’re alright.” Harry kept his voice soft as he carried Haley to the kitchen. He secured her in one arm while he used the other to prepare a bottle for her.

Haley stopped crying and placed her hand on Harry’s face. He kissed her hand and gave her a squeeze. “We can do this, yeah? It’ll be me and you against the world. How does that sound?” She made a gurgling sound and Harry sighed.

After Harry fed Haley, he rocked her back to sleep and placed her in her crib. It had only been a couple days since the accident happened, and Harry couldn’t figure out how quickly his flat became so crowded. With the help of Carter’s parents, he was able to bring just about all of Haley’s things here and transform his guest room into her room. But there were still things everywhere.

On his way back to his room, Harry began picking items off the floor and made a mental note to clean this place up. When he reached his room, he grabbed his phone and rang one of his employees.

“Hello?”

“Hey Cameron,” Harry said. “Are you able to open the bakery today?”

“Yeah, of course,” Cameron replied. “Is everything alright? No one could get a hold of you the past couple of days. On Tuesday, Mary opened at noon, and yesterday, we opened at regular time.”

Harry was relieved to hear that the bakery didn’t lose an entire day’s worth of earnings. He totally forgot that Mary was his second in command who would step up if anywhere were to happen to Harry. “The past few days have been crazy and I’ll explain in time, I promise. I just—I need all of you to step up because it’s going to be a few more days, maybe even a week before I can get back to work.”

“Sure, no problem. If there’s anything else you need, just let me, or any of us know,” Cameron said. “I’m just glad to know that you’re okay.”

“Thanks, mate.” But Harry wasn’t okay. “I know we have a huge order of strawberry lemonade cupcakes for tomorrow, so get started on those, please.”

“On it, boss.”

Harry smiled a bit. “Thank you, Cameron. I mean that. And I’m sorry that I’ve been MIA.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he responded honestly.

Once Harry ended the call, he took a moment to gather his thoughts. He opened a new note on his phone and started compiling a list of things to do. It included things such as baby proofing the flat because within the next couple of months, Haley would definitely be crawling, and figuring out baby sitters because Harry would have to go back to work eventually. And at the top of the list was to clean and do a massive load of laundry.

;;

Niall was being prepped for surgery.

And he wasn’t scared. He wasn’t. It was just a knee surgery—nothing to be scared about. Yeah, he’d be under for quite a few hours and the doctors could fuck up and mess up his knee even more, but he totally wasn’t scared.

Okay, maybe he was a little scared. Niall didn’t like the thought of someone cutting into him and messing with his insides. He knew the surgery was necessary and once his knee healed, he would be in less pain. He knew that people had surgery every day and these doctors had to know what they were doing. And he knew that he was seventeen and needed to stop acting like a baby.

While the doctor checked out the machine he was attached to, Niall distracted himself by looking at the balloon and teddy Louis dropped off the day before. Louis swore up and down that the teddy looked like him and Niall had laughed, but he guessed that if he squinted, the bear did look a little like Louis. He smiled now because yeah, he would be okay.

The doctor took him through what would be happening throughout the next few hours and it was the first time Niall felt like an adult. He was doing this on his own and yes, it would have been wonderful to have his family here, but it just hit him that he could do this without them. He knew he would have to completely stand on his own feet sooner or later, and he guessed that this was the perfect time.

Niall had said a couple of days ago that when he got back to Ireland and his knee healed, he would go job searching. And he would, but he would be looking for full-time positions, or multiple jobs because he decided right then that he would be moving out of his house. His eighteenth birthday was literally around the corner and he could do this. He would be okay.

It wasn’t long after that when Niall was being pushed towards the operating room. The doctors wore dark blue scrubs and looked so serious. There was a big light over the operating table and Niall gulped. He closed his eyes and took a breath. _I can do this_ , he reminded himself.

A doctor sat next to Niall. “Alright, Niall. You ready?”

“As ready as I can be,” he answered, “considering you lot are about to slice and dice me like a red tomato.”

“I assure you that we will be careful and diligent,” the doctor assured him. She patted Niall on the shoulder before asking, “Do you have any questions before we begin?”

He panicked with wide eyes. “Wait, am I going to be awake during this?”

“Of course not,” she replied.

Niall sighed in relief. “Okay. Yeah, let’s get this party started.”

The doctor chuckled. “Now, that’s the spirit.” She placed a plastic mask over his mouth and nose. “Now, count back from ten.”

“Ten,” Niall began. “Nine, eight, sev. . .”

;;

**FRIDAY**

Zayn was not amused in the slightest.

He gripped the wheel and held his tongue because he would not subject himself to an outburst. Not so early in their friendship, anyways. He didn’t want to be ridden off as weird because god knows that he had enough of that.

Throughout school when Zayn got super quiet, he would keep to himself for the most part. But every now and then, there would be someone who didn’t know how to stop pushing and Zayn would curl his hand into a fist and bite the inside of his cheek and close his eyes to try to ignore it. And no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t always ignore it. Sometimes, his anger or annoyance got the best of him and he screamed.

Whoever was around would always be shocked that Zayn had been so loud because he was always so quiet. And it made him wonder if he was just louder all the time if he wouldn’t have been ignored for so long. If his words would have been heard and he would have mattered. If he had meant something.

But that was years ago and Zayn was past all of that. At least, that’s what he told himself.

“Aw, c’mon. You have to admit that that was gold!”

Zayn shook his head. “No, I do not.” Louis tried to turn the car stereo on again, but Zayn slapped his hand away.

Louis rubbed his hand even though the slap didn’t even hurt. “Okay. Touchy. I just thought _Things We Lost In The Fire_ was the perfect soundtrack.”

“Louis.”

“What? It’s my car, anyway,” Louis argued.

Zayn sighed. “You could have drove,” he said. “But what was it you said? You didn’t want to have to deal with directions or something?”

“Hey! Don’t use my words against me!” Louis wasn’t actually offended because he did say something along those lines, but he figured that they’d get there faster if Zayn drove because Zayn knew where he was going and Louis did not.

“Never,” Zayn grinned, feeling the outburst that was soon to happen float away.

Louis gasped. “We have lived together for three days and now you decide to show me that you’re a menace? We’re going to have to reevaluate our entire flatemateship.”

“You’re ridiculous.”

“I take offense to that.” Louis crossed his arms over his chest.

“Sure you do.”

“And to that, as well.”

Zayn was a little amused now, but he kept that knowledge to himself as he drove to his house. Well, what was left of it anyways. The amusement fell and he frowned when he pulled up because of the black that was smudged around the exterior. He really loved that house and seeing it like this made him want to throw a fit. This was the first time he had been back here since the fire and he knew it wasn’t going to be pretty, but he didn’t think he would feel like this, either.

Louis uncrossed his arms and leaned forward to get a better look at the house. His jaw nearly dropped because _damn_. “This is your house?” he asked.

The other man shrugged. “You should have seen it before the fire damage.”

“Yeah, but it’s a damn nice house,” Louis continued. “You probably feel like you downgraded from living in this to living with me.”

“Your flat’s nice,” Zayn said honestly. “It’s very home-y.”

“And your house would eat my flat alive.” Louis unbuckled his seatbelt and got out of the car. The first thing he noticed was the smell, which made him scrunch up his nose a bit. It kind of smelled like burnt toast and moldy water and something else, and it was horrible.

Instead of staring at his house like Louis was doing, Zayn went to the back of the car and began unloading the boxes they brought. The goal for today was to go through everything and grab everything that was still useful and make a list of everything that was not. So basically, Zayn hated everything right now.

They go through the police tape and Zayn hoped that there wasn’t a homeless person squatting in his house. The frown on Zayn’s face deepened when he saw the paintings on his walls were ruined. He left the boxes at the front of the house and walked through the rooms, and he just couldn’t believe so much was ruined.

Zayn was about to go upstairs when he heard a car door close. He turned around and looked at Louis who shrugged. They walked over to a window that faced the front yard and saw that another person had arrived.

Louis raised his brow. “Oh.”

“Shut up.”

“I didn’t say anything.”

“But your face did.” Zayn met Liam at the door. “Hey, thanks for coming.”

Liam smiled. “Don’t mention it. I was going to stop by anyways to make sure everything was safe and that there was no chance of you getting crushed by the roof or anything.”

“Still, thank you,” Zayn insisted. He picked up a box, so he would have something to do with his hands. “Let’s get started.”

;;

Liam didn’t know what to call this.

He was sure he was overthinking it, but something about this felt different. He was always the person who sat around bored while his “friends” were out having fun because they forgot to call him. He was rarely included and when he was, he could see how out of place he was, which made him become wary of going anywhere.

He learned to stand alone and he made himself believe that he was happiest and best off this way. He hated being in groups of people because everyone would talk around him and he would just stay silent because he didn’t want to say anything that made him look stupid. Being around people for too long made Liam antsy and uncomfortable, so the first chance he got, he left. He would need to calm down his heart and remind himself to breathe.

So being there was different for Liam. And being asked to be there specifically was even more different for him. Not that he minded, which again, was different.

“Oh, thank fuck.” The tone of his voice could only be described as relieved.

Liam looked over and saw Zayn hugging his laptop to his chest. His lips twitched up into a grin at the sight. “Does it still work?”

Zayn nodded enthusiastically. “I thought it was a goner.”

“It would only be gone if you wanted it to be,” Louis said, using a serious tone to try to sound philosophic. “And here’s the charger,” he added, “but I’ll keep it if you start crying.”

Zayn held out a hand and gave Louis a blank stare without saying a word.

Louis stared him down for a minute before he broke and handed the charger over. “Christ, you’re no fun. I don’t know how we’re going to live together.”

“We’ll figure something out,” Zayn smirked.

“Is that so?” Louis raised his brow.

“I found your keys,” Liam interrupted. Well, he didn’t actually interrupt, but he felt like he did because as soon as he opened his mouth, both Zayn and Louis turn their attention to him and Liam took a step back. “Um, here.” He threw to keys over to Zayn who caught them easily.

Still holding the laptop to his chest, Zayn walked away from his new acquaintances and went to the garage. He was glad that the fire was stopped before it reached this part of the house, so the garage and his bedroom, which was right above the garage, were both safe.

Liam stood awkwardly after Zayn left. He wasn’t sure if he should continue sifting through everything because he wasn’t sure what Zayn would want to keep and what he would want to throw out. He didn’t want to mess up and ruin whatever this was. Then again, Zayn probably only called him because he was the one who helped Zayn out and was a familiar face. Once everything was cleared out, Liam doubted Zayn would call him again.

He tried not to dwell on in then because he knew it would make him come up with some lame excuse and leave. And he didn’t actually want to leave. But there was something that was tugging at his gut and he didn’t understand where it was coming from.

;;

**SATURDAY**

Louis couldn’t believe that this week was still going.

He would be lying if he told anyone that he was not exhausted, but people were quick to take the lie and move on with their day. The week had felt like forever and it was still not finished yet. All Louis wanted was to go home and sleep for thirty hours, but he had a to-do list and it wasn’t getting any smaller.

“Don’t forget to pick up milk.”

“What?” Louis was thrown out of his thoughts.

Fizz picked up his phone from the cup holder between them and showed him the notification. “Apparently, you’re supposed to pick up some milk.” She had a look on her face and Louis rolled his eyes.

“Whatever you are thinking, stop,” Louis warned just as the light turned green and he took his foot off the brake.

“O-oh, big brother’s being secretive. Are you – _no_. You’re living with someone, aren’t you?” She grinned and Louis kept quiet. “Christ, you are! Spill, Louis. Tell me all the details.” She tried to look through his phone, but thankfully for the pass code, she couldn’t get in.

Louis reached over and snatched the phone from his sister’s hand. “I don’t think any of this is your business and hasn’t anyone ever told you that being nosy is not a good trait.”

“Oh, please.” She didn’t take the bait. “You’re obviously living a secret life and by the end of today, I will know everything.”

He chuckled. “Yeah, you keep thinking that, darling.” Louis pulled into the parking lot of the mall and found a parking space. “Now, c’mon kid, let’s go find you that dress.”

“The art of distraction. Nice try!” Fizz unbuckled her seatbelt and got out of the car.

“I don’t know what you are talking about.” Louis led Fizz into the mall, but as soon as they are inside, she took the lead and headed straight for the store that had her so-called perfect dress. Louis tried his best to keep in his groans and sighs because he honestly could care less about a stupid dress for a stupid school dance. In like six years, none of this will matter for Fizz and Louis wished she realized that now.

“Louis, are you coming?” She called over her shoulder and Louis took a breath before catching up to her. He helped people – it was what he does – and everything would be okay.

Three and a half hours later, Fizz had her dress (and matching shoes and bracelet) and Louis had something to cross off his to-do list. He dropped Fizz off at the house and debated for a moment if he should go in, but he just couldn’t. So Louis told Fizz to send his love to everyone before he drove off. When he got to his – um, their – flat, Louis was very proud that he remembered to get the milk.

He also wondered how quickly the domestic _ness_ happened, but that was a wonder for a different day. Today, he had to make alterations on the script and get ready for auditions and grade some assignments.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks so much for the kudos and comments  
> they mean the world to me :) x


	8. Echo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey look, another update. ain't that wonderful? :)
> 
> also, thanks for reading and I hope you like this chapter!

title song: [Echo by Jason Walker](http://youtu.be/QIeQbXukmBw)

;;

The moment Louis walked out of his flat, his neighbor waved him over. He crossed over and offered her a smile. “Good morning,” he greeted.

“Louis,” she smiled back. “I’m glad I ran into you.” Louis knew from experience that that phrase was the opening before asking for a favor, so he just nodded and waited. “I was accepted to study abroad in the States and it’s very last minute and I have to leave in a few days.”

“Congratulations,” Louis said genuinely. “That sounds like an amazing opportunity.”

She nodded. “It is. But I have a bit of a problem.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, I kinda need someone to watch over my flat. Ya know, flush the toilet once a day and water the plants and make sure there are no spiders lurking around,” she explained, tucking a piece of her blonde hair behind her ear.

Louis tossed his keys up in the air and caught them. “Pez, just go ahead and ask. Stop beating around the bush. Don’t be shy.”

Perrie chuckled. “Louis, my favorite neighbor and the best person ever, will you please tend my flat while I disappear across the pond for ten months?”

“See, that wasn’t that hard.”

“True, and,” she pointed to her front door, “is that a yes?” Her voice was hopeful.

He nodded. “Of course it is.”

Perrie threw her arms around Louis. “Oh, my god. Thank you so much! You have no idea how grateful I am! You are the best!”

He patted her on the back. “I expect emails all throughout with full details of all of your crazy adventures,” Louis instructed.

“Always!”

After arranging to meet with Perrie later on to get a list of everything she will need him to do while she’s gone, Louis set out towards the hospital to visit Niall. The teenager had his surgery a few days ago and it wouldn’t be long before he was flying back to Ireland. Louis hadn’t known Niall for all that long, but he did grow a soft spot for him. Louis blamed it on Niall’s Irish charm.

Just before Louis reached the hospital, a thought occurred to him, so he grabbed his phone and turned on his GPS. He typed in what he was searching for and tapped on the first suggestion. He had to make a U-turn, but he got there and when he walked in, he instantly loved how adorable the place was.

The little shop didn’t seem to have a color scheme. Well, no—the color scheme looked to be bright and colorful, and it brought a huge helping of happiness to everyone that walked in. It was nice and comfortable, and why hadn’t Louis come here before?

While waiting in line, a customer walked in, but instead of standing at the back of the line, he walked straight to the counter. Louis wanted to say something because there was a line and it was rude to cut, but then the customer started speaking and well, Louis knew that voice.

Stepping out his place, Louis went over to the counter and stood behind the man because one of the workers from the back came out and placed a big box of cupcakes on the counter. The man thanked the worker and picked up the box, and when he turned around, he was faced with a Louis Tomlinson.

“Y’know, it’s a bit rude to cut a line of people,” Louis said.

“I work here,” Harry replied.

Louis raised his brow. “So working here gives you special privileges of line cutting?”

Harry’s mouth twitched, but no smile appeared. “Special privileges come with being the owner of this bakery.”

“Wait.” Louis motioned all around. “You own this place? What? How? And I have to say, you clean up well,” he said once he noticed that Harry was wearing a suit.

“The funeral’s today,” Harry said and all jokes left Louis. “A-And John was supposed to pick up the cupcakes, but he forgot and Haley has been nightmare today like she knew exactly what was going on. I can’t even blame her because I’d be a mess if today was my parents’ funeral and I just—”

Louis placed a hand over Harry’s mouth. When he was positive that Harry wouldn’t start talking again, he took his hand away and moved it to Harry’s arm where he guided him to the corner. “Hey, breathe. Okay?” He took the box from Harry and placed it on the table that was next to him.

Harry nodded. “Yeah. It’s just been hard, y’know? Like this is the first time that I’ve been here since the day it happened and so much is _still_ happening and I just don’t know if I can do this.”

“You can,” Louis assured him with a soft voice. A hand somehow landed on Harry’s hip and a thumb somehow was rubbing soothing circles. “I know it seems crazy right now, but everything will calm down soon.”

Without warning, Harry took Louis’ arms and wrapped it around his middle, pulling Louis to his chest. Louis held Harry tight because sometimes a good hug was all a person needed. Harry squeezed back and sighed. “Thanks, Lou.”

Louis smiled into Harry’s chest. “It’s what I do.”

Harry realized that he was probably holding on to Louis a bit longer than what was normal, so he let go and took a half step back. “Sorry. I just . . .” He shrugged. “I dunno.”

“No need to apologize. It’s okay.” Louis could see how overwhelmed Harry was and this was only their second encounter, but the burning need to help Harry was there. “Do you need any help today?”

Harry shook his head. “No, I got it for the most part. Thank you, really. We stood here and spoke for a few minutes and I feel a lot better. I guess I just need to stop for a minute.”

Louis patted Harry’s arm. “We all need to stop sometimes and really, you don’t have to thank me. I haven’t done anything.”

“But you have,” Harry insisted. His phone beeped and he sighed. “Back to reality.”

With one last thank you, Harry left the bakery, but not before pushing Louis to the counter and telling the worker at the register that whatever Louis ordered was on the house. Louis tried to tell Harry that that wasn’t necessary, but he wouldn’t listen; he just picked up his box of cupcakes and left.

When Louis finally got to the hospital, he had a smile on his face that he didn’t even notice. But Niall did.

“Tommo!” Niall grinned. “What’s got you smiling?”

“What, can’t I smile just ‘cause?” Louis asked, sitting down next to Niall.

Niall shook his head. “You can, but that smile is something more. Oh!” He clapped his hands together. “It was a person, wasn’t it?” Louis didn’t respond. “Who was it? Liam? Harry?”

“Why couldn’t it be Zayn?”

“He’s too quiet.”

“So? And you know Zayn lives with me now, right?”

Niall raised his brow and looked proud. “Damn, you work fast!”

Louis’ jaw dropped. “Excuse me, Niall, nothing of that sort is going on.” He had a cupcake box on his lap, so he picked it up and handed it to Niall. “Now get your mind out of the gutter and have a treat.”

“Hey, it has an N on it.” He sounded gleeful and Louis smiled to himself. He really did have a soft spot for Niall.

;;

It was a stupid hour in the late hours of the night and Louis couldn’t sleep. He was sitting at the kitchen table with his laptop in front of him. He had his glasses on because his contacts could go to hell that night and he was so, so tired, but sleep wouldn’t come to him.

Louis was staring at the screen, reading and rereading the words over and over again. He wondered how many times he had opened the file on his computer and made little edits here and there. He wondered if he would ever be satisfied and actually try to get it out there. He wondered why the hell he couldn’t sleep that night.

He was so lost in his thoughts that he had no idea that Zayn was awake until he sat across from Louis at the table. Actually, Louis didn’t know until Zayn opened his mouth and made Louis knock over the empty water bottle he had next to his laptop.

“What the fuck,” Louis gasped. He had a hand over his heart and said, “You nearly gave me a mini heart attack.”

“Sorry,” Zayn apologized sheepishly. “I had to piss and saw the light. What’re you doing up?”

Louis shrugged. “Couldn’t sleep.” He yawned. “But I’m tired as hell.” He rewrote a line, read it, and then changed it back. He groaned. “And this isn’t helping.”

“What’re you working on?”

“A script,” Louis answered.

Zayn was interested. “Is it the script for this term’s play?”

“Oh, no.” Louis shook his head. “This script is nowhere near ready for performance and the story’s a piece of shit and god, this dialogue.” He shut the top of the laptop. “It’s shit. Honest.”

“I don’t believe that for a second.”

“Well, you should and I’m tired and sleep deprived and you can’t argue with me.” Louis took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. And then yawned again. “Where the fuck is the sandman when you need him?”

Zayn looked at him sympathetically. “Probably shagging the tooth fairy.”

Louis didn’t laugh. “I’d probably attempt to laugh, but that was horrible and have I mentioned that I’m tired?”

“You have.” Zayn stood up and then he remembered something. “Oh, and um, Perrie, from across the hall? She dropped off a list of shit to do or whatever. It’s on the fridge.”

“I’ve been home for hours and you mention this now?” Louis quirks his brow despite his morose state. “You interested?”

“No,” Zayn answered quickly. “I, um, just. No.” He cleared his throat. “You should try to catch a few hours of sleep before having to get up for work.”

Louis groaned. “Ugh, don’t remind me that the weekend is over and that I have to deal with idiotic freshman who can’t grasp the concept of the fourth wall.”

“If it makes you feel any better, I have to deal with those same freshman.”

He groaned again. “At least we’ll suffer together.”

And just as Louis finally fell asleep about an hour later, Harry dragged himself out of bed. A baby sitter would be there shortly and then he had to go open the bakery. He had to get his life back on track and that meant watching the sun rise as he went through the opening procedures of the shop. He had to get his life going again.

For Haley.

;;

Niall was gathering his belongings and packing them in his bag because he was getting discharged later that afternoon and then he’d be on a flight back to Ireland. He looked around the room and found it interesting that he never got a roommate, but that was his life these days. Well, no. Not really if you consider his friendship with Louis.

Louis had made an effort to stop by and hang out nearly every day that Niall had been there. It was really kind of Louis to do so and Niall would genuinely miss him. Maybe they could keep in touch and if Niall found himself in England again or if Louis found himself in Ireland, they could have a reunion of some sort. Niall smiled to himself because yeah, Louis would be on board with that.

“I hope you weren’t planning on leaving without saying goodbye.”

 _Speak of the devil_ , Niall thought to himself. He turned his head and said, “I would never do such a thing.”

Louis took a seat on the bed and frowned. “I would think this mattress would be more comfortable and all. I mean, it is for patients who are hurt in one way or another.”

Niall chuckled. “It wasn’t too bad. Nothing is worse than these damn things.” He pointed to his crutches. “I can’t wait to throw these out of a window.”

“You’ll be all healed in no time.”

The teenager nodded in agreement as he double checked his bag to make sure he had everything. In the front pocket, he took out his wallet where he had his plane ticket and boarding pass from the flight from Ireland. He was about to place the papers back in his wallet when something caught his eye. He took a closer look and frowned. _Please tell me this is a joke_ , he said to himself. _This has to be a joke_.

“Niall?”

He looked up and forced his frown into a smile. “Yeah?”

“You alright, mate?” Louis looked a bit concerned.

“Yeah, yeah,” Niall nodded. “Just excited to get back home and see me mum. This place has been nice and all, but there’s no place like home.”

Louis stuck around until he had to get back to the school. He made sure Niall had Louis’ contact info, so they could catch up every now and then, and he made Niall promise to let him know in some way that he landed in Ireland.

Niall joked and said Louis sounded like a parent, and then apologized for taking up Louis’ lunch hour. Louis didn’t seem to mind and told Niall that it was a pleasure to have met him. And Niall decided that yeah, he would definitely miss Louis and that there wasn’t anyone else like him. In the short time that he knew Louis, he had come to admire him.

A nurse came in about ten minutes later and handed Niall a clipboard. “Well darling, it looks like it’s time for us to let you go.”

He smiled. “It happens to the best of us, I guess.” He looked over the papers and signed the bottom, feeling a bit of relief and a bit of worry.

“Here is your prescription,” the nurse said, handing him a little plastic bag with two pill bottles in it.

Niall gave the clipboard back in exchange for the bag. “Thanks.”

Another nurse came in with a wheelchair. “Alright Mr. Horan, hop on.”

The first nurse picked up his file and made sure everything was in check before Niall was wheeled out of the hospital. Everything was set for him to go, but she did notice something. “Hey, your birthday was yesterday. Happy belated birthday.”

“Thank you,” Niall said as he sat down on the wheelchair. He had his bag in his lap and tried to figure out what to do with his crutches. He ended up putting them across his lap between his torso and bag.

The nurse pushed Niall to the entrance of the hospital and Niall thanked her. His original plan was to grab a cab to get to the airport, but he had to change his plan. Certain aspects came up and Niall wasn’t exactly sure what he had to do.

Placing his bag over his shoulder, Niall adjusted his crutches and set off on foot. He didn’t make it far, just pass the hospital to a little park that couldn’t be more than an acre and a half and sat down on the only bench there. He took his phone out of his pocket and called home, but no one picked up. He tried his mum’s cell, but no answer. He tried his brother’s cell, but no answer. He tried his house phone again, and when he heard the automated voicemail greeting, he nearly threw his phone in the fountain behind him. Why wasn’t anyone answering? What was going on? What was he supposed to do?

“Niall?”

He looked up and saw Harry about a meter away from him. Haley was in a stroller and Niall wished they made strollers big enough for big people because walking with crutches wasn’t fun. Wait, there were wheelchairs. Niall decided that he needed to get out of there.

Harry stood awkwardly because he hadn’t really spoken to Niall the day they all met, but something didn’t feel right. “Are you, um. Is everything okay?”

Niall laughed humorlessly and Harry frowned because that definitely wasn’t right. “No, it’s not.”

“May I ask what happened?” Harry took a seat next to Niall. He noticed Niall had his bag with him and he wondered if Niall needed a ride. He could always head back to his flat and grab his car.

“My family sent me here for the knee surgery, which okay, fine,” Niall explained. “But they sent me here alone, which was not fine, but Louis kept me company and that was cool. But they sent me here alone on a one-way ticket and they’re not picking up and I have no money for a ticket and a nurse so kindly reminded me that my birthday was yesterday and that my family didn’t call to wish me.

“So yeah, everything is not okay.” Niall leaned back on the bench and looked up at the sky. It was gray and cloudy, and he dared Mother Nature for it to rain.

Harry was shocked at what Niall just told him and he couldn’t believe his family would abandon him like that, especially when he had a surgery and a birthday. There had to be a reason and as curious as Harry was to know that reason, he had something bigger to worry about. Niall.

“That’s horrible, mate,” Harry consoled. “I know what it’s like to have your family turn their backs on you for no particular reason. Or a reason that makes sense to us.”

Niall didn’t say anything.

“Um, can you watch Haley for a couple minutes?” Harry asked. “I have to take a call.”

“Sure.” Niall rolled Haley’s stroller closer to him and smiled at the baby.

Harry walked a bit away before making the call. He wasn’t sure if this was the help that was referred to when he got this number, but it probably could assist in some manner. At least, he hoped it did.

“Hello?”

“Hi, yes, is this, um. Is this Jay?” Harry was nervous and he didn’t know why. There wasn’t anything to be nervous about.

“This is she. Who is this?”

Right, introductions. “My name is Harry Styles. We met early last week when I took over guardianship for Haley Greenberg.”

There was a pause before, “Ah, yes. What can I help you with, darling?”

Harry sighed in relief. “Um. I dunno what the protocol is for this, but a patient, um Niall was just discharged, but he doesn’t have a way back to Ireland. And um, his family is AWOL.” He explained how Niall was stuck and how the teenager didn’t ask for help, but it was obvious that he needed it.

Jay tsked. “Where is he now?”

“At the little park just outside of the hospital,” he answered. “Do you know what we can do?”

“I have an idea,” she said. “Just hang tight and keep Niall occupied and I’ll figure something out. Thanks for letting me know, Harry.”

“No, no, thank you.” Harry took mental notes of the instructions Jay gave him before returning to Niall. He gave the teenager a reassuring smile, but it didn’t do much. He hoped that Jay came up with a master plan soon because Niall looked like he was just about ready to give up. And Harry knew all about that.

;;

The school day had only been over for thirteen minutes and Louis was already on his second phone call that afternoon. He had his planner open to look at his schedule and it seemed like he added on more things he had to do than he crossed off.

“Perrie, hey,” Louis said into the receiver. “I know you’re probably at the airport or on your way there or even on a plane by now, but I have a proposition for you.”

She giggled. “Chill out, Louis. I haven’t even left my flat yet. My flight’s tonight and please, do tell me this proposition.”

Perhaps Louis was in business slash serious mode at the moment. “Y’know how you asked me to tend your flat while you were gone?”

“Yeah?”

“Well, how does having a temporary resident sound to take care of everything? He has blond hair and blue eyes and it’ll be like you never left,” Louis propositioned.

“Hmmm,” Perrie hummed. “Does he have a name and do I get a meeting, or do I just let a stranger live in my flat?”

Louis laughed a little because okay, this does sound a bit insane. “His name is Niall and of course you can meet him. And wait, is that a yes?”

“As long as he’s not a weirdo and or pyromaniac, it should be fine,” she said. “He could have the guest room.”

“That is just perfect,” Louis said, relieved. “I’ll bring him by towards the end of the hour and we can all have a chat and get things straightened out before you head out.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

Louis wrote down the meeting in his planner and closed the book. He was glad he and his mum had worked something out for Niall. A minute after the final bell rang, Louis got a call from his mum who explained the situation to him. He smiled proudly for Harry using the number he supplied and he frowned sadly for Niall having his family abandon him.

Louis’ mum was going to suggest temporary housing like foster care, but Niall just turned eighteen and he wouldn’t be eligible. Louis would have offered him his couch, but he remembered that Perrie was leaving and Niall could have a bed and a room and awesome neighbors. This could work.

When Louis got to his flat, Zayn was already there with Niall and Harry and Haley. Louis smiled at the company before taking Niall across the hall and introducing him to Perrie. She loved the Irishman instantly and informed him on the quirks of the flat.

Niall seemed stunned by the entire situation, so Louis pulled him aside and checked in. “Does everything sound okay? Are you alright with this?”

“Yeah, I just. Thank you so much.” Niall couldn’t believe that all of this was being done for him. “I don’t know what to say or how to repay you. All of you.”

“I’m sure we’ll figure something out,” Louis smiled. “But there is one catch to you staying here.” He paused and Niall waited. Louis smiled a bit wider and said, “You have to enroll in the school and complete your A-levels.”

Niall groaned, but it was a doable catch.

;;

On Friday, Louis and Zayn sat in the theatre and watched dozens of students audition; Niall was enrolled in the school and was set to start the following week; Harry was personally thanked by Louis at the bakery for helping Niall and gained a new customer; and Liam went home for the first time in months.

But that was a story for a different day.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> have any comments or questions?  
> theories, perhaps?


	9. Over & Over

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To clear up any confusion: Louis is 25, Zayn and Liam are 24, Harry is 23, and Niall is 18 in this fic.
> 
> I went to the eye doctor today, so I wrote the second half of this chapter with my eyes dilated. Please excuse any errors that there may be.
> 
> Also, this is one of those chapters that I've been excited for, so I hope you all like it :)

title song:[ Over & Over by Smallpools](http://youtu.be/LbioNrmW5Ao)

;;

Opening the door slowly, Liam walked in. His eyes were darting around like they were looking around for danger and his steps were cautious. He hadn’t been here in a couple of months—since the day it happened—and he wasn’t sure what to expect.

Everything looked like just how he left it and that made Liam’s heart feel heavy. There was a layer of dust on all of the surfaces and he wondered if he should clean the place up. He scratched that thought because it wasn’t like he ever had company. Hell, he didn’t even spend any time here. If he didn’t need an address for work, he probably would let the flat go and completely move in to the station.

Then again, his boss probably wouldn’t be too happy with that.

Liam sighed as he walked to the bedroom and opened his closet. He began searching through the boxes he had on the top shelf for the very reason he came back to the flat. He needed his extra cell phone charger because the one he had spazzed out and gave up on life.

There was a time when Liam loved this flat and he would try to get home as fast as he could after work. The flat made him feel safe and it was everything he needed. But then it wasn’t anymore. It became a place filled with memories he wish he could forget. It became the heartache he carried with him every day. It became the bane of his existence.

;;

It was two weeks later and Liam got back to the station. They got a call for a rescue, so Liam suited up and went, but there wasn’t a fire or an entrapment or anything serious. It was a cat stuck in a tree. Of course, Liam got the cat down and accepted the hug the little girl gave him for rescuing her precious kitty, but he was hoping for more action.

He needed work to distract him from the reminder that everyone moves on and leaves him behind. He needed his head to focus on saving people instead of how his phone hasn’t rung except for work related things. He needed to get Bryan’s concerned glances out of his head.

If you caught Liam after a few drinks, he might spill that he was a little upset that a certain teacher hadn’t contacted him since the day they sorted through his house. He had the slightest bit of hope that something would come of it because maybe, he was looking at him the same way Liam was. Maybe there was something there or maybe it was just in Liam’s head.

 _Why would anyone look at me like that_ , Liam asked himself. He knew he’d never be good enough and he knew he always came up short. He knew he wasn’t likeable and he knew that he was a horrible person. He fucked up so much in the past that he was still paying for it now. His ex probably walked away from Liam the first chance he got and it was probably some sort of karmic payback.

Liam was honestly starting to wonder if any of this worth it, if any of this mattered, if any of this made a difference.

“Yo! Payno!” Liam looked up to see Dean running towards him. “There’s someone waiting for you downstairs.”

“What?” Liam never got visitors. “Seriously? Who?”

Dean shrugged. “Hell if I know. I’m just the messenger.”

“Right. Thanks, man.” Liam placed his gear back in his spot before heading downstairs. He momentarily pondered if he should slide down the pole because it would be quicker, but he didn’t know who was downstairs and he didn’t want to give the wrong impression. So he skipped down the steps and went to the visitor area and just about lost his footing when he saw who it was.

The visitor met Liam halfway and smiled. “Hey, I hope this is alright.”

Liam blinked because was he for real? Of course it was alright. It was more than alright. And he really should reply. “Yeah,” he nodded, “yeah, it is.”

“I’m not interrupting, am I? Or were you busy?”

“No, really. It’s fine,” he assured the visitor. “I just got back, actually.”

“Oh. Save any lives?”

“Just a cat from a tree.”

The visitor chuckled. “It’s all part of the job, right?”

Liam shrugged. “I’m more of a dog person, if I’m honest.”

“I think I am, too.” He rubbed the back of his neck and took a small breath. He couldn’t quite gather his words, which was a bit ridiculous if you thought about it.

“So,” Liam said, placing his hands in his front pockets and teetering on his toes to his heels then back to his toes. “What brings you here?”

“I um. I have an offer,” he replied.

;;

Harry was in a frenzy as he searched for his phone. He had it about fifteen minutes ago, but he put it down somewhere and he couldn’t remember where. He was getting ready to head out, so he was looking all over his flat and that phone could be anywhere.

He checked his room and it wasn’t on his night stand or on his bed or on his desk or on the charger. He looked through his laundry basket and it wasn’t in there, either. He patted the pockets of the jeans he was wearing just in case he stuck it in there, but he came up empty.

Going back to the kitchen, he rifled in the fridge and the silverware drawer. He looked on his kitchen table and kneeled to see if he dropped it on the floor. He passed by Haley who was in her play pen in the living room and was occupied with a toy. He started pulling the cushions off the couch when he looked over at Haley.

He walked over to the baby and gasped when he saw what Haley had in her hands and her mouth. “Bad baby!”

Harry took the phone from Haley and wiped the screen on his shirt. Haley had no shame in slobbering all over the device and Harry did not remember leaving his phone next to her, but he did. And as he wiped the phone, the screen lit up and he saw that Haley managed to dial someone.

He hoped that they weren’t leaving a ten minute voicemail and he worried who Haley called. Harry looked closer and was surprised at the name.

He brought the phone to his ear. “Um, hello?”

“Ah. Harold. I hope you know that you are interrupting a wonderful phone call I’ve been having with Haley. Apparently she misses me dearly and tells me that she’s five-seven now and is dating a drummer of a punk rock band. A _drummer_ , Harold!”

Harry laughed because what else was he supposed to do with that. “Louis?”

“The only and only,” he answered. “Well, if you don’t count all those kings and the cat from The Princess Diaries.”

“Right. I’m sorry about the call,” Harry said. “Haley got ahold on my phone and I guess, called you.” He was about to ask how he had Louis’ number, but then it hit him that Louis probably put his number in Harry’s phone the day they met. That sneaky little man.

“It’s no problem at all,” Louis told him. “Haley was just telling me that we should catch up over dinner.”

“Did she now?” Harry glanced over at Haley as if she did have this conversation with Louis and proposed the dinner.

“Oh yeah. Promised wine and everything. You got a real charmer on your hands, Harold.”

;;

Niall was sitting at the breakfast counter in silence. He knew this living arrangement was temporary and could only last ten months, so he didn’t want to mess up anything. This flat was Perrie’s and it was really kind of her to let Niall stay there, but he was scared he would break something or ruin the place Perrie called home.

He was interested to know why Louis put all of this together for him. They didn’t know each other for that long, but that fact didn’t seem to matter to Louis; he just showed up in Niall’s hospital room one day, and then a week and a half later, he gave Niall a place to live and got him back on track with his studies. It was amazing what Louis did and Niall really wanted to figure out a way to say thank you because those two words were not enough.

Taking the role as guardian, Louis helped Niall fill out all of the paperwork to enroll in the school. Louis recommended classes and made sure Niall had Louis and Zayn as teachers to help his last year go smoothly. He contacted Niall’s former school and had them send over his transcript and records. And he put himself down as Niall’s emergency contact just in case anything were to happen. Louis was completely down for the cause and Niall couldn’t be more glad to have met him.

Niall was about to retire to the guest room when he heard a rumble and then a string of curses from the hallway. Letting his curiosity get the best of him, he went out to the hall to find Louis standing outside his own flat with bags of groceries on the ground and spilled over.

“Need some help?”

Louis looked up. “Yes, please. These bags are the devil.”

Niall laughed. “I’m sure they are.” He crossed the hall and began picking up the bags, stuffing the items back in while Louis unlocked the door. They carried the groceries in together and placed them on the breakfast counter. “Is that it?”

Louis was about to respond when he realized something. “Niall! Your knee! Go sit down,” he ordered.

“I’m on a brace, it’s fine,” Niall told him, but Louis didn’t care.

“Nope. You sit your arse down right now before I give you extra homework that will keep you occupied until Christmas.” He paused. “No, I’ll get Zayn to assign you a twenty page research paper on the globe theatre of some shit.”

Niall chuckled. “You’re a wonderful teacher, I hope you know.”

“Oi, shut it before I throw a tomato at you,” Louis threatened as he began to unload the groceries. Once all of the items were on the counter, Louis walked over to Niall. “How’s your knee?”

“Not as sore as yesterday,” he replied. “Could use a pint.”

“Ha, yeah right.” Louis ruffled Niall’s hair and then threw a pillow at him. “Elevate the thing if you ever want to get better.” Niall groaned, but did what he was told. Louis went back to the kitchen and tried to organize the items in a way.

He momentarily wondered if he got too much, but shook the thought out of his head. There would be leftovers, which means neither him nor Zayn would have to cook for the next few days. He could maybe send some over with Niall, so he wouldn’t starve.

Louis accidentally dropped the garlic bread he bought, so he leaned down to pick it up. When he stood up straight, he noticed that there were more groceries on the counter that were still in the bags. He looked at them questionably because he was sure he had taken everything out. Shrugging and blaming all the sleep he hasn’t been getting, Louis grabbed the beer and turned to put it in the fridge.

He turned around again and Zayn was standing there with a hand full of groceries and Louis yelped. “Mother fucker! How did you—just—no sound— _ugh_!” Louis breathed out and told his heart to calm the fuck down. “I’m getting you a bell or something because you are way too quiet on your feet.”

Zayn chuckled. “Or maybe you need to get your hearing checked.” He placed the rest of his groceries next to the other ones. “Ya think we have enough food?”

“I was planning on cooking tonight.”

“I was, too,” Zayn said. “What were you planning on making?”

“Spaghetti,” Louis answered. “My Nan’s recipe. What about you?”

“Chicken curry. My mom’s recipe.” Zayn opened his mouth like he had something more to say, but then shut it like he changed his mind.

Louis scratched his chin and decided that shaving could wait another day or two. He also decided that he needed to tell Zayn his plans for that evening. “I was gonna cook because Harry and Haley are coming over to y’know, catch up.”

Zayn nodded slowly. “I was gonna cook because Liam is coming over. I wanted to thank him for saving me and all that. And helping us sort through my house.”

The flatmates raised their brows and exchanged knowing looks. But neither of them said anything because they didn’t want to talk about it. They didn’t want to get teased and they didn’t want this to be made bigger than it was. It was just supposed to be a dinner of thanks and catching up.

“Hey, Niall,” Zayn called.

“D’you wanna stay for dinner?” Louis asked.

Niall limped his way to the kitchen area. “Yeah, of course. What’s on the menu?”

Louis grinned and said, “Chicken curry,” the same time Zayn said, “Spaghetti.”

“Wooo,” Niall cheered. “International night at casa de Zouis!”

;;

Harry was walking down the hallway feeling a bit self-conscious. Perhaps wearing slacks instead of jeans and a button up instead of a t-shirt was too much. Perhaps he misunderstood the phone call and was about to get laughed at. Perhaps he should turn around and say Haley got sick and that was why they couldn’t make it.

Checking the flat number from where he wrote it on his hand, Harry took a breath to calm himself down. He was thinking too much and he needed to stop that if he wanted to have a good time. He would be fine, but first he needed to stop freaking out.

“Harry?”

The man in question turned around and saw Liam walking towards him. Liam was wearing a similar outfit to Harry’s, but there was a black skinny tie and there was the fact that Liam looked like a young David Beckham. Harry wasn’t sure which one it was, but he was freaking out even more.

Liam caught up to Harry and extended his hand to shake. “Oh, whoops,” he said once he realized that Harry’s hands were full—one with a baby in a car seat and another with a bottle of wine. “We didn’t get to really talk that day.”

“Yeah,” Harry agreed, ignoring how his throat started to feel dry. “It was a weird day.”

“Extremely.” Liam checked the time on his wristwatch before looking up at Harry. “Not to sound rude, but are you here for dinner?”

Harry nodded. “I didn’t realize it was going to be all of us.”

“The more, the merrier, right?” Liam smiled before walking forward and knocking on a door.

;;

Louis heard the knock at the door and dropped the napkin he was holding. “Shit, they’re here!” He quickly picked up the napkin and threw it in the direction of the kitchen before straightening his sleeves and walking towards the door. He could hear Niall and Zayn bickering of Niall’s outfit from Zayn’s room and somehow, it felt normal.

Pulling the door open, Louis greeted his guests with a smile. He was a bit surprised to see that both Liam and Harry were there at the same time, but that just meant that they could start eating sooner. Liam crossed the threshold first, followed by Harry and Haley.

“Here’s the wine Haley promised,” Harry said as he handed the bottle to Louis.

Louis looked at the label and nodded once to show that he was impressed. “Haley has good taste.” Just as the words left his mouth, Zayn and Niall came into the living room, and Louis was glad to see that Zayn had put together a nice outfit for Niall.

Zayn walked over to Liam and grinned. “Thanks for coming.”

“Thanks for inviting me,” Liam said back.

Everyone moved to the table and took a seat. Zayn and Louis were sitting at the ends, and to Louis’ right were Harry and Haley and to his left were Niall and Liam. Everything was just about ready to go except for, you know, the food.

Louis laughed a bit and it could be considered nervous. “I’ll be back,” he announced before heading to the kitchen. He already put the noodles in a big bowl for the spaghetti and he just had to pour the meat sauce on top of it. Zayn’s chicken curry was still on the stove, but the rice he made was done.

While Louis was gone, Harry looked across the table and started a conversation with Niall. “How’re you settling?”

Niall nodded. “Good, good. Louis’ like a miracle worker, I swear! If it weren’t for him, or you, I probably would have been sleeping in a park or something.”

Harry shrugged. “I didn’t really do anything. Louis deserves the bulk, if not all, of the credit.”

“Bullshit,” Niall responded, immediately clamping a hand to his mouth. “Oh crap, sorry,” he apologized more to Haley than to anyone else.

Louis walked in with the bowl of spaghetti and placed it down on the table. “What did I tell you about that mouth of yours?” he scolded Niall.

“Ugh,” Niall groaned. “You’re worse than me mum.”

“Just for that, you’re helping me.” Louis didn’t even turn around to see if Niall was coming, because he knew he would. In these past weeks, Louis had realized that Niall was very kind and very carefree. He kept everything as light and free for as long as he could. Knowing this made Louis extremely sad about the situation Niall was in because Niall didn’t deserve it.

When Louis and Niall returned with the remaining food and serving spoons, Zayn was moving around the room and pouring wine into everyone’s glasses except Niall’s, which made the teenager pout. It took a few more minutes for everything to be settled, but once it was, it felt comfortable.

“Spaghetti and curry?” Harry asked with a raised brow.

“Shhh,” Niall said. “It’s international night. Don’t question it.”

Louis laughed. “Or both me and Zayn wanted to cook for you guys. And options are always good considering we don’t know what anyone likes. But,” he paused, looking at the food warily. “Please tell me no one is vegetarian.” No one spoke up and Louis smiled. “Good. Now, dig in.”

The lads fell into a conversation about anything and everything—music and movies, jobs and dreams, and little facts about themselves. Anytime Zayn would get too quiet, Liam would bring him back into the conversation by asking him a question that couldn’t simply be answered with a yes or a no. Something would nudge against Harry’s foot every now and then, and Harry ignored it for the most part, but when he finally looked up, he saw Louis smirking at him, which made whatever freak out he had seem silly. And Niall joined the conversations together and kept up a good, happy spirit, which made the dinner feel like something the five of them did all the time.

About halfway through the dinner, Haley began to get fussy. Harry tried to calm her down, but she wasn’t having it. He looked around the table nervously, hoping he wasn’t disturbing any of the guys with the baby, and when he looked over at Louis, he saw understanding.

Before Harry could remove the napkin from his lap, Louis was already standing and walking around the table. He picked Haley up, and Harry protested.

“Louis,” Harry said.

“It’s okay. I got here,” Louis assured him. Haley seemed to have calmed a bit down by being in Louis’ arms. She stared at him with curiosity and Louis was enamored by the little girl.

Harry watched them for a few seconds. “But you’re still eating.”

“It’s okay,” Louis repeated before taking Haley into his room. He was whispering to her, so only Haley could hear what he was saying.

Because Harry was still staring at the place Louis just was, Niall joked, “Jesus, you’re not going to make it the day Haley has her first day of school.”

“Oh, god, it’s too early for that.” He visibly shuddered. “Let’s not talk about that.”

Niall ate his last bite of curry. “Whatever you say, Dad.”

The thing was, Harry was surprised at how easily Louis stepped in. He could see that Louis cared and he couldn’t understand why. From the moment Harry met Louis, there was something about Louis that Harry liked. Louis was bright and beautiful. And happy. He had a big heart and Harry wondered how Louis came to be how he was. Louis was admirable and Harry just about felt honored that he knew Louis and was invited for dinner.

And he felt warm inside when Louis came back out with a content Haley in his arms.

Instead of placing Haley back in her car seat, Louis placed her on his lap as he took his seat. He had one arm around Haley’s front to keep her in place, and he had his free hand on the table. Harry placed his hand over Louis’ and squeezed. It was a thank you. And it will probably be more than a thank you.

Just about everyone’s plates were clear, so Zayn stood up and started stacking the plates on top of one another. Louis was about to get up to help, but Zayn stopped up. “Louis, you better keep that arse of yours on that chair.”

“I can help Zayn,” Liam offered.

“See? Liam can help.” Zayn said as Liam started helping him. The two of them took as many dishes as they could carry into the kitchen.

Liam sat down his stack on the counter next to the sink. “Those two are hopeless out there, aren’t they?”

Zayn chuckled. “Maybe. Then again, if you ask Louis, Haley was the one who orchestrated this whole evening, so.”

“She is a cute baby. I’m sure she has her way with most things.”

“You’re going to be a pushover dad, aren’t you?” Zayn asked, rinsing off a plate in the sink and placing it in the dishwasher.

Liam handed him another plate. “If I have a girl, then probably. But someone would have to want to be settled with me before any kids come along. I couldn’t support a baby if I was alone.”

“Support financially?”

“Mentally,” he answered before clearing his throat. Liam didn’t mean for the conversation to turn that way, but sometimes he talked without thinking. His mind tended to drift off to thoughts about how he probably would never get married and never have kids because he wasn’t a good person.

They barely made it through the first stack of dishes before Niall came in the kitchen. “C’mon lads, we’re going out for dessert.”

“Too much love from the lovebirds out there?” Zayn asked.

Niall snorted because either Zayn was playing dumb or he just hadn’t realized yet. “Yeah. Hurry up.” He left the room and laughed to himself. These people were clueless.

In one car were Harry, Haley, and Louis and in the second car were Zayn, Liam, and Niall. They were on their way to Harry’s bakery because dessert had slipped everyone’s mind and Harry had an entire shop of delicious, baked goods.

Zayn and co. got behind from a long red light, so as soon as Harry unlocked the front door and let Louis in, he went to the back room. Louis sat at one of the tables with Haley, wondering what Harry was up to.

Harry came out a minute later with a paper in one hand and a roll of tape in the other. He walked to the door and taped it to the glass. “There,” he said, looking over his work.

Louis raised his brow. “What’s that?”

“You’ll see.” Harry smiled at him before going behind the counter. “See anything you like?”

“Hmm. . .” Louis walked over to him and made a pointed decision to not look at the display case. Instead, he caught Harry’s green eyes and said, “I do.”

Harry opened his mouth, but before he could say anything, the other three guys came in. “You lads can choose whatever you want. It’s on the house.”

Zayn and Liam walked to the display case in sync and reviewed the items there. Niall walked a little slower with his brow furrowed and he was biting his lip.

“You alright?” Louis asked.

“Yeah,” Niall answered. He pointed behind him at the door. “Are you still looking?” he asked Harry.

Harry nodded. “I am. You interested in a job?”

Niall’s face lit up. “Yes!” he shouted in joy. He cleared his throat and stood up straighter in hopes of looking more professional. “I mean, yes, I am. Is there an application?”

“You bet.” Harry reached under the counter and pulled out an application. He handed it to Niall with a pen.

While Niall began to fill out the paper and while Zayn and Liam discussed their favorite desserts, Louis reached over the counter and placed his hand over Harry’s, giving it a squeeze. It was a thank you. And it will probably be more than a thank you.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't be shy. come talk to me :)


	10. Ways To Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all so much for the kudos! 
> 
> and I hope you don't mind another update :)

title song: [Ways To Go by Grouplove](http://youtu.be/SwRUC_wYFf0)

;;

October had taken Louis by surprise and it made him feel as passive as this sentence. He wasn’t sure where the time was going and usually he would try to slow time down and try to make something of every moment, but he didn’t seem to care as much. There was something different in his bones and Louis didn’t know how to explain it.

With October came a burst of cold weather. Louis enjoyed the cold because it allowed him to layer his shirts and his jumpers and his coats and accessorize with scarves and beanies, and he could deem himself fashionable for at least a season. But he also hated the cold because he was prone to get cold easily and the last thing he needed right now was to get sick.

Then again, he was sitting in a waiting room at a doctor’s office, so if he were to get sick, there would be someone close by to write him a prescription for antibiotics.

While Louis was reading an article about the developmental stages of growth, Niall came and sat next to him with a wide grin and a brace-free knee. Louis closed out of the article and locked his phone, and looked over at Niall.

“Everything good?”

Niall grinned even wider. “Yup. I’m all healed and ready to go!”

Louis chuckled at Niall’s excitement. “That’s wonderful news.” He stood up and Niall followed suit. “I guess we should head back to school before they think we’re playing hooky.”

“I mean, we _could_ let them think that,” Niall tried. “They probably won’t even notice.”

“I’m sure they will when your classmates are all standing outside of my classroom wondering where the hell I am,” Louis said. “And besides, we’re all prepping for the play, so we kinda have to be there.”

Niall frowned. He didn’t mind being a part of the play and he had to admit, it was really cool to watch Louis in his element. Louis was great at directing the cast and everyone seemed to radiate around him. This was why it was so easy for Niall to slip in and have a place within the cast and crew. Louis brought him in his intermediate class and put him to work in the sound booth, and that was that.

They were down the hall when Louis stopped walking. “Is everything alright at school?” he asked. Maybe Niall was just joking and trying to get out of going back to school with the reasoning that it was his last year before uni and he was being lazy. Or maybe there was something deeper going on that Louis had missed in the past month.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t it be?” Niall looked confused at Louis’ question.

“Just checking in, ‘s all,” the teacher replied. “Now come along. If we hurry, we can stop by McDonalds before getting back. I’m sure you’re starving.”

Niall nodded. “I could use a cheeseburger.”

“Sounds good,” Louis said as he pulled a beanie over his head and got his gloves out of his coat pocket.

“Are you gonna get one, too?” Niall zipped up his jacket and stuffed his hands in his pockets.

Louis shook his head. “Nah. I had something while you were getting your knee checked out.”

They go through the drive through and then get back to the school right before the lunch period was over. Louis let Niall eat in the classroom as he gathered the materials for today’s lesson. The intermediate class all had a role in the play as extras or on the crew. A few of them had very small roles of a few lines and Louis knew that these kids will kill it the following year when they got to the advanced class.

But for now, the sets needed to be finished and the costumes needed to be in order. They needed to run through the play to make sure the lighting and sound were on point. They all needed to be on their game because opening night was four weeks away and with how time was going, these four weeks will fly by before any of them knew it.

;;

**THE NEXT WEEK**

Liam thought he was flying under the radar. He thought he was doing a good job of not bringing attention to himself. He thought no one would notice just how many hours he spent at the station or out with the team on a rescue.

He thought wrong.

His boss cornered him in the break room. “Payne, you’re here.”

“I am,” Liam replied slowly. There was something about his boss’ voice that let Liam know that this wasn’t a friendly hey-how-are-you-doing conversation.

“You’re always here,” his boss continued. “And you are over your hours. Again.”

“Oh.” Maybe playing clueless would work. Liam knew that there was some rule out there that going overtime so often was not allowed or something. There were more than enough people around to cover for each other and to make sure everyone got their well-deserved time off. But then there was Liam who, as his boss just said, was always there.

“Should I be concerned, Payne?” His boss asked. “Is there some reason why you’re picking up so many hours? Are you having money trouble?”

Liam shook his head. “No, sir. It’s nothing like that. I just.” He stopped talking because he didn’t know how to explain it without sounding like an idiot. And he didn’t want to get too personal with his boss because there was a line and Liam didn’t want to cross it.

He didn’t look convinced. “If there’s something going on, you can come to me.”

“Will do, sir. Thank you.”

“But now, get your scrawny arse out of my station,” he ordered. “I don’t want to see you for at least twenty four hours and if I do, I won’t hesitate to write you up. Go get some rest.”

Liam took the order and left the station. He knew he should probably just suck it up and go home, but he found himself driving the opposite way. It had almost been four months and he really wish he was past it by now, but he wasn’t.

That flat was just a reminder of what could have been, and what he fell short of. He tried so badly to get his life together after he got kicked out of uni because he realized he didn’t want to be the person he was and he didn’t want to lead the life he was living.

Anytime he thought back to his past or even to four months ago, he felt an ache in his chest and he hated it. He hated everything that happened and he wished he could redo it. He hated how so many people have screwed him over and he hated how he turned to the worst version of himself to deal with it. He hated what he did and he hated how he would always have to live with it.

Turning a corner, Liam began aimlessly driving around. He didn’t have a destination and he really didn’t know what to do with his time. He didn’t really have any friends outside of his coworkers. He wasn’t sure if he could consider Zayn, Louis, Harry, and Niall his friends because he only hung out with them once.

But that one time was something that Liam will hold on to. He cherished that night because he was invited to something and he was included. It almost felt like he found his way and that was wonderful. What was even more wonderful was being able to talk to Zayn that night. Liam learned that they had similar interests and that they got along well.

He remembered feeling self-conscious every time he went off into a tangent because he was scared he was talking too much. It was just that Zayn was quiet and guarded, but Liam could tell he was listening to what Liam was saying and that meant something. It made Liam feel like less of an idiot and more like the person he hoped to be.

Liam found himself smiling from thinking back to that night, and he found his smile getting wider when he recognized a figure in the parking lot that was coming up on his right. He turned on his blinker and slowed down his car, so he could turn into the parking lot. When he got closer, he was glad to see that the figure was Zayn as he thought, but he frowned because Zayn was kicking the air with a frustrated expression.

Pulling up next to the man, Liam rolled down his window. “Zayn?”

Zayn stopped what he was doing and turned around. He saw Liam in a car and this should make him feel a bit better, but he’s still pissed off. “Hey.” His voice was short and angry, which made Liam frown. “Sorry,” Zayn apologized quickly. “I’m just.” He growled in anger. “Pissed off, y’know?”

Liam nodded like he understood. “Get in,” he offered.

“What?”

“Get in the car,” Liam repeated. “You look like you need to cool off and what better way to do so than with a drive?” Zayn didn’t move from his spot, so Liam said, “I’ll let you control the stereo.”

Zayn ran his hands over his face because Liam was ridiculous, but he’ll take ridiculous.

When Zayn got into the car, Liam gave him a smile. “See, that wasn’t so hard.”

“It was an offer I couldn’t refuse,” Zayn replied with a chuckle. He put on his seatbelt and connected his phone to the auxiliary cord Liam had. As he scrolled through his music library, he asked, “What’re you doing here, anyways?”

Liam shrugged. “I was just driving around and I saw you, so I thought I’d say hi.”

“Why were you driving around?”

 _Because I refuse to go home_ , Liam answered in his head. Out loud, he said, “Why were you kicking the air?”

Zayn looked up from his phone and cocked his brow. “Touché,” he replied. “But if you must know, the contractors that are working on my house are a bunch of fucking idiots who apparently don’t know how to work in a timely manner.”

It was days away from being November and it barely looked like the contractors have done anything. Yes, it took a bit of time to draw up blueprints and get the materials, but Zayn didn’t understand what was taking them so long to just get the frame up.

“Can you fire them and hire new contractors?” Liam questioned as he turned the car around. He drove back onto the main road and decided to make a huge loop around town.

“I wish, but my insurance company is paying for all of this and these are the contractors that are part of the deal.” Zayn still hadn’t picked a song because he couldn’t figure out what he wanted to listen to. He was angry, but wouldn’t listening to angry music make him more angry? Ugh.

“ ‘m sorry, mate. But hopefully soon, the remodel can be done and you’ll have your home back.”

“Hopefully.”

They drove around for another ten minutes with Liam trying his best to distract Zayn from being angry at the contractors. It worked for the most part and he did get a few laughs out of Zayn, but Liam could tell that it was still bothering Zayn.

Liam pulled over. “Feel any better?”

Zayn shrugged. “Yeah, I guess. I just.” He paused. “This wasn’t how I thought this year would turn out, y’know? Like, this is my first year teaching and I finally felt settled and comfortable, and then boom, my house is ruined.”

“But you met me,” Liam tried.

He nodded. “I did.” There was a smile and Liam knew he was the reason for that.

;;

**THE WEEK AFTER THAT**

It was almost the time that Louis swung by and picked Niall up from the bakery when Harry got a text message.

**_From Louis:_ **

_Hey I’m a bit caught up wit the play. Is it ok if Niall sticks around?_

**_From Harry:_ **

_Yes, of course it’s ok. We’re bout to close so just pick Niall up from my flat when ur done._

**_From Louis:_ **

_Perfect. Thx H. You da bestttttt._

Harry wished the last customer a good night before locking the door and turning over the sign to say that the shop was closed. He turned around and looked over the bakery and he felt semi accomplished. Sure, this place was given to him and the owner beforehand had got it running, but the bakery was still going and Harry had something to do with that.

He wondered where he would have end up if his life didn’t turn out this way. He had always wanted to move to California and perhaps he could still, but he had Haley to consider now. She was the number one thing always and it really broke his heart that her parents weren’t around to watch her grow up.

Pulling the dish towel from off of his shoulder, Harry crossed the main floor and went to the kitchen where Niall was supposed to be clearing off the workspace until it would be used again tomorrow. But Harry found him staring at a tray of chocolate cupcakes while deep in thought.

“Niall?” Harry called. “You alright there?”

Niall blinked out of his thoughts and nodded. “Yeah, I just lost focus for a minute there. I’m fine.” He picked up the tray and walked it over to the fridge. He went back to the work area and started placing the decorating tools in a box.

Harry knew that _I’m fine_. He had used it many times before that he probably had it perfected by now. “Niall,” he said again. “What’s up?”

“Nothing.” He kept working, but he felt Harry’s eyes on him, so he stopped. “I just overheard some kids at school and its nothing.”

“What’d they say?” Harry sat down on one of the stools. His brow was furrowed and the corners of his mouth were slightly turned down.

Niall sighed. “Just shit of how I was getting special treatment or whatever,” he said without looking at Harry. “It wasn’t the theatre kids, but it just—it’s nothing. I’m being stupid.”

“No, you’re not being stupid,” Harry said thoughtfully. “And it is shit. But you should feel special because someone like Louis is rare and to have Louis have your back? That is something you don’t get often.”

“I know.” He sighed again and took a seat next Harry. “I’m very thankful and grateful for Louis, but I never thought anyone would say anything like that. I know I probably came out of nowhere for them, but they have no idea why I’m here. I’m trying to make it in this life just like all of them, but they just see me cutting corners.”

Harry reached over and patted Niall’s arm. “Look at it this way. These people don’t know you and they will probably never know you because you know how to hold your head up high and they don’t. And by June, they won’t matter anymore because when you go off to uni, I doubt you’ll see them again.”

Niall nodded. “Yeah. But I can’t exactly go off to uni if I don’t apply.”

“What? You haven’t applied yet?”

“No?” he answered sheepishly.

Harry stood up. “That’s it. After we finish here and get back to my flat, we’re working on those applications. We’ll get Zayn to proofread your essays, but we’re getting this done by the end of the week.”

“Wait, isn’t Louis coming to get me?” Niall asked.

“He is, but later than usual. That’s beside the point,” Harry said. “You are not delaying your future on my hands. Nope. Not gonna happen.”

Niall shook his head and laughed. “Man, I can’t wait for Haley to grow up. She’s gonna push you to your limit.”

The two of them finish cleaning up the bakery and then they head over to Harry’s flat where there was an awaiting Haley. She made a sound of joy when she saw Harry walk in and he went straight to her and gave her a hug.

“Hiya Haley, have a good day?” he asked the six-month-old.

The baby sitter, Natalie, nodded. “Oh yeah. This girl is full of excitement and stories, trust me. She’s just about ready to crawl, too.”

“Really?” Harry directed his attention to Natalie. “Thanks for watching her.”

“It’s no problem,” she smiled before picking up her coat and bag. “I’ll see you next time.” She waved and then left.

Niall sat down on the couch and Harry said, “Please tell me you have some idea of which schools you’re applying to.”

He groaned and slumped down because of course, Harry had still not let it go. Niall was slowly learning that Harry could be very persistent when he wanted to be.

;;

Louis wanted to say that his cast and crew just about had everything down and all was going well. He wanted to say that, but he would be lying. Honestly, he doesn’t feel like his students are ready for opening night, but it was still two weeks away, so there was still time to nail it.

But today, there was a huge costume disaster and Louis didn’t even know what to think of it. When the costume designer came to him, he thought maybe there was a tear or one of the actors gained a bit of weight or something small. But nope. Apparently the rack of clothes disappeared and that wasn’t even all of it because after an hour long search conducted by every single cast and crew member, the rack was found. What made matters worse was that one of his students from the intro class who volunteered to be a stage hand got sick and puked all over the recovered rack.

It was disgusting and horrible, and why couldn’t things just go right?

Louis tried his best to get everyone back into good spirits after that, but it was hard. He had to be very straightforward and he unfortunately had to call a custodian to clean up the mess. Because of the vomit, people were missing their cues and forgetting lines and overall, today’s rehearsal was a disaster.

So as soon as Louis got to Harry’s flat, he went directly to Haley. He picked her up and she instantly rested her head between his neck and shoulder, and held onto his thumb with her entire hand.

Harry looked at the scene and pouted. “I’m beginning to think she likes you more than me.”

“Everyone likes me best, Harold,” Louis shot back. “But you have nothing to worry about.”

“Why is that?”

“Because.” Louis had a mischievous look in his blue eyes. “You’re my favorite.”

Niall decided to interrupt at that moment because Harry was blushing and Louis was grinning, and he was done with Harry being on his back about the uni applications. “Are we going?”

Louis nodded. “Yeah, in a little bit,” he answered Niall. To Harry, he said, “Thanks for letting him hang around. I would’ve picked him up, but so much went wrong today at rehearsal, that I couldn’t.”

“It’s alright, honest.” Harry wrapped an arm around Niall’s shoulder. “Now, I made sure he ate and I got him to work on his uni applications. I also made him do his reading for this government class.”

Niall groaned. “You two are the worst.”

“Contrary to belief, Niall,” Harry said. “I’m the best.”

Louis laughed because Harry was quoting the text Louis had sent him. He handed Haley to Harry and told Niall to get his stuff. He realized in that moment that he felt like Niall’s father and that was really weird. Louis did feel very protective over Niall, but he couldn’t figure out when everything came to this.

In the car, Louis apologized to Niall for the delay and explained what went on in rehearsal. Niall understood, but as soon as Louis began talking about the application, Niall wanted the conversation to end.

And when they walked through the threshold of Louis’ flat, they found Liam sitting on the couch with a beer in his hand. Zayn appeared with two plates of food a moment later and it should have been surprising or shocking, but it wasn’t. It would soon turn into a regular thing, not that any of them knew that yet.

;;

**AND THE WEEK AFTER THAT**

Louis threw his pen down and stood up. “Please tell me you are joking. Please tell me that you are pretending that you don’t know your lines a week before opening night. Please. Tell me.”

Most people would say that Louis was a pretty cool person. He cared about his work and he was really caring towards his students. He was a determined individual and he made sure to keep up a positive attitude.

But today, he was far from cool. Louis was stressing big time because one of his main actors, Josh, wasn’t off book yet. It was understandable to fuck up on a line, maybe two, but this actor asked for his line a total of eight times and they were still in the first act.

Behind him, Zayn was talking to Matthew about how the student had shown much improvement over the past term and that he would do great on the final exam that was in a couple of weeks. Matthew was the student Zayn saw himself in and he was glad to see that Matthew was picking himself back up. But with Louis’ outburst, Matthew was about to crumble.

A secondary actor was pulled from the play earlier that week because his grades were horrible, so as an understudy, Matthew was given the part. He had most of the lines down, but he wasn’t at one hundred percent yet. So seeing Louis like this with Josh made him nervous.

Zayn patted Matthew on the shoulder and assured him that he was fine and that he could do this. Matthew nodded and went backstage, so he would be ready for his cue. Zayn went over to Louis and pulled him aside.

“Hey, chill, okay?”

Louis laughed humorlessly. “How am I supposed to chill? Josh isn’t off book yet and I had to pull Matthew in at such a late time. And opening night is next week, Z. Next week.”

“I know, but yelling isn’t going to help. Just breathe,” Zayn suggested. “You can do this. All of them can do this.”

Josh got off the stage and immediately started apologizing to Louis. “Mr. T, I’m so sorry. I just have been freaking out over finals. And it’s my last year and this term’s marks are what universities are going to see and I’ll have them down by tomorrow, I swear.”

Louis exhaled. “Josh, first, I apologize for raising my voice. I’ve been freaking out as well. And second, we will work through this.”

Josh looked grateful, but Louis didn’t believe his own words. Zayn noticed that, but kept quiet.

Louis called a ten minute break and every scurried away rather quickly. Because it was so close to opening night, all rehearsals were mandatory for anyone who had anything to do with the show. It was hectic with people everywhere, but Louis figured that everything would have come together by now. He was wrong.

After running through both acts with costumes and lighting and sound (and Josh asking for his lines), Louis called it a night. He sent everyone home with a plea for everyone to have their shit together by tomorrow’s rehearsal.

As soon as Louis got home, he went straight to his room and face planted his mattress. He was exhausted and he needed to sleep for a billion hours to recover from today’s rehearsal alone.

About ten minutes later, there was a knock at the front door and Louis heard Zayn say, “Oh good, you’re here. Did you bring the stuff?” It was followed by a laugh and Louis knew that laugh.

Reluctantly, Louis got up from his bed and went out to the living room to find Harry. Zayn took Haley from Harry and handed her to Louis. “There ya go.”

Louis should question it, but he doesn’t. Instead, he went all mushy and cute now that Haley was there. She grabbed his thumb and that little girl must have magical powers because Louis felt just about all of his stress fade away.

Zayn and Harry watched Louis interact with Haley, and Zayn smiled. “I’m a genius.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd love to know what you think so far, so please let me know!
> 
> next update shall be on friday :)


	11. Eyes Closed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is 4.6k words with a splash of feels  
> oh boy

title song: [Eyes Closed by The Narrative](http://youtu.be/WWJfsGoc6fw)

;;

The first thing Harry thought to do was call Louis. He was excited and proud, and _wait_ , he couldn’t use his phone to take pictures or video if he was on a call. As he waited for Louis to answer, Harry ran to his bedroom and grabbed his camera from his desk. He prayed that the battery wasn’t dead and that the memory card was there because he had to get this on tape. He had to.

The second Harry pressed record was the second Louis answered. Louis was wondering why Harry was facetiming him in the middle of the day, but that didn’t stop him from answering. Fortunately, it was the lunch hour, so Louis wouldn’t be considered a bad teacher for picking up a call in the middle of a class.

“Harry?”

Harry switched the camera from front facing to out facing, so Louis could see. “Look! Louis, she’s crawling! Louis, look!”

Louis brought his phone closer to his face and smiled. Haley was indeed crawling around the carpet and he could hear Harry cheering her on. “Wow, that’s great! She’ll be running marathons in no time!”

“Good job, Hales! Come on! Come over here.” Harry had his phone in one hand and his camera in the other, and he was so, so excited. Haley was crawling closer to him and he was saying a mantra of _good job_ and _I’m so proud_ and _you’re doing good_ to her.

“Wow, look at her go,” Louis said.

“I know!”

Louis didn’t really say much more. He just watched Haley crawl and listened to Harry’s excitement. He felt warm because Harry called him to show what was going on. It was big news and Louis figured Harry just had to share it with someone, and he was glad that he was that someone.

A few minutes later, Harry put down his camera and told Louis to hold on. He picked Haley up and kissed the top of her head. She grinned and looked very pleased with herself, which made Harry laugh. He placed her in her play pen before picking up his phone again.

He switched the camera back to front facing. “Can you believe this, Lou? She’s crawling!”

“If you didn’t show me, I wouldn’t have believed you.”

Harry noticed the whiteboard behind Louis and immediately realized that Louis was at work. “Oh, my god. You’re a teacher and you’re working. I’m so sorry for calling.”

Louis shook his head. “No, it’s okay. It’s lunch period, so you’re not disturbing me. I’m actually quite honored that you called me with the occasion.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, it’s perfectly okay,” Louis assured him. He switched his camera, so Harry could see the empty room. “See, no one here, but me.”

Louis was supposed to be checking the monologues his students turned in for length and appropriateness. The performance part of their finals was scheduled for next week and Louis needed to get these monologues back as soon as possible, so his students could prepare. But he found himself using his lunch period to read over the script he wrote. He made minor edits like making a character come in from stage left instead of stage right.

“You look like you’re having fun,” Harry commented.

Louis rolled his eyes. “Oh, such a blast!”

Harry wasn’t sure why he had the urge to call Louis as soon as Haley started crawling. He had a soft spot for his god daughter, but he also had a soft spot for Louis. His insides always felt like they were melting when Louis interacted with Haley, which was a new feeling. There used to be a heavy weight in his chest, but it had been quite a while since he had felt it.

He wished Carter and Emilee were still around, so he could talk to them and ask for their advice. They usually knew what to say and how to make him feel better, and give him some line of wisdom that he carried along with him. But they were gone and Harry felt a bit clueless for what to do.

Then again, as horrible as it was, if Carter and Emilee were still here, then Harry probably would have never met Louis. And Niall and Zayn and Liam. They were a good group of lads and maybe, just maybe, Harry would be okay.

A single knock came from Louis’ door, which made him turn his attention to the wood. Zayn walked in and Louis pointed the camera at him. “Hey, it’s Zayn. Say hi, Zayn!”

Zayn looked confused, but played along. “Um, hello?” He walked over to Louis. “Who’re you talking to?”

“Harry,” Louis answered. He turned his phone around and showed him. “See?”

Harry smiled. “Hey Zayn! How’re you?”

“I’m well,” he answered. “And you?”

“Haley’s crawling, so I’m great!” Harry was still as excited as ever. Louis thought it was one of the most adorable things he had ever seen.

Zayn grinned. “Really? That’s awesome!”

Harry nodded in agreement. “Well, I’ll let you lads get back to doing teacher things. I don’t want to distract you for too long.”

“You? A distraction? _Never_!” Louis said.

Harry laughed. “Sure. I’ll see you later. Byeeeeeee.” He waved at the camera before ending the call.

When Louis looked up from his phone, he found Zayn giving him a look that he did not appreciate. “I do not appreciate that look,” he told him.

“Mhmm.”

“Zayn,” Louis said with a flat voice.

“Yeah?”

“You came here for a reason?”

“Oh, right.” It was rare for Louis and Zayn to visit each other while working because one, their classrooms were nowhere near each other and two, they saw each other enough at home. “Here are the playbills for the show.” He dropped a huge stack of paper on Louis’ desk.

Louis raised his brow. “They don’t look like playbills.”

Zayn picked up the first sheet and tri-folded it. “How ‘bout now?”

“Ugh,” Louis groaned. “We’re going to have to fold all of these, aren’t we?”

“Yeah, right,” Zayn snorted. “This is what we have students for!” Louis nodded in agreement as Zayn looked around the room. “I know you love your job and all, but your classroom’s shit.”

This time Louis snorted. “It’s an impromptu classroom, thank you very much. They didn’t give me much to work with and I didn’t want to hold regular classes in the theatre, so there ya go.”

“And yet you spend your lunch hour here instead of the teacher’s lounge? It’s no wonder we never saw each other before.”

Louis made a face, scrunching up his nose in distaste. “I tried the teacher’s lounge last year, but majority of everyone is in their thirties or older, and I still felt like a kid. It was weird.”

Zayn laughed. “Maybe if you still didn’t act like a kid, you would feel different.”

“Oi!” Louis threw a pen at Zayn, which he dodged perfectly. “Rude.”

;;

It wasn’t that Niall was hiding from Louis, it was Niall hiding from a Louis that was more than a little stressed out. Opening night was in two days and Niall had never seen Louis this way. He doubted Louis had slept in the past few days, and he was sure Louis operating somewhere between zombie-mode and robot-mode. It was a bit scary, if he was honest.

Niall didn’t have much to do in the sound booth until the second act, so he figured if he took a detour between classes and rehearsal, it would be alright. He didn’t have a class the last period and he usually spent it with Louis’ advanced theatre class, but there was too much stress with them and he couldn’t handle it.

He was supposed to use this class for independent study to prepare for exams or the real world or some shit. Niall didn’t quite understand it, but he never questioned it. And today, maybe he should use the hour to revise for his upcoming final exams, but one of his classmates (a nice one that Niall had started to call a friend) offered him a ride and who was Niall to say no?

This was how Niall found himself standing in the bakery with an unimpressed Harry in front of him.

“Shouldn’t you be in school?” Harry questioned with his hands on his hips.

“I have a free period,” Niall answered back. “Is there a problem?”

“No, but.” Harry paused. He did believe that Niall had a free period, but he was worried that his fellow classmates were bugging him again. He would have thought people would stop ridiculing each other by now, but apparently times had not changed as much as he wished it did. “Aren’t you part of the play?”

Niall nodded. “Yeah, but Louis is working with the advanced class right now with last minute whatevers. I’m just in the sound booth and I’m not needed right now.”

Harry didn’t move his hands. “Uh huh.”

“Why are you making this a big deal? It’s not a big deal. It’s fine. It’s my free period and I can do whatever I want with it.” Perhaps Niall was more than a little stressed out, too. It was the end of the term and just about everyone was on edge.

“Have a seat,” Harry ordered. He went around the counter and placed a scone in front of Niall. “I’m going to take a wild guess, so correct me if I’m wrong, but you seem to be avoiding something, maybe? You just needed to get away and find some place where you can breathe?”

Niall eyed Harry suspiciously. “How the hell did you know that?”

Harry smiled softly. “Because it happens to me all that time.” He pushed the scone closer to Niall. “Go ahead and eat that. I’ll drive you back to the school before Louis has both of our heads.”

“Fine.” Niall wanted to bang his head on the counter because it had been such a long time since he was under watchful eyes. Back home, his mum and brother were so busy trying to lessen their financial trouble that they didn’t pay attention to what Niall was doing. That was how he got away with dropping out of school and getting a job.

While Harry busied himself with a delivery order, Niall pulled out his phone and tried calling his mum. He had called many times before and he probably will continue calling with the hope that one day, she’ll pick up.

The line rang six times and then went to voicemail. Niall frowned at his phone because he could use one of his mum’s hugs right now. He wasn’t worried about his theatre and English final, obviously, but he was worried about his government one. All the dates and facts never seemed to stick in his head and he couldn’t fail. He just couldn’t.

Harry placed his hand on Niall’s shoulder, causing the younger lad to look up. Niall didn’t notice Harry walk out from behind the counter and he wondered if Harry saw who he called. “Let’s get you back, yeah? I’m sure everyone is missing you.”

Niall nodded. If Harry did see, he chose not to say anything, and Niall thanked him for that. Getting up, Niall swung his book bag over his shoulder. “Thanks, Harry.”

“For what?”

“Just.” He shrugged. “Thank you.”

The two of them walked out to Harry’s car and when Harry pulled up in front of the school ten minutes later, Niall pulled a ticket out of his book bag and handed it to Harry.

“You know Louis expects you to be front and center on Friday, right?”

Harry looked at the ticket in his hand and nodded. “Yeah, I wouldn’t miss it.” He waved the ticket. “Thanks for this.”

“Don’t thank me, thank Louis.” Niall grinned.

“Will you pass on the thanks for me, then?”

Niall shook his head. “You’re on your own with that one, boss.” He opened the door and got out. “Thanks for the ride.” He saluted Harry before going inside.

Harry stared ahead for a minute because Louis had talked Harry into preordering a ticket for the play and he figured that he would pick it up at a makeshift will call or something. It wasn’t exactly a personal delivery, but it was rather close. And Niall was right. He was on his own to thank Louis and it would definitely be personal.

;;

Friday came as fast as everyone expected it would. Louis was still stressing, but it was at a lower level than it was previously. The final rehearsal was last night and it went smoothly, so Louis had confidence that his students could pull this play off tonight.

He sent all of his students home after the last bell and told them to be back by 5:30 to get ready for the show that was at 7. He knew he should have gone home, too, to rest up and prepare for the night, but Louis stayed at the school. He was jittery and nervous, and it reminded him of the times when he took the stage to act. Louis would freak out beforehand, but once he got on stage, he shined.

Because it was a Friday, the school pretty much cleared out as soon as the day was over. Teachers were supposed to stick around for an extra hour, but they usually cut out early on Friday’s, so when Louis stepped into the hallway, it was silent.

When Louis first began teaching at this school, the stillness of the school after hours made him uncomfortable. He didn’t like it, but two years later, he became a fan. It was actually nice to see a place that was normally filled with a couple thousand people nearly empty. Louis liked to believe that times like this restored order and it probably was cheesy or whatever, but he didn’t care.

Louis had a couple of hours before his students would return, so he decided to get to work. He walked to the front office and ordered a large amount of pizza. Then went to the lobby outside of the theatre and set up the ticket booth and the concessions stand. He placed a bucket of flashlights for the ushers in the corner right inside the theatre doors. He straightened the prop table and made sure there was a clear path from backstage to the dressing rooms. He went up to the light and sound booth, and checked that everything was working and ready to go.

It took Louis a little over an hour to complete all of these tasks and somehow he ended up walking on the stage and looking out. Of course, there was no one in the seats and like every good theatre, there was probably a ghost around there somewhere, but that didn’t stop Louis from getting a sense of nostalgia from standing there. He sat down at the edge of the stage, letting his legs swing.

He had not been in a proper performance in a few years and Louis really did miss it. He was on the other side of things and it was great to still have theatre in his life, but he can’t help but wonder if he could have made it big if he just kept acting. Maybe he would have found himself on Broadway if he worked on his dancing and strengthened his singing voice. Maybe he would have ended up in California and starred in a TV series, or had roles in a handful of movies. Maybe he would have moved to London and became the next Doctor.

While Louis was lost in his thoughts, time kept ticking and it wasn’t long before Zayn and Niall came and sat on either side of him. Louis snapped out of old memories and what-could-have-beens and checked the time on his phone.

“Holy fuck, how it is already past five?”

Niall barked out a laugh. “My, my, Mr. Tomlinson. You have a potty mouth.”

Louis shoved Niall, so the boy lost his balance and tipped over. Of course, this didn’t stop Niall from laughing. Louis pointed at Niall and turned his head towards Zayn. “You’d think in these months we would’ve taught him to respect his elders.”

“Yes, because you’re _definitely_ an elder,” Zayn said with a heavy pump of sarcasm, which caused him to get shoved as well.

“I need better friends,” Louis announced as he stood up.

“Don’t worry. Harry will be here _soooooooon_ ,” Niall sung and then winked.

Louis’ eyes went wide. “I do not know what you are implying, but—” He was cut off by one of his students walking in and asking a question.

“Mr. T, is Scott here?” Sierra asked.

The teacher composed himself before answering. “I haven’t seen him, but everyone should be here in like ten minutes. I’m sure we’ll find him.”

She nodded. “Thanks.” Sierra smiled before disappearing back stage.

“Okay.” Louis clapped his hands together. “It’s just about time to get moving. Zayn, will please you go to the front and get the pizzas when they get here? And Niall, please, stop laughing. We’ll finish this conversation later.”

Everyone immediately got to work as soon as 5:30 hit. People were running around everywhere and Louis was glad he finished his list of things to-do because he probably would have lost his head if he tried to do it now. While his students were grabbing a slice of pizza, he sat on a stool by the dressing rooms and went down a list to call roll. He just wanted to make sure everyone was there because if one person went missing, it would cause chaos in some form or another.

The doors opened an hour later and while the audience was trickling in, Louis gathered everyone in his makeshift classroom. They were packed tight, but Louis wanted everyone to hear this.

“So we’re about thirty minutes from show time, you ready?” Louis paused to hear his cast and crew cheer. “I thought so,” he grinned. “I know things haven’t been perfect and we’ve faced some obstacles in the past weeks, but look at us now. Look at where we are. Tonight is the opening of the play we have worked on for the past few months.

“I want you all to think about from where you started to where you are now. You did this. You came this far and you will go even farther. Each and every one of you holds a special piece of this show and I have to say, it has been an honor working with you.

“I am also very proud of all of you. In fact, I have presents.” Louis walked over to his desk and picked up a large cardboard box. He placed it on top of his desk and smiled. “Now, I know you’re all in suspense, so I won’t hold off any longer.” He picked up the first one in the stack and pulled it out, throwing it Matthew.

“Whoa!” Matthew exclaimed as he look it over. “This is awesome!”

Louis had gotten t-shirts for everyone with a print of the poster on the front and the cast and crew list on the back. He took out all of the shirts from the box and put them in piles based on size. “Now, before you all go wild, remember what we’re here for and remember who you’re doing this for. And I’m going to ask you again, are you ready?!”

Everyone cheered again and Louis smiled wide.

;;

Two hours and forty-eight minutes later, the cast was taking their final bows. Before they did their group bow, they stood on either side of the stage and started chanting, “Mr. T! Mr. T! Mr. T!” The audience caught on and started chanting, too, so Louis had no choice but to come on stage and take a bow himself.

But right before he took his bow, his eyes met Harry’s (who was totally sitting in the front row with a huge smile on his face). Harry mouthed “congratulations” and Louis winked, and it was another moment to add to their collection.

Slowly, the audience left the theatre and the cast met them in the lobby, so their friends and families could talk to them. Louis stayed backstage and took a moment for himself. They did it. They performed their hearts out on that stage and Louis was prouder than ever.

He breathed out and took one last look at the stage for the night before turning and going to his classroom. He figured there were pizza boxes still around that needed to be thrown out and extra t-shirts on his desk that he need to put away. The show was over, but there was still work to be done.

As soon as Louis walked into his classroom, he found Harry standing by his desk with a bouquet of pink roses in his hand. Taking a step inside, the door closed shut behind Louis and he raised his brow at Harry.

“Are you lost?” Louis asked.

Harry shook his head. “Nah. I’m right where I’m supposed to be.”

“Really now?” Louis took a few short steps.

“Mhmm.”

Louis paused his movements. “Then what brings you here, Harold?”

“I’ve come to take you away,” he replied. Harry was biting his lip from smiling too big because when it came to Louis, he always ended up smiling so much that his cheeks hurt.

“Take me away where?”

Harry extended his hand. “You’re just going to have to come to find out.”

 _Tempting_ , Louis thought. _Very tempting_. “As much as I am enjoying this mysterious side of you, I’m afraid to say that I can’t go just yet. There’s still much to do.”

“I thought you would say that, so I asked Zayn and Niall, on your behalf, to do whatever it is that will delay you from coming with me,” Harry explained. “Liam even agreed from overhearing the conversation.”

Louis was taken aback from this entire conversation. He couldn’t figure out if Harry was a real person or if Harry was being serious. “Are you shitting me?”

Harry shook his head. “Absolutely not. If you look at your phone, there should be a text from Zayn confirming all of this.”

“I . . .” Louis closed his mouth and pulled his phone out of his pocket. He had put it on silent during the show and hadn’t thought to put it back on sound.

**_From: Zayn_ **

_Go with Harry. Niall, Liam, and I got this._

**_From: Zayn_ **

_Oh and use protection ;)_

Louis looked up from his phone suddenly. “What’re you up to, Styles?” Harry was still holding the roses and Louis assumed they were for him, but wouldn’t Harry have given them to him by now?

Harry extended his hand again. “Come along.”

Slowly, Louis stepped forward and took Harry’s hand. He didn’t know what Harry’s plan was and he didn’t know if Harry was actually an axe murderer, but he went along with him anyways. He grabbed his coat and scarf from the back of his desk chair before letting Harry lead him out his classroom and out of the school.

When they got to Harry’s car, Harry opened the passenger side door and motioned for Louis to go in. He placed the roses in Louis’ lap and said, “Not as beautiful as you, but kinda close.”

Louis was stunned at that statement that he couldn’t think of something to say back. He sat quietly and waited for Harry to come around the car and take them to wherever.

“Please don’t laugh, but,” Harry started, but didn’t finish. Instead of using his words, he held up a blindfold and smiled.

“You’re ridiculous,” Louis said, but let Harry blindfold him. “I will remind you now that I am well liked in this community, so if I should go missing, people will notice. And Zayn knows I’m with you, so you’ll be the number one suspect.”

Harry laughed. “I’m not going to kill you, Louis.”

“Whoa, now. Who said anything about killing? I just said going missing.”

“Do you trust me?”

“I can’t see you,” Louis responded.

Harry placed his hand on Louis’ thigh. “Do you trust me?” he repeated.

It took a moment for Louis to answer because he was a bit distracted by how warm his leg was under Harry’s touch. It took a moment, but Louis nodded. “Yeah.”

“Good.” He removed his hand and started the car, blasting the heat.

The drive wasn’t all that long—maybe about ten or twelve minutes—but to Louis, it felt like forever. He was nervous because he didn’t know what Harry was up to and was the blindfold really necessary? He almost crossed his arms over his chest and pouted, but his hands grazed the roses, which made him stop the action.

Harry parked the car and took Louis’ hand as he led him out and into a building. He forgot about the staircase, so his plan wasn’t all that thought out, but he got himself and Louis up them without injury. Harry opened another door and Louis instantly felt cold air on his face.

“Are we outside again?”

“I dunno, are we?” Harry replied as he took off the blindfold.

Louis blinked a couple of times and looked around. They were on a rooftop and it was cold, and Harry was looking at him like a little kid who just handed his mum a drawing and was waiting for approval. “A rooftop?”

Harry dropped his head for a second before picking it back up and tugging Louis’ wrist to follow him. He took Louis to the other side and Louis gasped. “A rooftop.”

“Where are we?” Louis asked, looking at the scene in front of him.

“The bakery. Well, on top of the bakery,” Harry answered. “There’s a park a few blocks away and they already decorated for Christmas, and I just thought it was nice.”

 _It was more than nice_ , Louis thought. It was just about magical with all of the lights everywhere. “It’s beautiful.”

“Not as beautiful as you,” Harry said.

  
“Stop.” This was too much for Louis. He still felt like he was back at the school because he was having a hard time wrapping his head around all of this.

Harry took a step closer to Louis. “I just . . . I wanted to thank you for inviting me to see the play.”

“What? No. I should be thank you for coming to see said play,” Louis said. “And getting me flowers and bringing me here.”

Louis turned slightly and got on to the tips of his toes. His intentions were to kiss Harry on the cheek to show his thanks, but Harry turned his head and Louis’ lips ended on his.

He found this unfair because he was the one who was always initiating the flirting and sly comments at Harry, yet Harry did this beautiful gesture. Louis might think that Harry was trying to steal his thunder, so he probably wasn’t going to let him get away with it.

“Oops,” Harry whispered and Louis shook his head. He placed his hands behind Harry’s neck and pulled him down, letting their lips meet again, but this time, it was very intentional.

And lovely.

And wonderful.

And personal.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm grinning are you grinning i'm grinning :D
> 
> let me know what you think por favor


	12. Wasted pt 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the overuse of the word "alright." And for the horrible pun (you'll know it when you see it). And the reference to Toxic.
> 
> I'm super nervous about this chapter, so please, be kind to me. I'm seriously biting my nails with anxiety.
> 
> Alright. Here we go. xx

title song: [Wasted by Tiesto](http://youtu.be/iGTZqeetPgE)

;;

After so long, everything seemed to be falling into place. The air was cool and snow fell, but it was calm. Time hadn’t stopped and everything was moving along. And they were moving along nicely.

It almost seemed too good to be true. How could everyone’s step be lighter and their hearts warmer? The possibility was unlikely, but it was happening and it was rare. It was something that shouldn’t be taken lightly. It was something that should be celebrated.

It was something that anyone could ever ask for.

;;

“What if we had a combination type thing?” he proposed. “It could be, like, a new year’s eve slash birthday party for both of us?”

Louis arched his brow at the suggestion. “Zayn, my birthday is like a week before New Year’s and yours is what? Two weeks after?” He shook his head. “I don’t see how that works.”

Zayn placed his hands flat on the breakfast counter from where he was standing across from Louis. “But double the presents!”

“Is that your final argument?” Louis wasn’t sure if he was completely comfortable with having a big group of people over at the flat. He didn’t exactly want to deny Zayn his fun, but he didn’t know if the flat was party OK.

“Double the presents _and_ alcohol. There. That is my final argument.”

Louis put the last of the dishes in the dishwasher and closed the door. “Why don’t you just throw a party on your actual birthday?”

Zayn sighed. “C’mon, Louis. Where’s the fun? It will be one big ass celebration of us! How does that not sound appealing to you?”

 _Now that was Zayn’s final argument_ , Louis thought to himself. “I dunno about you, Zayn, but I’m just about celebrated every single day.” He said this with a smug look on his face despite the fact that what he was implying was in no way the truth.

“Ugh.” Zayn looked mortified. “I know we’re flatmates and all that, but please, refrain from telling me about your sex life.” Just as Zayn finished his sentence, Louis’ phone beeped with a text message. Louis’ face lit up and Zayn rolled his eyes. “You and Harry are insufferable.”

“How’d you know it was Harry?”

“Your face.”

Louis frowned slightly. “What face?”

Zayn chuckled. “You have Harry face. And before you deny it, I will argue that even before you two finally stopped dancing around each other, you had that face. Ask Niall. He’ll back me up.”

“I do not have a Harry face.” Louis clutched his phone to his chest and left the kitchen. “And I don’t appreciate you and Niall talking about faces I may or may not have,” he said over his shoulder.

“There wouldn’t be anything to talk about it if you and Harry weren’t oozing with sexual tension,” Zayn said back.

Louis turned around. “What sexual tension? There is no sexual tension.” His phone beeped again, but he didn’t look at it. It had been a couple weeks since the initial kiss and he and Harry hadn’t really talked about their status. To be fair, they were a bit busy sucking face every time they were together.

“Keep thinking that, mate. Keep thinking that.”

The older man narrowed his eyes. “I don’t appreciate that tone of voice, either.”

Zayn just laughed as he passed Louis and went to his room. Louis stood there for a moment before picking up his feet and taking himself to his own room. Zayn was just messing with him—that was all. Putting everything Zayn had said to him in the last five minutes out of his head, Louis sat on his bed and checked his phone.

**_From: Harry_ **

_Hey uncle lou. It’s haley. Uncle harry made way toooo much food for dinner, so you should help him eat it._

**_From: Harry_ **

_I think I saw wine, too. –Haley x_

Louis put a hand over his mouth to contain the giggle that would have come out. It had only been two weeks, but it had been a good two weeks. Finals took place and the term ended and grades were sent out that morning. And if Louis still had the mirror over his dresser, he would have seen that he did indeed have a Harry face.

**_From: Louis_ **

_Well, if theres wine, how could I say no? x_

After sending his reply, Louis got up and started gathering his shoes and his wallet and his coat and his scarf and his beanie. He put on everything and before he set out to embrace the cold, December air, he stopped by Zayn’s room.

“I’m going out,” he told his roommate. “If you need anything, feel free to call.”

Zayn snorted. “Like I’m going to interrupt you two.”

Disregarding that comment just like the ones from earlier, Louis left Zayn and grabbed his keys from the bowl by the door and set out.

As he was driving, Louis found himself taking longer than usual to get to Harry’s flat. His head was filled with worry because what if this _thing_ was only casual. Louis remembered how much it sucked to give someone his all and get nothing back in return. He always tried so hard to make something out of nothing, but it never worked out for him. By thinking this, he remembered a lot of memories he wished he could forget.

;;

Startled by the knock at the door, Harry hit his head on the coffee table. He was squatting in the space between the couch and coffee table and he sifted through his laundry for a clean shirt. He made a note to actually fold the clean clothes, but that would have to wait for another time mostly because there was someone at the door.

Standing up and rubbing the spot of collision on his head, Harry went to answer the door. He smiled and dropped his hand when he saw Louis standing there with a small box in his hands. “Louis, hey!”

“You are totally shirtless right now,” Louis said as his eyes roamed Harry’s torso, quietly appreciating the tattoos covering his skin.

Harry looked down at his bare torso before meeting Louis’ eyes. “Uh, yeah.” He chuckled nervously. “Haley apparently doesn’t like pureed pears as much as she did last month.”

Louis patted Harry shoulder sympathetically as he crossed the threshold. “Or it’s all part of her plan to get me over here.”

“Huh?”

“Are you really trying to make me believe that Haley actually stole your phone and texted me?”

Harry was genuinely confused. “No, but I didn’t text you either.”

Louis raised his brow. “Then who did?” He placed the box on the table by the door and unwrapped the scarf from his neck. He hung his coat and his scarf on one of the hooks and toed off his shoes.

“Niall,” Harry said a moment later. “He came over here to personally invite me to a New Year’s slash birthday party that you and Zayn are throwing. He must’ve grabbed my phone at some point.”

“I just recently became aware of that party,” Louis said. “I have no idea how long Zayn and Niall have been planning this.” He shrugged. “But who cares. It might not even be happening.”

Harry pouted. “Why not? It sounds fun.”

“I just.” He sighed. “You know what? I’ll think about it. Perhaps it will be fun.”

“Perhaps,” Harry agreed. He and Louis walked over to the couch. Louis sat down with the box in his lap while Harry moved the basket of laundry out of their way. When he sat down next to Louis, he pointed at the box, he asked, “What’s that?”

“This,” Louis held up the box. “Is for you. Haley, who I thought was you, but actually Niall pretending to be you pretending to be Haley, said something about dinner. But I already ate, so I thought I’d bring something.”

Harry took the box and laughed when he opened the lid. “Did you seriously bring me a small cake? Me? Someone who owns a bakery?” He paused for a moment. “Please tell me this isn’t from my competitor.”

“Yes, I bought you a cake. And no, it’s from Sainsbury’s,” Louis answered. Harry gazed at him and after about a minute, Louis squirmed under the attention. “What?”

The younger man placed the cake on the coffee table before leaning forward and placing his hand on Louis’ chin. He kissed Louis and Louis responded almost instantly. It started off slow and gentle, but then Harry felt Louis’ tongue swipe at his lips, so he opened his mouth and it wasn’t long before the kiss turned hungry.

A moan rumbled from the back of Louis’ throat, which caused Harry to lick hotly into Louis’ mouth. Somehow, Louis ended up on his back with Harry hovering above him and _god_ , Louis could get used to this.

Harry wedged his knee between Louis’ and began kissing his neck. He started off with small kisses and slight nicks, and when he finally bit down and sucked at Louis’ skin, Louis’ hips bucked up and Harry smiled into his neck. Harry grinded down into Louis’ crotch and Louis moved Harry’s lips back on his own.

“Alright?” Harry asked as his hands hovered over Louis’ jeans. Louis nodded in response, but Harry didn’t touch him just yet. He grinded down again and groaned as their half-hard cocks rubbed against each other, causing the beginning stages of friction that they both craved.

Louis moved his hands from the back of Harry’s head, down his back, and stopping at his bum. He squeezed once before moving his legs, so he could wrap them around Harry’s waist, bringing their bodies closer together. His skin was hot and having Harry’s body over his felt great, and he needed Harry to do something.

Harry got the message and reached down to unbutton Louis’ jeans, but that was as far as he got because from the other room, Haley cried out. Harry sighed in defeat and rested his forehead against Louis’ shoulder. “Fuck.”

“Go on,” Louis breathed out. “Go be the brilliant dad that you are.” He unwrapped his legs from Harry’s waist.

“I’ll be back,” Harry promised with a kiss before getting up and going to make sure Haley was alright.

Louis slumped back down on the couch and covered his face with his hands. He hated to admit it, but this was probably the sexual tension Zayn was talking about. He tried to figure out how this became his life as he calmed his breathing down. There was something about Harry that made his breathing pattern go all irregular, and Louis commanded his lungs to calm the fuck down.

Harry came back a few minutes later with Haley in his arms and much to Louis’ disappointment, a shirt on. “She refuses to go back to sleep,” he said. “I think she heard your voice.”

With a breath, Louis pulled himself up to a sitting position and adjusted the hem of his shirt and jumper despite the fact that the clothing barely had ridden up. He held out his arms and motioned for Harry to give Haley to him. “I don’t blame her. I am kinda fantastic.”

“More than kinda,” Harry responded.

Louis rolled his eyes. “Shut it, you.”

They hung out for another hour where Harry ate the cake Louis bought him and Louis got Haley to fall back asleep. Slowly, Louis placed Haley in her crib and left her room, shutting the door behind him.

“I should get going,” he whispered, not risking waking Haley up again.

Harry frowned, but nodded. “Okay, but I’ll see you soon, yeah?” He looked so hopeful that Louis had his Harry face on.

“Yeah. Very soon.” Louis put his shoes and his coat on. Then, he hugged Harry and gave him a quick kiss. “See you.”

“Drive safe,” Harry responded and then Louis was out the door.

When Louis got back to his flat, he was glad that the heat was on because it was absolutely freezing outside. He found Zayn on the couch with Liam and Niall on either side of him. “Hey lads,” he greeted.

Niall smirked. “Have a good time?”

Louis sat down on the arm chair. “Shut up.” He took off his scarf and Niall barked into a laugh. “What’re you laughing at, you leprechaun?”

“Your mouth and your neck say two different things.”

Louis immediately placed a hand over the mark Harry left on his neck. “Again, shut up.”

“Aw, are you blushing?” Zayn asked in a teasing tone.

“That’s it.” Louis stood up. “I was going to tell you I was on board for the stupid party, but nope. Not anymore. The lot of you don’t deserve a party.”

Liam frowned and spoke for the first time since Louis got back. “Not even me?”

Louis shook his head. “Not even you.”

“But I passed Government,” Niall argued. And it wasn’t easy, let him tell you. He studied his arse off and thankfully, his hard work paid off.

“Really?”

“Yes,” Niall nodded. “Liam helped me study.”

“Really?” Louis repeated.

“Yeah,” Liam said. “I’m shit at geography, but government? I can do government.”

Louis sighed and rubbed his temple, feeling a headache coming. He blamed the cold weather even though he knew it was more than that. “Fine. Whatever. Party away. I’m going to bed.” He walked away as the three other cheered.

;;

Before they knew it, it was New Year’s Eve and the flat was filled with people. At first, Louis was worried that they would get a sound complaint from their neighbors because of the loud music, but Zayn so kindly invited them, so that was that.

Louis walked into the kitchen just in time to see Niall mixing himself a drink. Before Niall could take a sip, Louis took the glass from him and took a sip himself. “Jesus, that’s strong.”

“Hey, that was mine!”

Keeping a strong hold on the glass, Louis said, “Niall, what did Zayn and I tell you before the party started?”

Niall sighed. “No drinking.”

“And what is this in my hand?”

“A drink.” He sighed again. “I don’t get why you won’t let me drink. I’m 18!”

Louis took another sip, possibly to spite Niall. “And I’m still your teacher. It’s not exactly ethical to drink with your student. Or party, for that matter.” He shrugged. “Don’t mention to any of your classmates that this party ever happened, okay?”

“Okay.” Niall was sulking, so Louis gave him the half-finished drink. “Really?”

“You can have this and a pint, and nothing more. Understand?”

“Yes, yes. Fine. Thank you!” Niall chugged down the rest of the drink. “That’s not even that strong, Louis. You’re weak.”

Louis chuckled and shook his head. “If you say so, mate.” Niall grabbed a beer before leaving the kitchen to go mingle. Louis poured himself a shot of rum and downed it. He was debating another shot when he felt a pair of arms snake around his waist. “What the?”

Harry stretched his neck and kissed Louis’ cheek. “There you are.”

“Here I am.” His hands were still around the bottle. “D’you wanna shot?”

“Hmm,” Harry hummed against Louis’ skin and he took it as a yes. Louis poured the alcohol in a shot glass and handed it to Harry. “Thanks, love,” Harry said right before he took the shot.

Louis turned around in Harry’s arms and found himself pinned against the counter. “This is cozy.”

Harry giggled and Louis wondered if Harry was a lightweight. “You’re cozy.”

“How much have you had to drink?” Louis asked. Harry was one of the first people there and the party had been going on for a few hours now. He was sure there were plenty of drinks going through Harry’s system by now. And his own as well.

The taller man kissed Louis’ neck and breathed in his scent. “You’re so intoxicating.”

“With a taste of your lips, I’m on a ride,” Louis sung.

“Mhmm,” Harry hummed again before kissing Louis full on. Louis spread his legs slightly, which gave Harry the perfect opportunity to slip between them. A kiss here and a grind there, and then Louis was pushing Harry back. Harry whined at the loss.

Louis stepped away from the counter and took Harry’s hand in his own. “Let’s dance.” He led Harry to the living room where the majority of the party’s population was. He moved into the crowd until he found a spot that he liked. Louis placed his hands on Harry’s shoulders and Harry placed his hands on Louis’ waist, and they began moving with the music.

A couple songs played and when the music changed to an Arctic Monkeys’ song, Louis spun around and moved his hips back against Harry’s. Louis heard Harry growl in his ear and Louis smiled triumphantly as he continued to move his hips.

By the end of the song, Harry couldn’t take it anymore, so he turned Louis around and kissed him. _Hard_. Louis almost lost his footing from the passion and need behind the kiss, but Harry was right there to hold on to him.

Harry leaned his forehead against Louis’. “Shall we finish what we started?” he asked breathlessly.

“From three weeks ago?”

“Three weeks is way too long.”

Louis chuckled. “Alright.”

Harry moved his head back, so he could look at Louis properly. “Alright?”

He nodded. “Alright,” he said again. It had been a few weeks since that day in Harry’s living room and Louis would be lying if he said he didn’t think about that night just about every hour of every day. He definitely wouldn’t mind finishing what they started and whatever worry he had before was nowhere on his mind in that moment.

With joined hands, they walked to Louis’ room and closed the door behind them without turning on the lights. Harry immediately bumped into a table, which caused Louis to laugh. Louis and Zayn moved unnecessary furniture from the living room into their bedrooms to create more room for the party. Of course, this made their rooms a bit crowded.

“You okay?” Louis asked.

“Perfect,” Harry answered before pulling Louis flush against his body and kissing him.

Louis moaned against his lips and Harry walked him backwards. When the back of Louis’ knees hit his bed, he sat down and scooted back. Harry followed after him and soon, Harry was hovering over him. And Louis was right three weeks ago. He really could get used to this.

Harry smothered Louis’ neck with kisses and Louis was beginning to think that that was Harry’s favorite place. And of course, all those thoughts shot out of his head the second Harry started palming him through his jeans.

“Shit,” Louis groaned, rocking his hips up into Harry’s hand. Harry kept at it for a little while longer before popping open the button on Louis’ jeans and undoing the zipper. He tugged the jeans down a bit and slid his hand into Louis’ briefs, going past the coarse hairs and taking Louis into his hand. “Fuck,” Louis let out when Harry rubbed a finger against the slit.

“Alright?”

“Fuck, yes!”

Harry chuckled. “Then, let’s get these off, yeah?” Louis nodded and Harry pulled Louis jeans and briefs down his legs. Louis kicked them off when they were around his ankles and Harry chuckled again. There wasn’t much light steaming into the room, but that didn’t stop Harry from admiring Louis. “So beautiful.”

Louis shook his head. “Stop.” Harry froze his movements and Louis realized what he just said. He shook his head again. “No. You can keep going. Just.” He sighed. “Nothing. Come over here.” Harry obliged and Louis kissed him. “Alright,” he said as assurance. “Now,” he grabbed a fistful of Harry’s shirt, “take this off.”

“You, too,” Harry smirked. Louis rolled his eyes, but pulled his jumper over his head with a burst of confidence. They both stripped out of their shirts and Louis grabbed Harry by his belt.

“Off,” Louis ordered.

“You’re a demanding one, aren’t you?” Harry asked as he undid his belt and took off his own jeans.

“Oh, you have no idea,” he said as he pulled Harry’s briefs off himself.

Harry made a sound that was a mix between a moan and a whine as he brought himself back to Louis and connected their lips. They kissed until their lungs begged for air, but Harry didn’t stop there. He dropped kisses from Louis’ lips to his cheek to the spot behind his ear to his neck to his collarbones and all the way down to his torso.

He held Louis and kissed the head of his cock, which made Louis thrust into Harry’s hand. Harry’s face was dangerously close to Louis’ cock and Louis could feel his hot breath on him. “What d’you want, Lou?”

Many, many options came to mind, but all Louis said was, “You.”

Harry sucked a bruise on Louis’ hip. “Lube?”

“First drawer.” Louis pointed at his bedside table. Harry leaned over Louis and felt around in the drawer until he found what he was looking for.

He sat back on his knees with Louis’ legs on either side of him as he opened the lid of the bottle and covered his middle finger with it. With his other hand, he grabbed a pillow and placed it under Louis’ lower back. Harry touched Louis’ rim with his finger and used his other hand to rub Louis’ hip, right next to the bruise he made. “Relax, yeah?”

“Yeah.” Louis breathed out and closed his eyes. When he opened them, he nodded at Harry and Harry slipped his finger in. Louis breathed out again and Harry began pumping it in and out. After a few minutes, Louis asked for another. And a few minutes after that, he asked for a third.

Louis was already a moaning mess and when Harry curled his fingers and hit his spot, Louis almost lost it. “C’mon Harold, I know you can do better than that.”

Harry cocked his brow and kissed Louis. His hand accidently brushed against Louis nipple, which caused him to moan. Harry took this new information into use once he slipped on a condom and slicked himself up. He lapped the bud with his tongue as a mode of distraction as he pushed into Louis.

“Fuck.” Louis arched off the bed. He felt so full and the skin on skin contact was driving him insane. And Harry was being so kind and gentle and loving that Louis didn’t know what to do with himself.

The thrusts were slow at the beginning, but once Harry found a rhythm, he sped up. Louis met Harry with every thrust and kissed him sloppily. And when they weren’t kissing, Louis was loud. He didn’t even try to keep quiet and he didn’t care who could hear him. Harry thrived on the loud moans and made it his mission to continually hit Louis’ spot to see how loud he could get.

“Fuck.” Thrust. “Gonna.” Thrust. “Cum.”

Louis, being the little shit that he can be, leaned up and sucked on the bottom of Harry’s ear. “Then cum,” he whispered.

Harry rammed into Louis, loving how Louis felt around him. He ran his hands all over Louis’ skin, wanting more and more. Louis clawed at Harry’s back and then, just as the party goers on the other side of the door screamed ‘Happy New Year,’ Louis cried out and hot, white spurts covered both of their stomachs.

“Fuckfuckfuck.” Harry was cumming hard from the sound Louis just made and how Louis was clenching around him and it was just so fucking beautiful and amazing.

He slumped down on top of Louis and Louis smacked his bum. “Get off me, you ape!”

Reluctantly, Harry pulled out of Louis and rolled onto his back. He peeled the condom off and tied it. He threw it at the bin, but missed by a few inches. Harry reached over to grab the tissue box from Louis’ bedside table when he realized the time. “I guess we came into the New Year with a bang.”

Louis covered Harry’s face with his hand. “That was horrible.”

Harry kissed his palm. “Happy New Year, Lou.”

“Happy New Year.” Louis moved his hand and kissed Harry on the lips.

They cleaned themselves up as best as they could with the tissues and made a mental note to shower first thing after they woke up. Harry pressed his chest against Louis’ back and threw a leg over his. He wrapped an arm around Louis’ waist, but Louis moved his arm, so it was holding his chest instead.

“Hey, Lou?”

“Yeah?”

“Is this alright?” Harry asked.

Louis patted the arm that was around him. “Yes.”

Harry snuggled closer. “Next time, I wanna see you.” His voice was barely above a whisper. Their activities obviously tiring him out.

“Sorry, love, I’m more of a lights off kinda man.”

He kissed the back of his neck. “We’ll see about that.”

“Shh, I’m trying to sleep,” Louis shushed him.

“Mmm. G’night, Lou.” It didn’t take long for Harry’s breath to even out. Louis stayed awake a bit longer, letting himself enjoy where he was at in that moment.

And when Louis woke up in the morning, Harry was still holding him and Louis couldn’t deny the smile on his face even if he wanted to.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was that alright?  
> (whoops, there I go again)


	13. England

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first, thanks for all the kudos and comments :)
> 
> second, you may or may not have noticed, but Liam's character has not been around much in the past few chapters. Trust me, Liam has quite a big role in my plan, so this chapter is dedicated solely to him. This chapter will give you a better insight on Liam and you will see how it all fits in within the second half of this story.
> 
> p.s. remember that Liam is presently 24 in this fic

title song: [England by The National](http://youtu.be/8Hl6GnmvMMA)

;;

**Age: 21**

A string of curses left Liam’s mouth as he stood under a tree. Of course, the tree wasn’t much of an umbrella and drops of water were still making splotches on his t-shirt and joggers. He narrowed his eyes at the sky because rain was fine—Liam could run in the rain with no problem—but it was like within a minute, an entire tsunami rolled into the park.

Lightning struck followed by thunder a beat later, causing Liam to jump. The thunder was loud and he was starting to get cold, and how did he end up in this predicament? Liam just wanted to go on a run to clear his head like he always did, but apparently Mother Nature had other plans.

He would have just called his sister to come pick him up, but when he went out for a run, Liam only brought a water bottle with him. Anything else weighed him down and he didn’t need any distractions. He had to get himself back on track and Liam liked to believe he was getting close. He passed his fireman’s exam and he was one of the newest firemen at the local station.

Liam realized in that moment how silly this situation was. He was a fireman who had faced fires for the better part of the last year, yet he was standing under that tree as if the droplets would be the death of him if it touched his skin.

Just as Liam was about to get back out there and just deal with the rain on his run home, a man with a large umbrella approached him. “You alright there?”

“Oh yeah,” Liam nodded. “Just a little trapped, that’s all.” He shrugged with nonchalance and he was surprised at the humor that came out of him.

The man chuckled. “Perhaps I can help, then. This umbrella was made for two.”

Liam raised his brow. “Are you propositioning me?”

“Just an offer to help you escape.” The man smiled, and Liam had the urge to take a mental photograph and then print it onto every wall he saw for endless murals of the beautiful sight he just witnessed.

“How kind of you.” Liam stepped out from under the tree to under the umbrella.

The man lifted the umbrella a little higher, so it was covering both of them. “I try. Were you headed towards the car lot?”

Liam shook his head. “I actually ran here and I was on my way back home, but this mess happened.” He gestured at the sky.

“Then I’ll extend my help with a ride home.” The man paused. “If you want, that is.”

“I would like that, thanks.”

The two of them slowly made their way to the car lot. The wind had picked up, so the man had to keep a strong hold on the umbrella, but they occasionally got sprayed by the rain. When they finally got to the man’s car, Liam got a good look at him. The man had sandy blond hair that was swooped to the side with a pair of blue eyes that just about shined in the dim light of the car.

“I’m Jacob, by the way,” the man said as he exited the car lot and got onto the main road.

“Liam.”

Jacob smiled. “It’s nice to meet you, Liam.”

 _Oh, you have no idea_ , Liam thought to himself.

;;

**Age: 24**

Liam awoke with a start. His heart was racing in his chest and he was sure he had a line of sweat covering his skin. He tried to remember what he had dreamt of, but all he could remember was being scared.

Slowly, he opened his eyes and sat up. It took him a few seconds to register that he was in Zayn and Louis’ living room. He figured he must’ve fallen asleep at some point and Zayn just let him rest. Liam smiled at the thought, but it didn’t last long because that twinge in the pit of his stomach was back.

For months now, Liam felt that twinge, but he had yet to figure out what was the cause of it. At first, he thought it was medical. He took precautions, such as eating healthier and not pushing himself too hard when he worked out or ran. The twinge was still there, so he made a doctor’s appointment only to be told that he was fine.

Next, Liam thought it was nerves. His job was risky and he had always feared messing up. Evaluations were coming up and they usually determined if the station would keep you or slowly, but surely let you go. Liam didn’t think he did anything wrong, but he had a habit of second guessing himself. Everything might be fine today, but by tonight, he will be reevaluation every single thing he’s done and look for mistakes.

Rubbing his eyes, he sighed. Liam felt a great wave of uncertainty pass through him and he wondered if this was where he was supposed to be. Not particularly in this flat, but in this city with this job and with his past. He didn’t feel strong on his feet and there was just something deep inside that was slowly clawing its way out. Whatever it was, Liam knew it wasn’t going to be pretty.

“He’s awake,” Liam heard Niall say just before Niall sat down next to him. “You ready to take on the world after your power nap?”

Liam couldn’t help but smile a little. “I dunno about the world, but—” He never finished his sentence because Zayn joined them and he was wearing a t-shirt and sweats, and Liam wondered how horrible he looked in his plaid shirt and jeans.

“Feel better?” Zayn asked.

“Um.” Liam wasn’t sure if he felt horrible. He was tired and he didn’t remember falling asleep. There was something nagging at the back of his mind, so he didn’t actually think the nap helped with anything. “How long was I out?”

Niall leaned back on the couch and rested his feet on the coffee table. “Nearly two hours. Zaynie here didn’t wanna disturb your beauty sleep, so he forced me to watch One Tree Hill on his tablet with him.” He rolled his eyes and shook his head.

Zayn reached over and thumped Niall on the head. “Shut up. You know you love it.”

Liam looked down and rubbed the back of his neck. It was a bit sore from falling asleep on the couch, but he doubted it would bother him for long. He kept his gaze down because he felt embarrassed for falling asleep.

A beat later, Louis and Harry came out of Louis’ room. They were so wrapped in each other that they didn’t even notice the other three lads sitting in the living room.

“I wish you didn’t have to leave,” Louis said.

Harry took ahold of both of Louis’ hands. “Me, too, but I have to get Haley.”

Louis nodded in understanding. “You know that she’s welcome here, too, right? She’s a fan favorite around here.”

“I thought I was your favorite.” Harry pouted and Louis kissed it right off of his lips.

“You are,” he assured him. “But Haley is a close second.”

Both Zayn and Niall screamed out an offended, “Hey!” but Louis either didn’t hear them or chose to ignore them.

Harry and Louis stepped out of the flat and Liam found himself frowning. He was happy for them and they had been in their honeymoon stage since New Year’s, but Liam felt bitter. He had that and it was great. He had it, but it was taken from him and he was still a mess.

Liam composed his face to look neutral and then stood up. “I better get going.” He grabbed his phone from the coffee table and slipped it in his jeans pocket.

Zayn stood up, too. “Are you sure? We barely started our movie night.”

They had made plans earlier that week to get together and watch a couple of movies. With the start of the semester and Liam’s work schedule, they haven’t had a lot of time to just hang out, and they wanted to fix that. But Liam fell asleep.

“I know. I’m sorry.” Liam genuinely felt bad. “Next time, yeah? Probably when I’m not on-call the night before.” He yawned and it took him by surprise. “Dammit.”

“Are you sure,” Zayn asked again. His voice almost sounded . . . _sad_. But Liam was not going to allow himself to acknowledge that little bit of hope. “You are welcome to crash here for the night. Or in Perrie’s flat with Niall. I doubt she’ll realize someone slept in her bed for a night.”

Liam shook his head. “Thanks for the offer, really, but I can’t tonight.” He took a step closer to the door. “ ‘m sorry again.”

“It’s alright.”

Niall patted Liam’s hip as he passed. “We get it, mate,” he said. “You save lives and you need your rest. It’s important.”

Liam looked back at the Irishman. “And you’re starting to sound like a proper adult with proper wisdom.”

The youngest of the group snorted. “And you’re more tired than you’re leading us to believe. Get out of here, Payne!”

“I’ll be back before you know it.” It sounded like a promise that Liam would very much like to keep.

He grabbed his coat, made sure he had his keys and left the flat. Liam tried not to think of how Zayn was tracking his movements and how he could still feel the burning stare on his skin.

;;

**Age: 22**

From the moment Liam walked in, he felt like he was at home. He could picture himself moving around the space as he got ready in the mornings and he could picture himself falling into bed at night. He had an idea of how the flat would be decorated and how it would have a touch of both of them.

An arm snaked around his waist and squeezed his hip. “I think I’m in love,” Jacob said as he stood with Liam and looked around.

“I couldn’t agree more.” Liam slumped into Jacob’s side and smiled in content. He felt warm and safe, and that finally, things were working out for him. He had a place in this world and if you asked Liam, it was long overdue.

The happy couple walked through the rooms together and Liam was getting more and more excited. He and Jacob had discussed moving in together for the past couple of months and it was finally happening. They were looking at a few different flats, but just from the feel of this one, Liam knew they had found what they were looking for.

“What d’ you think?” Jacob asked, rubbing his hands up and down Liam’s arms.

“I think we’ll be happy here,” Liam replied.

Jacob smiled, and it was that same smile he gave Liam the day they met. The smile that made Liam weak in the knees and his heart burst with love. “I was hoping you would say that.” He leaned forward and captured Liam’s lips with his own.

Liam had one hand on Jacob’s waist, fingers slowly slipping under the hem of his shirt, and the other hand on the back of his neck, keeping him close. Jacob was leaning into Liam so much that Liam feared that they would topple over, but he didn’t really care all that much.

“Oh,” followed by a nervous giggle came from somewhere behind them. They broke apart to find the real estate agent flushed red with embarrassment from walking in on them. “Sorry.”

Jacob shook his head and chuckled. “It’s alright. We got a bit carried away.”

Liam pinched his side. “Oi!”

The agent had a clipboard in her hand. “Have you made a decision?”

The two faced each other with matching grins on their faces. They turned back to the agent and while Jacob nodded, Liam said, “We’ll take it.”

;;

**Age: 24**

Liam was wearing a fresh set of clothes with the station’s logo on it. He showered as soon as he got back from a rescue, and all he wanted to do was call it a night and go to sleep. For the past week or so, Liam had trouble sleeping through the entire night. It would take an hour or two to fall asleep and then he would wake up at eight every morning. He tried going back to sleep, but he never could and he felt restless the entire day.

As soon as Liam got comfortable in his cot and closed his eyes, one of his coworkers shook his shoulder and told him he had a visitor. He inaudibly groaned and reluctantly got up. His steps were heavy with exhaustion and there was a crick in his neck from how he fell asleep last night on Zayn’s couch.

Before he got to the end of the staircase, he stopped. The only visitor he got in the past five months had been Zayn. Liam looked down at his outfit and ran his hands through his hair. He was sure his hair had dried in a stupid way and he hadn’t bothered to style it because he was planning on sleeping. Groaning (audibly this time), Liam walked down the rest of the staircase.

When he got to the visitor area, Liam was glad to see that Zayn wasn’t there, but he was confused to see his sister there.

“Liam,” she said, giving him a smile. “How’ve you been?”

He walked over to her and gave her a hug. “I’m okay. How’re you?”

She nodded. “Same old, same old.”

“Nothing ever changes with you, does it?” Liam asked as he led her over to one of the tables and sat down.

“This is a new shirt, I’ll have you know.”

He chuckled. “Very nice.” He folded his hands together on top of the table. “Not that I am against this surprise visit, but what brings you here?”

She opened her mouth, but then closed it. Liam knew his sister and he knew that she was about to tell him something he would be against. “Liam,” she began, her voice cautious. “Tonight, there’s uh. There’s a family dinner type thing and yeah.”

“And you want me to go,” Liam finished the statement that his sister wasn’t.

“Yes.”

Liam shook his head. “No, I’m not going. You know,” he paused and took a breath. “You know how they are and you know everything that happened. I can’t go back there. I won’t.”

She reached over and placed her hand over his. “Look, I know you don’t have many good memories with our parents, but please. I’m asking you to try one more time. It’s been years and who knows, maybe they’ve changed.”

The look on his sister’s face and the tone of her voice made Liam give in and agree to go. “Fine, but the second anything shitty happens, I’m gone and I’m never going back.”

She nodded sadly. “Deal.”

Later on that night when Liam and his sister were sitting in the dining room table of their parents’ house, there was nothing but awkward, forced conversation. Liam hadn’t seen his parents in years and in the time that his sister told him about the dinner and him being there, he had been trying to figure out the best way to list out his accomplishments to them. He had come a long way from who he was at eighteen and he wanted to share it with his parents. He had always wanted to make his parents proud of him.

His father took a sip of water. “So, Liam, have any stories as a fireman?”

Liam smiled a bit at his father’s interest. “Actually, yeah. Just last week,” he began, but never got to finish.

“Please,” his mum snorted. “Don’t act like you care because you surely didn’t before.”

His father dropped his fork onto his plate. “Why are you still bringing that up? It was years ago. I said I was sorry. It’s in the past now. Just let it go.”

“Let it go?” Her voice raised. “I can’t let go of betrayal. I can’t let go of the fact of what you did.”

After that, it didn’t take long before Liam’s parents were at each other’s throats. Before he went off to uni, his parents bickered then and it seemed as though nothing had changed. Well, except that fact that Liam finally understood what one of the foundations of their arguments was. He knew his parents had problems, but he never would have expected infidelity to be thrown into the mix.

Across the table, his sister mouthed _sorry_. He nodded once before scooting his chair back, throwing his napkin on the table, and leaving.

Liam realized after that dinner that there was no way he could make his parents’ proud if they were too busy with their own lives. They hadn’t checked up on him or tried to keep touch. He doubted they even remembered that he had once been considered to run in the Olympics.

;;

**Age: 23**

Something bumped into the back of Liam’s leg, which made him turn. He squatted and patted his thighs twice. The dog rested his front two paws on Liam’s legs and Liam petted behind his ears.

“Hi, boy. You doing good?” Liam asked as he kept petting the dog.

He was the one who found the dog in the abandoned warehouse that the team just came back from. There weren’t any people in the warehouse, just the dog that Liam saved from the fire. There wasn’t a collar on the dog, so Liam may or may not have named him Cooper.

Liam had always wanted a dog, and he and Cooper had taken a liking to each other, so maybe this could work out. But Liam needed to clear it with Jacob before he brought home a stray. He was sure Jacob wouldn’t mind and Cooper was a dog anyone would fall in love with. It would work. Liam was sure of it.

After his shift ended, Liam left Cooper at the station and headed home. He planned to talk to Jacob tonight, buy all the necessities in the morning, and bring Cooper home in the afternoon. But unfortunately, not everything went to plan.

As soon as Liam stepped into the flat, something felt off. He usually got a huge sense of relief when he got home, but he didn’t get that today. Liam couldn’t place what was off, so he walked farther in.

“Babe?” he called out, but he got no response.

Standing in the living room, it felt lighter, which Liam found odd. How could a room feel lighter? It didn’t make sense and he was honestly starting to freak out just a little. Liam went straight to the bedroom and that was when his heart dropped down to his stomach.

The sheets on the bed were missing, which made the dents of where they slept prominent. The stack of books Jacob had on his night stand were gone as well as his random knickknacks on the dresser. Liam walked to the closet, and he closed his eyes when he opened the door. It took him a moment to open them because he was scared of what he was going to see.

He wanted to believe that Jacob was just doing some cleaning. Maybe he wanted to rearrange the furniture in their bedroom or something. Maybe he was just downstairs in the laundry room doing a massive load. Maybe he would come back any minute and Liam would find his weird feelings to be silly.

He wanted to believe these things, but when he opened his eyes, he saw that Jacob’s side of the closet was empty. Liam didn’t bother checking the drawers of the dresser or of the nightstand because he had a feeling that they were empty, too.

Walking right back out of the bedroom, Liam found himself in the kitchen. He needed a drink because, _no, this couldn’t be happening_. But when he went to open the freezer, the little white board on the door caught his eye. It read:

_Liam,_

_I know my departure is sudden and I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you this in person. There just wasn’t enough time. Remember that apprenticeship I told you about? Well, I got it and I start tomorrow. I applied because I thought it was here, but it’s actually in London. And babe, I’m so sorry, but I couldn’t not take this. It’s an opportunity of a lifetime. I love you and I’m gonna miss you, truly. Thanks for everything and I hope you’ll forgive me._

_-J_

By the end of the note, Liam found himself sitting on the tile in the kitchen. He closed his eyes and took deep breaths as he tried to process everything. Jacob leaving was so unexpected and Liam couldn’t help but wonder if Jacob was just trying to find an out. He told Liam about the apprenticeship, but he had never said anything about how big of an opportunity it was.

The more he thought about it, the more Liam’s chest tightened. He didn’t know what to say or what to think or what to do. He couldn’t believe that this was happening to him again. He couldn’t believe that the person that made everything better was gone. Jacob left him just like how everyone left him. Jacob was moving on to bigger and better things, and here was Liam, a uni dropout with a high risk job that could easily replace him.

Liam leaned back against the cabinets and he felt so damn empty. Why did everyone turn their backs on him? Why did Liam always get the short end of the stick? Why did this flat no longer feel like home?

A tear ran down Liam’s cheek and he didn’t have the heart to wipe it away. He knew that he would never be good enough for anyone or anything. He consistently failed and he didn’t know how to recover anymore. There wasn’t anyone to help him and he was tired of picking up the pieces himself. He couldn’t do it anymore.

He couldn’t be in that flat for a moment longer, so with whatever dignity he had left, Liam got off the ground and packed a bag. He had nowhere to go, but to the station, so that was where he went.

Liam sat with Cooper for a while and let the dog cuddle up with him. He had really wanted to bring Cooper home with him, but Liam didn’t have a home anymore. That flat lost all of its value the second Jacob left. And Liam lost his place in the world at the same time.

;;

**Age: 24**

Subconsciously, Liam found himself on Zayn’s doorstep. When Zayn opened the door, Liam lunged forward and threw his arms around Zayn with a hug. He knew he probably looked crazy in that moment, still dressed from his dinner with his parents, but he just needed someone _there_. He needed to place his ear on someone’s chest and hear their heartbeat. He needed someone to hold him tight and assure him that he would be okay.

He needed to fill the void in his chest because he didn’t know how much of this emptiness he could take.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tell me about your liam feels :)


	14. The Beauty Surrounds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there are some major feels in this chapter - prepare yourself :)

title song: [The Beauty Surrounds by Houses](http://youtu.be/hTdopxNeuaU)

;;

With his phone between his lips, his laptop in one hand, and a pair of shoes in the other, Louis walked through the front door of his flat. He kicked the door shut behind him and dropped his shoes to the ground. When he removed the phone from his mouth, he noticed Liam sitting in the living room and watching a movie.

“Hey, is Zayn here?” Louis asked as he placed his laptop on the armchair and began unbuttoning his coat.

Liam shook his head and didn’t meet Louis’ eyes. “No.” He tugged at the hem of his shirt and frowned at the material. Zayn had pulled him inside the flat after Liam attacked him with the hug. He let Liam sit and he waited for Liam to tell him what happened. But Liam couldn’t find the words to explain and Zayn was so patient with him. That was over an hour ago.

Zayn left to go get some ice cream because apparently ice cream was the cure for everything. Liam’s heart warmed at the gesture and he was glad he had Zayn in his life. Well, he was the one who saved Zayn, so maybe this was meant to be. Maybe there were all supposed to be friends and fill each other’s holes that others punctured.

“Not that Zayn can’t have guests, but I’m starting to think I see more of you than I do Harry,” Louis commented. He kept his voice fair because he wasn’t trying to kick Liam out or be put off by his presence. He was just confused as to why Liam was always over. Okay, maybe Louis had _one_ guess, but considering nothing has happened between him and Zayn, he was starting to get suspicious.

“Oh.” Liam tugged at his shirt again. “I’m sorry?”

Louis sighed. “No. Don’t apologize. Just curious, that’s all. You must have your own flat that is deeply missing you, right?”

The corners of Liam’s mouth twitched and Louis took it as a win. “I do,” Liam said. “But it just doesn’t feel like home anymore. And I just. I dunno.” He shrugged and leaned back against the couch.

“Well, maybe you just need to warm the place up again,” Louis suggested. “Throw a little get-together and show your flat some love. And if you still don’t feel at home, there’s always the option to move as soon as your lease is up.”

Liam ran Louis’ words through his head a few times and ended up nodding. He was on his feet in the next second, saying “That’s not a bad idea.” And then the second after that, he thanked Louis and pulled him into a hug.

As soon as Liam touched him, Louis took a step back because something different feel right. “I um, I should go shower. I stink,” he said and quickly made his way to the bathroom. It was a poor excuse, but the contact sent an uncomfortable chill down his spine. He hadn’t felt that since the day at the hospital when the five of them met.

In the shower, Louis found himself scrubbing his skin until it was raw. The soft, tanned surface was now red and irritated. When he realized what he was doing, Louis dropped the loofa and stared at the tiled wall in horror because he hadn’t scrubbed himself that hard since . . . _fuck_.

It started coming back to Louis and all he could think was _I need to get out of here, and I need to get out of here now_.

He turned off the water and dried himself off. Quickly, he dressed himself in the same clothes he was wearing earlier and then went to his room in search of a beanie. He picked up the first one he saw and placed it on his head, making sure to stuff any stray hairs underneath.

When Louis headed back into the living room to grab his coat and his shoes, he saw that Zayn was back. He made another poor excuse of how he was late and if he hadn’t looked at his planner, he would have totally forgotten. He made this excuse as he bundled up and headed back outside without so much as a glance towards his roommate. He had to get out there. He needed to outrun his memories before they caught up to him. He couldn’t do this again.

And because he was Louis and was just a little bit in love, he ended up on Harry’s doorstep. Harry opened the door with bloodshot eyes and a red nose, and his hair was more of a mess than usual. Louis felt awful for showing up unannounced because from the looks of things, Harry was sick and the last thing he needed to do was console Louis from everything he wanted to forget.

Before Harry said anything, he sneezed into the tissue in his hand and blew his nose. “Louis, come in.” His voice was nasally from his stuffed nose.

“Are you alright?” Louis asked.

As if on cue, Haley began crying at the top of her lungs. Harry slumped against the wall and buried his face in his hands. “I feel miserable and Haley is sick, too, so we’ve been miserable together. But I can’t seem to take care of her when I feel like I’m gonna pass out from standing too long.”

That was all Louis needed to hear to be able to shove his problems away and go into Super Louis mode. “Go to bed,” he ordered.

“What?” Harry moved his hands away from his face.

“You heard me.” Louis took off his coat and pulled the beanie off of his head, shaking out his hair. “Go to bed,” he repeated.

Harry frowned. “But Haley—”

Louis shook his head and pulled Harry’s arm. “I got her. Now, go.”

It took a moment and another scream from Haley for Harry to listen. He gave Louis a small smile and a thank you before slowly walking to his room. Louis rolled up his sleeves and went to go see what he could do for Haley.

Louis went through all the precautions he knew when it came to sick babies, and after a warm bath and a hushed lullaby, Haley was sound asleep. He tucked her in and tucked the baby monitor to the back of his belt just in case she woke up.

Walking into Harry’s  room, Louis found him surrounded by a mess of tissues and with tears in his eyes. Louis crossed the room and sat on the edge of Harry’s bed. “Hey, no. Don’t cry. I know it sucks being sick, but you’ll get better soon. Nothing like some medicine and some rest can’t fix.”

Harry shook his head and sniffed. “I’m such a horrible parent. I can’t even take care of her, Lou. I’m probably gonna fuck up her life and God, her parents shouldn’t have left her to me.” He shook his head again. “I’m gonna mess everything up.”

“Hey.” Louis’ voice was stern and serious. “Stop talking rubbish. You are not a horrible parent and you are doing the best you can. You were put in a unique situation and from what I’ve seen in the past five months, you are doing great. Raising a kid is not easy and you’re doing it alone. Her parents obviously trusted you more than anyone and that means something.”

“You’re not just saying that because I’m probably lying in my death bed?”

Louis let out a chuckle and shook his head. “I’m not. I meant every word.” He reached over and placed his hand on Harry’s forehead. “And you’re burning up. Have you taken any medicine yet?”

Harry groaned. “No.”

“Okay.” Louis stood up. “Get up.”

“But you told me to go to bed.”

“And now I changed my mind. Up.”

Harry frowned. “You’re mean.” Slowly, he got to his feet. He wobbled a bit, so Louis steadied him with a hand on his waist. “I’m up.”

Louis smiled. “I see that.” He moved his hand until it was palm against palm with Harry’s. “Come along now.”

With a slow pace, so Harry wouldn’t get dizzy, Louis walked him to the bathroom and sat him down on the closed toilet seat. He started a bath with the perfect temperature and when he turned around, he found Harry watching him with an expression that made Louis’ heart jump.

“You should take a picture,” Louis joked. “It’ll last longer.”

“I rather stare.”

Louis stood in front of Harry and looked down at him. “I’m sure you would. Now, raise your arms.” Harry complied and Louis pulled the shirt over Harry’s head. He squatted and tapped on Harry’s thigh, which Harry responded to by holding on to the edge of the sink and lifting his bum, so Louis could pull down his pants and joggers.

Harry still had the expression on his face. “Now your turn.”

“Cheeky.” Louis gestured toward the tub. “In you go.”

“You’re so demanding.”

“I thought we covered that on New Year’s.”

Harry laughed. “Cheeky.” He got into the tub and Louis turned the water off before the bathroom flooded. Louis sat on his knees and grabbed the shampoo. But before he opened the cap, Harry grabbed his wrist. “You’re gonna get sick.”

“Nah,” Louis shook his head and leaned forward to kiss Harry. “I’ve gone one hell of an immune system.” And with that, he poured water on Harry’s head before lathering the hair with shampoo. Harry’s eyes closed almost immediately and Louis just about forgot about why he came over in the first place.

;;

The following night, Zayn was pacing the living room while Louis sat on the couch and followed him with his eyes. Zayn looked like he was moments away from pulling his hair out of his skull and Louis was starting to get worried.

“Zayn? Hey. Stop. _Zayn_.”

Zayn stopped for a moment and met Louis’ gaze, but as soon as Louis blinked, he was at it again. “I can’t stop, Louis. Everything could be over in a matter of months.”

Louis sighed. After the final bell rang, all of the departments were called into separate meetings where they were all told the same thing: the school’s budget was being pushed to its limit and the school was going to have to make some cuts for next year. Nothing was final yet and no decisions had been made, but the news put everyone on edge.

“I’m just a first year teacher,” Zayn continued. “Barely anyone knows me and I’m an English teacher. D’you know how many fucking English teachers are out there? A lot.” He groaned. “Fuck, I’m going to get laid off.”

“You don’t know that,” Louis assured him. “And besides, you bring a diversity factor to the school, so they wouldn’t fire you. Me, on the other hand, I’m just another white guy. You’re safer than I am.”

Zayn scoffed. “Bullshit, Louis. One, you’re the only drama teacher and you’ll be hard to replace. And two, you’re gay. There’s diversity there, too.”

“Then you’re two for two,” Louis said. His comment was subtle and this was something they had never discussed before. But it seemed to be enough because Zayn stopped pacing and sat next to Louis. “I know you’re freaked out, but let’s just see what happens, yeah? The term just started, so let’s give it our all and finish strong. And in June, if it’s the end, then we’ll begin somewhere else.”

Louis wasn’t sure how much Zayn believed him or if he was willing to take Louis’ advice, but he rested his forehead on Louis’ shoulder and closed his eyes. And while Zayn calmed down and slowly exited his freak out, Louis began brainstorming ideas of how to make this term worthwhile.

;;

After passing out the new and improved course calendar, Louis stood at the front of his classroom. He was leaning back on his desk and watched his students look over the dates, secretly hoping that they would be on board with the changes.

“As you may have noticed,” Louis begun, “we’re doing things a bit differently this term. Since the majority of you are seniors and are just about ready to go off to uni and do great things, I decided it would be fun to debut all of you as writers and directors. I remember how excited I was to be in a different role and it gave me a new perspective of how all of this works.” He motioned his hands around.

Sierra raised her hand. “Is this our final?”

Louis shook his head. “Your midterm, actually.” He pushed himself off the desk and walked to the left side of the room. “For your final, I was thinking of a special project. I know there are other talents amongst us other than acting, such as singing and dancing and painting and playing some sort of instrument and spoken word. What d’you say about combining these talents and having one hell of a showcase at the end of the term?”

The class was quiet. Heads turned and they are slowly met each other’s eyes, like they were considering the idea and once it sunk in, everyone faced Louis and smiled. A chorus of “yes” was projected out and Louis smiled. If this happened to be his last term at this school, he was glad he had this particular group of students. They had definitely grown on him and he would definitely miss them.

“I was hoping you all would say that.” He knew the showcase was going to be a lot of work, and everyone would have to work on multiple projects to pull it off. He also needed to talk to the other teachers in the department and see if any of those students wanted to help out. Actually, there was a lot Louis needed to do, but the first step was complete and he would take that for now.

Scott stood up. “Mr. T,” he said. “It’s time.”

Louis looked back at the clock on the wall. “Indeed it is. Everyone, grab your materials and let’s go!” While the class was making sure they had everything, Louis sent out a text.

**_From: Louis_ **

_N, you think you can handle this?_

**_From: Niall_ **

_Yup yup. I got my Irish charm on full blast!_

**_From: Louis_ **

_Thats what I like to hear! We’re on our way now._

**_From: Niall_ **

_Just on time. Go go go!_

“Alright,” Louis said to no one in particular as he pocketed his phone and grabbed the bags from behind his desk.

;;

Just as Zayn walked out of the teacher’s lounge, he bumped right into Niall. He placed a hand on Niall’s waist and apologized, but Niall looked non-perplexed.

“Za—err—Mr. Malik, I need your help.” It had been five months and Niall still had a hard time calling Louis and Zayn by their teacher names while they were at school.

Zayn raised his brow. “Sure. What’s up?” He would never admit it, but he felt a bit honored that Niall came to him for help. Louis was the usual go-to person for these things, so perhaps this was something that only Zayn could help with.

Niall sighed in relief. “I just. What if I don’t get into uni?”

 _Oh_. That wasn’t what Zayn was expected. “Niall,” he gave him a small smile. “I read over your essays, remember? They were good and your grades are good. You just need to finish out this term strong.” He faintly remembered Louis saying something along those lines the night before, so it was almost like Louis was still helping. “You can do this. In fact, you probably already did.”

“But there’s nothing special about me. I’m just another kid from the middle of nowhere.” When Niall went to go find Zayn, he wasn’t sure what he was going to talk about. He just said the first thing that popped into his mind, and now he was in too deep. He didn’t mean to start talking about his main fear at the moment, but here he was.

“Niall, are you kidding me?” Zayn’s voice was soft, understanding, and so very sure. “You are one of the most special people that I have ever met. And Louis? He wouldn’t have stuck around this long if he didn’t believe in you. We all do, actually. You just need to believe in yourself.”

Questions like ‘then why did my family abandon me if I was so special’ and ‘how am I supposed to believe in myself when I was always never credited for how much I know’ floated into his thoughts. But he didn’t vocalize them because his phone buzzed in his pocket.

“Yeah,” Niall sighed. “Can we not have the rest of this conversation in the middle of the hallway?”

Zayn smirked. “I dunno, can we?”

Niall groaned. “God, you’re such a teacher.”

 _Hopefully it stays that way_ , Zayn thought to himself. Together, the teacher and student walked to Zayn’s classroom. They spoke about mundane things and by the time they reached the door, it was almost as if they never had the conversation about Niall’s worry.

“You’re going to do great in uni and anything and everything else you do,” Zayn said. “People end up so caught up in their own lives that they forget that there are other people around them with their own problems. But Niall, I honestly believe you’re going to make it. You have tons of potential and in just five months, you have come a long way.”

Niall was stunned at Zayn’s words. “Thank you.” Those two words didn’t feel like they were enough, but he had a feeling that he would get his thank you across one way or another.

Zayn unlocked the door and when he walked in, a mess of balloons fell on his head just as a crowd of people screamed “Happy Birthday!”

Once the balloons stopped falling, Zayn looked around his classroom in shock. There was a huge _Happy Birthday, Zayn!_ banner and there were streamers everywhere. The entire thing was so loud that Zayn was amazed that this was all for him.

Over the years, Zayn’s birthday had been forgotten so many times by so many people that he stopped making a big deal about it. He silently wished himself every year and just went on with his day like it was just a regular day. On the night of the New Year’s/Birthday party, the focus was on the New Year and not so much on the birthdays. Sure, there were presents, but it wasn’t the right kind of celebration. Zayn accepted the fact that because he was quiet, he slipped through the cracks and no one noticed him.

But all of this – he was noticed. Tears began forming in his eyes, but Zayn refused to cry in front of all of these students. It wasn’t every day that he felt wanted and that he felt like he mattered, and Zayn was overwhelmed. He wanted to keep this moment with him for the rest of his life because after so many years, he felt like he could speak and people would listen.

Louis stepped around his students and walked over to Zayn, pulling him into a hug. “Happy birthday, mate.”

Zayn smiled into Louis’ neck before letting go. “Thanks.” He looked around his classroom again. “All of you, thank you. I can honestly say I wasn’t expecting this.”

“That is because I am the best,” Louis said. “Isn’t that right, class?”

The class agreed and Zayn laughed. “You’re mental, Lou.”

Louis replied with a sneeze. “Fuck,” he muttered under his breath.

Later on that night when the Harry, Liam, and Niall came over to the flat to celebrate Zayn’s birthday with a cake Harry made, Louis was in his room under three blankets and feeling miserable. He had felt colder than he usually did and all he wanted to do was go to sleep, but his nose was keeping him up. He hated everything.

Harry knocked twice before coming in. “D’you wanna piece of cake?”

“Ugh,” Louis groaned. “Please don’t mention food. I might throw up.”

“Sorry.” Harry placed the plate on Louis’ dresser before closing the door behind him and walking over to the bed. He sat next to Louis and pulled Louis’ head onto his lap. “I thought you said you had a strong immune system.”

“I usually do,” Louis replied. “Then again, I usually never kiss people who are sick.”

Harry chuckled quietly. “Was it worth it?” He began carding his fingers through Louis’ hair, hoping it would soothe him.

“No,” he answered and then made a sound of content. “That feels good.”

“I’ve been told that I’m good with my hands.”

Louis didn’t need to look at Harry’s face to know that he was smirking. “I’m too sick to comment on that.”

Harry chuckled again and continued moving his hand. And he kept it up even after Louis fell asleep because Louis was one of those people who deserved the world.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm actually kinda proud of this chapter and I hope you all liked it.
> 
> This chapter tugged at my heart, and I would love to know what you all thought and what questions you have. We're slowly but surely getting bits and pieces from all the boys and it is only a matter of time before everything comes together.


	15. Without A Word

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all for the comments and kudos - they make me very very happy :)
> 
> another feel-filled chapter oh boy
> 
> also, it might be a good idea to look over the first five chapters to remember where the boys are coming from and what they are trying to reach

title song: [Without A Word by Birdy](http://youtu.be/mvHX_6aQwww)

;;

A few weeks later, Niall was sitting in class with his maths textbook and notebook. He was in the middle of graphing a derivative when he overheard a few of his classmates. They were talking about which universities they had been accepted to and which one they were most leaning towards and if they would stay in the dorms or get their own flat.

The tip of Niall’s pencil broke from how hard he pressed down on the paper. He still hadn’t heard back from any of the places he applied to, and his fear of not getting in was growing. He knew there was the option to take a gap year, but he didn’t want to do that. Niall wanted to get his degree as soon as possible, so he could make something of himself.

He wanted to get his life together and most importantly, he wanted to be successful. Whenever he will get married and have kids, Niall didn’t want to ever have as big of a financial strain as his family did. Niall wanted to be settled, so he could live his life comfortably without any worry because god knows that he had more worries than he should have at eighteen.

The bell rang and Niall had his free period next. He was supposed to go to Louis’ classroom and work on his scene for the senior directed show, but instead, Niall went to the back of the school and took a seat on the steps. Technically, he wasn’t ditching, so he wouldn’t get in trouble, but he had a slight feeling that he was doing something wrong. He just needed some air and a break from people.

Pulling his hood up to help keep warm from the cold, Niall collected his thoughts. He knew where he wanted to go and what he hoped to do; he just wasn’t sure how to get there. Niall was sure that everyone in his class was trying to figure out where to go after graduation, but he felt like he couldn’t talk to anyone who would understand him. The talk he had with Zayn helped him a bit, but Niall still couldn’t get rid of this feeling.

And actually, now that he thought about it, there was someone who would understand.

His fingers were crossed and his leg was shaking as the phone rang. Niall held his breath, hoping that she would pick up the call, but with every ring, he lost hope. When the call hit voicemail, Niall just about threw his phone at the brick wall. He really needed to hear his mum’s voice to give him piece of mind, but she didn’t pick up and she never personalized the voicemail message.

At the beep, Niall exhaled and started talking. “Mum, it’s me. I know things are mental right now and everything is messed up, but I,” he sighed. “Mum, I need to talk to you. Why won’t you pick up? Why won’t you talk to me? I can’t—I don’t know how to do this without you.

“I just feel so lost and I dunno where I’m going.” Tears escaped his eyes and he sniffled. “Please, mum. Just call me back. Talk to me. O-or I can come home. I just. I miss you.”

He ended the call and it was only a few seconds before there was a continuous flow of tears. Niall felt helpless and he didn’t understand why his family turned their backs on him. What did he do for all of this to happen?

Wiping the tears from his eyes and his cheeks, Niall realized that he wasn’t worth any of this. He was probably a burden to Louis and Zayn and Harry, and he didn’t want to cause them any more trouble than he already had.

;;

Louis walked out of his room and into the kitchen to grab a glass of water. Zayn and Niall were on their feet when Louis saw them, and the two exchanged a confused look.

“Are you coming tonight?” Zayn asked, looking over Louis’ outfit, which consisted of a hoodie from his alma mater and flannel pajama pants.

“I think I’m gonna skip it,” Louis answered as he pulled down a glass from the cabinet and filled it with water.

Zayn was still looking at him. “Louis, this gathering was your idea. What’s stopping you?” Tonight was Liam taking Louis’ advice and hosting a small get together at his flat. They should have already been on their way, but having Louis decline his invitation was setting them back.

Louis sighed and rubbed his eyes. He took a breath and said, “Okay. Fine. I’ll go. Give me a couple minutes to change.” He could do this, he told himself. What happened was a long time ago. He didn’t have to be weighed down by the hurt and the anger.

He knew he was distancing himself from Liam and at first, he thought he was being subtle about it; however, Zayn noted how Louis went missing a lot of the time when Liam was over, and had asked him why. Louis gave the poor excuse of giving them some space just in case something were to happen. Well, maybe it wasn’t all that poor because after he said that, Zayn ducked down to hide his blush and didn’t mention it again.

Niall stayed quiet because he noticed how Louis agreed reluctantly. He wondered how long it will be before Louis tried to shake away from him like he was doing with Liam. It was only a matter of time, and perhaps Niall had overstayed his welcome and Louis was too nice to say anything about it.

Before Louis walked into the living room, Zayn was on the phone with Liam to ask him if he should bring anything. They never ended the call, so Liam heard how Louis wasn’t completely on board with coming. Liam couldn’t help but wonder why he did or said to upset Louis. There had to be something wrong with Liam that made everyone turn their backs on him.

“We’ll be there soon,” Zayn told Liam.

“Yeah. See you then.” Liam ended the call and shoved his phone in his pocket. He was frowning at what he heard, so he shook his head to clear his mind.

Liam decided to do one more walk through the flat to make sure he got rid of the bit and pieces of Jacob that he left behind. He had flipped the mattress in the bedroom and bought brand new sheets. He had erased the note on the fridge and had thrown out the toothbrush in the bathroom. He had taken down all the photos, but he had missed one.

There was a portrait of the two of them that Jacob had hung in the bathroom. It was an odd place to put a photograph and Liam was glad he could finally take it down. But just as he took it off the wall, a knock came from his door. He stuffed the photo and frame under the bathroom sink before going to go greet Zayn, Niall, and Louis at the door.

“Hello boys.” He smiled. Or at least, he hoped he was smiling. “Welcome.” Liam opened the door wide and stepped aside, so his guests could walk in.

Zayn whistled in appreciation as he took his first glance at the flat. “And here I thought you avoided this place because it was a dump.”

Liam shrugged. “We all have our reasons, I guess.”

“I’ll say,” Louis muttered under his breath as he passed Liam and went to go sit in the living room. Liam’s face dropped slightly and Niall was getting more anxious as he watched the scene. And when Niall sat down next to Louis, it wasn’t even a minute later before Louis was on his feet and relocating to one of the two arm chairs.

Zayn sat next to Niall and threw an arm around his shoulders. “Niall, you alright?” he asked, his voice quiet. Niall nodded in response, letting himself lean against Zayn in a sense of comfort. Maybe Niall was just overthinking everything; he was in a stressful time of his life.

Liam stood in front of the TV and had a small stack of DVDs in his hand. “Um. I wasn’t sure what everyone wanted to watch, so I just grabbed a few movies.” He looked at the three lads in his living room and he suddenly felt like he was back in school and was giving a presentation that no one was listening to.

Niall held his hand out. “Can I see?”

“Yeah.” Liam handed the DVDs over just as another knock came from the door. He went to go answer it to find Harry and Haley. “Harry, hey. Come on in.”

“Thank you.” Harry adjusted Haley in his arms. “And sorry for bringing Hales. The babysitter bailed at the last minute.”

Liam shook his head. “No, no, it’s fine. Haley is as welcome here as you are.”

Harry smiled before following Liam to where the others were. Louis’ face immediately lit up when they walked in and he didn’t hesitate to take Haley into his own arms.

“There’s my favorite girl,” he coos at her. And Harry may or may not have a fond expression going on.

“So this is why you asked for tonight off,” Harry said as he sat next to Niall.

Niall laughed (and he started to feel less anxious and worried about everything). “You’re here, too, aren’t ya?”

“Touché, Niall. Touché.”

Liam somehow ended up in front of the TV again. He realized he would have to sit next to Louis on the second armchair and for some reason, that made him nervous. He didn’t want to do anything for Louis to turn away from him even more.

Zayn took the movies from Niall and shook his head. “Never let Niall pick a movie. He’s the most indecisive person ever.”

“Hey!” Niall faked offense and Harry laughed.

“I know what you mean,” Harry added. “Anytime I let him grab anything from the display case, he takes like ten minutes to pick something.”

Niall pouted. “I’m right here, y’know.”

Zayn ruffled his hair. “We know.” He picked a random movie from the stack and handed it to Liam. “This one should be fine. And I’m sure Louis will hate it, but he’s too busy to notice.”

Louis may have an overly cute baby in his arms, but he was still listening to the conversation. He sat Haley in his lap and covered her ears. “First of all, fuck you, Malik. And second, I have the power to throw your arse out on the street.”

“You wouldn’t!”

“Try me.”

Harry leaned over and placed a hand on Louis’ knee. “Getting jealous over here. You haven’t even spared me a glance since I walked in.”

Louis moved his hand, so now Haley’s eyes were covered. Then, he leaned forward and kissed Harry. “If you’re good, there’s more where that came from.”

“Oh.” Harry blushed.

Zayn groaned. “Nope. None of that. This is lads’ night. And c’mon, Louis, there are children here.”

“Childr—,” Louis began, but cut himself off with a laugh. “Oh right, Niall.”

“Hey! I’m eighteen, remember?”

Louis shook his head. “Nope, sorry.”

Taking the opportunity to put in the movie as an excuse to turn his back, Liam took a silent breath. Now he definitely felt like he was back in school because he felt left out. The rest of the guys easily fell into conversation with each other and there he was, standing around the perimeter, feeling like an outsider. He almost couldn’t believe he still felt like this. It was absolutely stupid, if you asked him.

When Liam turned back around, he saw that Harry had moved to the other armchair, leaving the space next to Niall free. He quickly sat down before Harry moved again, and pressed play on the remote. Liam looked around and he decided that he needed to get a grip and be the person that he was currently, not the person he was in high school and uni. He had a new mindset and there was hope for this flat yet.

But towards the end of the movie, Niall tripped over his feet and spilled his drink on Harry. “Oh shit, I’m sorry.” He covered his mouth. “Sorry,” he apologized again.

Harry stood up, wiping at his shirt with his hand. “It’s fine, Niall. Don’t worry about it.” He turned toward Liam. “Which way is the bathroom?”

Liam pointed towards the hallway. “The first door on your left.”

“Thanks.” Harry held his shirt away from his body as he walked to the bathroom. As soon as he closed the door, he pulled the shirt off and wrung it out. Thankfully, Niall had only spilled water on him, but the wet material felt cold against Harry’s skin.

He hung the shirt on the towel rack and when he turned back around, Harry realized he made a bit of a mess on the counter. He went to grab some toilet paper to wipe down the water, but there wasn’t a roll on the dispenser, so he squatted down and looked in the cabinet under the sink.

In front of the toilet paper was a photo, and Harry being the curious person that he was, he pulled it out because photos didn’t usually go under bathroom sinks. And saying that Harry regretted looking at the photo would have been an understatement. He lost his balance and fell back on his bum with the photo in his hands. Harry couldn’t believe what he was looking at and he couldn’t believe he didn’t realize sooner. The photo he was holding was of Liam and Jake, his ex.

It all clicked together so fast. Liam was the guy Jake got into a relationship with and forgot all about Harry. And they must have nearly sealed the deal considering this was their flat where they lived together. Harry felt nineteen different kinds of hurt and once again, everything in his life felt like it had gone to shit. When the five of them met, he felt like Liam looked familiar, but he never thought about it. He never thought Liam was the guy that was all over Jake’s Facebook, but Liam was.

“What the fuck,” Harry said aloud, but to himself.

Jake was the person Harry saw his future with. He remembered being scared, but excited at the possibility of living the rest of his life with Jake. He could picture what their home would look like and he could imagine how happy he would be with every addition to their family. Harry wanted everything with Jake, but he got nothing. When he had hoped that Jake would ask him to move in, Jake broke up with him instead.

Back then, Harry thought it was because Jake wasn’t a fan of commitment and they were getting too serious. But standing in the very flat where Jake lived with Liam in a very committed relationship, Harry realized that he was an idiot and Jake was the biggest asshole on the planet. And he needed to leave before he trashed the place.

Not caring about the mess, Harry shoved the photo back where he found it and got off the floor. He put his shirt back on despite the huge wet stain, and went back out to the living room. He didn’t say a word to anyone as he grabbed his coat and put it on. He took Haley from Louis and got her ready to go as well.

“Harry?” Louis’ voice was careful.

He didn’t respond. He just zipped up Haley’s jacket and pulled the hood over her head.

Louis stood up. “Harry,” he said again. “What’s wrong?” He reached out to hold Harry’s wrist, but Harry pulled back. Harry didn’t look at anyone as he held Haley close to his body and left the flat.

Louis stared at where Harry had just been for about a minute before his brain started working again. He needed to see what was wrong with Harry and what had happened. Harry didn’t seem upset about Niall spilling his drink on him, so there had to be something else.

Grabbing his own coat and scarf, Louis began bundling up as he sped walked to the door. He pulled his beanie over his head just as he stepped out.

Zayn hopped up from his seat and went after Louis. “Niall, stay here,” he said as he ran outside. He had no idea what was going on, but he had a feeling Louis was moments away from freaking out and he didn’t want Louis driving. The last thing any of them needed was an accident.

When Zayn finally caught up to Louis, he found him standing in the middle of the parking lot with his arms wrapped around his middle. “He’s gone,” Louis said.

“D’you wanna go after him?”

Louis sighed. “Yes, but. There’s something wrong, Zayn. He was fine one second and then the next, it was as if he was a different person. I have never seen him so cold and so closed off.”

Zayn nodded. “What do you think happened?”

“Something bad,” he replied. “When he walked back into the room, his eyes were filled with pain and I want to go to him. I want to help him, but I dunno if I can. He wouldn’t even look at me.”

“Harry probably just needs a little time to cool down,” Zayn offered. “He’ll talk once he’s ready.” He paused a moment before saying, “And I just have this feeling in my gut that we should catch up to him and follow him.”

Louis met Zayn’s eyes and he knew he was right. “Just to be safe.”

“Just to be safe,” Zayn repeated.

“Should we get Niall?”

“Nah. He’s with Liam. I’m sure it’ll be alright if he stays there for a while.” Zayn pulled the keys out of his pocket and started walking towards his car with Louis behind him.

Back inside the flat, Niall was a mess. He was full on crying and he was positive that Harry was upset because of him. The anxiety and worry were back, and Niall decided that it would be best if he just stopped causing everyone problems.

Liam sat next to Niall. “Hey. Niall? No, don’t cry. It’s okay.”

“It’s not.” He shook his head. “Harry’s pissed off  because of me and I wouldn’t be surprised if he fired me. And I just fucked everything up like I always do.”

“That’s not true.” Liam had to take a moment because that last line Niall said was a very common thought Liam had of himself. He never realized that other people could ever feel similar to the way he did. “Something did upset Harry, but I doubt it was you.”

“You don’t know that,” Niall said. “He’s gone and Louis moved away when I sat next to him and Zayn left with them.”

Liam pulled Niall into a hug. “Look, I know how it feels to think everyone around you is turning against you. I’ve been there and it sucks. But Niall? We’re all still here and none of us are going anywhere. Yes, right now it’s just you and me, but Harry is probably going through something we don’t know about.

“That’s the thing with everyone—we all have these intense inner monologues that we keep to ourselves and no one knows about them until that one day where we can’t take it anymore,” Liam explains. “It’s okay.”

“If it’s okay then why did everyone I ever care about ditch me? My family. My friends. I have no one.”

“You have me. And Louis and Zayn and Harry,” Liam reminded him.

Niall shook his head again. “It’s not the same. I can’t do this anymore.” He pulled himself out of Liam’s arms and rubbed the back of his hands over his face.

Liam’s heart broke at how heartbroken Niall was. He had no idea that Niall was carrying around all of this, and he just wanted to say something wonderful that would make it all better. But he couldn’t think of anything, and not knowing what the hell was going with Harry and with Louis was distracting him. It seemed like everything he did these days resulted in chaos.

“Niall, please don’t say that. You can do this and you’re worth more than you think. I’m almost positive you are worth the world,” Liam said with conviction. He was being honest and he hoped Niall knew that.

The teenager studied the firefighter for a long moment before surging forward and kissing him. Liam pulled back from the shock with wide eyes. “Niall. . .”

“Oh, my god.” Realization set in. “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. God, I keep fucking up.” Niall got up to leave, but Liam stopped him.

He made sure Niall was looking at him. “No, it’s okay. Ar-are you . . .?” Liam was twenty-four and he couldn’t figure out a better way to ask this question. It was no wonder he failed out of uni.

Niall shrugged and sighed in defeat. “I dunno. Everything just sucks right now.”

Liam made Niall a cuppa and listened to his fears. He tried his best to comfort the boy and eventually, Niall fell asleep. Liam tucked him in and went to bed as well, still in the dark of what was going on with the others. He hoped everyone was alright and he hoped he would get answers soon.

But of course, things didn’t work out for Liam because when he woke up, Niall was gone and all that was left was a post it note with “thank you” written on it.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh no not a cliffhanger
> 
> my heart hurts just from proofing this i'm so sorry


	16. Holocene

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let's start by taking some deep breaths, yeah? quite a lot goes on in this chapter, so you might want to prepare your heart and all that.

title song: [Holocene by Bon Iver](http://youtu.be/-oCPAO3bp4Q)

;;

“Niall!” Liam called out, hoping for a response. He had a feeling that something was wrong as soon as he woke up. Well, he actually had this feeling for the past few weeks, but with everything Niall said last night, he knew there was something wrong.

After searching every single place a person could be in his flat, Liam went back to the kitchen where Niall left the post it. He stared at the square paper for a long minute before picking up the phone and calling Niall. An unfamiliar ringtone went off in the living room and Liam went to go investigate.

“Oh, perfect,” Liam said sarcastically as he saw Niall’s phone on the couch.

While Liam tried to figure out Niall’s passcode on his phone, Louis was pacing his own bedroom. He hadn’t slept for more than a half hour the entire night because he couldn’t shake the image of how Harry looked when he came out of the bathroom. He and Zayn had gone to Harry’s flat, which they were relieved to see that Harry was there in one piece, but Harry refused to open the door.

Louis sent Harry multiple text messages and called him more times than he could count, but Harry wasn’t budging. He just wanted to help Harry, but he couldn’t help if Harry wouldn’t let him in. Stopping at the edge of his bed, Louis rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands, trying to keep the fatigue away.

In the next room, Zayn was sitting on his bed with his laptop on his lap. He felt like everything was just blowing up for his friends and he feared what would blow up for him. As a writer, Zayn knew that when the story got too happy, something horrible would happen and in the story of their lives, this was the horribleness. Or maybe a prelude to a greater horror.

Zayn shook his head at that thought. He needed to stay positive and he needed everyone to be okay again. He needed Harry to open up, so Louis could fulfil his duties as the helper. And he needed Louis to explain why he flinched at just about everyone’s touch, so Liam stopped thinking that Louis hated him. And he needed Liam to stop being so hard on himself and he needed Niall to believe he could achieve anything he wanted. _God, his friends were a mess_.

Next to his knee, Zayn’s phone started ringing. “Hey, you alright?” he answered.

“Um, is Niall with you?”

Zayn moved the phone away from his ear and checked the name of who just called him. It said ‘Niall’ but it wasn’t him on the line. “Liam?”

“Yeah.”

“Why’d you call me with Niall’s phone?”

There was a pause. “He kinda left and he left his phone and I’m not sure if—I’m not sure when he left or where he went,” Liam said. Then, “Is he with you?”

Zayn moved the laptop off of his lap. “What do you mean he left?” He stood up. “And no, he’s not here. We haven’t seen him since we left yours last night.”

Liam groaned at the other end. “Last night was a shit idea. Everything went to shit. Shit. Shit. Shit!”

“Hey, wait. Don’t do that. Maybe Niall’s is at Perrie’s flat.” Zayn didn’t bother with shoes as he left his room and grab the spare key Perrie gave Louis to her flat. As soon as he found it, he left the flat and went across the hall. “I’m checking now.”

Zayn knocked at the door and waited a few seconds. It didn’t sound like anyone was moving inside the flat, so he knocked again. It was still pretty early and he wouldn’t blame Niall for still being asleep after whatever the hell happened the night before.

“Is he there?” Liam asked.

“Hold on.” Zayn unlocked the door and quietly entered. He didn’t want to make too much noise just in case Niall was sleeping, but when he saw that Niall’s bed hadn’t been touched, he cursed. “Liam, do you have any idea what time he left?”

“No,” he replied. “I lost Niall and I just gave Louis another reason to hate me.”

Zayn frowned at that comment. “Louis doesn’t hate you, mate.”

Liam sighed. “Where do you think Niall went? You know him better than I do.”

“I’m not sure.” Zayn checked through the rooms before leaving the flat. “I’ll ask Louis. Maybe he knows something.” Right before he walked back to his flat, he said, “Liam, don’t beat yourself up about this. Niall probably went for a walk or crashed at a friend’s house or something.”

“But we’re his friends and he’s not with any of us.”

“He could be with Harry.”

“He thinks Harry hates him,” Liam said.

Zayn slapped his forehead in distress. “We’ll find him. I’m about to ask Louis, and I’ll keep you posted if anything comes up. I’m sure Niall is fine.”

Liam sighed again. “I’ll let you know if I hear anything from my end. And Zayn?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry.

“For what?” Zayn was confused. Liam didn’t do anything to him to apologize.

“A lot of things.” And with that, Liam ended the call.

Zayn had to take a moment before walking inside and going straight to Louis’ room. He knocked on the door twice before twisted the knob and walking in. “Hey, have you heard from Niall?”

Louis stopped pacing and looked at his flatmate. “No. Why?”

“He may or may not be missing.”

“What?”

Zayn explained to Louis what Liam told him and how he checked both flats with no Niall in either of them. “So any idea where he would go?”

Louis sat down at the corner of his bed. “I just.” He closed and eyes and took a deep breath. He had been so focused on Harry that he forgot to check on Niall. He felt terrible and his heart hurt. And it was amazing that Liam was still causing problems. “I don’t know.” He laughed humorlessly. “Zayn, what the fuck is going on?”

“Hell if I know.” He saw how exhausted Louis looked, but if Niall was truly missing, they had to find him. The entire group needed to reassure each other that they were okay.

After a moment, Louis was back on his feet. “Okay, let’s just started checking everywhere. I’ll go the bakery and you go the school. Tell Liam to stay in his flat just in case Niall comes back for his phone. He’s around somewhere.”

Zayn nodded. He was still amazed at how quickly Louis would drop whatever was going on with himself to help someone else. Louis was a good person and Zayn was glad he knew him. “Yeah, that sounds like a plan.”

Sending a text to Liam, Zayn headed back to his room to get dressed. Everything was going to be okay again. At least, he hoped it would be.

;;

Harry had every intention to leave his home and to go to his spot. He purposely ignored the reasoning for the last time he was there because it might remind him of his purpose from all those months ago. Harry had every intention to leave, but when he opened the door, he found Louis on his doorstep with his hand up like he was about to knock.

They stared at each other for a minute or two before Harry attempted to close the door and retreat back into the safety of his flat. But Louis put his foot in the way and pushed against the wood of the door. “Harry, please. Don’t shut me out. Literally.”

That was not what Harry was trying to do. He just needed time to think and to be alone. Last night, he was pushed off stable ground as his memories bombarded his thoughts, and he was trying to recover.

“I’m not,” Harry said.

Louis breathed out in relief that Harry spoke. It was the first time in over twelve hours that he heard Harry say anything. “Then let me in.”

Harry opened his mouth, but no words came out. His stance was guarded and his face was blank. He wanted to let Louis in and let him hold him and tell him that everything was fine. But he couldn’t because it wasn’t true. Nothing was fine and finding that photo of Liam and Jake just reminded him of the weight he had in his chest.

It was obvious that it was going to take some persuading to get Harry to open up, so Louis said, “Liam lost Niall.”

“What?” His forehead scrunched up as he tilted his head in confusion. “Lost Niall?”

“I know that you’re upset,” Louis said with a careful voice. “But I thought you should know that Niall ran away last night and no one’s heard from him. And judging from your reaction, he’s not here.”

Harry blinked once, twice. He tried to process the words that came out of Louis’ mouth, but he was having a hard time because _no_ , Niall couldn’t have runaway. He wouldn’t do that. Would he?

Louis took Harry’s silence in defeat. “Haz, whatever it is that you’re dealing with, know that I’m always here and that I’m not going anywhere. Figuratively, I mean.” He removed his foot and took a step back. “And if you hear from Niall, let us know.”

Just as Louis turned around, Harry called his name. “I think I know where he is.”

“Do you?”

Harry shrugged. “It’s a hunch.”

“Then, please, lead the way.” Louis stepped to the side and gave room for Harry to walk.

As they were walking to the car, Louis’ phone rang. He picked up immediately, but scowled once he realized who it was.

“Did you find Niall?” Louis asked, his voice short.

“N-no,” Liam stuttered. “I was just wondering if there was an update.”

Louis tsked. “If there was, Zayn would have called you.”

“Oh, I just—I feel like it’s my fault that he’s gone,” Liam said. “He was in my flat and then he left without me noticing and I dunno. I hope he’s okay.”

The older man had to refrain from using a line of words he had stringed together since he was nineteen, and decided to go with plan B. “It’s insane for someone so beautiful to be left alone.” Louis got silence in return and he didn’t even care how harsh he sounded. “Goodbye, Liam.”

Harry looked over at Louis with a questioning look, but didn’t voice any of his questions. He wondered if he had said something about Jake to Louis in passing. He wondered if Louis knew about Jake being Liam’s ex. He wondered what could possibly make Louis so angry towards Liam.

;;

After he checked the park by their flat and the school, Zayn headed to Liam’s flat. He kept his eyes peeled as he drove just in case he caught Niall walking around. He was getting nervous because no one had heard from Niall and they haven’t found him yet. He didn’t want to jump to the worst case scenario, but he was slowly starting to.

When he got to Liam’s, he saw that the door was cracked, so he let himself in and called out Liam’s name to let him know that he was there. He found Liam in the living room, sitting on the couch, and staring at the wall with a face that was obvious that Liam was thinking about something.

“Liam?” Zayn walked over to him and waved his hand over Liam’s face. “Liam, you in there?”

Liam blinked before turning his head towards Zayn. He didn’t say anything, though. Just looked at Zayn.

Zayn sat down next to him and placed a hand over Liam’s. “Hey, it’s okay.” This was something Zayn was telling himself the entire day and he needed Liam to believe him. “I know you’re blaming yourself, but don’t. It’s not your fault, I promise.” He squeezed Liam’s hand before moving his own away.

“But it is,” Liam finally said. “Niall was freaking out last night and I tried my best to console him, but I probably just made everything worse. The one night he was here and I  . . .” He shook his head. “My fault,” he mumbled as he covered his face with his hands.

“ It’s not like you drove him to the middle of nowhere and left him for dead,” Zayn said. “After we left, you stayed with Niall and you did everything I would have done. It’s not your fault. I—” He stopped talking when Liam stood up.

Something that came out of Zayn’s mouth made Liam comprehend what Louis meant over the phone. He got to his feet at remembering and sat right back down once he realized what it meant.

;;

“It’s probably none of my business, but isn’t the bakery usually open right now?” Louis asked as he looked around the abandoned shop.

“I gave myself the day off,” Harry responded. “My second in command should come in a couple of hours to open.”

Louis sat down at a table and closed his eyes. His heart rate was going fast, and he really hoped it would go back to normal speed soon.

Harry flipped on the lights from behind the counter when he noticed Louis’ state. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah. Just the cold air knocked the breath out of me,” Louis said. And it was part of the truth.

Walking out from the counter, Harry placed a bottle of water on the table. “Drink this and if you want anything from the display case, go for it. I’m gonna go check the back.”

Louis shook his head. “The water should be enough.”

“You never take any of the sweets I have to offer,” Harry pouted.

“Not always.” Louis’ eyes smirked as he uncapped the bottle and took a sip.

If Harry was the one who took a sip, then he would surely have spit the water out at that comment. Ducking down to hide his blush, he pointed in the general direction of the kitchen. “I’ll be back.”

Harry looked around the kitchen, his office, the storage room, and even went up to the rooftop to see if Niall was admiring the view Harry loved so much. When he got back to Louis, he regretted to inform him that Niall wasn’t around anywhere and that his hunch sucked.

Louis laughed. “You make it sound like I just got rejected from a job or something. And don’t put yourself down, Harold. I was gonna check here before I stopped by your flat.”

It was then that Harry realized that just being around Louis made him feel better. Yes, it was a slap in the face to realize how he and Liam were connected, but he knew that it shouldn’t be something he dwelled on for too long. He loved Jake, but that was in the past. He was young and all he wanted was love, and when that blew up in his face, he grew up.

Before Harry could reply to Louis, the landline for the bakery started ringing. The two lads exchanged a look and because the bakery was technically supposed to be open right now, Harry picked up. “In The Mix bakery, Harry speaking. How may I help you?”

“Hello, yes. I need to schedule a pick up.” The woman’s accent was rather different from what Harry was used to hearing and he was curious to know where she was from.

Harry grabbed a pen from the register and picked up an order form. “Alright. What’ll it be?”

“I need you to pick up a blond-haired Irishman from the train station,” she said. “And put a rush on it.”

“Wait, Niall?”

“Yes, Niall. Now please, hurry up. I kinda don’t want to miss my train,” she said.

Harry dropped the pen. “Is he alright?”

The woman sighed. “Yes, I promise. He’s all in one piece. And now I need to get back to him before he sprints off into the sunset. Cheers, mate.”

Louis stood up. “Did you just say Niall? Was that him?”

Harry still had the phone to his head despite the dial tone ringing in his ear. “Uhm. That was a completely random woman who just called to tell me to get Niall from the train station. She didn’t say much, but she is full of jokes. Not as good as mine, of course.”

“Of course,” Louis echoed, trying to contain his fondness and failing. “Let’s get going, then.” And when they’re in their car, Louis looked back at the car seat in the back and asked, “Is Haley with a babysitter?”

“She’s with her grandparents,” Harry answered as he pulled out of the lot. “She doesn’t spend as much time as she should with them, so every few weeks or so, I’ll drop her off. It’s not fair for me to hog her when I’m not her actual family, y’know?”

Louis scrunched her brow. “I can agree that her grandparents should see her, but you’re just as much as her family as they are. Sure, maybe blood doesn’t tie you together, but you’re her dad and you know it. Just watch—as soon as Haley is old enough, she will say all of this to you.”

Harry smiled at the thought. “Maybe. Or she’ll be one of those who slam doors and yell ‘you’re not my dad!’ and all that.”

“I’m sure Niall will just that line once we get him.” Louis took out his phone and sent a text to Zayn to let him know what was going on.

“Why do you say that? D’you like to be called daddy?” Harry Styles, a.k.a. The Little Shit.

Louis tilted his head slightly and licked his lips. “Are you really going there, Harold? Now, before you answer, I need you to think _long_ and _hard_ about your answer. Think you can do that?” Harry squirmed in his seat and Louis smirked. “Thought so. Don’t try to play a big boy game, H. You’re only gonna get hurt.”

Harry let out an exasperated sound. “You are awful.”

The older man shrugged and expected his nails. “Nothing I haven’t heard before. And for god’s sake, step on it. You drive slower than my nan.”

After that comment, Harry sped up his driving and soon, they were at the station. Harry should have asked for more details on exactly where Niall was, but considering how Louis was already crossing the platform with determination, Harry figured that Louis found him.

“Niall James Horan, what the fuck?” Louis practically screamed as he neared Niall.

Niall looked up from the bench he was sitting on. He saw Louis storming towards him with Harry a few yards back, and he turned towards Andi, the person he had been talking to for the past few hours. “When you said you had to make a call, you called them?” he asked her.

Andi smiled sheepishly at him. Niall had mentioned the name of the bakery he worked at, so with a Google search and a quick phone call, she made things happen. “Babe, you’re a mess and you need your family.” Niall was about to say something, but she placed her hand over his mouth. “Nope. These guys are your family and don’t even try to deny it. Look how fast they came for you. Do you see how you mean so much to them? That they love you and would never want you to leave?”

Louis finally reached them and pulled Niall up to his feet. “What in the hell were you thinking?”

Niall looked down at Andi, feeling a mixture of betrayal and awe. “I trusted you.”

Andi put her hands up in surrender. “Yes and it was time for you to go home.” She stood up and extended her hand. “I’m guessing you’re Louis. Niall’s told me great things about you.”

He shook her hand. “And I’m guessing you’re the woman who called the bakery?” Louis inspected her and noticed she had to be around Niall’s age, so calling her a woman felt off.

She nodded just as Harry joined the group. “And this is Harry?”

“Present,” he smiled and shook her hand. It took him a second before he snapped his fingers and flapped his hands in excitement. “You’re Australian!”

Niall groaned. “Did ya have to call ‘em?”

Andi laughed and adjusted her glasses. “Yes, yes I did.” She picked her bag up from the bench and swung it over her shoulder. “As lovely as it was to meet all of you, I better get going.” She patted Niall’s shoulder before walking away.

Louis watched as Niall followed her with his eyes until she disappeared into the crowd. He made a mental note to ask about this girl later, but for now, he was in a mood to scold. “Listen here, Niall. I dunno what made you think it was okay to disappear into the night, but never again, okay? You worried all of us half to death and I swear to god, I will have you by the balls if you try this ever again.”

Niall winced at the threat. “I just.” He sighed. His eyes were glossy and his cheeks were red. “I didn’t want to be burden anymore.”

“You were never a burden,” Louis assured him. “You’re like the little brother I never had. No, fuck that. You are better than the little brother I never had.”

“But with Liam—”

Louis cut him off. “Things with Liam are complicated and completely separate.”

Niall nodded. Then, he turned towards Harry. “I’m sorry for spilling water on you last night.”

“What, no.” Harry shook his head and pulled Niall into a hug. “I told you that was nothing to worry about and I meant it. When I left last night, it had nothing to do with you, I promise.”

Louis joined in on the hug and Niall said, “I love you, lads. Thank you for everything and I’m sorry for leaving.”

“Never again,” Louis reminded him.

“Never again,” Niall repeated.

On their way back to the flat, Niall fell asleep in the backseat and both of the older lads were glad that Niall was safe and okay. Sure, Niall hadn’t made it far, but if he got on one of those trains, who knows where he would have ended up.

Looking at Niall, Louis let out a huge yawn. “Damn. Almost forgot how tired I was. Barely slept last night.”

Harry frowned because he had a feeling it was because of him. “I’m sorry.” And then: “Wait, are things complicated with Liam because. . .” He trailed off and chuckled to himself at the ridiculousness of it all. He overheard what Louis said to Niall and maybe Louis did know about how they were connected. “Y’know?”

“What?” Louis was confused. “I’m a bit tired, darling. What’re you talking about?”

“Liam’s Jacob is my Jake, the guy who I saw my entire future with and who ended it because it wasn’t working for him. It was only a couple weeks later that he got with Liam and apparently they just about sealed the deal. God, I’m such an idiot for not realizing earlier. It’s been three years and I just.” Harry shrugged. “Freaked out, I guess.”

Louis took the news in shock because he didn’t know that. Apparently he didn’t know a lot of things, but he did know that Liam had a history of causing trouble in all of their lives. And he hoped that Liam wouldn’t do the same to Zayn as Liam did to him.

;;

Zayn’s phone beeped with a text and he audibly cheered. “Louis and Harry found Niall. He’s okay.” He was relieved, but it was short lived because Liam looked like he just killed a man. “Liam?”

Liam stood up and took a step away from the couch. “I think it’s best if you leave.” He ignored the fact that his voice cracked at the end. He needed Zayn to leave because Liam was a horrible person and he rather turn away from Zayn before Zayn turned on him. If Louis brought this up now, he was probably on his way to tell Harry and would eventually tell Zayn. _They were right_ , Liam told himself, _the past does catch up to you to bite you in the arse_.

“Liam,” Zayn said again.

“Please,” he begged.

Zayn stepped forward and Liam looked at him skeptically. He was captivated, that was for sure, but he was scared. Not that Zayn was scary. The situation was what he found scary. He wasn't sure what was going to happen because with his luck, this was going to blow up in his face.

When Zayn was right in front of Liam, he placed his hands on Liam's shoulders. "I need you to relax, okay?" Liam nodded. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying right here—just you and me. Alright?"

Liam wanted to agree, but he could hear Louis’ words echo in his head. _It is insane for someone so beautiful to be left alone_.

He wanted to say something, but he couldn’t. Liam gulped once he noticed how close Zayn was to his face. Zayn was so close that Liam could see the gold flecks in his eyes that drove his burning gaze. Liam didn't know what to do with this proximity, so he did the first thing that came to mind. “Zayn, please. Just go.”

Zayn dropped his hands and sighed. “If that’s what you want, then fine. But if you want me to come back, I am a text away.”

Liam nodded and Zayn left. And Liam buried his face in his hands once again as the memory came back to its full extent.

;;

**SIX GLORIOUS YEARS AGO**

It was about halfway through Liam’s first term at uni and he was at some house party of someone he didn’t know the name of. This wasn’t his first party, but he still couldn’t believe that he would hear about what parties were going on or which bar or club to go to. He was being included and he wasn’t sure if he would ever get used to that.

Liam also wasn’t sure if he would get used to the guy being interested in him. Sure, they were people before the guy and there would probably be more after him, but there was just something about him that Liam found intriguing.

“You look good,” Liam told the guy and he could tell that the guy didn’t believe him. That just intrigued Liam even more because the guy was drop dead gorgeous and Liam refused to not praise the guy for his beauty.

The guy wanted to say something, but he shook his head and kept his mouth shut. So Liam extended his hand and suggested they go somewhere quieter. The guy agreed and it was only a couple of minutes later before they were upstairs in one of the bedrooms with their shirts off and their lips connected.

Liam took the guy’s move as a boost of confidence and palmed him over his jeans while kissing down his neck. “You’re so warm,” Liam whispered into his skin.

When Liam’s hands roamed down his body, the guy grabbed them just before they touched his stomach. He pulled Liam back until they were at the bed and fell back on it, pulling Liam on top of him.

“What d’ you want?” Liam asked and thumbed at the button on the guy’s jeans. The guy was squirming at the attention and he knew what he wanted, but he was a bit shy to say it. “C’mon, use your words,” Liam encouraged. “I’ll do whatever you want. Just tell me.”

The guy huffed before stretching his neck to kiss Liam and pushing his hand down the front of Liam’s pants. Once he had a firm hold on Liam, he said, “That.”

Liam smirked. “Perfect.” He traced his fingers over the guy’s jaw and looked right into his blue eyes when he said, “It is insane for anyone so beautiful to be left alone.”

“Prove it,” the guy prompted.

This moment had been leading up for months, but there were no fireworks. There wasn’t anything that was magical or wonderful. Perhaps it was because Liam just saw this as sex. He didn’t see anything coming of this and it was almost as if he reached a goal. And if he ever ran into the guy again, he wouldn’t mind round two.

Liam had an arm around the guy’s waist as he thrust into him. “Fuck,” he moaned as the guy clenched around him. He didn’t know how much longer he could last.

“G-gonna . . .” The guy never finished his sentence because in a blink of an eye, he was coming.

“Fuck,” Liam said again, chasing his own orgasm. And as he pulled out and was breathing hard, he said, “So beautiful, Louis, so beautiful.”

Louis shook his head and adjusted himself, so he was cuddled next to Liam. He didn’t say much and with Liam running his hand through his hair, he must have fallen asleep. And when Louis woke up, he expected to find Liam next to him, but instead he found an empty bed and a combination of hurt and anger in his heart.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was just under 5000 words, you guys still with me?
> 
> it would mean the world to me if you reblog the [masterpost](http://littlecutielouis.tumblr.com/post/90876803205/boxes-walls-pairing-harry-louis-word-count) for this fic. or maybe say hello on [tumblr](http://littlecutielouis.tumblr.com/) :) x


	17. Cardiac Arrest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sits you on my knee* Let me tell you a story about a boy and boy who crossed each other's paths for the first time today in the queue of the auditions for the X-Factor four years ago...
> 
> (okay not really but it is the four year anniversary and i'm not crying you're crying)

title song: [Cardiac Arrest by Bad Suns](http://youtu.be/N83eCpPua_A)

;;

In the midst of the chaos and the mess that everyone was falling into, there was a bit of hope that happiness would be reached once all of this passed. Of course, for this to pass, it had to be dealt with despite the fact that everything that happened took place in the past. It might not be new to the person who faced the event face on, but it was new to the people around. It became something big for the second time in the course of life because it was not resolved when it should have been.

Truth be told, there was no easy resolution especially because the people at fault were clueless of their actions. They were focused on themselves and the people they were trying to be and the people they were trying to break free of. They didn’t realize the entirety of the repercussions when it came to what they did and who they took down in the process. Was it intentional? Probably not, but it was too late to take it back. The damage was done and the only way to go was forward.

But that couldn’t happen until it was dealt with, which went back to the original people involved. These people were holding on to the anger and now that they’ve been reminded of everything, the hurt has returned and it was almost like it was happening all over again.

Perhaps there wasn’t one solution and perhaps each problem needed something different, but regardless of the situation and the people involved, the first step was to talk it out, so hopefully, everyone could let it go and move on. Living in the past was never a good thing because sooner or later, everything that was buried will begin crawling back and no one wanted that.

Zayn stopped typing and reread over the words he just wrote. For the past few hours, he was in a writing mood, so he sat down with his laptop and let his fingers do their thing; however, after reading the pages, Zayn realized that he was no longer narrating the life of his main character. No, he was writing his inner monologue of thoughts. His main character was in the middle of a conflict and so were Zayn’s friends, hence the reasoning behind turning the character into his friends.

With a sigh, Zayn pushed his laptop away from him and rubbed his eyes. That last scene he wrote was stupid and his friends were being stupid, and he wondered how much longer until they realized they were being stupid. After Niall’s disappearing act, everyone kind of took a step back from the others, and Zayn, being the quiet observer, noticed how out of touch they were.

“Shit,” Zayn groaned when he checked the time and saw it was way past an acceptable time to be awake. He had to have been writing for the past few hours, but he doubted he would keep much of what he wrote once he revised. He was mixing real life into his creativity and he did not like that.

Deciding to call it a night, Zayn shut down his laptop and stood up. He stretched his muscles before leaving his room to get some water before bed. When he turned out of the hallway, he saw a faint light coming from the kitchen. As he got closer, he saw Louis sitting at the kitchen table with his laptop in front of him and an array of papers all around him.

“What’re you doing?” Zayn asked once he was standing on the other side of the table.

Louis nearly jumped out of his chair. He closed his eyes and clutched his heart. “Jesus Christ, I knew I should have gotten you that bell for Christmas. You’re much too quiet on your feet.”

Zayn shrugged and sat down. “Didn’t mean to scare you, sorry.”

“It’s fine.” Louis straightened a stack of papers that were to his left. Then he frowned at his screen and angrily tapped at the keys.

“You okay?”

Louis sighed. “I will be. I just. There’s a lot to do and not a lot of time to do it.”

It clicked for Zayn then. “You’re working on the showcase.”

“And the senior directed show.” The older man continued typing. “I tried sleeping, but there was just too much on my mind. I need to get this done.”

Zayn looked down at the papers closest to him. They had an array of possible acts and an idea how much tickets should be and a rough draft of the flyer. It was obvious that Louis was overworking himself by trying to do everything alone. “Hey, y’know I can help, right?”

Louis stopped what he was doing and looked across the table at his flatmate. He looked relieved for a short second, but before Zayn could fully describe it, Louis was clearing his throat. “You don’t have to. I got this.”

“Too bad because I’m helping.” Zayn stood up and walked around to Louis. “The senior show is next week, right?” Louis nodded. “What’s left to be done for it?”

“Zayn, you really don’t have t—”

“Louis, shut the fuck up and let me help,” Zayn said, successfully cutting Louis off. “I want to help, alright? We’re a great team, yeah?”

It took a moment, but then Louis nodded. “Yeah.” He turned his laptop, so Zayn could see the screen. “I’ve been trying to figure out an order for the acts. I have the scripts here with the lists of props and the stage outline. I don’t want the kids to have hard time rearranging the stage for every scene, so.” He got lost in his words and frowned when he stopped midsentence.

“So the transitions can be smooth and simple,” Zayn finished for him.

“Yeah.” Louis smiled a bit. “I guess you are a good help.”

“I haven’t done anything yet.”

“Oh, but you have.”

;;

Later on the day when it was an acceptable time to be up and about, Zayn was in the kitchen preparing a pot of chicken alfredo. The meat was cooked and just as he was adding the alfredo sauce, a knock came from the door. Louis went to answer it and Zayn continued on with his cooking.

But after a couple minutes, he tuned into the voices and _fuckfuckfuckfuck_. Zayn moved the pot off the burner and went towards the door with wide eyes.

“Just . . . here.” Liam handed Louis a phone. “I tried Niall at his flat, but there wasn’t anyone there, so I figured to try here.” Louis took it, knowing that Niall was currently at the bakery. He didn’t say anything and Liam was clearly uncomfortable in Louis’ presence now that he remembered their history and now that he knew the reason for Louis’ distaste. “Right. I’ll, um, just be going.”

Just as Liam turned, Louis said, “Hey Liam?”

“Yeah?”

Louis moved the phone to his left hand before punching Liam in the face, causing Liam to take a step back and just about lose his footing.

“Louis!” Zayn screamed. If his eyes weren’t wide already, they would have been then. He knew his friends had some unresolved issues, but he didn’t expect there to be violence.

Liam wiped his nose with the back of his hand and red stained his skin. His eyes were glossy and his shoulders were hunched. “It’s okay,” he told Zayn. “I deserved that.”

Zayn was about to object to that statement, but Louis started talking. “No,” he said sternly. “The person you were six years ago deserved that. The person you are now needs to pick his confidence off the floor and do something.” Louis tilted his head towards Zayn when he spoke that last part. “Thanks for the phone.” And with that, Louis walked away, leaving a bewildered Liam and Zayn.

“Liam . . .” Zayn stepped forward, but Liam shook his head. “Hey, wait.”

Liam sighed. “It’s okay, Zayn. Really. What I did—” He cut himself off. “I deserved that.” He wiped his nose again, twisting his mouth at the blood. He didn’t say anything else as he backed out of the flat and left, looking like a kicked puppy.

Zayn stood there, looking where Liam left and where Louis disappeared off to. “Okay, what the hell just happened?” he asked out loud even though there wasn’t anyone there to give him an answer. Shutting the front door and returning to the kitchen, he found Louis standing against the refrigerator with a bag of frozen peas to his hand.

“God, did Liam have to be a fireman?” Louis groaned, staring at his hand.

“Care to explain what that was about?”

“Not really.” Louis pushed himself off the surface and went to his room, closing the door behind him.

;;

When Zayn went to pick up Niall, he tried to come up with a number of how many times he picked Niall up alone. Louis was usually who went, sometimes even going an hour early just to crunch in some extra time with Harry. It wasn’t like Zayn hadn’t done this before or that he minded, but he couldn’t help but notice that Louis became reluctant to go once this mess happened.

Zayn tapped his fingers on the steering wheel as he tried to come with an idea of what this mess actually was. He knew everyone was upset in some way or another, and he didn’t know why. What was the correlation between all of them? What happened that made them all avoid each other? And most importantly, why the hell was no one telling him what was wrong?

He tried not to think that he was in the dark because his friends forgot about him. He had spent a good amount of his life being invisible, and he did not want to return to that. He thought he had found some sort of visibility in this group of people, but with how they were acting these days, he wasn’t sure. He knew he tended to be quiet and to himself, but he really did enjoy their company. Sure, he might not start up a discussion, but he loved hearing them converse.

His hypothesis was interrupted once he got to the bakery and went inside. Right when he got to the counter, Niall walked out from the kitchen with a tray of scones in hand.

“Zayn,” he smiled. “Look at these! I made them meself!”

“Really?” Zayn was honestly impressed. “They look great. I’ll take three.”

Niall paused for a second as he processed what Zayn just said. “Oh, yeah. Sure thing, mate.” He placed the tray on the counter and placed three of the scones in a bag. He rung it up and told Zayn the price. After Zayn paid, Niall handed him the bag. “Thank you and please come again.”

Zayn chuckled. “Oh, absolutely!”

“Give me a few more minutes and then I’ll be ready to go,” Niall said as he picked up the tray.

“Take your time. I’ll be over here when you’re done.” Zayn walked over to one of the tables and sat down. He saw Niall arrange the scones in the display case before disappearing into the back. Another one of the workers was working the register and there were a handful of people throughout the shop with a delicious baked good in front of them.

As he waited, Zayn broke off a piece of one of the scones and took a bite. He didn’t know who taught Niall how to make it because it was a damn good scone. Zayn was a bit surprised and all the more impressed with Niall. It made him smile to know how far Niall had come and how much further he would go.

“All done.” Niall was minus an apron, but plus a smile.

Zayn stood up and held the bag tight. “These scones are amazing.”

Niall shrugged nonchalantly. “Harry taught me how to make ‘em. I thought it was gonna be stupid hard, but it’s not that bad. Once ya get the hang of it, it’s like mindless work.”

“Hmm.” He nodded. “Is Harry here?”

“Yeah, but he’s cooped up in his office,” he answered. “Number crunching or somethin’. He’s been doing that a lot lately.”

Zayn nodded. “Alright. Let’s go. I have a surprise for you.”

Niall chipped up even more. “Really? What is it? Tell me!”

“Aw, c’mon, don’t you know how surprises work?”

“Yeah, but,” Niall started, but didn’t finish. “Alright, okay. I’ll wait, but it better be good.”

Zayn snorted. “Ungrateful.”

“You love me.”

The older man stopped walking. “We all do,” Zayn said sincerely. “You know that, right?”

Niall groaned and walked to Zayn’s car. “I get it. I know. I promise I won’t run off again, Jesus. I can’t handle all of this constant reminding.”

Zayn caught up to him. “You set yourself up for that one.” He unlocked the doors and once they were both inside, he opened the middle console and took out Niall’s phone. “I’m assuming you’ve been missing this.”

“I thought I lost that.” Niall took the phone and frowned when he saw that the battery was dead. “Where did I leave it?”

“Liam’s.”

The frown deepened. “Oh.” He cleared his throat and pocketed the device. “Um. Thanks.”

“Hey, no frowning in my car,” Zayn said. “Brooding is acceptable in the early mornings or when deprived of food or sleep, but that’s about it.”

The corners of Niall’s mouth twitched at that. “If that’s the case, then you’ve been breaking your own rule forever now.”

;;

After Zayn dropped Niall off at the flat, he had one more item on his list of things to do before he could call it a day and enjoy his Saturday. He got back on the main road and drove until he reached the fire station. He wanted to check on Liam and since Liam didn’t pick up his call, he figured he was at work.

Zayn parked his car and got out, going straight to the guest area. He asked for Liam and the man he spoke to said he would be right back.

“I’m sorry, mate. Liam must be out on a call,” the man told Zayn when he returned a few minutes later.

This particular station was one of the smaller ones with only one fire truck, which was clearly parked in its rightful place. Zayn eyed the truck before nodding and walking away. Part of him should be offended that Liam was clearly avoiding him, but the part that was on a mission was too determined to pay attention.

Of course, Zayn didn’t enter mission mode until about ten minutes ago.

;;

It was the next day and it was after five and Harry and Niall were standing a few feet away from Harry’s car with matching expressions of hopelessness. The bakery was closed for the night and Harry offered to drive Niall home, but it looked like Harry had a flat tire. No, it didn’t look like a flat tire—it was a flat tire.

“Car trouble?”

They both turn around to find Zayn casually leaning against his own car, spinning his keys around his pointer finger by the key ring.

Harry moved his hair off of his forehead. “Uh, yeah. I must’ve driven over a nail or something this morning.”

Zayn stopped swinging his keys. “Sucks.” He pushed himself off his car and gave his friends a half smile. “How about a ride?”

Niall stepped forward. “Oh, I thought I told you and Louis that Harry was giving me a ride today.”

“You might’ve.” Zayn shrugged. “But from the looks of things, good thing that piece of information just slipped my mind.”

“I’ll say.” Niall got to the car and saw that Harry hadn’t moved. “Harry?”

The curly haired lad was hesitant. “Shouldn’t I call a tow truck?”

“Nah.” Zayn shook his head. “It can wait for the morning. It’ll be alright.” He walked around to the driver’s side and opened the door. “Now, c’mon. It’s rather chilly outside, no?”

Harry and Niall exchanged a look, but they got into the car and Zayn set off. But before Zayn pulled out of the lot, he sent a regular text and a picture text.

They were driving for about ten minutes before Harry leaned forward from the backseat and said, “Um. You passed my neighborhood.”

“Did I?” Zayn’s voice was laced with faux ignorance. “My apologies,” he said, but kept driving forward without turning back.

Niall scrunched his brow. “Where’re we going?”

“Home.” It was a simple answer, but in more way than one, it was true.

More questions were asked from Harry and Niall, and Zayn answered them with short answers that didn’t really say much. It wasn’t until another ten minutes that he turned into a neighborhood and parked in front of a house.

“Come on,” Zayn said as he got out of the car.

Niall was the second one out. “Wait, is this your house?” He glanced at the blue tarp on the roof and the mess of tools on the front porch.

Zayn nodded. “Yeah. Still not done, can you believe that?”

“Why are we here?” Harry asked as he stepped out of the car.

“I needed to pick something up.” Once again, it was a simple answer, but it wasn’t as true. It wasn’t so much of picking something up, but more of bringing something together.

Zayn walked around to the side of the house and entered through a side door. He turned the dial that lifted the garage door and waved Harry and Niall in. “Don’t be shy.” In the garage was an arrangement of a loveseat and a few chairs that were placed in a circle. There was a cooler pushed against the wall and stacks of boxes everywhere else.

Harry walked in as the lights flickered on. It wasn’t creepy, but something felt off, like Harry just walked into something that he didn’t exactly consent on. He was about to say something, but a car door slammed followed by a “What the fuck kinda cryptic text message was that?”

Louis froze when he saw Zayn and Niall and Harry. He placed his hands on his hips and raised his brow. “What’s going on?”

“That’s what Niall and I have been trying to figure out,” Harry replied while Niall shrugged, clueless.

Zayn shook his head. “You lot are making things more complicated than they should be.” He cleared his throat and when he spoke, he had his angry, teacher voice. “Now, have a seat and shut up.” No one moved, so he stared them down. “Did you not hear me?”

Niall was the first to comply followed by Harry and then Louis. “Don’t gotta be a bitch about it,” Louis said as he plopped down on the loveseat. Harry was also sitting on the loveseat, but there was still a good five inches between them.

“Um,” an unsure voice came from behind them. They all turned around and Zayn smiled.

“Ah, Liam.”

“You said something about unresolved fire damage?” Liam had no idea what he just walked into and he wondered if there was still time to make a break for it and pretend he was never there.

Zayn just continued smiling. “I sure did.” He gestured toward the only open chair left, which was next to Niall. “Over here.”

Liam crossed the floor, but didn’t sit down. “Um, where?”

“God,” Zayn mumbled under his breath before shoving Liam’s shoulder hard enough for Liam to fall back on the chair. “Now that we’re all here,” Zayn said with a regular voice, “we can get started.”

“Started? Get what started?” Louis asked.

“Resolution.” Zayn walked over to one of the stacks of boxes and pulled something out. He went back to the group and stood before them. “I’m sure you have all noticed that there is an elephant in the room for reasons varying by the person. And, to be honest, I’m sick of it. This,” he shook the item, “is a talking stick that my little sister made and gifted me.” The stick was decorated with a mess of doodles and glitter, and Zayn’s sister must have been really little when she made it.

Louis rolled his eyes. “Why are you treating us like children?”

“Because you lads are acting like children,” Zayn shot back. “Now, the rule for the talking stick is simple—whoever has it is who talks. No one can interrupt and really, I didn’t want to resort to this, but clearly you need a push to get out whatever it is that caused this.”

“Caused what?” Harry asked.

“Us not hanging out,” Niall answered.

Zayn clapped. “Correct. Now before we begin, I want to set something clear.” He pointed the stick at Niall. “No more running away.” At Liam. “No more pretending that you have no friends.” At Harry. “No more avoiding people.” And at Louis. “No more punching people.”

Liam instinctively touched his nose, right under the bruise. Thankfully, Louis didn’t break his nose, but it still hurt.

“Who wants to go first?” Zayn waved the stick. “Niall?”

Niall took the stick and stood up. “Hi, my name is Niall and I’m an alcoholic.” Louis leaned across Harry and wacked Niall on the head. “Ow,” he rubbed his head and sat back down. “That’s child abuse.”

Zayn sighed. “Focus, please.”

“Right.” This time, Niall stayed seated as he spoke. “I guess with everything going on, I didn’t want to bother you—any of you—anymore. All of you just kinda took me in and helped me and I just.” He shrugged, not looking at anyone. “Felt like I didn’t deserve it.”

Louis raised his hand, feeling like he was a student and hating this whole talking stick concept. Zayn nodded at him. “But you do deserve it. You’re a bright kid and you should know that. We wouldn’t do anything that we did if you we didn’t care for you.”

“Yeah,” Harry agreed. “We love you.”

Niall shrugged again. “I love you lads, too. But please, enough of the love. I’m about to drown from the sappiness.” He handed the stick to Harry. “Your turn.”

“Oh.” Harry ran his hands through his hair and bit his lip. “Um, a few years ago I dated this guy and I liked him. Like a lot, but he—This guy didn’t like me as much as I liked him. And I guess we wanted different things.” He looked down at the ground. “He broke up with me. Sorta out of the blue and I was caught off guard when it happened. And then I was caught off guard again when I found out that Liam dated him after me. Like literally two weeks after me.”

Liam’s eyes widened. “I didn’t know that. I’m sorry.”

Harry lifted his hands and waved them in a way that said what-are-you-gonna-do. “I know you didn’t know. I freaked out when I realized who you were and I got upset because when Jake and I dated, my house wasn’t really a fun place to be. And like, I thought we would move in together and all that.” He sat back against the cushions. “But whatever. It was years ago and well, Jake’s an arsehole. Obviously.”

“Obviously,” Louis agreed and Liam nodded.

“So yeah. That’s why I’ve been weird.” Harry coughed into his hand and passed the stick to Louis.

“This,” Louis held up the stick. “Yeah, _no_.” He placed the stick on the ground and sat up straighter. “I have no problems. I’m good,” he lied.

Zayn crossed his arms over his chest. “You punched Liam in the face yesterday.”

“Shit happens.”

“Louis.”

He groaned. “Fine. A long, long time ago,” Louis began. “When I was like Niall’s age. No, I was a bit older because I was in uni. Whatever,” he shook his head. “I went to a series of parties,” he paused and Liam looked away. “And what I didn’t realize until recently is that Liam and I knew each other back then.”

“Know how?” Zayn asked.

“We were in the same circle of party goers,” Louis answered. “And after, I dunno, a few months of parties, we slept together.” He shrugged. “Whatever. No big deal. It happened a long time ago.”

But it was a big deal because Liam looked uncomfortable and Harry looked shocked and Niall kept looking between the two of them and Zayn was trying to piece everything together.

Because of the awkward silence that followed what Louis said, he continued. “I mean, it’s not like we were together or anything like that. We hung out at parties and flirted and ended up shagging. And then I never saw Liam again. Well, until the day of the hospital when we all met.”

“Anything else?” Zayn asked.

The way Louis spoke made it seem like it was the condensed version of things. Of course, there were more details, but they weren’t worth mentioning. The conversation was awkward enough already. “No. That’s it. I’ve been weird because a lot of shit was going on back then and being a target from Liam’s hit it and quit it phase didn’t help much. When I realized how I knew Liam, everything just kinda slapped me in the face, so yeah. That’s it.”

Liam hid his face in his hands and shook his head. “I’m so sorry,” he apologized. “You had every right to punch me and I probably deserve much worse. I’m so, so sorry.”

“Remember what I told you yesterday?” Louis asked and Liam nodded once, moving his hands away. “I meant it. Back then, I was mad at you. Now? Not so much.”

Zayn breathed out. He knew his friends had problems and he knew they were probably huge to them, but this was much more than he expected. He had been standing this entire time, so he sat down on the chair behind him. He knew there was more to be said because Louis and Liam weren’t the only ones who had a past.

Niall cleared his throat. “Is this a good time to say that Liam and I kissed?”

Liam slapped his forehead and ran his hand down his face. He didn’t say anything, but it was obvious that he was probably about to cry at all the trouble he caused these people.

“Wait, what?” Harry asked. “When?”

“The night I ran away,” Niall answered. He chuckled, lightening the mood in an instant. “At this rate, Liam probably has an illegitimate child with Zayn for all we know. Zayn? Liam?”

“No,” Zayn said, slowly. “No illegitimate child. But,” he paused and smirked. “Harry did blow me before.” He never thought to mention this detail before, but might as well throw it in with everything else that had been said.

Louis’ face fell at that. “Wait, what?”

“It was like, four years ago,” Harry defended. “And we were drunk at a bar.”

Zayn nodded. “Yeah. And look at those lips.” He was purposely trying to rile Louis up. “They were made fo—”

“ _Ugh_ ,” Niall groaned, horrified. “Please stop. I think I’ve heard enough about everyone’s sex life, Jesus!” Just as he said that, Louis scooted closer to Harry and pulled him close, mumbling _mine_ into Harry’s shirt. “Oh, great. We’re back to that now. Thanks, Zayn.”

He stood up. “Anytime.” Zayn walked over to the cooler. “Now that all the big things are out. We can relax a bit.” He took out a six pack of beer. “With a drink, I mean.”

“Even me?” Niall asked.

“Even you.”

It took some more time, but the lads were slowly becoming a unit again. When it was his turn to speak, Liam apologized every other sentence and he genuinely felt bad for everything, but everyone—especially Louis—assured him that he was not hated. They were all different people six years ago and mistakes were made. Everyone had their faults and everyone had to deal with their pasts. It was just part of life.

Perhaps not everyone’s deepest, darkest secret was out, but enough was shared that gave a better perspective on the group. The past weeks were a reminder that everyone had something going on and with a little help, they could get past it together.

And as everyone interacted, Zayn smiled to himself because he did this. He finally brought everyone together again and they were on the road of being okay. His mission was a success and he had said it before and he will say it again. “I’m a genius.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY, hi :) I updated about a day earlier than usual because the next two weeks are going to be insanely busy. I wanted to get this chapter out of the way, so I can focus on my coursework. These next two weeks are the last two weeks of the term and if you're a college student, you know all about this stressful time. I have two presentations, five essays (four of which count as my final exams), and a short story due.
> 
> With that being said, there is not going to be an update for a couple a weeks. But don't worry, as soon as I'm back, there shall be fluff and cute moments!
> 
> See you wonderful people in about two weeks :) 
> 
> And in the meantime, if you wanted to reblog the [masterpost](http://littlecutielouis.tumblr.com/post/90876803205/boxes-walls-pairing-harry-louis-word-count) for this fic or maybe say hello on [tumblr](http://littlecutielouis.tumblr.com/) , I'd be one happy camper :) x


	18. Rollercoaster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm back and i'm filled with horrible references and puns, and fluffy cute moments :)

title song: [Rollercoaster by Bleachers](http://youtu.be/FmUw1MmIYvU)

;;

The second the spotlight was on him, Louis grinned at the crowd. Of course, he could only make out the faces of the people in the first row and barely, at that, but he knew there was a full house. He was awfully sad that the senior directed show was over and that he had to give a closing speech before everyone took their final bow for the night. He was sad because in the past couple of months, he could see how determined his students were to get their scenes perfect and how badly they wanted everything to go great. He was sad because his students were hard workers and he was so, so proud.

“Hello again,” Louis greeted the crowd. Because he wasn’t the director of any of the scenes that were performed tonight, he took over as the host. “We have quite a lot of talent with this group, don’t you think?” The crowd roared and clapped. “I just want to take this time to—” He stopped talking and frowned at his mic, tapping it to find out that it wasn’t working. Louis held up the mic and looked all the way to back of the theatre where the light and sound booth was, hoping his sound guy was paying attention.

There was a shuffle of feet behind Louis and then an arm wrapped around his shoulders. “Yo, Mr. T, Imma let you finish, but this was one of the best shows of all time!”

A confused laugh fell out of Louis’ mouth. “What’re you doing?” The people seated right in front of him could probably hear him and if Louis really wanted, he could project his voice to the entire theatre, but he knew his mic cutting off was not a glitch in the system.

Niall winked at Louis before continuing. “Sorry to interrupt you, but we’re not done just yet,” he announced. “There is one last scene and then you can ramble about how much you love us. But for now, off to your seat.”

The crowd giggled and Louis looked incredulous, but he did what he was told with a shrug and a shake of his head. Louis walked around back and down the steps, and sat down in the seat next to Harry.

“Do you know what is going on?” he asked.

“Nah,” Harry shook his head. “I’m out of the loop, which is probably for the best. I probably would have spoiled the surprise.”

Louis gave him a side but fond look. “Hmmm… Interesting.”

Niall walked to the center of the stage. “As a thank you, the advanced class has been having after hour rehearsals because we wanted to prove that Mr. Tomlinson has actually taught us a thing or two.” He smiled in the direction of where Louis was sitting. “Now, without further ado, I present to you _50 Shades of Mr. T_ , written by Mr. Malik, directed by yours truly, Niall, and sponsored by In The Mix bakery, which is located off of Summer Park Avenue.”

“Out of the loop, huh?” Louis elbowed Harry.

Harry gave him a small smile. “I didn’t actually know what I was sponsoring, honest. Niall just said he needed a sponsor and then went off talking a mile a minute that I just said yes to shut him up.”

Louis laughed. “Alright.” He sat up straight and focused on the stage. He hoped that Zayn didn’t write in any references or innuendo or abuse into the scene because this was a kid friendly show.

And when the curtains opened and the lights shined, Louis saw Sierra, Scott, Matthew, Josh, and Niall take the stage. They stood around in a half circle and it took a minute before Louis realized what the premise of the scene was: the best Louis impression.

The students bantered with each other while using Louis’ most common phrases and Louis laughed throughout the entire scene. They completely nailed the performance and it made his heart swell that his students and his friends did this for him. He had no idea that any of this would happen and if he didn’t have to close the show in a few minutes, he would totally disappear into a secluded corner and cry.

The scene was over just as quickly as it begun, and Louis was back on stage. His mic was actually on this time, so when he said, “I sound nothing like that!” everyone heard him clearly.

After forcing Zayn on stage, Louis thanked everyone who came out to watch the show and he thanked his students’ friends and families and he thanked the department and everyone who supported the show, and finally, he thanked his students for being the absolute best. It was a good night and Louis was glad to see everyone smiling. There was always a calming at the end of a show because after months of working and planning, he could finally breathe and relax.

But of course, the feeling wouldn’t last long because now all the work and plans had to be directed towards the showcase that was sooner than later.

;;

Louis ran out into the small hallway to find Zayn standing there with disheveled hair and wide eyes. They were both clad in pajamas and staring at each other while trying to figure out what the hell was going on.

“Did you…?”

Zayn nodded. “Yeah. You?”

“Yes. What d’you t—?” Louis didn’t finish his question because there it was again. A scream so loud that it woke both of them up and had them running.

The flatmates exchanged a short look before moving their feet and running out of the flat. Louis paused in the hallway for a second, looking from side to side before banging on Niall’s door. Zayn was behind him with a large umbrella in his hand and as much as Louis wanted to laugh at him for his choice of weapon, he would have to wait.

Inside of the flat, there was a crash and a curse. Louis banged on the door again and if Niall didn’t answer, he would not hesitate to break down the door. The scream came from Niall’s flat and everyone heard it. Their neighbors from down the hall were peeking out and were probably ready to call the cops if they hadn’t already.

“Niall!” Louis yelled at the door. “Niall, open the door!” He banged once more. “Niall!”

Zayn stepped forward and moved Louis away from the door. He held on tightly to the umbrella, and raised his leg with the intention of kicking down the door. But before his foot touched the wood, Niall opened the door, shirtless, and with a cut on his hand.

Scanning from what he could see of the flat from the doorway, Zayn dropped the umbrella and placed his hands on Niall’s face. “Are you alright?”

“Uh.” Niall was focused on Zayn’s cool hands on his burning cheeks. “No. I mean, yes. But. No.”

“Obviously,” Louis chimed in. “Your hand is bleeding and your screaming like the fucking boogey monster is after you at one in the morning.”

Zayn moved his hands. “What happened?”

Louis raised his hand to stop either of them from saying anything. He turned towards their neighbors and waved. “Hi, yes. Sorry about the screaming and the commotion. Please, go back inside and get back to bed. We’re truly, deeply sorry for the noise.” There was a mumble here and a grumble there, but their neighbors went away and Louis shoved everyone into Niall’s flat. “Explain. _Now_.”

His voice was serious business, but his movements were gentle. Louis sat Niall down and went to get a paper towel to wipe the blood off of his hand. He held the napkin down with a bit of pressure to stop the bleeding and looked up at Niall, waiting for him to start talking. Meanwhile, Zayn gathered the dustpan and broom and swept up the plate Niall had dropped when Louis banged on the door.

Niall was a bit thrown off with everything, so it took him a minute for his brain to catch up to what was going on. “Right. I was working on my Spanish project and I got an email that I didn’t think anything of. Then I got a second email and I got curious. I checked and it was from the university that I applied to.”

“And?” Louis prompted.

“And,” Niall continued, “the email said that there was a glitch when they updated their system, which was why decisions were delayed for so long and how they apologize and blah blah. The second email just listed a whole bunch of steps and I got confused, so I went to the admissions website and checked my status and well.” He paused and grinned. “I got in!”

Zayn wrapped his arm around Niall’s shoulders and pulled him in for a hug. “Congrats! I told you that you had nothing to worry about.”

Louis made Niall clench his hand into his fist and then, with Zayn still there, he threw his arms around Niall. “I’m so, so proud of you!” When Louis let go, he smacked Niall on his arm. “And despite how proud I am, that is for giving our entire floor a heart attack.”

“Sorry, sorry. I just flipped and to my defense, I had no idea it was so late,” Niall said.

“No more screaming, alright?” Louis ruffled Niall’s hair and took a step back. “Now, wrap that hand and go to bed. It’s late and we all have school in the morning.”

Zayn groaned. “ _School_.” He stood up and with a goodnight, he and Louis headed towards the door.

“Hey, wait,” Niall called out, standing up. Zayn and Louis turned around. “Um. Is it okay if I crash on your couch? All that talk about monsters kinda freaked me out.”

Louis chuckled quietly. “Of course.” He held his hand out and nodded towards the door. “Come on.”

;;

Harry placed a little bag in front of everyone as he made his way to the front. “Before we close this meeting, I just wanted to give you a little present.” He was positively beaming. “Go ahead, open ‘em!”

Cameron snorted when he took out the piece of plastic from the bag. “Customer service rock star?”

“Yup,” Harry nodded.

“The better half?” Mary questioned.

Harry nodded again. “Yes. You are my second in my command.”

Niall absolutely lost his shit when he read the label on Harry’s new name tag. “Cupcake enthusiast?”

“Wait.” Harry frowned. “That one’s mine. Did they mess them up?”

Niall was still laughing, his face a shade of red. “No, no. They didn’t mess up. I just. _Cupcake enthusiast_.” He fell into another fit of laughter, his coworkers joining in.

“Do you like yours, though?” Harry was starting to wonder if the new name tags were a bad idea.

After composing himself, Niall sat up straight and with a very posh accent, read, “Niall, Irish Royalty.”

Cameron snorted again. “Boss, really?” He chuckled. “These tags are completely and undeniably from you, and we absolutely love them. Thanks!”

Harry breathed out. “Are you sure?” He looked at the staff. “We don’t have to use them, if you don’t want to. We can keep the old ones.”

Niall stood up and attached his new name tag to his apron. “Harry, I say this from the bottom of my heart: shut up. Cameron’s right—we love them and I think they give us character.”

“Okay.” Harry smiled, dimples and everything. “That ends our meeting unless anyone else has anything to add?” No one said anything, so Harry clapped. “Okay, then. Thanks for coming in and I’ll see you all later. Bye!”

Once everyone was gone, Niall walked over to Harry. “The name tags were a good idea,” he assured him. “You’re a great boss.”

Harry shrugged. “I thought we needed a change.” He pushed in a couple of chairs. “If I had the money and knew how, I would probably expand this place into a café or restaurant. But from the looks of things, In The Mix will remain a bakery, so a change here and there should keep it fun.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, but.” Harry waved his hand in the air like he was brushing the thought away. “That’s nothing for you to worry about.” He pushed in another chair. “Let’s get you home, yeah?”

Niall nodded. “Yeah. And I’m sure there will be plenty of people who will help if you really do want to expand or whatever. You’re never as alone as you think you are.”

Harry tilted his head and gave Niall a look. “When did you get so smart?”

“Didn’t ya hear? I got accepted to uni a few days ago.”

“So, getting accepting automatically makes you a smart arse?”

“Mhmm.” Niall smirked.

Harry rolled his eyes. “Sure. Now use your newfound smarts and make sure the ovens are off and the freezer door is closed.”

It took them another ten minutes, but after Harry and Niall check that everything was in order, they turned off the lights and headed out. Harry drove Niall to the flat complex, but instead of going to his flat, he knocked on the door to Louis’ and Zayn’s.

When no one answered, Harry offered, “I guess they’re not home.”

Niall shrugged. “Their loss.” He turned around and walked to his flat, taking the key out of his pocket and unlocking the door. As soon as he stepped in and flipped on the light switch, he was hit with a loud “SURPRISE!”

“What. The. Fuck.” Niall blinked a couple times before his eyes adjusted to the scene in front of him. There was a huge banner that read _Happy Half Birthday, Niall!_ on the back wall of the living room and a couple dozen people standing all over the place with huge grins.

Louis extracted himself from the crowd and started talking. “Well, you could look a little happy.”

Niall turned and looked at Harry. “Is this why you offered me a ride home?”

“I’m as out of the loop as you are.” Harry paused. “Again.” He did get a text from Louis that asked him to drive Niall home, but he didn’t know there was a huge reason behind it.

“Wait.” Niall was having a hard time understanding what was going on. “You all did this? For me?” he asked and Louis nodded. “But why?”

“ _Why_ ,” Louis repeated. “Because we missed your actual birthday and you’ll be off in uni for your next birthday, so we figured we’d catch you in the middle.”

“For me?”

“Yes, you nutter. For you.” Louis gestured to the scene behind him. “Happy Half Birthday.”

Niall smiled. “For me,” he said again, but this time it wasn’t a question. His smile got a bit wider. “Thank you. Thank you so much. I just. Thanks.” For a long time, Niall just wanted his friends back. Not even the friends he had a few years ago, just friends in general. He wanted to know that he had a place in a group of people that he could lean on. He wanted to be surrounded by people where he was accepted and where he belonged.

Louis shook his head. “Don’t even mention it.” He grabbed Niall’s hand and pulled him towards everyone. “Time to celebrate! Drop that beat, Zayn!”

Zayn raised his brow, but he was still amused by Louis’ wording. He chuckled as he hit play on the stereo and music filled the flat. When he stood up and turned around, he accidentally bumped right into Liam. “Oh.”

Liam froze. “Uh. Hey.”

“Hey to you, too.” Zayn purposely bumped his shoulder with his own. “Loosen up a bit. It’s a party.”

“Yeah.” His shoulders relaxed. “You and Louis really know how to pull off a good surprise.”

Zayn laughed. “It’s mostly Louis. He’s filled with all of these ideas and most of the time they’re crazy, but they work out in the end. Oh,” he snapped his fingers as he remembered something. “Speaking of Louis’ crazy ideas—the charity showcase, you’re coming right?”

“I believe so, yeah.”

“Okay, good. I need your help with something.”

The corners of Liam’s lip curved up from knowing that he was actually needed for something. “Yes, sure. I’m in. Whatever it is.”

Zayn laughed. “Now, that’s the spirit.” Louis called Zayn over and Zayn waved at him to let Louis know that he heard him. “Well, duty calls, but I’ll be back.”

“Please hurry. I dunno how I’ll survive surrounded by all of these teenagers,” Liam joked.

“I’ll try my very best.” As Zayn walked towards Louis, Niall, and Harry, he smiled because Liam was finally dropping his walls and getting comfortable. When he reached the trio, he gave them a blank stare. “What?”

Louis scoffed. “I know you much rather flirt like thirteen year olds with loverboy, but I need your help with the cake.”

Harry stepped forward. “Wait, what cake? Please don’t tell me you ordered a cake from my competitor.”

“Boss, relax.” Cameron appeared from the crowd with a cake box in his hands. “Remember the cake you saw me decorating earlier?”

Harry audibly sighed. “Why am I never in the loop?”

Louis turned and pecked him on the lips. “You can be in my loop,” he winked.

Zayn rolled his eyes. “Now, who wants to spend time with a certain loverboy?”

Niall was talking to one of his classmates when he heard Louis’ comment to Harry. He looked over at him, physically horrified. “Louis, please. Can you not?”

Louis put his hands up in innocence. “What? I didn’t do anything!”

The party went on and Louis behaved himself because there were students present and he didn’t want to give them too much of his unprofessional side.

Niall didn’t stop smiling the entire night because he realized that he had the very thing he was craving and he had it since he met Louis. He was so happy to be in a social situation that Niall didn’t even remember how crushed he was on his actual birthday when his family didn’t call him. This past week had been a good one with finally getting his acceptance letter and this half-birthday party, and Niall was content to believe that he would be alright.

About an hour later, Louis pulled Zayn to the side with an odd request. “Zayn, will you do me a favor and make sure there’s enough hand soap in the bathroom?”

“Um. O-kay,” Zayn replied, slowly.

“Great. Thanks.” Louis quickly disappeared into the crowd before Zayn could say anything else.

Shrugging, Zayn worked his way through the crowd until he reached the bathroom. He pushed the door open to find Liam squatting in front of the sink where there was a storage cabinet. “Liam?”

Liam turned his head. “Um. I know what this looks like, but I’m—actually, I don’t know what this looks like.”

“What’re you doing?”

“Louis asked me to refill the hand soap and I was looking for it.” Liam stood up and Zayn started laughing. “Why are you laughing?”

Zayn shook his head. “Because Louis probably thinks he is a genius.” He placed his hand on Liam’s elbow and tried to lead him out, but Liam didn’t move.

“But the soap.” Liam had this concerned puppy look going on and Zayn had no idea what to do with him.

“Forget the soap. Let’s get back to the party.” And when Zayn tried this time, Liam went with him. Zayn went straight to Niall and asked where Louis was.

“Hell if I know,” Niall replied. “Last I saw him, he was holding Harry’s hand and walking.”

Zayn snorted. “Yeah, walked him right across the hall.”

“In the spirit of my half-birthday, I approve.” Niall raised his brows in a suggestive manner before ditching Zayn and going to enjoy his party.

And their theory was correct because Harry and Louis were indeed in the flat across the hall. Louis led Harry by the hand, making sure to close the front door as well as his bedroom door before pushing Harry against the wall and pulling down his jeans.

Harry froze. “Did you just—did you just _pants_ me?”

Louis settled on his knees and looked up at him. “Do you have a problem?”

The younger man closed his mouth and shook his head. “Nope. None at all.”

“That’s what I thought.” And with a smirk in his eyes, Louis began his teasing with small licks and short kisses. He carried on with this act for a couple of minutes before he finally gave in and wrapped his lips around Harry.

“ _Fuck_.” Harry slumped against the wall and closed his eyes. Louis would be the death of him.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for the comments and kudos from previous chapters, they make me very happy!


	19. Risk It All

title song: [Risk It All by The Vamps](http://youtu.be/MBuPLJn5Eng)

;;

Zayn was angry. Well, maybe not angry, but definitely annoyed. He’d like to think of himself as intelligent, but he could not understand this situation for the life of him.

“I know this is a setback and that you’re upset, but we can fix it.”

“A setback?” Zayn looked at the main contractor with disbelief. “This is more than a setback. Look at my house!” He pointed behind him. “The fire happened in September and it is April, yet has there been much progress?” He didn’t even wait for the contractor to answer. “No, there hasn’t.”

The contractor took a step back, sensing Zayn’s angry. “Okay, I know it looks like not much has been done, but we had problems putting up the frame and then—“

“Then what?” Zayn cut him off. “Then a fucking tree decided it was tired of life and toppled over onto the very frame that you had so much trouble with? You do realize that there would be barely any damage if there was a stable roof and exterior walls, right? Or did that just slip out of your mind?”

“I understand why you’re upset, but like I said, we can fix it. Just give us another two months,” the contractor requested. “We’ll get rid of the mess and now we know what we did wrong with the frame with the first time, so we won’t make that mistake again.”

Zayn breathed out of his nose. “Two months?” He could not believe this was renovation was spanning out into the time of an entire school year. Not that he minded living with Louis because he really did enjoy having a friend in close quarters, but he just wanted his house back. He loved his house and he loved how he didn’t have to put on a mask there. He missed being able to breathe easy and being quiet as a choice.

The contractor nodded. “Two months.” After a moment, he added, “I promise.”

“Just stop fucking around and do your damn job. I’m sure you understand that I just want my house back and that it is mental for this to be taking this long.”

“Yes, of course. I really do apologize for the delay.” The contractor sounded sincere. “Sometimes things don’t turn out how we expect them to.”

Zayn snorted. “You have no fucking idea.” He placed his sunglasses over his eyes and sighed. “Keep me updated, yeah? And please,” his voice turned a notch kinder, “get done as soon as possible.”

He didn’t want to look at the contractor or the added damage to his house or any of it, so Zayn turned around and left. When he got the call that a huge branch fell right onto the part of his house that was still a work in progress, he nearly punched a wall. He was starting to think that the universe was against him for some reason, and he wanted everything to go back to how they were.

And speaking of how things were, when Zayn got back to the flat, he proposed to Louis that they have a proper sit down dinner. It had been months since they’ve done that with the chaos of the second half of the term. Louis agreed immediately and they decided on Thursday night for the dinner.

However, when Zayn came home on Thursday evening, he found Louis in the kitchen, piling already made food into Tupperware.

“I thought we were having dinner.” Zayn placed his bag on one of the stools in front of the breakfast bar.

“We were,” Louis replied, “but slight change of plans.” He closed the lid and said, “Gotta go save the world and all that.”

“Fine.” Zayn frowned. “But if you need a sidekick, you know where to find me.”

Louis offered him a smile. “Of course. Perhaps we can even get Niall to be our minion.”

Zayn returned the smile. He turned around to see that the table was set for two, but before he could ask Louis about it, Louis was already out the door.

With a container in each hand, Louis went across the hall and knocked on Niall’s door with his elbow. It wasn’t a loud knock, but he figured it would do the job. When Niall opened the door, Louis handed him one of the containers. “Here. Don’t starve. Much love. Call me if you need anything. Zayn’s busy.”

Niall blinked. “Anything else?”

“And study hard!” Louis saluted Niall before taking a step back and walking down the hallway.

With a skip in his step, Louis went to the car lot and got into his car. He had a smile on his face for the entire car ride because his plan was in motion and everything was going as planned. An ulterior motive was mixed in with the plan, but Louis doubted his friends would catch up to it. The main focus was minutes away for happening and Louis was sure they would thank him later.

When he reached the door, Louis let himself in. He found out a few weeks ago that Harry had a bad habit of forgetting to lock his door and he had been using it to his advantage. For instance, right now Harry was sprawled out on the couch asleep with Haley lying on his chest, who was also asleep. Louis walked right in without having to wake Harry up and was able to capture the adorable scene in front of him in a photograph.

Placing the container on the coffee table, Louis quietly approached the sleeping pair and squatted in front of them. He put one of his hands over Harry’s where he was holding Haley, and used his other hand as support as he leaned forward and kissed Harry.

It only took a few seconds for Harry’s eyes to flutter open. “Louis?” He yawned, using his free hand to cover his mouth. “What’re you doing here?”

“Well, in addition to my dazzling personality, I bring you a delicious meal,” Louis said as he pointed at the coffee table.

Harry looked over at the table and even though he couldn’t tell what was in the container, he was still bashful. “You didn’t have to.”

Louis grinned. “I should say that it was no big deal and I did it out of the kindness of my heart, but that would be a lie. The food is to distract you as I continue on with my mastermind plan of converting Haley to Team Louis.”

“Oh?” Harry shook his head. Well, as much as he could while lying down. “I’m pretty sure she’s already sold. Look at her. She’s already trying to get away from me, so she could be with you.”

Louis shrugged. “It’s all part of the plan,” he said as he took the squirmy baby from Harry. “My god, you just keep getting bigger, don’t cha, Hales?” he asks Haley. “Soon you’ll be old enough to be counted in years instead of months and before we know it, you’ll be off to chase your wildest dreams.”

Harry sat up. It had been about seven months since he had met Louis and he was still amazed at how easily Louis interacted with Haley. “Wildest dreams,” Harry repeated.

“Yeah.” Louis stood up and sat next to Harry, placing Haley on his lap. “We all have a crazy dream or two. Sometimes they come true and sometimes we have to adjust them, so they can come true. Think about yours. Have you reached it? What do you have to do to reach it?”

Sitting back, Harry let his mind wander. Happiness was what flashed across his thoughts as he pondered his wildest dream. He wasn’t sure if he reached it because it wasn’t something simple to get, but maybe he was closer than he was in September. “What’s yours?” Harry asked. “What’s your wildest dream?”

Louis looked over at him with a look of sincerity. “To save the world,” he answered and Harry knew that if anyone could accomplish such a dream, it would definitely be Louis.

;;

About ten minutes after Louis left, there was a knock at the door. Zayn looked up from the pot Louis left on the stove and furrowed his brow. He assumed it was Niall, but when he opened the door, he found Liam.

Opening the door wider, Zayn stepped to the side. “Hey, come in.”

The first thing Liam noticed when he walked across the threshold was that no one else was there. “Am I early?”

“Early?”  Zayn closed the door. “What d’you mean?”

“The text said a group dinner thing? Like the one where we all dressed up and stuff?” Liam pulled his phone out of his pocket and reread the text that Zayn had sent him the night before to make sure he didn’t misread it.

Zayn scratched his chin, fingertips running across the stubble. “What text?”

Liam handed over his phone. “This one.”

“I didn’t send that.”

The color drained out of Liam’s face. “Oh. Um, I guess I’ll just go then. There must’ve been a misunderstanding or something. I just. Yeah. Sorry.” He tried to take a step towards the door, but Zayn caught his arm.

“Wait, don’t go,” Zayn pleaded. “We can still have a dinner. There’s food and the table’s already set and you’re already here.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. I’m actually glad you’re here,” he told Liam honestly. “Louis’ being a shit flatmate and I could use some good company.”

Liam smiled a bit at that last part. “Why, what’s up?”

Zayn pulled out a chair at the table. “Have a seat. Trust me.”

“I’m sure whatever Louis did, it couldn’t have been too horrible.”

“You don’t have to suck up to him,” Zayn said. “It’s known fact that he doesn’t hate you and that he is over what happened with you in the past. There’s no need to defend him. And Louis is just up to more of his antics, that’s all. He didn’t do anything bad.”

Liam shrugged. “I still feel bad.”

Zayn brought the pot of food over and placed it on the table. “Well, don’t. Focus on the present.”

“The present?”

“Mhm.” Zayn picked up the spoon and put a helping on Liam’s plate. “The present is the place to be. It leads to the future.”

Liam smiled. “And the future is a good place.”

Zayn nodded. “I’d say so. If you’re with the right people, that is.” He smiled for a beat before taking a step back for Liam to dwell on the words. “I’ll be back with drinks.”

He went towards the bottle of wine that Louis opened a couple days ago. If Louis was going to ditch Zayn and pose as him, then Zayn was going to drink his wine. And if Louis was up to something and was leaving dots that could easily be connected, then Zayn was just going to accept it and see where this all goes. Of course, he planned to scold Louis about it later, but for now, his plan was to enjoy his night. With Liam.

Placing a wine glass next to Liam’s plate, Zayn sat down. “Everything alright?”

“Yeah, I was just thinking that—” Liam cut himself off before shaking his head. “Never mind.”

“No, what? Go on,” Zayn encouraged.

Liam picked up the cloth napkin by his silverware and placed it on his lap. “I’m glad that I’m here, too.”

Zayn stretched his leg out and bumped his foot against Liam’s. Liam didn’t hesitate to retaliate and it wasn’t long before both men had matching grins on their faces. “Now that that’s settled, let’s eat, yeah?”

The pair began talking about their day and what happened at work and Zayn explained how his contractors were idiots and Liam described how the fire department had to shut down a club because of how there would always be too many people inside. They talked and they discussed and they joked and they flirted, and most importantly, they were comfortable. Neither of them tried to be on their best behavior or had to force conversation or tried to be someone they weren’t. They were in a bubble and even after their plates were clear, they kept the conversation going for many hours like they could never run out of things to talk about; however, if you asked them what they did talk about, they wouldn’t be able to tell you.

;;

The showcase was in three weeks and Louis was freaked out at how quickly time was going. This entire year had been flying by and he was scared that this was his last year at this school. He already knew that he was going to lose the majority of the advanced class because they were seniors, but that was expected. He didn’t know if the school board would keep him for the next school year and that made him nervous.

But if you looked between Louis and Zayn, you’d think Zayn was the only one who was anxious about his end-of-the-year meeting with his department head. Usually, these meetings were held at the beginning of May, but because of the budget cuts and the showcase, they were pushed back to the last week of the term.

“Mr. T, does this sound right?” One of his students was at the piano, running over some scales and working on a part of a song.

Louis snapped out of his thoughts and went over to the student. “Play it for me again, please.” The student did and Louis nodded once. “Try this, maybe.” He leaned over and played a short combination of keys. “How’s that?”

The student smiled. “I think that I’m gonna smash it at the showcase.”

“I don’t doubt that at all,” Louis agreed.

All around the theatre and Louis’ classroom, students were spread out and working on their pieces for the showcase. They were asking each other for tips and pointers, and Louis loved how this performance was as important to them as it was to him. The posters went up earlier that day and a good amount of tickets were sold during the lunch hour, but they needed the show to sell out for anything grand to happen. Louis called in so many of the favors people owe him, but there was one in particular he was waiting for.

Leaning against his desk, Louis began replying to emails on his tablet. The showcase on top of the regular end of the year nonsense was what occupied most of Louis’ to-do list and he honestly couldn’t wait for the summer holiday to begin. He was tired and he needed a break.

For some reason, Louis glanced up at his door just in time to see Harry and Haley walking in. Well, more like Harry was holding Haley’s arms up as she took small steps forward. Walking was a work in progress and you best believe there was fondness radiating from the teacher. Louis instantly put the tablet down and he watched his two favorite people come towards him.

Right before they reached Louis, Harry let go of Haley’s arm and she slowly stumbled to Louis, wrapping her arms around his leg when she got to him. Louis picked her up and gave her a big kiss on the cheek. “Well, well, Miss Haley, did you just walk?” She made a noise that almost sounded like “yes.”

Sierra came into the classroom from the theatre and paused when she saw a baby in Louis’ arms. “Um, Mr. T, have you been hiding your child from us?” This question gained the attention of everyone who was around them.

Louis chuckled. “I will have you know that there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of for being a parent. But that doesn’t mean you should be making stupid decisions. Be smart about everything, please.” He adjusted Haley in his arms.

Harry smiled from beside him. “He’s right. You all have your entire lives ahead of you. For now, be young and be happy.”

Sierra shook her head. “You two are totally married and have a kid.” She threw her hands up in disbelief. “I can’t believe you never told us! That’s crucial information, Mr. T!”

Louis laughed. “We’re not married and Haley here is all Harry’s.”

“Could’ve fooled me,” Sierra mumbled under her breath as she made her way to her desk and started gathering her things.

Harry placed a hand on the small of Louis’ back. “I hope you don’t mind us popping in. Haley kept grabbing your picture, so I figured she wanted to say hi.”

“My picture?” Louis cocked his brow. “Do you have a Louis shrine that I don’t know about?”

“Very funny,” Harry deadpanned. “I’m actually working on a scrapbook type thing for Haley. Like, things about her parents and stuff as she grows up. She’s gonna have a lot of questions one day and I just want to make sure I remember everything.”

Louis leaned back into Harry’s touch. “You’re a wonderful parent, Haz.” And then, “And those pictures of me better be from my good side. I can’t have Haley remembering me with a double chin and crazy eyes.”

Harry chuckled. “All of your sides are good.”

“Don’t you even start.” Louis stepped away from Harry before he fell into dangerous territory. He cleared his throat and called the attention of his students. “You all are free to go. Everyone is full of talent and there was a lot of good work today. I am very proud of all of you and now get out of here and enjoy your day!”

The students didn’t need to be told twice before they were all putting their things away and grabbing their backpacks before leaving. As soon as they were all gone, Louis grabbed his bag and gave Haley another kiss on the cheek.

“You’re really good at this,” Harry commented.

“What? Holding a baby?”

Harry shook his head. “No. With your students and with Haley.”

Louis shrugged. “It comes with being a superhero.”

The younger man snorted. “I’m sure.” He extended his arm and waited for Louis to loop his own through his. “Ready to go?”

“Yeah.” Louis paused outside of his door to lock it. “Go where exactly?”

“To the beginning,” Harry answered as he led Louis out of the school and to his car. It was a vague answer, but Louis didn’t question it because it was a nice surprise to see Harry and Haley. He loved spending time with them and his mind could use a break from all of the stress.

With Haley strapped into the car seat in the back and Louis in the passenger seat, Harry drove to where he deemed as _the beginning_. At first, Louis tried to figure out where Harry was taking them, but he soon realized there was no point because with the route Harry was on, they could go anywhere.

But when Harry pulled up to the building and parked the car, Louis gave him a questioning look. “Wasn’t exactly expecting this.”

“Which is why it is called the element of surprise,” Harry responded as he unbuckled his seatbelt and got out of the car. He went to the backseat and unstrapped Haley from her car seat. And when he came around the car, he found Louis standing there with his arms crossed over his chest.

“Is everything okay?” There wasn’t any amusement or joking in Louis’ voice. In fact, he sounded concerned.

Harry nodded. “Everything’s fine. We’re here for Haley and her one-year checkup. That’s all.”

Louis shoved Harry’s shoulder. It was a light shove because he didn’t want to risk Haley getting hurt. “Well, you could have just said that instead of being cryptic and then taking me to a hospital. Honestly, Harry.”

“Sorry. I just wanted to be spontaneous.”

“Your hair is spontaneous enough,” Louis said, but there was nothing behind those words. He shook his head and took Haley from Harry. “Come on now. Let’s not keep Haley waiting.”

The trio went inside and went straight to the pediatric ward. Harry checked in while Louis found somewhere to sit in the waiting room. When Harry joined them a minute later, he said, “I can’t believe she’s one. I remember how small she was when she was born and I feel like one day I’m going to blink and she’s going to leaving off to Uni.”

Louis patted Harry’s knee. “We all have to grow up eventually, but I’m positive that if you keep up everything you’ve done for Haley so far, she’s going to grow up to be a wonderful person. She already loves you so much and yeah, it’s gonna suck when you have to explain what happened to her parents, but the day she realizes everything you have done for her, she will be forever grateful. I’m sure of it.”

“You’re really good at this,” Harry said once again.

“You’ve already told me.”

As Harry waited for Haley’s name to be called, he started thinking. He was still scared that he would mess up completely and cause something wrong to go in Haley’s life. He’s scared that she won’t end up where she was meant to be because of something he did. He’s scared that he will fall back into his old mindset and not be able to take care of her properly.

Haley was Harry’s world and he would do whatever he can for her, and the last thing he wanted was to fall short. He knew he needed to focus of her and help her get through this life. And he prayed that she would never feel like he felt. He prayed that Haley will be happy and healthy. He prayed that she would make it.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 6 chapters to go, oh boy!


	20. Stars (Hold On)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was feeling a bit sentimental as I wrote this, so please excuse the two-year-old reference.

title song: [Stars (Hold On) by Youngblood Hawke](http://youtu.be/Nk_wr5BJYGU)

;;

The buzz in the air was familiar, but even after all of these years, Louis still wasn’t used to it. He was smiling, though, because tonight was when all of his hard work will pay off. At least, he hoped it would be.

Pushing the door open to his classroom, Louis placed a crate filled with water bottles on the table where it would be easy accessible for everyone. The band room and the dance studio and the chorus classroom and so many other rooms were open and set up as green rooms where the performers will be able to get ready and prepare. The entire fine arts department had a hand in the showcase and Louis was excited to see everyone’s reaction to the show.

Going down the hall to one of the art classrooms, Louis went over to where his main group of people was. Niall was tuning a guitar and Zayn and Liam were competing to see who could hit a higher note and Harry was looking over sheet music.

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you lot were preparing for your timeslot in the show,” Louis said as he sat next to Harry.

Niall looked up from the guitar. “We could, actually. Those two over there,” he nodded towards Liam and Zayn, “obviously can hold a tune. I’ve heard you sing, Louis and Harry is not a stranger to music notes.”

Harry’s head shot up at the mention of his name. “Oh, I dunno.”

Louis shook his head. “I was joking, Nialler. We wouldn’t probably take the entire night to figure out which song to sing, anyways.” He shrugged.

“Well . . .” Niall began strumming the guitar and the other four people in the room exchanged a look as they recognized the song. Harry started the first verse, just to try it out and after a couple of lines, he got the hang of it and continued on. Louis came in for the second half of the first verse and soon all five of them chimed in for the chorus.

Niall kept playing, but everyone stopped singing for a moment because something magical just happened. Stepping up, Niall sang the second verse, which encouraged the rest of them to keep going until Harry finished off the song. Obviously, it wasn’t perfect, but whatever it was just made the buzz louder.

The five were stunned into silence that they didn’t even realize a sixth person walk into the room, so when this person started clapping, they all jumped.

“That was brilliant, lads. I hope that’s part of the show.”

Louis, being the first to recover, hopped off the desk he was sitting on. “Ed! You made it!”

Harry grabbed Louis’ arm. “You know Ed Sheeran?”

Ed snorted. “I’m just a person, mate.” He met Louis halfway and pulled him into a hug. “It’s good to see you.”

“You, too,” Louis replied. “I’m so glad you made it.”

“I’m glad to help.” Ed rubbed the back of his neck. “I might’ve tweeted about it, so there may or may not be a hundred or so people outside trying to get tickets.”

Zayn tripped over his feet. “A hundred?” The show wasn’t sold out and there was still a few dozen tickets left, but if the people outside buy the tickets, then they’ll be set. Of course, donations will still be needed, but he was sure people were in a giving mood.

Niall put down the guitar and threw his arms around Ed’s middle and went in for the cuddle. When he let go, he said, “Sorry. I just always wanted to do that.”

Ed laughed. “It’s alright. I’m like a teddy bear.”

Louis rolled his eyes. “Anyways. Ed, you can use this room to get ready. We’ll get out of your hair and if you need anything, ask Harry.” He pointed at the curly-haired lad. “Oh, and that’s Niall who just hugged you, Zayn with the hair, and Liam who apparently is mute.”

“Wait, Ed’s performing?” Liam asked.

“He speaks!” Louis gasped. He threw an arm around Liam’s shoulders and started pulling him towards the door. “Thanks again, Ed. See you out there!” He gave a look to the other three and they filed out of the room with Louis and Liam behind them and with Ed chuckling in the background.

In the hallway, Louis immediately made everyone turn to their posts to complete their responsibilities for the night. Harry didn’t have much to do, but with Ed there, he now had a task of his own. Louis knew his friends wanted an explanation of how he got Ed Sheeran to agree to this show and how they knew each other, but this was not the time to explain. They had a huge show to pull off and that should be everyone’s main focus. The explanation could come later, which meant Louis had time to figure out what he wanted to say.

An hour before the show, Louis called everyone into his classroom and gave them a pep talk. “First, I want to thank each and every one of you for being a part of this show. I am so excited for you to showcase your talents and perform together. Collaboration is a wonderful thing and I am honestly going to miss this group of people.

“Second, as some of you have heard, Ed Sheeran is with us today. Please do not let his presence distract you. The time to meet him and all of that will happen after the show because right now, we all need to focus, yeah? We have all worked too hard and we are care too much about this school to let something distract us.

“And third, I am so proud of all of you and I can’t say that enough. I know some you aren’t theatre students, so I am grateful to have had the pleasure of working with you this term. In the past few months, I’ve seen all of you grow and it has been an amazing thing to watch. I know it in my heart that as a group, we can accomplish anything and individually, you will all go far.

“Thank you again,” Louis said. “We have about an hour before curtain call and we can do this. I believe in you.”

From the back, someone shouted, “We couldn’t have done it without you, Mr. T!” Everyone immediately began nodding along and agreeing that Louis couldn’t help but smile.

“But you made it happen,” he reminded them. “Now, let’s all take a breath and get in the proper mindset, so when we take that stage, we show everyone that they spent their money well.”

After a few more minutes of cheers and motivation, the crowd dispersed into their respective places. Louis went backstage and added ‘Ed Sheeran’ at the end of the program list and took a moment to look at all the acts that would perform that night.

When Louis first got word that the school was going to make budget cuts, he feared not only for his job, but also for the entire fine arts department. It was a common pattern for schools to cut this department and Louis would hate for all of this talent to not be shown at least twice a year. These students were filled with such energy that he knew that there was something special about them. He didn’t want the rug to get ripped out from under them and he didn’t want future students not to have the opportunity to shine.

Next to list was where his headset sat and Louis put it on. He tested it out, making sure he had clear communication with the stage manager, who was the chorus teacher, and with the light and sound booth. He couldn’t believe that tonight was already here and that they were so close to show time. It all happened so quickly that Louis hoped this event would be something everyone kept with them, so when they look back on it, they will have pride in the work they did.

When the curtains rose and the music started, Louis held his breath as he watched from the wings. People were moving all around backstage, but he paid no mind to them. He was captivated with how the performance was going and even though Louis had seen each act plenty of times, he was still amazed at everything.

For the next hour and a half, the acts took the stage and Louis stayed in the wings. It seemed like everyone was so willing to step up just in case something went wrong, so Louis didn’t have to do much. This was probably the group conspiring together to keep Louis from dealing with even more stress of the show, and he was okay with that. As far as he was concerned, everything was going as planned and they were only a few minutes off schedule, which was expected.

When it was Ed’s turn, he ruffled Louis’ hair as he passed him to get on stage. Louis wondered how much of the audience knew that Ed was going to be here. Ed only tweeted about a couple hours prior to the start of the show and most of the people bought tickets before that tweet even happened. Sure, word spread fast, especially if it was on social media, but Louis still wondered.

A single spotlight hit Ed and the crowd screamed. Ed chuckled and shook his head. “Now, you all know that if you don’t quiet down that I won’t play. I appreciate your excitement, but hold on to it for a few songs, yeah?”

Ed started playing _Don’t_ and just as he hit the chorus, Zayn approached Louis backstage. “Lou, honestly, how the fuck did you manage to get Ed here?”

Louis shrugged. “He owed me a favor.”

“This is one hell of a favor, mate.”

“Shhh,” Louis shushed him. “Let me enjoy the show.”

Zayn nodded. “Alright. Only because god knows you deserve it.”

Louis elbowed him in the ribs, but kept his eyes on the stage. He hadn’t seen Ed perform in a couple years and he was glad that Ed was able to share his music with the world. Ed had come a long way from when they first met, and he wondered if Ed would say the same thing about him.

After Ed played a handful of songs, he started talking. “A little while ago,” he began, “I overheard a group of talented people together and they sounded awesome. And to be fair, everyone who came on before me were brilliant performers. Trust me when I say that every act was a hard one to follow.

“But this group of people, I would very much like them to join me on stage for one last song.” He grabbed the water bottle by his mic stand and took a huge sip. “So, would Louis, Harry, Niall, Zayn, and Liam come on out? Lads? Don’t be shy!”

Zayn froze. “Did he just call our names?”

Louis nodded. “Uh,” he replied.

“He wants us to perform?” Liam’s eyes were wide as he approached the duo.

Harry was on the other side of the wings and he looked like a deer caught in headlights. He waved over at them and Louis shrugged in response.

Niall was the last one to get backstage and his arms were filled with mics. “C’mon, we can’t keep Ed waiting,” he urged. Handing off a mic to each person, Niall led them on stage. Harry slowly came out as well and Niall didn’t waste any time at shoving a mic in his hand.

“Ah, the gang’s all here,” Ed said. To his right, Louis, Zayn, and Liam stood and on his left were Niall and Harry. They all looked a bit nervous, so Ed said, “Believe it or not, these five right here have a huge secret. Here, just watch and listen.”

Ed began playing the opening chords of _Use Somebody_ and just like earlier, Harry began, Louis followed, and all five of them continued on. It was magical before and now it was beautiful.

The crowd went mental after the last note and Ed had a smug look on his face. He took a step back and applauded the five and soon, it was a six-person huddle on stage. The feeling they had was indescribable and adrenaline was running through their veins.

When they got off stage, Niall was jumping up and down and Liam was pulling at his hair, Zayn had to sit down, Harry had Ed in a hug, and Louis was shocked that they just did that. Once he snapped out of it, Louis untangled Harry from Ed and pulled Ed aside.

“Thank you so much for coming and for the help,” Louis said.

Ed shook his head and got straight to the point. “Louis, how are you doing?” Louis froze because he knew that Ed would know if he lied. They had too much history and Ed had seen him at his worse. “I’m not gonna push you,” Ed said at Louis’ silence, “but if it’s that bad again, you know what you have to do. It looks to me that you have people who will support you, so use them.”

“I’m fine,” Louis assured him. “It’s not like that.”

“Maybe it’s not, but still. I care for you, mate, and I don’t want anything happening to you. You did good here.”

Louis gave him a smile and nodded. “Yeah. Thanks, Ed.”

Later that night, Louis wondered if Ed was right as he scrolled through the pictures from the showcase. It seemed like the buzz from that day had transferred online and he was glad to see so much positive feedback from the show. However, anytime he came across a picture he was in, he winced. And then one minute, he was okay, but the next, he couldn’t breathe and tears came crashing down.

Louis shoved his laptop away and pulled his duvet over his head, muffling his cries into his pillows. He didn’t know where this came from. Or perhaps he did, but the reason was so deep inside that he was clueless on the surface.

About an hour later when Louis calmed down, he stepped out of his room to brush his teeth and wash his face, and call goodnight to Zayn, and no one had to know about his breakdown.

;;

If he was a student, then he probably would have run down the hallways with absolutely no care in the world. But was a teacher and he had to set an example and blah blah.

Zayn approached the door, but stopped when he saw Niall sitting on the floor. Knowing that there was some ethical code behind this and deciding not to care about it, he sat next to Niall. “How long has he been in there?”

“Not too long,” Niall replied. “Is it weird that I’m nervous for him? For you, too?”

“Nah. It makes sense.” Zayn leaned his head back against the wall. “And my meeting got pushed up. I would have been here earlier, but my evaluation slowed me down.”

Niall turned his head. “How did it go?”

“Let’s just wait for Louis, yeah?” Zayn proposed and Niall nodded.

On the other side of the door, Louis was sitting across from the head of the fine arts department and the dean of students. He definitely wasn’t expecting the dean to be there, so the nervousness doubled when he walked in the room and saw who was waiting for him.

“You are a remarkable person, Mr. Tomlinson,” the department head, Ms. Maynard, commented. “What you have done for this school is amazing and we are all very grateful to have you on our staff.”

Louis nodded once as a way to show that he was listening. “It wasn’t much . . .”

The dean placed a piece of paper in front of Louis. “No need to be modest, Mr. Tomlinson. You raised quite a lot with the showcase last week. When I received the proposal for the showcase in February, I was a bit wary, but I knew you were passionate and determined, and I knew you would work wonders.”

“I wouldn’t say wonders . . .” Louis was having a hard time completing his sentences because he wasn’t sure where this meeting was going. These evaluations usually took about ten minutes and then they were done, but this one was taking longer and they hadn’t even covered the points that they were supposed to be evaluating Louis on.

“Mr. Tomlinson, if you look at that paper, you will see how much money your showcase brought in,” Ms. Maynard said. “The budget problems the school had this past year will definitely not be an issue next year. You saved us from having to make some hard decisions and we wanted to thank you.”

The dean nodded in agreement. “Before we called the meetings to explain the budget cuts, I tried everything I could to keep things as they were, but it would cost us too much. But you, Mr. Tomlinson, you have done so much in such a short amount of time. It’s amazing.”

Louis sat in the chair, stunned. He was listening to everything his boss and his bosses’ boss was telling him, but he couldn’t believe it. He knew he had helped and it was nice to know he saved people from getting fired and saved programs from getting cut, but he didn’t realize everything else he did. By bringing Ed into the showcase, he created good publicity for the school. And with this publicity, he was able to bring a spotlight to the talent that walked through the hallways.

When Louis left the office and stepped into the hallway, he was immediately faced with Niall and Zayn, both asking what happened and why his meeting took so long. Louis just shook his head. “Not here, lads.” He started walking down the hallway and Niall and Zayn exchanged a look before following him.

As soon as they were secured in Zayn’s classroom, Niall asked, “What’d she say?”

Louis sat on top of one of the student desks. “A lot. They said a lot.”

“They?” Zayn caught on to the plural pronoun and he was curious to know who else was in the room with Louis and the department head.

“The dean decided to sit in,” Louis responded. He ran his hands over face, wondering if he looked as exhausted as he felt.

Niall furrowed his brow. “That could either mean a very good thing or a very bad thing.”

Louis shrugged. “Zayn, how’d your meeting go?”

Zayn opened his mouth, but before he said anything, he closed it. He studied Louis for a moment and noticed how his arms were crossed in front of him and how he was avoiding eye contact. Louis wanted the attention off of him and although Zayn didn’t know why, he decided not to put Louis in an uncomfortable position. “My meeting came and went. My department head went on and on about how we’re a strong school, but it’s hard to stay strong without the right resources. Of course, he sounded like a pretentious arsehole as he said all of this and it reminded me how much I hated being an English major in Uni because my classmates all had sticks up their arses.”

Niall snorted. “Y’know, when I met you back in September, I never expected you to be who you are.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Zayn was a little offended at that.

“Nothing bad,” Niall said. “I just find it interesting how you’re almost a completely different person now that you’re comfortable around us. You were so guarded when we first met.”

Zayn scoffed. “I was not. Louis, tell him.”

“Just a bit.” Louis cracked a smile. The entire meeting was overwhelming and Louis just wanted to take some time and digress what happened. He wasn’t used to being thanked like that because most of the work he did went unrecognized. He honestly didn’t know what he was walking into when he walked into the office and now, he was trying to figure out if it all happened.

“Remind me why I am friends with you two.” Zayn pouted. He knew they were just teasing him, but it was either go hard or go home.

Niall rolled his eyes. “So dramatic, geez. Just continue on with your story, please.”

“Since you asked so nicely,” Zayn continued on, “I suffered through so many metaphors in that meeting that I lost count. But in the end, I was handed my evaluation and a renewal contract. I may have to deal with that department head for another year, but I shouldn’t complain too much.”

Louis breathed out. That was what he was hoping to hear, for Zayn to still have a job. “I’m glad for you, mate. I told you that you weren’t gonna get fired.”

Zayn shrugged. “Yeah, yeah.”

“Don’t _yeah, yeah_ me.” Louis hopped off the desk. “One, you were a nervous wreck for the longest time and now you’re trying to play it off like it was nothing. Two, you were mental to think that they would ever separate us, partners in crime, and all that shite. And three, your classroom is weird as fuck.”

“You’re one to talk,” Zayn rebutted. “Your classroom isn’t even a classroom!”

“Wait!” Niall called out. “Did you just indirectly say that your contract got renewed, too?”

Louis nodded. “Yup. Looks like you’re the only one getting out of this place, Nialler.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come talk to me, pleaseeeeeeeeee :)


	21. Orphans

title song: [Orphans by Jack's Mannequin](http://youtu.be/2nDIlWxSXAg)

;;

This was the day that so many people had waited their entire lives for. They rolled their eyes at their mum’s tears and their dad’s proud looks. They attended events specifically for them and their accomplishments. They dressed up and covered their nice clothes with a polyester gown, and placed a cap on their heads that will fall off every five minutes.

This was the day that everyone looked forward to and finally, it was here. There was no going back because today was the epitome of moving forward. Like all clichés say, this was the end of the longest chapter of their lives and in a couple of hours, this group of people would start moving towards their different paths.

Taking a selfie with some of his theatre classmates, Niall sent the picture to Louis with the caption, “is it bad luck to see the graduate before the ceremony?”

“Horan, is that a phone?” one of the administrators asked.

Niall quickly put his hands behind his back. “No, sir. Nothing here.”

The administrator was not amused. “Put it away and don’t you dare think about taking it out during the ceremony.”

“Sure thing.” Niall shoved the phone in his pocket. He found it ridiculous that the school was making them follow stupid rules like how boys were required to wear black dress shoes and how no one was allowed to have their phone with them. It was understandable how the administration didn’t want the students to look at their phones the entire ninety-minute ceremony, but they were being extreme about it.

As soon as the administrator walked away, Josh stepped up to Niall. “I swear, it’s like they don’t know how boring these things are. Everyone just wants their diploma and then wants to get the fuck out of here.”

“But what about the speeches?”

“Formalities,” Josh scoffed.

Niall laughed. “Yeah. I just . . . it’s mental that we’re here, y’know? Like how are we already graduating? How are we a few months away from going off to Uni? Where the fuck did time go?”

Josh shrugged. “You ask the real questions, mate.”

A few minutes later, the graduates were being told to line up because it was nearly time to walk out. Niall’s breath hitched because they were moments away from walking out in front of their friends and family and he could believe he was there.

When Niall caught on to his family’s money problems and dropped out of school, he lost hope for having a good future. He was slowly starting to believe that maybe his family didn’t give him enough credit because he didn’t deserve it, that he wasn’t as smart as he thought he was. He had accepted that he wouldn’t graduate or go to Uni, and would have to find different ways to create that experience. And he never thought that anything that happened in the last ten months were possible.

It would be a bold faced lie if anyone said that Niall didn’t work hard to get to where he was. But he wouldn’t have been able to get there without having an entire team of people behind him. He knew that these people—Louis, Zayn, Harry, and a handful of others—had encouraged him whenever he lost sight of the bigger picture or wanted to give up or stopped believing in himself. He knew that these were the people that he would forever thank.

Niall still couldn’t get over the fact that this team existed and that they had his back. He had missed being surrounded by people for so long that it caught him off guard when he realized he had true friends all around him. Sure, a few of them might have been a bit older, but besides joking around, they never made him feel like he was on a lower level than them or that he wasn’t smart enough or that he didn’t deserve good things.

He was here and he made it and he was graduating, and in about three months, he would be off to Uni. Niall couldn’t wrap his head around that because it was mental of how so much had changed in the last year. He didn’t think a knee surgery in a neighboring country would lead to this, any of this.

It amazed him so much because Niall came to England with nothing and now he was settled and happy, and on a path to where he was supposed to be. He knew that not every family was perfect, his included, but he gained a different kind of family when his actual one fell short. This family was what got him to graduation today and will get him to Uni in a few months. They were everything a family should be and Niall was grateful to have them.

When the graduates were finally walking out, Niall had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep himself from crying. A few of his classmates were teary eyed and Niall understood why—it was so overwhelming in that moment—but he didn’t want to cry. He wanted to be happy and proud of himself. He was sad that he would be leaving the friends he made, but he was positive that he would make new ones in Uni. And he was positive that he would be okay.

While the speeches were going, Niall’s phone buzzed in his pocket. His first instinct was to check it, but it would call a hell of a lot of attention to him if he lifted his gown and pulled his phone out. The administrator would have his neck and he didn’t want to cause any unnecessary nonsense today of all days. So Niall ignored his phone and tried to pay attention to the speeches, but honestly, after the third one, he was ready to shake some hands, get his diploma, and leave.

And thankfully, after another half hour of being rambling about this being the end of the beginning and all the other cliché shit that gets thrown into these ceremonies, Niall walked across the stage and collected his certificate. It took another half hour to get through the rest of the class and soon, the valedictorian gave her speech, which she kept short because “I don’t want to waste any of your time. We did it. Congratulations. I’ll miss you guys. Let’s move that tassel, shall we?”

The Dean dismissed the graduates first because they had a longer walk out to the corridor, and Niall couldn’t move fast enough. The crowd got bigger the closer he got outside because everyone’s family and friends were meeting them, and Niall just wanted to find Louis and get out of that gown.

Niall weaved through people until he was at the car lot. He closed his eyes and took a breath before wiping the sweat from his forehead with the back of his hand. He looked back towards the crowd, hoping to spot Louis or Zayn or Harry or Liam, but there were just too many people. Niall was about to give up when he remembered he had his phone on him.

But when he pulled his phone out of his pocket, he saw that he had a voicemail from an unsaved number. Choosing to listen to the message before calling Louis, Niall dialed to get to his voicemail. He tapped his foot as the automated voice read out the date and time the call came in and the number it came from. And when it finally got to the message, Niall’s breath hitched for the second time that day. He recognized the voice instantly and he just didn’t know what to do.

“Niall,” the message began, “darling, I—First, I want to apologize for how long it has been. I am so sorry and I hate to leave this on your voicemail, but—”

“Niall!” someone called from behind him.

The graduate turned around to see his friends coming towards him. He sighed in relief and moved the phone away from his ear. He ended the called and shoved the phone in his pocket. “I was just about to call you,” he told them once they were close enough.

Louis pulled Niall into a hug. “I am so proud of you, Nialler!” When he let go, he tilted his head towards Harry. “This one, here, even cried!”

Harry whined. “Heyyyyyy! You cried, too!”

“Don’t tell lies, Harry!” Louis shook his head, but he was smiling.

Zayn rolled his eyes. “We all know Louis is a big softie at heart.”

“But he does pack a mean punch,” Liam defended.

Louis threw an arm around Liam’s shoulders. “Payne, you may just become my favorite out of this lot.”

Liam beamed and Harry whined again. Zayn shoved Louis’ arm away from Liam and pulled Liam close to him. And Niall watched them with a smile.

He finally got a call back from his mum and he realized that he didn’t care anymore. His family ditched him almost a year ago and he was happy with where he was now. He had a new family and he was set to go to Uni and he was figuring his life out. He had saved enough from the bakery to get a flight home, but he didn’t want to go back. Going back meant being in a place where he wouldn’t grow and where he would always be put down because he was the youngest and where he never got enough credit. Niall was off to bigger and better things, and he wouldn’t have been able to get through the past ten months if it weren’t for Louis and Zayn and Harry and even Liam.

;;

**THREE MONTHS LATER**

Sweat covered their skin and their hearts were racing, but they were together and that was all that mattered. Louis pried his eyes open, so he could look at Harry and he couldn’t believe that they were each other’s.

Slowing down his hips, Harry leaned down and kissed the side of Louis’ neck. “You alright?”

“Yeah. I just . . .” Louis wanted to say it. He wanted to say it so badly. It had been on the tip of his tongue for the longest time now, but every time he had the opportunity, he chickened out. He was scared to say it because he didn’t want to ruin anything. He had felt alone for so long because he was the person everyone went to for help, but he had no one to turn to himself.

Harry, sensing that Louis was holding back, filled in the blank. He moved the fringe out of Louis’ eyes before tracing his fingers down his cheek. “So beautiful,” he whispered. And before Louis could shake his head or deny it, Harry said, “I love you.”

Louis’ eyes widened. “You . . . ” It took him a second or two to recover from the shock because soon Harry was yanked closer and his lips were attacked by Louis’. When they part for air, Louis smirked up at Harry and said, “If you loved me, you’d speed up a bit. Y’know, not hold back and all that.”

“Is that a challenge?” Harry questioned, mirth and lust and love shining in his eyes.

“You tell me.” Louis wrapped his legs around Harry’s middle. “You think you can accept such a task?”

Harry bit down on Louis’ collarbones. “Most definitely.”

Louis moaned. “Well, perhaps I can get us started up again,” Louis proposed. Harry seemed a bit lost at what Louis meant, so Louis took the liberty to place his hands on Harry shoulders and flip them. But Harry was an uncoordinated man and Louis was just about sexed out, so they ended up on the floor.

Falling on his back, Louis breathed out. His eyes had closed when he fell as a reflex, and when he opened them, he saw that he was on his floor, but Harry wasn’t there and it was morning and he had an unfortunate hard-on.

“Motherfucker,” he groaned as he sat up and rested his arms on his bed. Louis was positive that Harry had spent the night, hence his dream, but he was nowhere in sight. With another groan, Louis relocated to his bed and that was when he saw the post-it note on his spare pillow.

_Be back to drive Niall._

Louis frowned at the note because there were only those five words on there. No greeting. No signature. No hugs or kisses or smileys.

A knock came from his door, which stopped Louis from dwelling on the note. Zayn walked in with his eyes shielded by his hands. “Are you two getting up or d’you expect me and Liam to do all the work?”

“First,” Louis said as he stood up. “Harry’s not here, so you don’t need to do all of that.” Zayn dropped his hands and looked around himself to confirm that there was no Harry. “And second, I literally just woke up and Harry should be back soon.”

“I would hope so,” Zayn replied. “That doesn’t look like it’s gonna take care of itself.”

Louis didn’t even have to look to know what Zayn was talking about. He grabbed his pillow and threw it at Zayn. “Get out!”

Zayn laughed. “I’m already out, remember?” He called from behind his back as he left Louis in his room.

“Yeah,” Louis answered, voice quiet. He sat back down on his bed and stared at nothing in particular. The contractors had finished Zayn’s house at the beginning of July and then it took another couple of weeks for the painters to do their thing and for Zayn to pick out new furniture (despite the help he got from Liam). And for the following few weeks, Zayn began to slowly move back to his house.

Louis was glad for Zayn to have his house back, but in the couple weeks that he was gone, Louis was starting to feel the loneliness in his chest once again. He got used to have someone there and it helped to have Niall across the hall, but it wasn’t the same. He was hoping that Niall would move into Zayn’s old room when Perrie returned, but she ended up extending her stay in America because she fell in love or something.

Love. Louis smiled at the thought because he always knew that he loved Harry, but he hadn’t said it yet. He really, really wanted to, though. It had been a year since they met and about nine months of dating. It was time because Louis could feel it in his bones and he should have said it a long time ago.

A couple of hours later, Niall was standing in front of a residence hall with his key in one hand and a bag in the other. There were people moving all around him, students moving in and volunteers helping out. Niall was excited, but he was a bit nervous.

Zayn walked up to Niall, a box in his arms. “Let’s go find your room, yeah?”

Niall nodded. “Yeah.” He turned his head and saw that Harry was rolling two suitcases and Louis was holding a big plastic bin and Liam had two boxes stacked in his arms. He felt better to know that they were here for him and he felt like he could do this.

Inside of the building looked completely different than outside. There was a huge line to get on the elevator and everyone had so much stuff with them that Niall feared he was missing something. He never had much while living in England, so it was quite an experience to go Uni shopping.

While they waited for their turn to get on the elevator, Louis and Zayn discussed their freshman year experience. Louis talked about how he applied to be a resident advisor because he wanted the early move-in privileges and Zayn told the story of how he would always move in after hours to avoid the crowds. Liam remembered the crowdedness of move-in day, but he only experienced it once because after he got kicked out, he never went back. And Harry, well, for the short time he went to Uni, he commuted from home.

Niall appreciated the fact that he didn’t have so much stuff when they finally got to his room because they wouldn’t have to make a second trip up through all of the chaos that was move-in day. He placed his bag down and took a look around the room. Well, it was more of a suite considering six people had to share a small kitchen area and a corner that was supposed to be the living room. But the silver lining was that everyone got their own room.

Turning around, Niall found four pairs of eyes watching him. “That’s a bit creepy, y’know.”

“Well, it’s not every day that one of us goes off to Uni,” Louis said.

“That’s because you’re all old,” Niall rebutted.

Louis gasped. “That is not how we raised you. Right, Zayn?”

Zayn placed his hands up in surrender. “That’s all on you, Tommo.”

Liam chuckled. “Is there anywhere in particular you want these boxes?”

“Oh, right.” Niall looked at the little envelope his key came in and saw that he was in room B. “In here, I guess.” He unlocked the door and held it open for his friends to come in. It was a small room and it looked like a mess with boxes and bags everywhere, but Niall was sure that if he arranged the room how he wanted it and unpacked, it would be alright.

After everyone placed what they had in their hands down, Niall stood to the side with his hands in his pockets and wasn’t meeting anyone’s eyes. Zayn immediately figured out what Niall’s behavior meant and spoke up. “Hey lads, I think it’s time we leave Niall here to explore on his own.”

Niall looked up at that. “I mean,” he started even though he didn’t say anything before. “You don’t have to leave.”

Louis shook his head. “No, no. We get it. You don’t want us breathing down your neck. I remember I had to push me mum out the door and then she called ten minutes later to check in.” He shrugged. “We get it.”

“I really do appreciate everything you all have done for me,” Niall told them honestly. “I don’t think I will ever be able to thank you enough.”

“Thank us by kicking arse in Uni,” Louis said. “The experience you get in these four years will be the prelude to the rest of everything. You’re going to change and grow and learn so much. And you’re definitely going to do great.”

Zayn nodded in agreement. “Louis’ right. So much happened when I was in Uni that I don’t even remember all of it. But I do remember that I was two different people when I first walked in freshman year to when I graduated four years later.”

“I’m always right, thank you very much,” Louis said.

Niall laughed because they were talking about change, but they were still the same, goofy people he met a year ago. “Thank you for that lovely advice. Got anything else for me?”

“Oh!” Liam stepped forward. “Have your fun and meet lots of people, but please, I beg of you, don’t do anything stupid to get kicked out. Take your classes seriously and ask for help when you need it. No one wants you to fail and you don’t have to prove yourself to anyone. Be who you are and keep your head up.”

Zayn turned his head towards Liam. “That was nicely put.”

Liam shrugged in nonchalance. “If I learned anything from getting kicked out, it was that.”

“Harry?” Louis placed a hand on Harry’s arm. “You’ve been quiet, love.”

Harry blinked out of whatever thoughts he was lost in. “Oh. Just.” He cleared his throat before saying, “Niall, study what you want to study. Don’t let us or anyone else tell you different. Your interests may change as you take classes and don’t let that scare you. Trust me when I say that you’ll do so much better if you’re taking classes on something you love.”

Niall nodded. “Got it. All of it, I think. Thank you.”

“There’s so much we could tell you, but if we kept going, we’d be here all night,” Louis said. “We might be on our way out, but please remember that you can always call us. We’re here to help.”

“And if you ever miss us too terribly,” Zayn added, “one of us can come and bring you home for the weekend.”

Niall smiled at that. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

The five of them were standing there one minute and then the next, they were in a group hug. They had spent so much time together and created moments to remember that it felt weird for one of them to separate out. They were a group and if any of them went missing, it just wouldn’t be right.

“I’m gonna miss you,” Niall said once they let their arms drop.

“We’re only a phone call away,” Zayn reminded him.

The front door of the suite opened and a voice called out, “Hello? Anyone here?”

“Well, I believe that is our cue to go.” Louis walked around Zayn to get to Niall and gave him a hug on his own. “You can do this, alright? Believe that.”

“Thank you,” Niall said once again. He didn’t know what else to say and he hoped it was enough. When he walked everyone out, he said, “I really do love you guys.”

“Aw, we love you, too!” Zayn exclaimed, causing a few people in the hallway to turn.

Niall waved his hands. “That’s it. Time to go. Move. You’re embarrassing me.”

Harry hugged Niall and Liam patted him on the back and Zayn blew him a kiss and Louis stayed back. With driving Niall to Uni and helping him move in, Louis just about forgot what was on his mind that morning until then. He studied Harry from the corner of his eye and he wondered how his heart hadn’t burst in love yet.

With one last _you’re gonna be okay_ , they finally leave Niall to meet his suitemates and his neighbors. Niall had stepped into the hallway to wave them goodbye and that was when he heard a familiar voice; however, he couldn’t place it, so he went to investigate. Walking over to the suite across the hall, Niall peered into the open door to see an old friend sitting on the couch with a guitar in her lap.

“Well, isn’t this a coincidence,” he said, making her look up.

“Niall,” Andi smiled. “Good to see you.”

“You, as well.” He took note of how the suite looked exactly like his, but in reverse. “Do you go here or are you just helping someone move in?”

She stood up. “I go here. When we ran into each other at the train station, I was in town to look at this place.”

Niall nodded. “And we just ended up here together?”

“We sure did.”

;;

“I need to say something.”

Harry and Louis were in Harry’s flat that night. Louis was standing in the small area between the living room and dining room, watching Haley walk around and helping her if she fell or got stuck. Harry was rather quiet the entire day, so Louis picked Haley up and gave Harry his undivided attention.

“Okay,” Louis responded. He could tell that it was something serious because he could feel the stress radiating from Harry.

Harry took a moment and a breath before he started talking. “For so long now, I’ve been trying to figure something out and that is how to be happy. I feel like I’ve always been searching for it everywhere I go and with everyone I meet and with everything I do, but I’m still not sure what happy is.

“And then I met you and something happened that I don’t understand. You came into my life and you were big and you were bold and you were . . . happy. I didn’t know what to expect and I didn’t think that we’d be here now, but we are and I just.” He sighed. “I don’t know. You’re just so good with people and with Haley, and you are just such a good person in general that it wouldn’t be . . .

“Louis, you are one of a kind and I feel special that you have shared your time with me over the past year, and I—” Harry cut himself off. His mouth was open, but it was hard for him to get the words out.

Louis stood with Haley in his arms the entire speech, listening intently to every word Harry said. He could feel the corners of his mouth twitch, wanting to smile, but he was holding back. This was the moment he was waiting for. He was scared to say it himself, but it looked like Harry was about to beat him to the punch. And he guessed it made sense because Harry was the one who kissed Louis first.

Harry ran his hands through his hair. “And I can’t do _this_ anymore.”

Louis’ breath got stuck in his throat because this wasn’t how this was supposed to go. Harry was supposed to say I love you, not that. “Wait, are you . . .?” Louis couldn’t finish that sentence because no. No, this was not happening.

“This morning when I left,” Harry continued, not really answering Louis’ question, “I went to the bridge. I hadn’t been there since the day of the accident and the second I stepped onto the gravel, I remembered why I was there the last time. I remembered what I was going to do and I remembered that if I didn’t get that call that Haley’s parents were in an accident, I wouldn’t be here right now.

“This morning, everything was put into perspective for me. I’m here and not at the bottom of that river for Haley. She is my main focus and everything I do has to be for her. She has to come first and I have to make sure she is okay.”

For so long now, Harry felt like he wasn’t going anywhere. Everything in his life had been handed to him, so how could he say he had accomplished anything? And then he would look at his friends and how happy they were. He wanted that so badly, but he gave up on hope that he'd find someone to love him. His family was messed up, so it wouldn't work. It didn't work before and it wouldn't work now. He was going to end it that day, but then he got a call that his friends died and his goddaughter needed him. 

He was going to have a tough time telling Haley what happened to her parents and he didn’t want to make it any more difficult by adding in someone he was dating in the picture. Haley literally saved his life, but it was one hell of a twist that kept him here. He didn’t understand it, but maybe he wasn’t supposed to.

“Harry—”

He shook his head. “I’m not done, yet.” Harry took another breath. “I know I haven’t been fair to you and it was so wrong of me to keep this going when I knew—when I know—that I’m holding you back from being great. I can’t keep lying and pretending that I’m okay, when I’m not. I can’t keep hurting you this way.”

Everything about this conversation hurt Louis. Earlier, he had wondered how his heart hadn’t burst with love, but now he was wondering if it would burst with hurt. He was not expecting today to turn this way and he was not expecting Harry to end things. But Louis was the helper and if breaking up meant that he would be helping Harry to be okay, then he’d do it.

Without a word, Louis put Haley down and grabbed his shoes. He walked out of the door and drove to his empty flat, and he figured that maybe he was meant to be alone.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please don't hate me  
> i'm so sorry


	22. All I Want

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for taking so long. I have had a super long, super crazy work schedule for the past two weeks, which left me very little time to write. But today I got a break and I give you the next chapter :)

title song: [All I Want by Kodaline](http://youtu.be/enu8wwbDVDM)

;;

Liam placed a box on top of the coffee table and used a box cutter to get it open. He started pulling out the various items that were stored in that box for the past year. “Y’know, I think unpacking is the least painful part of all of this.”

Without looking away from arranging his movie collection, Zayn asked, “What d’you mean?”

“Like, I’ve always hated having to pack everything and making sure fragile things are wrapped properly and boxes are labeled accordingly,” Liam answered. “And then having to move said boxes from one place to another is dreadful.”

Zayn snorted. “A fireman is complaining about having to move some boxes from one location to another? What? Too much lifting for you?”

Liam threw bubble wrap in Zayn’s direction, but because of air resistance, it didn’t make it to him. “Shut up.”

Leaving the movies in his hand on the floor, Zayn stood up and walked over to Liam. “Make me.”

“Fine, I will.” Liam grabbed Zayn’s arm and pulled him closer, looked him right in the eyes and pressed their lips together. This wasn’t their first kiss and it surely wouldn’t be their last, but this kiss had a bigger effect than any other.

“That was . . .”

“Yeah,” Liam agreed. He was still holding Zayn’s arm, so he let go and placed his hands on Zayn’s waist. “It was.”

Zayn smiled. “We’re gonna have to create some good moments in your flat. This house is probably sick of us,” he joked.

The other man laughed. “I dunno about the house, but I’m not sick of it and it’s just going to have to deal with us until I find a new flat. My lease is up at the end of the month and it is time to move on.”

“You could move in here,” Zayn proposed. “If you want,” he added a moment later. Still, Liam didn’t reply; he just stood there and Zayn was not sure if Liam had blinked or stopped breathing. “I mean, we don’t have to sleep in the same bed if that makes you uncomfortable, but I have more than enough room.”

The thing about these two people was that they always had something there. It started the day Liam rescued Zayn from the fire and it never stopped. In just the past year, they had helped each other out more than they could explain and it was a wonderful thing to be a part of. Of course, Louis had a hand in all of this with his constant scheming, but he did it with good intentions and the result was a good outcome.

Liam kissed Zayn again. “You are out of your damn mind if you think we won’t be sharing a bed.”

;;

The sun was starting to peek out from behind the clouds and Louis had not gone to sleep yet. It wasn’t that he didn’t try, but he couldn’t fall asleep for anything. It had been days since he got a full night’s rest and Louis was scared that history was repeating itself.

He had to remind himself that things had changed and that he was better and that he knew how to be okay. He had to remind himself that life was unexpected and that people were allowed to want different things and that it got bad before it got better. He had to remind himself that everyone was going through something and that people try to do what was right to help themselves and that he could get passed this.

But he had this feeling in his chest that he did something wrong. Louis was always so quick to jump in and take care of a situation that he often forgot that what he did wasn’t always what was needed. Perhaps he overstepped his place or maybe this was life’s way of telling him that he needed to change his mindset and try something new.

For the past year, Louis felt like he was moving up and he was so happy about that. Yes, he did have a setback when he realized his past with Liam, but he recovered from it. That time of his life wasn’t relevant today, and it shouldn’t define who Louis was now. But somehow, he was drawn back to those moment from time to time, and he didn’t know why.

And because he didn’t know why, Louis knew that he couldn’t stand in front of his students and motivate them to do well. He picked up his phone, ignoring the notifications of the missed calls and text messages, and called the hotline to call in sick. Being absent was something Louis was not a fan of because he felt like he was letting his students down, but he couldn’t today. Or tomorrow. Or the next day. Or the one after that.

;;

“You’re the one with the accent here. Just accept it.”

“Me? You’re the one from Australia,” Niall shot back. He and Andi were having a friendly argument over who has the odd accent in the building.

Andi flipped her brown hair off of her shoulder. “Oh, shut up. You’re from Ireland and your voice sticks out like a sore thumb.”

Niall was about to respond, but Andi’s roommate, Amari, said, “Would both of you shut up? You both have accents because you both are from countries that are not here. And even if you were from here, the British ‘accent’ has a range of different sounds.” Niall and Andi exchanged a look before they fell into laugh. “Go ahead, laugh it up, but you know I’m right.”

“Amari?”

“What?”

“You’re from America,” Andi pointed on.

Amari shrugged. “Your point?”

“You have an accent, too.”

“Well, then I guess we’re a group of misfits in England,” Amari replied with a chuckle. Her phone began ringing and Niall immediately knew the song.

Niall stood up. “You like Ed Sheeran?”

Amari nodded. “Hell yes. Every time he came to my city, I tried to get tickets, but he sold out so quickly. And then I came here only to find out he played at some high school to raise money the night before. Talk about bad luck.”

“Oh, you’re gonna be so jealous,” Andi said, hopping up and standing next to Niall. She nudged him with her shoulder. “Go ahead, tell her.”

“Tell me what?” Amari asked. “And stop looking at me like that, you’re freaking me out.”

“Well, that school you mentioned,” Niall said, “it was the one I went to.”

Amari had to sit down. “Your school? You saw him play?”

Niall nodded. “Yeah and I also played with him. It was sick!”

Amari just shook her head, her two-toned hair flying around, and rested her forehead on the table. “Life is so unfair,” she groaned.

;;

Just as it hit the two week mark, Louis made a decision. He felt awful and he barely left his bed, and he knew he had to do something before people started asking those hard questions that he didn’t want to answer. He never thought it would come to this, but here he was, back to square one.

The night before, Louis checked his email for the first time in weeks. He saw a good number of his students wishing him to get better and telling him how they hope to see him soon. He saw an email from his department head, wondering why he was using all of his sick days so early in the year and asking if everything was alright. Louis didn’t read every email, but from the ones he did, he could sense the concern. And that concern was the last thing he wanted, so he opened up a new word document and began typing.

This morning, Louis dragged himself out of bed and into the shower. It was hard for him to stand for longer than a few minutes, so he had to lean against the shower. Once he got out, he had every intention to shave, but he caught his reflection in the mirror and shaving would just draw more attention to the fact that he was a mess. Sighing, Louis retreated back to him room, picking out his favorite pair of black slacks. But when it came to picking out a shirt, he stared at his clothes like they were his biggest enemy.

Louis wished it was cold outside, so he could wear his coat and his scarf, but it was September and summer was still in the air. Running his hand down the line of shirts that were hanging, Louis stopped at a navy blue button down. It was short sleeved, so he paired it with a thin gray cardigan, and turned away from his closet before he dwelled on his choice any longer.

Taking the paper from his printer and grabbing a box, Louis left his flat. The skies were gray and the air was humid, and it was only a matter of time before it started raining. Louis sighed, realizing that the weather was a personification of how he felt.

Louis drove to the school, the route somehow feeling a mixture of familiar and foreign. There was a lump in his throat, but he continued on. He had to do this. Once he parked, surprised that his usual spot was open, he went inside; however, instead of going to the back of the school to where his classroom was, he went to the front office. He asked the secretary if the Dean was in yet and she said yes and that he could go in.

He took a deep breath before knocking on the door. The Dean told him to come in and when he did, Louis realized how real this was. He walked up to the desk, holding the paper firm in his shaking hands.

“Mr. Tomlinson,” The Dean greeted. “What can I do for you this morning?”

Louis hesitated. He looked down at the paper and then back at the Dean. “Sir, I first want to apologize for my absence in the past weeks. And I also want to apologize for the short notice.”

“Short notice for what?”

“This.” Louis placed the paper in front of the Dean and gave him a moment to look over the heading and first few lines. “I really do apologize.”

The Dean looked up at Louis, astonishment covering his face. Just from Louis’ appearance, the Dean can see that Louis wasn’t well, but he didn’t expect this. “Louis,” he said, using his first name to make it more personal and more meaningful, “I am sad to see you go, but I understand that life surprises us every now and then, and throws us off track. You are a wonderful asset to this school and if you ever decide to come back, I would honestly love for you to be a part of this school once again.”

Louis nodded. “Thank you, sir. Thanks so much for understanding. There are a couple people I went to Uni with who might be able to take my place.”

“That is very thoughtful of you, Louis. Thank you.” The Dean stood up and extended his hand for Louis to shake. “If there’s anything I can do for you, let me know. I can speak for the entire school and say that you will surely be missed.”

“And I’ll miss all of you, too.” Louis shook his hand again. “Thanks for the opportunity.”

“And thank you for reminding me why we all do what we do,” The Dean replied. “The impact you made here will not be forgotten.”

Louis smiled and nodded again before taking a step back. He left the front office with a feeling he couldn’t describe. He just resigned from his position and his mind was blank. He knew he wouldn’t be able to teach his students in his state of mind, and he rather quit than get fired from having too many absences. He was sad to leave his students and he had no idea where he would go from here.

Going back to his car to get the box, Louis went straight to his classroom. He went through the desk and the cabinets and packed away his belongings. He left quite a few things because he figured the next teacher would be able to use them. Before he left, Louis picked up a dry-erase marker and wrote a note on the whiteboard to his students. He said how he was sorry for how he had been absent and he was sorry for how he will be absent. He said how it was a pleasure to work with these students and he would surely miss them. He said how to treat the substitute and the new teacher and how he wished them the best in anything they do. Louis signed his name at the bottom and took one last look at his makeshift classroom.

And just like that, Louis walked out with the box in his arms, leaving two years’ worth of memories behind.

;;

With a shout, Haley began crying as loud as her lungs could go. The sound startled Harry and he dropped his fork before he could take a bite of his eggs. Leaving his breakfast, Harry went to Haley’s room and picked her up.

“What’s wrong, love?” he asked her, but she kept up her wailing.

Harry sat down in the rocking chair and tried to soothe Haley, but it didn’t work. He got up and walked around the flat, but that didn’t work either. He grabbed the baby bag and his keys and drove around the block, but Haley was still at it.

Stopping in a parking lot, Harry turned around and looked at Haley. “Please stop crying,” he begged. “I’m right here.”

Of course, this didn’t help, but eventually, Haley tired herself out and fell asleep. Harry slumped against his seat and closed his eyes. Everyone knew that it was hard to raise a baby and Harry was so scared that he was going to do something wrong. Haley had been in his care for a year and days like today, he couldn’t get her to calm down no matter what he tried. He feared this was a prelude to Haley’s teenage years where she wouldn’t listen to anything he said.

The weight in Harry’s chest was ever-present and he wondered if there would ever be a day that it would be completely gone. He had made the ultimate decision last year, but life stopped him from jumping off that bridge. His actions were stopped, but the demons in his head were still there. He wanted to get better—he really did—but sometimes he felt so hopeless that his mind went back to that day on the bridge.

;;

Since Zayn was able to move back into his house, Liam had been spending quite a lot of time there. It might have something to do with their recent decision to live together or the status of their relationship, but neither man was complaining. It was fairly new, only a few weeks, but it felt right and it felt real.

When Liam got out of the shower, he found Zayn in front of the television with a game controller in his hands. “Zayn,” Liam called from behind Zayn and he got a grunt in response.

Liam raised his brow and walked around, so he was in Zayn’s line of vision. “Zayn,” he said again, but Zayn’s eyes did not leave the screen. He turned his head to look at the TV and he understood that it was easy to get lost in a game, but he rather have Zayn get lost in him.

With a smug smile, Liam went over to the TV and stood in front of it. “Hey,” Zayn squealed, quickly pausing the game. “What’re you doing?”

“Oh, just . . .” Liam trailed off as he stretched his arms over his head and when he brought them down, he made sure his hand brushed against the towel at his waist. He could feel Zayn’s eyes on him, so he repeated the movement, but this time when his hand touched the towel, it dropped. “Whoops.”

Zayn blinked. He was zeroed-in on Liam, a very naked and fresh out of the shower Liam. Leaving the controller on the table, Zayn stood up.

“Please don’t stop on my account,” Liam said before he bent over and picked up his towel.

What sounded like a strangled growl came from Zayn. “Liam” he said slowly. He walked over to Liam and placed his hands on Liam’s bare waist. “What’re you doing?” he asked again.

Liam bit his bottom lip. “I’m naked right now, what do you think?” And well, that was all Zayn needed to hear before he grabbed Liam’s are and pulled him into the bedroom. They weren’t actually living together yet, but Zayn knew that when they do, he would not last if Liam kept this up.

Not that he would mind.

;;

**ABOUT FIVE YEARS AGO**

Sitting in the lounge, Louis stared at the piano in the corner of the room. He had an urge to get up, walk over, sit on the bench, and play, but he stayed put. It had been months since he played and he doubted he still had it in him. He wasn’t that good, anyways. It was just something he picked up in his early teenage years and it never went anywhere.

Louis frowned at the thoughts in his mind, and he took a deep breath. In. Out. In. Out. He looked away from the piano and focused on the plant by the door. He tried to think of positive thoughts and he tried to throw all the negative ones out.

 _Wait, no, not positive, but realistic thoughts_ , he corrected himself. Everyone always said to think positively, but it made more sense to think realistically. Instead of saying you were the best cook in the world, say you were good at cooking a certain dish. It was a slight change, but it made all the difference, and Louis was waiting for that difference.

And perhaps that difference came in the form of a man with fiery red hair. That man caught Louis’ attention as soon as he stepped into the room and the next thing Louis knew was that this man was sitting in front of him and offering his hand to shake.

“Hey, I’m Ed,” the man said.

Louis looked at his hand for a few seconds before his mind registered what he was supposed to do. He shook Ed’s hand. “Louis,” he replied, voice quiet. Honestly, Louis was caught off guard with Ed because he didn’t expect Ed to sit with him or even talk to him.

“You alright?” Ed asked.

“I—” Louis didn’t quite know what to say because if he said he was alright, he would be lying and if he said he wouldn’t, Ed might ask him why. He took another breath when he felt his insides start to panic. In. Out. _People like me_ , he told himself.

Ed had to lead most of the conversation that followed, but once Louis got comfortable, he didn’t mind talking to him. It was nice to have a friend here and of course, he had no idea that the two of them would keep in contact well after their time together. Louis wasn’t expecting this, and he had hope that things would turn around.

Louis didn’t know what it was, but there was something that made him gain a bit of confidence as he talked to Ed. They were discussing music and Louis wasn’t dwelling on the fact that someone was paying attention to him or that he was being looked at or that he was in a t-shirt and sweatpants and looked horrible. _I am beautiful_ , he told himself.

All too soon, they had to leave the lounge and part ways. Before Louis left the room, he took one last look at the piano and he wished he hadn’t because he realized something.

 _I am lying to myself_ , he told himself.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of things, a lot of emotions in this chapter. You still with me?  
> Tell me what's on your mind please.


	23. Step Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's all take a moment to remember how to breathe, yeah? I'm serious. I need you all to breathe and stay calm. Okay? Be careful, alright? I love you.

title song:[ Step Out by Jose Gonzalez](http://youtu.be/c7-4IZyNUtA)

;;

He left his phone on the table and it was ringing, so with the reasoning of being helpful because the call could be important, the call was answered. “Niall’s phone,” Andi said once she picked up.

“Hello, is Niall there?”

Andi looked around the common room of the residence hall and didn’t see Niall anywhere. “Not quite, but I’m sure he’s around here somewhere. He probably went to the bathroom.” She stood up from the couch she had been sitting in. “May I ask who is speaking?”

There was a pause and Andi wondered if the person on the line heard her. She was about to repeat herself when the person replied. “His mum.”

“Oh.” Andi started towards the restrooms. “Hold on, please. I’ll find him.” Just as she made it to the door for the men’s room, Niall walked out. “Here,” she held his phone out for him.

Niall furrowed his brow, but took the phone and placed it to his ear. “Hello?”

“Niall?”

He sighed. “Mum.” Niall was caught off guard with this phone call. He knew he would have to talk to his mum eventually, but he was trying to avoid for as long as possible. Walking away from Andi with a wave, Niall returned to his room and was glad to see that his roommate was out.

“You never called me back,” his mum said. “I left you a message a few months ago and I—”

Niall cut her off. “I never listened to it. The voicemail, I mean. And I didn’t call you back because I don’t have anything to say to you, Mum. You sent me off to another country and cut me out. I called you hundreds of times, but you never picked up. There’s not anything else to it.”

“But there is,” his mum refuted. “I know I left you without answers, but you have to know how sorry I am for all of this.” She sounded so sad, so defeated that Niall gave her a chance.

“Then tell me what happened because saying sorry isn’t going to fix the fact that you abandoned me last year.”

His mum sucked in her breath. “I’m so sorry you felt like that. I never meant to—I know you’re angry and what I did isn’t excusable.”

Niall sat on his bed and stared at his roommate’s poster of some American boy band. “You’re right, it’s not excusable. Now are you gonna tell me what happened? Because if you’re not, I need to get back to studying, so I don’t flunk out of Uni and end up on the streets.”

After going on a bit about how proud she was of Niall for getting to Uni, she explained how their family was in a serious financial struggle and how they used their insurance on Niall’s surgery before they lost the coverage. She explained how his family knew Niall would find a way to keep going and make it out of all of this, and how they wanted to keep him out of the mess they were in.

Shortly after Niall left to England, his family lost their house. The bank took one of their two cars and they couldn’t afford to keep up with their phones, so they had to cut them off. For a few months, his family was basically homeless. Some family friends would let them crash for a night or two, but they didn’t want a burden, so they kept moving and hoping that things would turn up.

“And did things turn up?” Niall asked.

“It’s not perfect,” his mum answered, “but we’re more on our feet than we were a year ago.”

Niall sighed. “You should have told me, mum. I could have postponed the surgery and I could have stayed and worked and helped out.”

“No, darling, you couldn’t. If you stayed, you would’ve gotten stuck and your future would have been delayed. If you stayed, you wouldn’t be in Uni right now and you wouldn’t have great opportunities in front of you.

“You don’t know that.” Niall really wanted to mention how he had always known about his family’s trouble and how he had a job behind their backs. He wanted to demand answers for why his family looked at him like he was incapable of understanding anything. He wanted to yell and scream because his family ditched him without any explanation and now they wanted to make amends. He was sorry that all these bad things happened to his family, but he wasn’t sorry that he was upset about everything.

Mother and son talk for another ten minutes where Niall’s mum apologized another twenty times for everything and made sure he knew how proud she was of him. She promised him that they would all see each other on Christmas, if not earlier, and that she knew in her heart that Niall was a strong person who could survive all of this.

After the phone call, Niall walked back to the common room and sat next to Andi. She took one look at Niall’s expression and put down her notebook. “Is everything alright?”

He shrugged. “Kinda. I just . . . I wasn’t expecting to have that conversation.”

Andi nodded even though she had no idea what Niall meant. “If you want to talk about it, I’m here for you, bro.”

“Bro?” Niall raised his brow. “I'm not your bro. That’d be weird.”

“Why would it be weird?”

Niall turned his head to look at Andi and he lost whatever he was going to say. “Because it would be.” He shoved her shoulder and sat back on the couch, putting his feet up on the table. “And don’t answer my phone, you nosy nobody.”

Andi rolled her eyes. “Nosy nobody, _riiiiiiiiiiight_. That’s why you spend all of your free time with me.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be studying?”

Andi just laughed in response.

;;

For the second time in the past ten minutes, Zayn paused from his lecture because his students were obviously not paying attention. From their whispers and constant texting, he knew that something was going on and whatever it was, it was distracting.

Zayn dropped his book on his desk, causing a loud smack and causing his students to jump a bit in their seats. “Alright, what is it? What’s the gossip? If one of your peers had a wild night, please don’t tell me the details. Just get it out of your system, so we can move on. Your first exam is on Monday and we need to cover this material.”

The class stayed silent, but they were all exchanging nervous glances with each other. Then, one brave soul raised her hand and Zayn pointed to her, hoping that he could get back to teaching soon. “Mr. Tomlinson quit. No one knows why, but yeah.”

“What?” Zayn was shocked because there was no way Louis would have quit without telling him. Then again, he hadn’t talked to Louis in a while. Every time he called, Louis never picked up, and Louis never even read the texts Zayn sent.

The gears turned in Zayn’s head and he wanted to smack himself for realizing that there was something going on with Louis. Zayn had been so busy with getting his house back and settling in, and figuring out how Liam and his heart aligned. He had been so busy that he didn’t think so check on the friend that helped him find his voice and gave him a home when his was ruined.

Zayn picked the book back up and took a breath. “Trust me when I say I understand how big of a shock it is for Mr. Tomlinson to leave, but we can’t let that distract us for too long. I’m sure he had his reasons for leaving and I’m sure he would want all of you to do well in your studies. So let’s get back to this and I’ll let Mr. Tomlinson know that you all miss him.”

After school that day, Zayn stopped by Louis’ flat because he wanted to make sure Louis was alright and he wanted answers of what was going on. But when he knocked on the door, Louis didn’t answer. He saw Louis’ car in the car lot, so he assumed Louis was home. Zayn knocked again before using his key Louis gave him and going inside.

The flat was just how Zayn left it, but there was something off. The curtains weren’t drawn and the living room looked like it hadn’t been used in weeks. Zayn walked farther in and the more he saw, the more it looked like no one lived here and just left their things behind. He started wondering if Louis was unofficially living with Harry and if he found a job somewhere else, which was why he quit.

That wonder dropped instantly when Zayn opened the bedroom door and found Louis curled up under the sheets. Louis’ eyes were closed, but he looked anything but peaceful. Zayn quietly stepped forward until he was by the bed. He slowly sat down before he gently shook Louis’ shoulder, jolting the older man awake.

“Zayn?” Louis blinked up at his former flatmate, surprised to see him. “What’re you doing here?”

“What? Did you think you could quit your job without me finding out?” Zayn kicked off his shoes and sat more comfortably. “What happened?”

Louis sighed and looked away from Zayn. “Harry broke up with me. But. But it’s not just that. It’s. . .” He sighed again, and closed his eyes.

“You can tell me anything, you know that, right?” Zayn knew how Louis wasn’t open about certain parts of his life, and he knew that it wasn’t good to keep everything in. Louis did so much for so many people that Zayn wanted to remind him that he was there for him.

“I know,” he replied, but didn’t say anything else.

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

Louis opened his eyes and nodded once. He scooted over a bit and rested his head on Zayn’s stomach. “Stay.”

Zayn ran a hand through Louis’ hair. “I’m all yours.”

“Liam probably wouldn’t agree.”

That was a joke and Zayn was glad to see that Louis made it. “Thank you for that, by the way.”

Louis shrugged. Well, as much as he could while lying down. “I didn’t do anything.”

Zayn rolled his eyes because this was typical Louis, never taking the credit he deserves. He could see that Louis clearly had a broken heart, but Zayn had a feeling there was more to it than a boy. And that feeling was correct because that broken heart was from his family who hasn’t called in months and from how he was always underestimated growing up and from how he would kill himself to help someone, but no one would do the same for him. A boy did have something to do with the ache in Louis’ chest, but it’s more of a feeling that he was meant to be alone.

For the next couple of hours, Zayn stayed there with Louis. They didn’t talk much because they didn’t need to. When they lived together, both of them got so used to being around each other so often that sitting together now felt like a comfortable childhood memory. It was like old times and Louis let himself believe that he was in the past.

It wasn’t until Louis was completely asleep that Zayn decided it was time to go. He left a note for Louis, put on his shoes, and quietly exited the flat. As glad as Zayn was to have his house back, he did miss living with Louis and he sincerely hoped that Louis would be all right very soon. He wanted to kick down Harry’s door and make him explain why the fuck he ended things with Louis. He wanted to know what else was going through Louis’ head that made him quit his job. He wanted to help Louis in the same way that Louis had helped him.

When Zayn made it home, he expected Liam to be there, but Liam was nowhere to be seen. Zayn called him, but when he got to Liam’s voice mail, he figured that Liam was probably saving someone’s life and he wished Liam safe. But after Zayn made dinner for two and ended up eating alone, he started to get worried. If Liam had been on a rescue, then he should’ve been back by now. Liam should have seen the missed call and called Zayn back.

Picking his phone up, Zayn called Liam. And when he got his voicemail, he called a second time. Zayn didn’t like the feeling he had in the pit of his stomach, so he grabbed his keys and drove to the fire station. He tried to tell himself that he was freaking out for no reason, but the ache in his bones told him different.

Zayn probably broke a driving law or two as he sped to the station, and when he finally parked his car, he couldn’t get inside fast enough. He could only imagine what he looked like—wide eyes, crazy hair, unsteady hands—but he didn’t care. He needed to find out where Liam was and most importantly, he needed to know that Liam was safe.

As Zayn made his way to the visitor’s area, he ran into Liam. Like, he literally bumped right into Liam with force that his arm stung in pain. But Zayn could care less about his arm because Liam was here and he was okay. He pulled Liam into a hug and began babbling about how concerned he was and how he was so relieved to see that nothing had happened to Liam.

Liam smiled nervously. “I’m sorry for all of this. I must’ve left my phone somewhere and forgot about it. And I’m on-call tonight and it totally slipped my mind until I got here for my shift, so I won’t be at the house.”

There were two things Zayn noticed about what Liam said: one, there was something off about his apology and two, Liam didn’t call the house his home. And behind Liam, the on-call calendar was posted, which showed who was on duty on which days, and it didn’t have Liam’s name on it for that night. Zayn saw this and he realized that the feeling in the pit of his stomach was not about Liam’s safety, but about history repeating itself.

;;

When Louis woke up, it was the morning after Zayn’s visit. At first, Louis wasn’t sure if Zayn had actually been there or he had dreamt it. But then he noticed the folded up piece of paper on his night stand that had his name written in Zayn’s scrawl, and he knew that what happened the night before actually took place. Sitting up, Louis plucked the note from the table and read it.

_Louis,_

_I just want to remind you that I’m only a call away and that it is perfectly okay to take a few mental health days. However, I also want to remind you that it may help to get up and go out to get some fresh air. Everyone works differently and you may bounce back tomorrow, and I hope that things turn up soon. You are the best person I’ve ever met and it pains me to see you like this. Take your time and do what you need to do, and please remember that I’m always here for you._

_Your sidekick,_

_Zayn_

The note and Zayn paying him a visit did bring a little light to Louis. He smiled at the words and placed the paper back on his night stand. Louis was glad that he was able to meet someone like Zayn because in all honestly, Zayn really was his sidekick. Zayn assisted Louis and his helping ways all throughout the last year and now Zayn was helping Louis.

Throwing the sheets off of his body, Louis got up and went to the bathroom. His balance was off and he felt a chill down his spine, but he didn’t care because he didn’t want to be cooped up in his flat any longer. Zayn was right—some fresh air and seeing people could help.

After taking a shower, Louis got dressed and got in his car. He started driving around with no actual destination because he figured that if car rides calmed babies down, maybe he’d have an answer to what will happen next while behind the wheel. He listed his options and where he could go from now. Maybe he could move or maybe he could look up when and where auditions were and get back in the game. Maybe he could go home and see what his family was up to and spend some time with them.

Louis knew that he had helped so many people and that was what fueled him to keep going. Sometimes, he lost sight of why he did the things that he did and why any of this matters, but then something reminds him and it all clicked back to place. He felt honored and grateful that he was able to be that person for so many people. It always amazed him when someone told him how he helped them and what his words or actions meant to them. The thank you’s Louis got were great, but nothing beat seeing someone smile big and knowing that he had something to do with it.

Because he hadn’t filled up his gas tank in a few weeks, Louis was only able to drive around for an hour before the light started blinking at him. He had been testing fate for the past ten minutes and he didn’t want to take his chances, so he stopped at the first gas station he saw.

After Louis parked in front of the pump, he went to grab his card from his wallet, but he realized that he left it at home. He always had a bad habit of putting his credit card in the pocket of his trousers and forgetting about it. Pulling out whatever cash he had in his wallet, Louis shut the car door and headed inside to pay. Of course, he wasn’t expecting to run into Harry at this gas station. And he definitely wasn’t expecting to run into Harry who was standing by the counter with Haley in his arms and with a man pointing a gun at him.

The gunman moved his aim away from Harry and pointed the gun at Louis. “Get away from the door and move over this way,” he ordered.

Louis followed this order, noticing a fourth man with blood coming out of him on the ground, and stood in front of Harry. “Sir, I-I know that life isn’t fair and I know what it’s like to get the short end of the stick.”

“You don’t know shit,” the gunman barked back.

“Maybe, but take the money or whatever, and neither of us will stand in your way,” Louis promised. His voice was surprisingly calm. He wanted to turn around and look at Harry to make sure he was alright, but all calmness would disappear if he did that.

The gunman still had the gun pointed at Louis. “Yeah, _right_.”

Louis took a brave step forward, swallowing before speaking again. “Look, we’re not here to cause you any trouble or get in your way. Just please, take whatever you need and go.”

“What I need is for you to shut the fuck up,” the gunman said. Louis opened his mouth, but before he could say anything, the gunman pointed the gun back on Harry.

“Hey!” Louis raised his voice a notch, but it was still calm. “He has a child and she is right there.” He took another step closer.

The gunman’s aim was on Louis once again. “Stop moving!” he said, but Louis didn’t listen. Louis took another step forward, his hands in front of him in defense.

Louis didn’t mind helping people. In fact, it was second nature to him. It was something that he had always done whether it was holding a door open for someone or taking his sister dress shopping. It was what he was good at and it was something he could see himself doing for the rest of his life. He loved the feeling of accomplishment he got after he lent a helping hand. And in this moment as he stood right in front of the gunman, Louis decided that he cared a bit too much sometimes and it would probably be the death of him.

It all happened so fast.

One person pulled the trigger.

The second went down.

And the third screamed. “NO!”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm not crying you're crying


	24. Quiet In My Town

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **List of things needed for this chapter:**
> 
>  
> 
> Tissues, stuffed or real animals, chocolate, booze (for those of us of age), and a blankie. 
> 
>  
> 
> **Please don't:**
> 
>  
> 
> Read while at work or school, and forget to breathe. 
> 
>  
> 
> **I love you and reader discretion is advised.**

title song: [Quiet In My Town by Civil Twilight](http://youtu.be/KSIXU3XusSA)

;;

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” –Marianne Williamson

 

This was the second time his phone rang without his presence and this was the second time Andi picked up without his permission; however, the person on the line started talking a mile a minute before she even finished her greeting. “Hel—”

“Niall? Listen, Louis’ in the hospital. I dunno what happened and I’m on my way there now. Shit, or I can turn back and grab you. Maybe I can send Liam. Harry was there when it happened, so he can’t. Niall? Are you there? Niall?”

Andi stood frozen in her spot. What was she supposed to say? She just became the middle person of the bearer of bad news and she wouldn’t even know how to tell Niall what she was just told. She remembered how much awe and love Niall had when he spoke about Louis and she wasn’t sure how Niall would react to this.

Niall came back to the room and he saw that Andi had his phone to her ear. “What did I say about answering my phone?” he asked with a light, teasing tone, but when he got closer to her, he saw the shock in her face. “Andi?”

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered as she passed the phone over to him.

;;

After he was examined and the police took his statement, Harry sat down in the waiting room and he hadn’t moved in hours. His head was in his hands and he still couldn’t grasp what happened. He had only stepped inside the gas station for a pack of gum before he spent the entire day with Haley at the park. It was supposed to be a good, fun day, but it was everything except that.

Out of nowhere, Harry felt a weight on his shoulder, so he looked up. Zayn was standing next to him. “What happened?” Zayn asked.

Harry shrugged. “I don’t even know. I went in the gas station with Haley and the gunman was standing over the clerk’s body and then he walked around me and then Louis came in and he tried to talk to him, he tried so hard, but the gunman wouldn’t listen. He didn’t listen and then he . . . And then he shot Louis and God, there was so much blood.” Harry shook his head. “So much blood.”

Zayn sat down next to Harry and patted his arm. “I wish I could say something to make this all better, y’know? I’m a writer and I should have the words, but I don’t. And I just . . . Where’s Haley?”

“Her grandparents came and got her,” Harry answered. “Louis’ been in surgery and I didn’t know how long or what would happen or how any of this happened.” He sighed. “And I’m just so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” Zayn said, honestly. He knew part of Louis’ sadness was because Harry ended things, but it was not the only or main reason for it. Zayn was angry at Harry for ending it, but he didn’t know the entire story, and anger wouldn’t help Louis. “I’ll be right back.”

Zayn walked down the hall to the nurse’s station and asked for an update on Louis. Before the nurse could search for his name on the computer, a doctor in blue scrubs stepped forward and introduced himself. “Hello, I’m Dr. Gonzalez and I can answer your questions about Mr. Tomlinson.”

“Were you his surgeon?”

“One of them,” the doctor replied. “Let’s move over and talk, okay?”

Zayn nodded. “Yeah, of course. Is he still in surgery?”

“He should be moving to the ICU as we speak. I,” the doctor paused. “I’m going on a limb here, but I’m assuming you are Mr. Tomlinson’s best friend?”

“Yes and I know I’m not family, but please, just tell me anything you can.”

“I can imagine how you’re feeling and I wish I can tell you that your friend will have a speedy recovery, but that wouldn’t be truthful,” the doctor said. “The bullet didn’t cause too much damage, but his body is having a hard time fighting.”

That wasn’t what Zayn wanted to hear. “What d’you mean?”

Dr. Gonzalez took a breath. “Mr. Tomlinson’s body is slowly shutting down from malnutrition and dehydration.”

“Wait.” Zayn took a moment for the words to settle in his brain and for the words to make sense. “Are you telling me that . . . That Louis has been . . . Doctor, what are you saying?” He couldn’t get himself to say the words.

“From the condition of Mr. Tomlinson’s body, I’m afraid to say that your friend has an eating disorder. We can’t completely diagnose him until we talk to him and judging from your reaction, you didn’t know.”

Zayn shook his head. “I had no idea. I lived with him for a year and I had no idea.”

While Zayn spoke to the doctor, a nurse walked into the waiting room and asked if anyone was there for Louis. Harry stood up immediately upon hearing Louis’ name. “Is he okay?” are the first words out of Harry’s mouth.

The nurse nodded. “He made it through surgery and he’s just waking up. You can go back and see him if you’d like.”

“Yes, please.” But before Harry could move, someone tapped his shoulder. He turned around and saw Liam and without a thought, Harry extended his arms and hugged him. “He’s okay. He’s out of surgery and awake and he’s okay.”

“That’s a relief to hear. Where’s Zayn?”

“He’s talking to the doctor.” Harry looked at the nurse and then back at Liam. “He should be back soon and tell him that Louis’ awake, yeah? I’m gonna go talk to him.”

Liam nodded. “Yeah, yeah. Wish him well for me?”

“I will.” Harry stepped towards the nurse and let her lead him to Louis’ room. It took Harry a minute, but he finally gathered up the courage to turn the knob and walk in.

Louis was still groggy from the surgery, but he still registered someone walking into his room. He wasn’t completely sure what happened and trying to think about it made his head hurt. Slowly, he turned his head towards the door and saw Harry. His first response was to sigh in relief to see that Harry was okay. But his second was something totally different.

“I’m so glad to see you’re okay,” Harry said.

“I’m not okay,” Louis responded. “I’m not and you should leave.” Harry looked caught off guard with that statement. “You said you can’t do this and I’ve accepted it. I hope you get to where you need to be and I wish you and Haley a good life.” His voice wasn’t angry as he said all of this, so Harry didn’t know what to do with them.

“Louis—”

Louis shook his head a bit. “This is what you wanted, remember?”

“I never meant—I’m so sorry, Lou.”

“Don’t do that. I’m not mad, okay? Just please, go,” Louis said, voice drained. “Thank you for checking up on me, but I need you to leave.”

Harry nodded and didn’t say anything else. He gave Louis one last look, frowning at how pale his skin was and how tiny he looked in that bed, before taking a step back and leaving.

The next person to come into the room was Zayn. He walked right up to the bed with tears in his eyes and a feeling in his chest that he couldn’t explain. He knew more than Louis had ever told him and more than he ever let himself believe. “You weren’t always this broken, were you?”

Louis’ eyes stung with that question, tears threatening to fall. “No, but I was never not broken,” he replied, honestly. “I listen to everyone and try to help. I make sure they are okay. I do a lot of things, and I’m not saying I need an award—I just need someone to lean on.”

“You can lean on me.”

“I know.” Louis gave him a small smile.

They talk for a few more minutes before Dr. Gonzalez walked in and asked to speak with Louis alone. Zayn gave Louis a hug and a kiss on the forehead before he left the room, exchanging a quick knowing glance with the doctor. Zayn and Dr. Gonzalez discussed options for Louis and what they could do once he recovered from the bullet trauma. They also discussed how Louis’ body was literally fighting for his life right now and knowing Louis, he would put up a front that he was alright when in reality, he was in pain.

When Zayn returned to the waiting room, Harry was nowhere to be seen and Liam stood as soon as he saw him. “How is he?” Liam questioned.

“He’s awake and he’s talking, but he’s doing what he always does,” Zayn answered. “He’s holding back and I guess I knew what he was doing because I lived with him, but I never thought about it. I guess I’ve always known somewhere deep inside that Louis wasn’t the happy camper as he made himself seem.”

Liam didn’t know the whole story, yet that didn’t stop him from saying, “You should have known and you should have done something about it.”

“Excuse me?” Zayn was thrown off with that comment and he couldn’t believe that Liam had said it. “How’re you gonna tell me what to do and what I should’ve done? You don’t have a voice in this.”

“What?” Liam’s voice raised a notch.

“At least I’m not the one who fucked him and left him like he was nothing!” Zayn was already upset about the fact that Louis was hurting and that he was shot that day and that he had been dealing with something huge right under Zayn’s nose. And now, Liam was in his face saying what he should have done and he was not having it.

Liam scoffed. “That was years ago! I’m not the same person anymore!”

“Really? You’ve been pulling back from me and I don’t know why, but if that’s what you want, then fine,” Zayn said. “Go ahead and leave. No one is keeping you here. No one is forcing you to be with me.”

Niall finally got to the hospital and he was standing on the other side of the room. He was horrified at the scene that unfolded in front of him and he wondered how everything could be so wrong right now. At Uni, he missed spending time with these lads, but it was obvious that so much had changed in such a short time. It was just a year ago that the five of them met in this very place and because of some twisted fate, they were here again.

Liam left and Zayn went the other way, probably to cool off. Niall stood there for a bit, trying to figure out what his next move should be. He didn’t think about it for too long because he came to see Louis and that was what he was going to do.

“Didn’t I drop you off at Uni not that long ago?” Louis asked as soon as Niall stepped into the room.

Niall cracked a smile. “Well, you know me. Can’t stay away for too long.”

“Yeah, but you have to remember that I won’t always be around.” The conversation Louis had with his doctor was still on his mind. They knew about Louis’ condition and there was no going back from it now. He had a feeling they were already figuring out a plan for him and he would probably get sent back to rehab. This wasn’t how Louis pictured his life to turn out with a relapse and a gunshot wound to the abdomen.

Niall’s eyes went wide. “Are you—are you dying?” Once Niall took the phone to Andi and spoke to Zayn, he got more information on what happened and what was going on. He used his emergency money on a car service to get him to the hospital and he honestly couldn’t get there fast enough. He was scared out of his mind and he hoped he wasn’t showing it.

“I just . . .” Louis sighed. “I’ve been here for a while and I like to say I’ve done a lot. Maybe not everything I wanted to happen or wished for came true, but I’ll be all right. And I hope if you got anything from me, you know that anything can happen and that anything is possible, and you just have to hold on long enough to see where it goes. Don’t give up, and push through when times are tough. It’s okay to ask for help and it’s okay to want to be alone. Don’t be afraid to live.”

At the end of his mini speech, Louis coughed. His chest was tight and when Dr. Gonzalez spoke to him, he told Louis to hit the nurse’s button if he felt any discomfort anywhere, especially his chest. Louis thought about it, but he figured he was fine and he was just talking too much. But he coughed again, and this time there was blood in the palm of his hand.

Louis tried to cover it up, but Niall saw and his fear was showing. “Niall, I’m fi—” He tried to say that he was fine, but he started coughing uncontrollably. Niall ran out of the room and called for help and soon, nurses and doctors were rushing in while Niall stood in the doorway and watched helplessly.

;;

As Zayn used his key to get into the flat, it hit him that Louis never asked for the key back, that Louis kept this place open for Zayn, that no matter what, it could still be his home. Zayn pressed the key into his palm and took a deep breath before stepping inside.

The first place he went was the kitchen. He opened the cabinets and the refrigerator, and he saw whatever food and ingredients he left was still there, untouched. Nothing was added to the few things that Zayn left behind and he wondered how he never noticed that Louis didn’t eat. He thought back to the dozens of meals they shared and he swore he saw Louis bring food to his mouth and that his plate would be empty by the end.

Dr. Gonzalez told Zayn that people similar to Louis have their ways of deceiving the people around them and tricking them into thinking that their eating habits were healthy. There were a number of ways Louis could’ve dodged eating and Zayn knew now that Louis had lied to him so many times. He wasn’t mad at Louis, he was mad at himself. He could have helped Louis if he knew, but he didn’t and now it was too late.

Zayn moved out of the kitchen and he noticed there was a stack of papers on the printer. Letting his curiosity get the best of him, he walked over and picked up the papers. The first page was the title page of the script Louis had been working on for as long as Zayn could remember.

Sitting down at the table, Zayn started reading the script. He could tell that Louis chose the words his characters said carefully and that Louis was particular about their actions. Zayn read the script slowly and by the end, he understood Louis so much better. The main character of the script had an eating disorder and from how that character hid it, Zayn realized how Louis hid it. That character might not completely be Louis, but they definitely had similar characteristics.

Zayn felt so defeated and drained by the day, and he still couldn’t believe he didn’t know or notice. He coroneted himself as the shittiest person slash roommate on the planet, and dropped his head down to the table.

He didn’t know how long he sat there like that, but eventually, there was a knock at the door. Zayn pulled himself together and got to his feet. And when he answered the door, he found Liam standing there with a solemn look on his face.

“I’m sorry,” Liam apologized. “I get scared and I pull back and I love you, I really do and I’m so, so sorry. I don’t want to leave and I’m not going anywhere. I’m sorry.”

Zayn stood there, letting Liam’s words register slowly in his mind. Without saying anything, he pulled Liam into the flat and fell into his arms, tears spilling out of his eyes.

Liam held on to Zayn tight. “We’re gonna get through this.” And he really hoped they did because from the beginning, Liam always saw how good of a person Louis was. He remembered the conversation he had with Louis a few months ago and it broke his heart to know that there was a double meaning behind their words.

_It was the day after the showcase and the group was having a movie night. Louis went to the kitchen to make another bowl of popcorn and Liam said he was going to help him, but he actually wanted to talk to Louis. Somehow, Louis managed to help everyone: Zayn with giving him a place to stay while his house was getting fixed, Liam with giving him the push he needed to be with Zayn and to be happy, Niall with supporting him and helping him get into Uni, and Harry with taking care of Haley and so much more._

_“How do you do it?” Liam asked._

_Louis looked up from the bowl in his hands. “What do you mean?”_

_Liam leaned against the counter. “Like, you’re always willing to help people. I’ve seen it over the past year and you’ve never asked for anything in return. I’ve never seen anyone so selfless.”_

_Louis shrugged. “I like helping people.”_

_“So do I,” Liam said, “hence the fighterfighter-ness. But there’s more to it for me and for you.”_

_“I dunno why, actually. I don’t like seeing the people around me struggle, so if there’s anything I can do, I do it. It’s a good feeling to know that someone’s smile is brighter or their step is lighter and I had something to do with it,” Louis replied._

_Liam smiled. “I don’t know if anyone’s told you this, but you are truly a good person and have the biggest heart. But don’t forget to help yourself sometimes, too. You’re just like everyone else and we all need help from time to time.” He paused for a moment. “You can’t do it all on your own.”_

_“I know. Thanks, Liam.”_

With Zayn still in his arms, Liam asked, “Where’s Niall?”

Zayn sniffled. “He went to go tell Harry.”

;;

Niall didn’t know why, but he had a feeling that Harry was in the bakery. When he got there, he found the door unlocked and the lights off. Hesitantly, he stepped inside and frowned at the state of the bakery. The tables and chairs were all knocked over and the chalkboard menu behind the counter was on the ground. Niall kind of wished he didn’t have to do this right now.

He found Harry in the back room, sitting on the floor with his knees pulled up to his chest and crying like there was no tomorrow. Niall sat down next to him. “Harry?”

“He took a bullet for me, Niall,” Harry said, voice cracked. “He stood between me and the gunman, and saved me. He didn’t have to, but he did and I’m such a fucking idiot.” He erupted into a new wave of sobs.

Niall rubbed his back, hoping it would soothe him. “Hey, you’re not an idiot. Don’t say that.”

Harry shook his head. “But I am. I told him I couldn’t do this and I ended things and I’m an idiot.”

“Harry . . .” Niall didn’t know what to say. He didn’t even know they had broken up until he spoke to Zayn. He didn’t know that their little family had become such a mess.

Suddenly, Harry stood up. “I need to go back to the hospital. I need to apologize and tell Louis that this isn’t what I want. This was never what I wanted. I didn’t want to hurt him, but I did. I need to tell him. I need to.”

Niall quickly got to his feet and stopped Harry from going anywhere. “You can’t do that, Harry.”

Harry frowned. “Why not?”

Niall closed his eyes because there was no way he could watch how Harry would react to this. All of their hearts were broken and this would completely crush Harry. “Because,” he said slowly, “Louis died.”

The sound that came out of Harry would be something that will haunt Niall for the rest of his life. He didn’t need to open his eyes to know that Harry’s knees gave out and that he was on the floor, sobbing. He didn’t need to open his eyes to sit with Harry and cry with him. He didn’t need to open his eyes to see that none of them would ever be the same again.

;;

**ABOUT FIVE YEARS AGO**

Once again, Louis was sitting in the lounge, staring at the piano. He still hadn’t gotten himself to go play it, but he was sitting closer to it than he usually did. It was progress and apparently, Louis had a lot of that going on those days.

Earlier that day, Louis spoke to his counselor and they discussed how he got to that facility and how he didn’t realize he had a problem. He told her how he had always helped people, but once he was done, they would disappear. This made him feel like he was meant to be alone. He didn’t want this, so he started changing himself by keeping a less serious attitude and changing the way he dressed, but they didn’t help. So he tried something different because it must be under the surface.

His counselor asked when he started feeling this way and he talked about his time in Uni. Louis was mostly quiet and to himself, but he didn’t like that about him, so he started going out and being social. He built up his confidence with his flirtationship with this guy named Liam and he thought that maybe people do like him and maybe someone will love him. But then Liam left after they slept together and Louis finally accepted that he was going to be alone because no one like him in the way that they wanted to be with him.

Ed joined Louis in the lounge and he had something in his hand. “What’s that?” Louis asked, and Ed handed it to him. “One month sober,” Louis read the chip. “That’s great.”

Ed shrugged. “I guess.”

Louis turned his body, so he was facing Ed and pulled his legs up. “Mate, that’s thirty days of you working to get better and doing it. It is huge and if you could do it for one month, I’m sure you can do it for many more.”

“Maybe, but what’s the point. Thirty days isn’t that much.”

“True, but the first thirty days are probably the hardest,” Louis said. “Think of it this way: you have your biggest dream, right? What it is?”

“Easy,” Ed replied, “To be a musician.”

Louis smiled. “I know you’ll reach that dream because you are fighting too hard not to. I know you can do it and now you have to believe you can do it. You are talented and an all-around great person and I’ll be damned if you fall off the wagon again.”

Ed chuckled. “You are something else, mate.” He stood up and extending his hand for Louis to take. “If you’re going to push me forward, then I’m going to do the same for you.”

“What d’you mean?” Louis took Ed’s hand and got up. He let Ed lead him to the piano, and he shook his head. “Wait. No. I can’t.”

“You can just like I can.” Ed gestured toward the bench. “You helped me and let me help you. I can’t be a musician without a band.”

Louis sat down. “Okay, but you have to promise me one thing.”

“Sure, anything.”

“Don’t forget that you got yourself here and that you have a bigger picture to get to,” Louis said. “And don’t forget me, of course.”

Ed rolled his eyes. “Wouldn’t dream of it, Lou.” He sat down next to him and said, “Now, play me something pretty.”

 

 


	25. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before we begin this last chapter, I was to apologize to everyone for not warning you all in the tags about there being a death. I didn't decide the fate of that particular character until a couple days before I posted that chapter and I hope you are all okay now. It was never my intention to hurt any of you, I promise. 
> 
> Now, lets bring this story home.

song: [World Spins Madly On by The Weepies](http://youtu.be/ApInErMBGbA)

;;

**FOUR YEARS LATER**

Today, Niall was in a kindergarten class. He didn’t think he would be able to sit in considering all of this peers were around the school, observing different classes in all of the years. He had sat in a different classroom every day this week with hopes of figuring out which year was best for him. It was Friday and he still wasn’t sure, but it was only the beginning of his year in Student Teaching, so he figured he had time to make a decision.

As Niall watched the children file into the classroom as they came back from the cafeteria, he thought about how they all had their entire lives ahead of them and he wished they all had someone to guide them to greatness. Niall smiled because here he was, already trying to spread good to these people and he hadn’t even been there for that long.

Towards the end of his first year of university, Niall had to figure out what he wanted to study. He thought back to the advice the lads gave him before they dropped him off on his first day in the dorms and he thought about the huge impact Louis made on his life. It didn’t take much more than that for Niall to decide that he wanted to continue what Louis started—he wanted to help as many people as he could and what better way to do that than by teaching?

High school was the ideal place to teach, but Niall wanted to teach little kids before he went on to the big kids. He wanted to make sure this was something he could do because god knew he had big shoes to fill. The last thing he wanted was for all of this to backfire in his face.

Once all of the kids were settled on the “magic” rug, the teacher announced it was time for show and tell. She asked for volunteers and picked the first student to go. Niall sat at the back on the classroom and reminisced of how serious he took show and tell and how he would go through his entire house multiple times to find the perfect thing. And because of this, he was excited to see what the kids had with them.

The first person up was a little girl who had a scrapbook in her hands. “So,” she began. “My dad made this scrapbook for me and it has pictures from my _whole_ life, even before I was here!” She babbled on about how it has pictures of her parents and stuff like when she first crawled, but then she stopped on a page and Niall froze. “This is my most favoritest picture ever. I think it’s my dad’s, too, because he has one in his room. This is him,” she points to one of the two men in the photograph, “and this is Uncle Louis. He’s not here anymore, but dad says that he’s always with us.”

Niall’s mouth was open because he wanted to say something, but one, he didn’t want to interrupt and two, he didn’t know what to say. That little girl was Haley and Niall knew for a fact that if she flipped the page, there would be a photo of all five of them. That little girl was Haley and her dad was Harry and she knew who Louis was. That little girl was Haley and Niall had to stop himself from shedding any tears because this was not the time or place.

Needless to say, Niall was distracted for the next few hours as he was in that classroom. He tried to pay attention to what the other kids had brought, but his focus would turn to Haley. He couldn’t believe that out of all of the schools and out of all the classes, he ended up in this one. It was almost enough to make Niall believe in fate. Everything that happened between the five of them couldn’t have been that big of a coincidence. There was more to it and this right here was just another example.

Later on that evening, Niall still had Haley and that scrapbook and Louis on his mind. He wasn’t sure what he felt, but he knew there was something he had to do.

“You alright?” Andi asked as she walked into their bedroom. She had a pair of heels in her hand that she threw on the bed before walking over to Niall who was standing in front of the mirror. “I feel like you’ve been buttoning the same button for the past ten minutes.”

Niall looked down and dropped his hands before turning around. “I’ve just been thinking.”

Andi reached up and adjusted Niall’s tie and smoothed it down. “Are you nervous about tonight?”

“Nah.” He shook his head. “I’m pretty excited, actually. It’s been way too long.” A sense of comfort had been with Niall since he got his invitation in the post. “You look beautiful, by the way.”

“Oh, this old thing? I just threw this outfit together,” she said with nonchalance.

Niall rolled his eyes. “Of course.” He placed one hand on Andi’s waist and the other on her face before leaning down and kissing her. “Are you ready to go?”

Andi took a step back and did a twirl. “Of course. With this dress, I can only imagine how many guys will hit on me.”

“Please,” Niall scoffed, rolling his eyes. “You already know that all the guys will be flocking towards me. Just look at this suit.”

“That suit ain’t got nothing on this dress,” she shot back.

“We shall see about that!” Niall patted his pockets to make sure he had everything he needed. “Let’s go find out.” He picked up his invitation as he and Andi exited their room and headed outside.

Just like that, Niall’s head cleared and his excitement was through the roof. He was glad he had Andi in his life and he was glad no one told him how his life turned out. So much happened that was unexpected and yes, there were a few things he wished he could change, but everything happened for a reason.

When they arrived, Niall took a deep breath before walking in. There were people everywhere, but that didn’t stop him from searching for the person he was looking for. He had no luck from the initial scan of the room, but before he could pout, Andi dragged him to the greeting table and shoved a program in his hand. He scanned it and smiled at the excerpt included because in a way, it was probably for all of them.

_So hang in there because this is just the beginning. There is so much that is possible and that can happen, that it would be a shame if you weren’t around to witness it. It won’t be easy and there will definitely be a struggle (maybe even two), but please, don’t give up. You are forever growing and learning. Remember that._

Maybe it wasn’t the beginning anymore, but it definitely wasn’t the end. Niall was proud of who he was and how far he had come. He was proud of himself and he had the best person in the world to help him to get to where he was.

“Holy shit, is that Niall?” Niall heard someone stage whisper behind him.

“I think,” a second person replied, “it may be. He grew up so much!”

“I know. He’s no longer our little, precious, ad—”

Niall spun around and cut him off. “I swear, you better not finish that statement or else.”

Zayn snorted. “What’re you gonna do? Punch me at my own book release party? That’d just be rude.”

“Like I’d let anyone punch that beautiful face of yours,” Liam said, which earned him a grin from Zayn.

“The two of you are awful,” Niall said, shaking his head. “And I’ve missed your awfulness.” Zayn and Liam exchanged a look with each other before stepping forward and attacking Niall in a hug. “Jesus, I should’ve seen that coming.”

Andi chuckled from beside them. “It’s nice to see that nothing has changed. And congrats, Zayn. I’m sure your book will be a bestseller.”

Zayn let Niall go and gave Andi a hug. “Why, thank you. P.S. you are totally outshining Niall tonight.”

“Ha!” Andi fist pumped the air. “Told you!”

Niall stuck his tongue out at Andi. “I can’t take you anywhere.”

And then, to add on to the moment, a little girl ran up to Niall and hugged him around the knees. “You’re in my class!”

“Um.” Niall wasn’t sure what to do with his hands and he looked at his friends, searching for help.

Liam glanced down at the girl before looking up at Niall. “One of your students?”

Before Niall could answer, another person joined them. He froze when he saw the group of people standing there, but after a moment, he started moving again.

“Haley,” Harry scolded. “You can’t just hug people like that.”

Haley kept her arms around Niall’s legs, but turned her head, so she could look at Harry. “But Dad, he’s in my class. I know him.”

Harry blinked, trying to figure out what to say to that. When he had picked Haley up from school earlier that day, she went on and on about her new teacher. He never asked what the teacher’s name was and she never said it. And honestly, Harry knew that life or fate or whatever will always bring them together one way or another.

Zayn gave Harry a smile. “Glad to see that you made it, mate.”

Harry redirected his attention. “Yeah. Yeah, of course. It’s not every day that one of us becomes the next great British writer.”

“I wouldn’t go that far,” Zayn replied.

Liam snorted. “He’s so modest.”

“I learned from the best,” he replied in a quiet voice. And everyone knew who Zayn was talking about. It felt weird to say something about Louis because the few times they had all been together after his death, his absence was ever-present. They could feel it in their hearts that something was missing and it sucked because they knew exactly what that something was.

Someone tapped on Zayn’s shoulder. “You’re needed up front.”

Zayn cleared his throat. “Right. Um. I’ll see you lads in a bit. Got a party to host and got a lot of people to talk to. Thanks for coming and all that. Love you!” He waved before following the lady that tapped his shoulder into the crowd.

Haley was still hugging Niall, so Harry stepped towards them and kneeled down. “Hales, hey. You okay?”

She frowned. “He’s in the scrapbook.”

“She brought it to show and tell,” Niall added.

Harry looked up at Niall. “Okay.” Surprisingly, he was able to get Haley to let go and then he picked her up. “You met Uncle Niall and Uncle Liam here a long time ago,” he told Haley.

“I did?”

“Oh yes,” Harry nodded. “They all helped me when you were a baby.”

“Even Uncle Louis?” Haley asked.

“Even Uncle Louis,” Harry replied.

Ever since he showed the scrapbook to Haley, she demanded stories about Louis. Harry had no problem talking about Louis; in fact, he could go on for hours about times they shared together and about everything Louis did and about how great of a person Louis was. But having to explain to Haley where Louis was and what happened to him was one of the toughest conversations Harry ever had.

“How’s the bakery?” Liam questioned, purposely changing the subject.

Harry breathed out like he had been holding his breath for years. “It’s no longer a bakery, actually. A few years ago, I looked into converting the space into a café and about a year ago, it finally happened.”

Niall patted Harry’s shoulder. “I’m happy for you. I remember you saying something about that.”

“Thanks,” Harry said. “I may have had to go to one of those weird business programs that is completed in eighteen months, but I have a business degree under my belt and a café that’s everything I hoped it would be. And I also have this one,” he nudged Haley with his arm, “who’s pretty special.”

Haley perked up at that and kissed Harry’s cheek. “I love you, Dad.”

“Love you, too, darling.” Harry gave Haley a smile before asking Liam, “Are you still a firefighter?”

Liam shook his head. “Nah. For a while, I was thinking about getting back to Uni and not fu—messing up this time, y’know?”

“I do,” Harry agreed. “We are the dropouts of the group.”

“I dunno why. Uni wasn’t _that_ horrible,” Niall chimed in and promptly got a slap on the head from Liam. “Okay, ow. Child abuse.”

Zayn rejoined the group and laughed. “I thought you weren’t a child anymore, _Mr. Horan?_ ”

Niall groaned. “I dunno why I put up with any of you.”

“I could say the same thing about you,” Andi said, causing the entire group to giggle.

“Because you love me, dammit!” Niall covered his mouth. “Crap. Sorry.”

Harry just shook his head. “We’ll blame Liam for that one. He’s the one who almost said something he shouldn’t have.”

“Hey!” Liam frowned. “I stopped myself, didn’t I?”

Niall pretended to flip his hair off of his shoulder. “Talk to me when you graduate from Uni.” Zayn took Liam’s hand and intertwined their fingers when Niall noticed a ring on Liam’s fourth finger. He grabbed Zayn’s left hand and gasped. “You motherfu—” He cleared his throat. “You idiots are engaged and didn’t tell me? Harry, did you know this?”

“No, I didn’t.” He looked personally offended. “I’m always out of the loop.”

Liam looked at Zayn. “Whoops. Looks like the cat’s out of the bag.”

Zayn gave the group a sheepish smile. “Surprise?”

The person who tapped on Zayn’s shoulder earlier was back. “Zayn, honestly. This is not the time to socialize with your friends. They’re obviously going to buy your book.”

The sheepish smile stayed on Zayn’s face. “Sorry, sorry. I’m going. Where do you need me?”

She sighed. “On the stage. Speech time.”

“Oh.” Zayn glanced down at his outfit and looked back up. “Right. I’ll be up there in a minute.”

Harry and Niall and Andi wished Zayn luck and Liam gave him a quick kiss before he was weaving through people to get to the makeshift stage at the front of the room. He walked up the short staircase and picked up the microphone.

Tapping on the mic, Zayn said, “Can I have everyone’s attention, please?” He waited for people to stop talking and for the music to quiet down. “Hello everyone, my name is Zayn Malik and I just wanted to thank all of you for coming tonight. Actually getting published and having all of this happen feels like a dream and I’m so glad I am able to share it all with you.

“The idea for this novel has been in my head for the past nine years and finally, it is printed on paper and published electronically for everyone to read. The story is close to my heart and honestly, it freaks me out that it is available to anyone who wants to read it.” Zayn took a breath before continuing. “As an author, there is a list of things I would want you all to take away from this book, but there is one in particular that matters most.

“This book is dedicated to my best friend and the best person I have ever met. He had touched so many lives and he had done so much that sometimes I forgot that he was human. He had a huge heart that he shared with so many of us and I have never felt so lucky to know someone. Unfortunately, he is no longer with us, but in a way, he still is. Everything he’s done lives with us each and every day, and there are pieces of him with all of us.

“So by reading this book, you are helping me honor his memory and all the fantastic things he has done. I wish I could have thanked him more, but I have a feeling he knows.” Zayn paused and smiled a teary smile. “This book is dedicated to Louis Tomlinson, our own personal superhero.”

Everyone raised their glass and it was made clear that night that Louis would not be forgotten.

;;

“How are you today?”

That was a heavy loaded question for Harry. He placed his hands under his thighs and leaned forward. “Today… Today’s a bit weird. Like, not bad weird. Like, unexpected weird.”

Ellen, his therapist, nodded. “Mind expanding that?”

“Yeah. I just. Last night, I saw all the lads again at Zayn’s book release party,” Harry replied. “It had been a while since we’ve all been together and it felt like home, I guess? Well, almost.”

“Almost?”

“Anytime we’re all together, we all, um.” He sighed. “We all get reminded that Louis’ not here. He was the one that brought us all together and I feel like we’re always waiting for him to walk through the door and join us.”

Ellen scribbled something on the notepad in front of her. “Coming together makes you remember Louis?”

Harry nodded. “Yeah. A lot of things remind me of him, which is fine, but I hate to remember that he’s no longer here, y’know?”

“Before, you spoke about how you felt guilty about what happened to Louis. Do you still feel that way?”

“A bit, yeah,” Harry answered. “We weren’t on the best terms and he was dealing with more than I ever knew. We dated for nine months and I never knew that he didn’t eat. We like, when we had sex, he always insisted on keeping the lights off and I just.” He sighed. “I should’ve figured it out. There were so many warning signs in my face and I didn’t put two and two together.”

Ellen didn’t pick up her pen. “That guilt is understandable, but you can’t blame yourself forever. None of you can. Louis probably worked hard to hide what was going on and from everything you’ve told me about him, it doesn’t seem like Louis would’ve blamed any of you.”

“He was such a good person and I just wish I could go back and not break up with him. I wish I could tell him how much he meant to me and how much I loved him.” Harry pulled his hands out and placed them on his lap. “I wish he never walked into that gas station.”

“When we first started meeting,” Ellen said, “you said you wanted to take your own life to be with Louis again. Is that something that comes up when you think of Louis?”

Harry shrugged. “Yes and no. Right after he died, I was a mess and everything just felt wrong and I didn’t want to be here anymore. But then I realized that as much as it sucked, I needed to stay strong and keep going. I realized that I needed to get help because I can’t leave Haley by herself. She has gone through more tragedy than anyone should.”

Ellen nodded. “Haley, that’s your anchor, isn’t it?”

“One of them.” Harry smiled. “She and Louis will always help me push through. I know getting better is a process and I also know that I am much better than I was four years ago. I have hopes that we’re all going to be okay.”

“I’m really glad to hear you say that, Harry,” Ellen said honestly. “You have definitely come a long way. Be proud of that.”

After his session, Harry picked Haley up from her grandparents. “How was your afternoon?” he asked as he buckled her into her car seat.

“Good!” she chirped.

“That’s wonderful.” He squeezed her arm before checking her seatbelt once more before stepping back and closing the door. Harry walked around the car and when he slid into his seat, he asked, “Is there anything you want to do today or do you just want to go home and have a movie night?”

Haley tilted her head, like she was seriously contemplating her answer. “Can we go see Uncle Louis?”

Harry looked at her through the rearview mirror. “Yeah,” he answered. “That sounds perfect.”

And when they got to the cemetery, Harry wasn’t surprised to see Niall, Zayn, and Liam there. Harry walked up to them with Haley, and the five of them stood together in front of the tombstone.

“Two days in a row,” Niall said. “It’s almost like old times.”

Zayn nodded in agreement. “Almost.”

“I never thought this was how everything would be,” Harry admitted.

“How did we end up here?” Liam asked.

Haley walked over and stood between Zayn and Niall, taking their hands into hers. “Uncle Louis,” she said as if she was answering Liam’s question.

When these people met in the hospital five years ago, they had no idea how they were all connected and how they all had a part in each other’s growth. In just one year, they had gone through so much and maybe not everyone was still standing, but somehow they were still strong. As magical as the world was, it was filled with unexpected events and circumstances. None of them knew they would be able to lower the walls and step out of the box they were placed in, but they knew they couldn’t have done it alone.

Liam went from someone who always second-guessed himself and someone who tried to impress parents who didn’t care to someone who was finally comfortable in his skin. For a long time, he wasn’t sure if he was worth it because there was so much bad in his life. He still regretted everything horrible that he did and all of the people that he hurt, but he wasn’t that person anymore. He had a home and he was engaged to be married and he felt like he belonged. He was back in Uni with the love and encouragement from Zayn and he hoped to make something of himself. He hoped he could be as good as Louis.

Zayn was someone who was ignored and forgotten about, but now, his words would be heard and read by people across the world. He used to keep to himself and live in his own little world. He used to pretend he was better off this way, but it was hard because he wanted his words to matter. _He_ wanted to matter. His dream in life was to be published author—not for fame or money, but in hopes of inspiring and encouraging so many people. His dream came true and nothing could take that from him.

Niall knew from the day that he met the lads that there was something great there. He didn’t know what it was, but after five years, he was right. He came from a life where he never got the credit he deserved and where he was seen as someone who wouldn’t understand. He had to prove to himself and everyone else that he was smart and that he could make it. He didn’t know how his life was going to turn out with his family’s money problems and dropping out of school and getting abandoned in another country, but here he was: a Uni graduate with a future that was close enough to grab. He was also in a happy relationship, which was great. Five years ago, he didn’t understand why Louis believed in him so much, but now, he did.

Harry was the weird one, but he always tried to keep his head up and be kind; however, it was difficult and for a while, it felt like nothing in this world would go right for him. He was ready to give up and just end his anger and pain, but he was given a second chance. He was able to turn his perspective on life around because he wanted to be his best for Haley, so she wouldn’t have to experience the pain he did. He finally thought he could make it in this world, but then he didn’t and he got scared. For the rest of his life, he will always regret not being able to say goodbye to Louis and not being able to tell him everything he wanted to. It would be something he held on to and something that he’d always think about. He lost three people that he loved so much in a span of a year and he had no idea how he was the one still there as the dust cleared.

And Louis, well, he was the helper. He put everyone first without a second thought despite the fact that he was hurting, too. He loved being there for people and he loved to watch them grow. He took pride in the work he’s done and he was proud of everyone around him. Sometimes he felt like he was meant to be alone because no one stuck around long enough to make sure he was all right, but he didn’t blame anyone for that. He knew how easy it was to focus on what was going on with you that it was hard to remember that everyone had a story of their own. He helped so many people in his life that his death would never be in vain.

It was no mistake that these five people were brought together and it was humbling to see that after all of these years, they still had each other’s backs.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been writing this story for the past 5 months and I can't thank you enough for taking this journey with me. Thank you all for reading and being so kind. I never expected this story - or any of my stories - to turn out the way it did. 
> 
> I am leaving this story with a heavy heart. I always hate writing endings to stories and this was the hardest ending I've ever written. There was so much of me in this story and I can't believe that it's over. In fact, I can't believe that anything and everything of this story happened. I don't understand how this story went about and how we ended up here.
> 
> I appreciate every single one of you for reading this story and for the comments and the kudos and for everything else. All of you kept me motivated to keep going and I thank you for that. I wish you all the best and I hope you were able to take something away from this story. 
> 
> You all rock and I love you so very much. Thank you! <3
> 
> -Avery xx
> 
> p.s. You don't have to, but I will love you forever if you reblogged the [masterpost](http://littlecutielouis.tumblr.com/post/90876803205/boxes-walls-pairing-harry-louis-word-count) on [tumblr](http://littlecutielouis.tumblr.com/) or just stopped by and said hi :)


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